My palms felt like ice against the Eiffel Tower's bronzed iron. I couldn't tell if the cold was coming from the metal or my body - which one was devoid of all warmth and life? Why did I feel like it was me?
My arms were lined with goose bumps and I worried the tremors in my arms were permanent. I scooted away on my bottom as the Eel directed his attention towards me. He took slow steps as if he had all the time in the world - as if he planned to savor my death and wanted to soak in every minute of my despair and fear.
There was no where left for me to go - death was in both directions: the ground or the Eel. I glanced around, trying to use my Ladybug brain - the same brain that generated amazing ideas and ways to save the day with odd objects. But how could I demand something like that when my body wasn't doing well - when my mind was beyond the point of exhaustion - when all I was wearing was a thin tank top and pants that were already drenched from snow?
The Eel grinned wide, displaying a mouth full of white, straight teeth - it was strange seeing such a large smile on Felix's face - the man rarely smiled and if he did, it was nothing more than a tiny smirk. Had I even seen Felix's teeth before?
He reached down and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me to my feet. I yelped.
"Alright. Now the fun part," he chuckled, somehow flipping me upside again and dangling me by the ankles. Why did the Eel like holding me like this - as if I was the dead carcass of a hunted animal - as if he was disgusted to touched me and tried to minimize his contact?
I didn't want to give up on life and I felt awful that I had failed to come up with an idea to save myself. I realized that this was about the third time I thought I was going to die today. All the other times, I managed to live. Would this time be like the rest? Would I make it out miraculously?
"It seems almost merciful to kill you," He said, tilting his head and examining my carcass, "For all the trouble you caused me, letting you die is too easy."
"Let me live, then," I said, trying to focus on his kneecaps - as my body swayed, the dizziness was returning. Maybe if I kept my eyes on one point, I'd feel better.
"And face my wrath?" He scoffed, "You know not what you're asking. If you did, you'd be begging to die."
"I'll be the judge of that," I challenged. If I could just get him to not kill me, then that should buy me enough time to figure something out.
"Are you challenging me?" He said, his eyes growing wide with intrigue.
"Only a little," I said, before gagging. I believed my stomach was trying to vomit, but there was nothing in there, so all that came out was a choked gag.
"It's unwise to test a god," he muttered.
"Exactly. Which is why you should leave Felix's body," I said.
The Eel's face grew paler - clearly, I'd angered him.
"I will not be disrespected. Comparing me to a mere mortal is unwise of you. Farewell," he said, before tossing me off the Eiffel Tower.
The air resistance welcomed me - rushing over my skin and pressing so hard into my face that I had to close my eyes to keep them from instantly drying up. I was used to falling - except my Ladybug outfit did somehow keep the wind from hurting my eyes. Plus, I always knew that my falls would never result in an injury since I was invincible. Unlike now.
I wondered how close I was to the ground. The Eiffel Tower stood little over 1,000 feet in the air. How long would it take a woman of my height and weight to hit the ground? This felt like a cruel math problem. Since I was always bad at math, I guess I'd never know until it was too late.
My fall was interrupted by what felt like flesh and bones. I collided into it, feeling mild pain at the contact. It was the Eel. He had somehow leaped after me and now held me tightly, as he balanced on Chat Noir's pole. Come to think of it, his costume resembled that of Chat Noir - except the fabric was snowy white. Somehow this was my first time noticing. Was this Felix? Had he woken up? Why would the Eel save me? Unless this was all apart of his twisted way of tormenting me.
"Felix?" I asked, blinking hard to clear away the dizzying stars caused from sealed eyes.
"Still me," the Eel said flatly.
He lowered us to the ground and I immediately collapsed on my knees and inhaled.
"Why? Why did you save me? Or is this apart of the process?" I questioned in between desperate gasps of air.
The morning light caused his skin to glow - right now, he truly looked like an angel with all of heaven glowing behind him as the sun rose.
The Eel rolled his eyes.
"I'm not ready to kill you," he muttered, "Not because I've changed my mind though. Your death is inevitable. Last time I let you live, Felix ended up dying."
"Because you enjoy watching me suffer then?" I accused, unsure of what he meant by the 'Felix dying' comment. It was probably just to through me off.
"Precisely!" The Eel said, holding a finger up as if I'd pinpointed his exact feelings. Or unless I'd come up with the perfect excuse for him.
Something was off with him. I could see his chest rising and falling rather quickly. And was it just me, or were his hands trembling? That's right - when he caught me, I felt his entire body trembling - at first I thought it was me, but what if it was him? But why?
The Eel suddenly covered his mouth as if he was suppressing the urge to vomit.
That's when it hit me.
The Eel may be in control of Felix's mind and body, but it was Felix himself who controlled the body's core impulses such as fear, disgust, anger - things that were all regulated by Felix's subconscious. The Eel must not have complete possessive control yet - Felix was still in there fighting for his freedom.
Based on the Eel's attempt to hide his symptoms, I assumed Felix's body started having a panic attack once I was pushed off the tower. The Eel - not wanting to cause devastating harm to the vessel's mental and physical capabilities - had to save me to end the panic attack. Now the body was having a visceral reaction to my near-death: vomiting.
I didn't realize my potential death had such a strong influence over Felix's body. So strong - the Eel was still bound.
"Are you afraid of heights?" I asked the Eel, feeling a new wave of strength knowing that I was 'safe' for now.
"No," The Eel quipped.
Should I run away? The Eel was busy vomiting behind some bushes. He was knelt on his hands and knees, coughing. I'm sure Felix would be humiliated that I was seeing his body doing this. I know I sure would - well, actually it had already happened. So, I guess we were now even.
If I ran, that would be abandoning Felix, and I couldn't do that. Maybe if I stuck around, I could learn more about how the Eel was possessing Felix, then come up with an idea to free him. Knowledge was power, after all.
When the Eel emerged from the bushes, he seemed suspicious.
"Why didn't you run? I thought I was going to have to chase you," he said, wiping his mouth.
I sat on the ground, trembling.
"Who am I kidding? You're too weak," he said.
He grabbed me and hoisted me onto his back.
"Where are you taking me?"
"This body is exhausted. It hasn't slept in a week," the Eel said.
I felt myself involuntarily clutching tighter onto his shoulders. The Eel carried me down an ally that had a white "kidnapper" van parked at end. He unlocked the car with his hands and opened the side door, shoving me in. Then he walked around to the drivers seat, and sat the chair all the way back. He closed his eyes.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Sleeping," he muttered.
"What am I supposed to do?"
"Sleep."
Wasn't he worried about me running away? Unless he somehow was able to keep the car locked. But I still could break a window and free myself.
It's true. As you suspected. The Eel hissed in my head.
No! It was reading my mind!
Stay out of my head. I thought.
This vessel has quite an affinity for you. It's become problematic for me. He said.
Meaning? I questioned.
Felix's body was going into shock. When I threw you. His heart organ was at risk. That's the only reason I saved you.
I shifted in the car's seat, closing my eyes like the Eel was. Felix almost had a heart attack? Literally? Or was the Eel unfamiliar with having a body?
All that to say. It is true. Felix does still control the body's subconscious regulations. It's pathetic how much depression I have to tolerate. But I won't tolerate this insomnia. The Eel said.
So, it was true! Felix wasn't completely gone. But, honestly I was glad the Eel had forced Felix's body to sleep - something Felix couldn't do on his own.
Why are you telling me this? Doesn't that give me an advantage? I asked.
Perhaps, but this is The Worthy. I can't have this vessel dying. Nor do I want this body to suffer from mental illness or physical weakness. That's why I can't kill you right now. I didn't know your death would put the body's basic functions at risk. The Eel said, his tone softening.
So you do still plan on killing me? I replied.
Eventually. But not today. Or tomorrow.
I opened my eyes and shifted them towards Felix. He looked peaceful - his chest slowly rising and falling. His lips part in the slightest. His white hair drifting across his forehead. This was much needed sleep for him.
We both have a common interest. The Eel said, Felix's well-being. I can make him sleep. I can make him eat properly. I can ease his depression by suppressing his memories. With me, he will be healthier and restful.
"You don't care about him!" I yelped out loud.
Shhhhhhhhhh! The Eel hissed. Don't wake up his body! It took a lot to get it to sleep.
I bit my lip.
You only want his body to possess. You don't care about his soul. I thought.
True. But I can never fully remove his soul. It will always be with me. You don't understand - our bond is permanent. He can't remove me and I can't remove him. If you love him, you must also love me - since I am now apart of him.
If he's with you forever, he will still fall into depression when you eventually kill me. I said.
I never said when I was going to kill you - whenever it is, it will have to be what's best for this body. He said.
My head was swirling - honestly I wasn't sure I was following the Eel's logic. Was it tricking me? What did it truly want?
I want my other half. He replied to my thoughts. That pesky woman has it. I need to retrieve it. My consciousness is divided at the moment - and if it is not combined - there's a chance this body will die. So, today we sleep. Tomorrow, we get the rest of me. Deal?
Why would I help you when I don't trust what you're saying?
I've waited six thousand years for The Worthy. I'm not about to lose him. The Eel said. You can trust I won't kill him or you at the moment. Unlike that woman - she wants to kill both of you.
Natalie.
So, I help you get your other half, then what? I questioned.
The Eel was silent. He was wise to refrain from answering. I had a feeling he was going to leave my question unanswered.
What even is 'The Worthy?' Why is Felix more worthy than anyone else?
He's the only one who will remember. The Eel said.
Remember what?
That I am god. The Eel said.
What does that mean? Who are you? I questioned.
The Eel embedded an image of the universe in my head - I saw stars, planets, comets, and nebula. Then I saw the earth - the grass, trees, and rivers. And people.
I am the beginning and the end. I am the air you breathe, the ground you walk on, and all your memories. All of everyone's memories. I remember everything, yet no one remembers me. That's why Felix is Worthy. He's the only one. Believe me, I've killed thousands in search for him.
What does any of this mean? I'm very confused. You said a lot of everything without saying anything at all. I thought.
Felix began to shift, turning from one side of the car to the next. Then he made a face - as if he was having a nightmare.
If you would excuse me. The body is trying to wake up. I must redirect my efforts. The Eel said.
Just like that I was alone as the Eel went about calming Felix down - whatever he was doing. What was it like in there? What types of emotions and memories did the Eel have to sort through?
Could I really trust the Eel? I decided I would to retrieve the other half of the Eel. I would go to face Natalie. She killed Luka. I wanted to bring her to justice. I wanted to stop her from destroying any more lives in Paris - I didn't want Mom, Dad, or Alya to end up like Luka.
So, as it stood - I would help the Eel stop Natalie, and then somehow I'd come up with a way to free Felix. Maybe I could get my hands on the other half of the Eel and have some bargaining power. Could I ever convince the Eel to leave?
I wasn't sure who he was or what his power was - it seemed to be something he didn't want to share with me. All he wanted me to know was that he was powerful - very powerful. Like a god. That somehow he held the universe in his hands. Or that he was the universe itself.
My endless thoughts wearied me until I fell into a dead sleep.
——————————————
I was jolted awake by the sound a of hand pounding against the side of the car door. I was startled to find the Eel, pounding against the inside of the car, before curling over and digging his claws into his hair. Was Felix having a seizure? Was all this quaking normal? Or was it Felix trying to free himself ?
"Please help," The Eel begged through chattering teeth.
"What's happening?" I panicked, "Is Felix trying to break out?"
"Panic attack! The body is having a panic attack from a nightmare," He said, placing a firm grip on his temples, "So this must be why he hasn't slept."
"What should I do?" I gasped, my eyes searching Felix's quaking frame.
"I can't control it. I can't suppress it right now," The Eel said, clasping his heart as if he was experiencing a terrible pain, "Do something."
I crawled into Felix's seat, basically sitting on his lap, as I rubbed his back. The poor thing was shaking so hard as he leaned into my embrace. My movements were slow and calming - I was trying to let him know he was okay.
"I'm here. You're fine," I whispered softly.
With the sound of my voice, he wrapped his arms around me and pressed his head against my chest - his ear resting near my heart - I hoped he could hear it.
"Breathe," I said, "I'm right here, Felix."
"You died," Felix's voice quivered, "You died."
"No. I didn't. I'm alive, Felix," I said, kissing him on the earlobe, "I'm with you."
He held me and I held him back for several minutes until his quivers slowed somewhat.
"Get off of me now," The Eel said, removing his hands and holding them up as if they'd touched something poisonous.
"Is he okay?" I asked, crawling off the Eel and back into my seat.
"Not really. But I suppressed it. Honestly, I'm not good with panic attacks. My previous body rarely had them."
"You had a previous body?" I questioned.
"Of course...until it got murdered," he said, sighing as if the memory was annoying.
"I suddenly have so many questions," I muttered.
The Eel held his stomach.
"I'd almost forgotten what hunger felt like," he muttered.
He revved the van and began driving out of the ally backwards, his head turned to look out the rear view mirror.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"To the nearest McDonald's," the Eel said.
"McDonald's?"
"I've always wanted to try it. Three thousand years ago, I didn't have the luxury of fast food."
Three thousand years? So far, all I'd pieced together was that he must have possessed his previous body that long ago. Was that previous body 'worthy?' Or was it simply a body strong enough to withstand the Eel's possession?
"Three thousand years is a long time ago," I said, gritting my teeth as he ran a red light and almost hit another car, "Wasn't that like the ancient world?"
He sighed, "People today are so clueless of history."
"Where did you live?"
"China," The Eel said, "The land that is now called Beijing."
"So, I assume you can speak Chinese."
He scoffed, "I speak every language known to humanity."
"What was your job? Like were you a rice farmer?"
"Emperor," he said, sitting up a little more proudly.
"You possessed an emperor!" I yelped, feeling concern about the coarse of history even though it already had happened.
He ignored my comment and swerved into a McDonald's and ordered five happy meals.
"Want anything?" He asked.
"No," I said, feeling so weird that any of this was even happening, "Wait, do you even have any money?"
"Thankfully Felix is loaded," The Eel said, raising his brows under his white mask.
He aggressively pulled from the drive through and hit the curb as he did so, before breaking into a parking spot.
"You suck at driving!" I exclaimed, my nails digging into the seats.
"This is nothing like a chariot," he muttered.
"Don't forget to put the car in park," I said.
"I don't understand," he said.
"Move that lever there," I said, pointing with my hand.
"Oh," he said, following my instruction and marveling in awe after he had completed the task. Then he tore into a happy meal and ate the cheeseburger in almost one bite.
"Very impressive. Just as good as thought," he said, with a mouth full of burger.
"You might find it even better if you didn't eat the wrapper," I said.
"This is not meant to be eaten? I quite like it," he said, eating three burgers immediately after with the wrapper on.
For some reason, watching the Eel eat burgers reminded me of that one time I went to with Alya and Luka to an American burger place. Luka was such a gentleman - he held the door and even paid for both Alya and my food. It was very sad that I'd never be able to eat another burger with Luka ever again. That was a moment frozen in time that I could never return to or replicate.
Tears immediately blinded my sight as I began to cry.
"Yes. It's unfortunate your friend died," The Eel said with a stuffed mouth.
I wiped my river of tears.
"I can't bring him back. Since my Miraculous was destroyed. Now I just have to live with the fact that Luka died and I couldn't save him!" I weeped.
"People die all the time. Don't worry. It's completely normal. Take it from a spirit who is six thousand years old," The Eel said, as if that was supposed to make me feel better.
"That doesn't help!"
"Really? That was a pearl of wisdom I just gave you for free," The Eel said before slurping on some Fanta.
I collected myself and dried my tears completely. Now was not the time to fall apart. Although I wasn't sure if I should be flattered or creeped out that the Eel had attempted to comfort me. It had been one crazy hour - first the Eel tried to kill me and now we were at McDonald's like two best friends. Spirits are rather strange, I determined.
"Okay. This body is fueled. Time to kill that woman," The Eel said ripping out of the parking space and turning onto the road. I collided with the side of the car, before buckling my seat and tightening it as much as I could.
What had I gotten myself into? And was it too late to run?