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Par ab jo hota hai woh, pehle na hota tha...
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Akshaya was sitting on the floor completing her assignment when her father walked in. When her brother had come home she had told him everything that had happened in the afternoon. He seemed just as pissed Sharanya was in the afternoon. An argument followed during dinner. She had just cooked rice and rasam. It started there, at the bland and too frequently repetitive meal, and eventually ended at Aishwarya. Harshit had just walked out after that.
Akshaya was tired. Her family drama got on her nerves at times. They always complained about what she made instead of appreciating her efforts to cook despite college. She had her assignments to get done, and work on the mini project that was due in the first week of January. Whilst her friends were planning their December Vacation here she was witnessing drama at home and toiling in the kitchen only to receive complaints.
At times, running away seemed like a tempting option. But then she had a live example of it. She couldn't help but wonder if Aishwarya was happy with her decisions. She dressed well, looked pretty. She even had a cooler name now. The freedom must be so liberating, she thought at times.
On the other end, there was her other sister. Even after marrying a rich man, she was just the same. Not a tad bit upgrade to her dressing, accessories or appearance. She worked so hard, at work, at home, at tuitions, at everything she did but she got nothing at the end of it.
She missed her mother. Maybe if her mother was around she would have someone who understood her. Maybe then she could also have candid conversations with her mother. Maybe she could also go for the Goa trip. She had asked Harshit but he had declined right away, saying that after Sharanya's marriage the expenses had gone up. Her father never really had a say in anything. She had grown up to seeking permissions from her elder siblings.
Presently, she looked at her father, not in favourable mood at all.
"I wanted to talk," He said sitting on the bed.
She picked up her pencil and kept working. "Hmm,"
"Will you talk to Aishu?"
Akshaya looked up, "About?"
"Just talk to her like a sister. She was feeling so bad when Sharanya just left like that."
"I don't want to. I don't even know her. Why are you trying to force her back into our lives?" She asked exasperated.
"Because she is your elder sister. If you'll talk to her, you'll get to know her."
"Where was she all these years?"
"Look, don't talk like Sharanya now." He shifted to the floor beside her. "Akshu, people make mistakes. Everyone does. But you need to give people chances to rectify that."
Akshaya sighed. "Fine, I will talk to her if you talk to bro and ask him to let me go to Goa." She muttered with a sly smile.
Her father let out a deep breath. "Really Akshaya?"
"What! You can ask for anything you want, I can't?" She mumbled.
"We are talking about two completely different things. I am asking you to talk to your own sister and you're talking about your Goa trip."
Akshaya placed her pencil down and looked at her father. "So many years, we didn't talk to her. Did that change anything? No, right. So why all this formality now? She can be happy in her life and we will stick to ours. Neither Di nor bro like her."
"What about you?"
"Like I said, I don't know her and I don't want to." Not interested, she added in her mind.
"Akshu, she's your sister. I know she made mistakes in the past. But now when I think about it, I wonder, what if we never really gave her a choice? Look, Akshu, you sister is a wonderful person. She reminds me so much of your mother. She's family. Talk to her. Maybe if you start warming up to her, Harhsit and Sharanya would too. Someone has to take the first step right? We can all be a happy family as we used to be."
Akshaya sighed. "Fine, I will talk to her. But not now, not tomorrow. I need to submit this assignment. After that."
"Alright, alright. We can go for dinner outside."
"No, let's go for lunch. And don't tell bro, about it. He'll get cranky." Akshaya said, thoughtfully.
"Okay done. Now you can complete your assignment." Her father said, getting up.
Akshaya's lips formed a tight smile. She looked at her phone that had vibrated twice in the past minute. She picked it up and opened the group chat. Her group of friends were chatting about the Goa trip. She looked aside pissed.
Then an idea struck her. Maybe she could talk to her sister and see. Although Sharanya was really very proper, disciplined and a little too uptight when it came to things other than her studies, she could at least try to ask her.
* * *
Nikhil sat quietly, his eyes on his book while he noticed Sharanya moved about the room, putting clean and pressed clothes inside the wardrobe, arranging the dressing table and then fetching the sun dried under clothes from the balcony. She had barely spoken to him during dinner.
There was something definitely off. He was now beginning to believe that Gargi had the right hunch.
"Before, I forget," she said and approved him with her bag in hand. She sat on the bed and took out a few file folders. Each having a different coloured stripe across it. She opened one and bough out the photocopies of the documents.
"Here's the copies of my ID documents after name change. Each three. And, this ," she said taking out papers from another folder, "this is the form you gave me. I have filled it." She flipped through the pages, and then hurriedly grabbed a pen from his desk and stood beside him.
"I wasn't sure which box to tick here," she said leaning forward.
He placed a cushion on his lap and using the book he was reading as a base he took the papers from her. He read thorough it. "The second one," He said, glancing up at her. In a split second, realizing that she was so close. Their faces were mere inches away. She was engrossed in reading the form. He couldn't help but let his gaze caress the side of her neck that was directly in his line of sight.
He blinked as she leaned a little more, a few centimetres closer and ticked the box. "And here?" She said, pointing to another field of the form that had to be filled.
Nikhil's hand went to the side of his spectacles, to adjust it, as he looked back at the form.
"Uh," He read it once again. "I am not sure about this one either. I will ask the clerk about that and I will mark it accordingly."
"Hmm, okay," Sharanya said, standing upright.
"You have signed on all the places right?"
"Yes, just have a look, in case I missed it anywhere."
Nikhil flipped through the form to make sure all the fields asking for her signature had one. "Looks good to me." He said.
She nodded.
"How old is this photo?" He asked, glancing at the passport size photograph she had affixed on the form. She looked younger there. She looked better now.
"Uh, that, I guess it was final semester, in college. I had got some hundred copies done then. I still have twenty something of those."
"Wow, that's older than I expected."
"As long as I look like that, I guess it's okay." She said sheepishly.
"I could tell, that this was an old photo." He argued.
"But you recognized me, right?"
"Of course."
She shrugged, "then it's okay," she muttered.
He nodded. "Do you want to go for a walk?"
"Not today, I am very tired. I don't think I can walk even half a kilometre." She answered.
"Okay, then we can sit in the balcony for sometime," He suggested. "All that matters is some fresh air."
"Okay," Sharanya said. She collected the documents and locked them away in the cupboard and then moved to the balcony of the room."
"Not this one, the one in the hall. This one gives me the vibe of a sad old road. At least the one in the hall has a little bit of view."
Sharanya smiled and nodded.
Nikhil grabbed a chair on the way to the balcony.
"This isn't required," she protested, surprised at his thoughtful action.
"You were tired, right? So I thought you'd probably want to sit."
"Uh, it's okay." She said. "You can sit."
"I want to stand. I sit throughout the day. Come on, take the seat."
Conceding, Sharanya took the seat. It was weird to sit while he stood. He stood beside her as they looked at the branches of an old tree. The moist leaves danced in the breeze. It had showered a few hours back. The road was still wet. The after scent of rain loomed in the air. The weather was soothing.
Sharanya took a deep breath. Finally the fire that had been burning her inside had gone out. She felt at ease. She strangely felt at home. She turned to look at Nikhil. He was staring at the branches of the tree, lost among them.
"What are your thinking?" She asked curiously, without a second thought.
The weather is so perfect." He said. "You know, there are times when I wonder why can't I be as perfect as this weather, as this moment." He said looking at her.
Sharanya looked thoughtful. He was right. The moment was perfect, there was no breath-taking view of mountains, rivers, nothing extraordinarily beautiful, just an old tree that stood by the side spreading out its branches proudly, partially blocking the view to the road and towards the other end was a peak at a few buildings and then the park.
Yet, in that ordinary there was perfection, an almost inexpressible sense of beauty, a raw completeness and the feeling of eternal contentment.
Sharanya didn't bother to say anything. She soaked in the moment. Her hands and feet had begun to feel cold but she wasn't concerned. She felt nice. Amidst the chaos she had found a few fleeting meets of stillness.
Minutes passed. They both were lost in their own little worlds of wonder and peacefulness.
A loud sound of a passing by vehicle distracted Sharanya. She realized she was cold. She rubbed her palms along her arm to keep herself warm.
"You want to go inside?" He asked, hearing the soft sound. His gaze cascaded down on her face.
"No, it feels nice here." She said. He nodded.
Then she spoke again, "The perfect moment's gone for me."
He smiled and looked down at her.
"Me too," He said.
"I guess we are also perfect after all. For those fleeting seconds or minutes. And then it's gone."
Nikhil pondered on her words. "Maybe," He said softly.
"Maybe we just don't realize it when we are perfect. It's only in retrospect. But maybe someone who observes us does see it." She mused aloud.
His gaze met hers. Behind those eyes that sparkled in the darkness was a soul that resonated with his. He had just had the very same thought in his head. Maybe telepathy was a thing after all.
"I had no clue, you were the kind who'd talk so about... deep stuff like this." He said with an easy smile.
"I didn't think you would either." She spoke with a contagious smile.
Nikhil had to smile back widely.
They remained in that closed space between inside and outside smiling and enjoying each other's company.
"Do you like birds?" Sharanya asked as he guided her gaze to spot a nest in the branches of the tree. The nest was just at the point where a thick branch originated. It was so aptly situated under the other higher branches of the tree that it never really got wet in the rain.
"I like to see birds fly in the air." He answered. "You?"
"I find parrots and sparrows pretty."
"It's been ages since I spotted a sparrow. When I was in primary school we used to have so many of them outside the small room that used be the canteen. Soon after lunch break they would all be there looking for food.
Sharanya smiled, forming the image in her mind. "I used to seem them in Ajji's veranda when we used to go there for summer vacations. They live in a traditional olden style house."
"Those days were like gold."
"They were. I'd give anything to be that little girl again." Sharanya said.
Nikhil glanced at her with musing eyes. "Would you want to be a girl again, even if, you'd grow up to be different? Not this, what you are now?"
Sharanya gazed up at him with a curious look. "That's a strange question. You mean, if I were given a chance to be a little girl again, but at the cost that I would never grow up to be who I am today, would I still want that?" She rephrased his question.
"Yes. Would you?" He asked gazing at her with soul-searching eyes.
Sharanya pondered over it. "Maybe," she shrugged. "Maybe I would."
Nikhil looked at her with eyes filled with interest. He would never be able to do that. He was proud of what he was today. There was no way he would gamble that away. "Really?"
"Yes. If not exactly like this, I would still be me, right? Who knows? Maybe I would grow up to me something better? Maybe I wouldn't. At least, I'd get to go back and experience that childhood curiosity, marvel and grow up again." A wide smile formed on her lips as she spoke, her eyes sparkled with the thought. She'd get to be with her mother again. She'd get to wear pink frocks and twirl in her the veranda of her mother's paternal home without a care for anythingin the world. Small things would be enough to make her happy again.
Nikhil fell silent. He couldn't relate to Sharanya at all. He was scared to gamble it all away. What if he didn't grow up to be hardworking or come to being what he was today? What if he ended up being a failure in life?
"You wouldn't, would you?" She said softly, tugging at his hand.
"I don't think so," He answered a little awkwardly, not keeping the eye contact. Would she judge him for that?
"You must love yourself real hard, then," she spoke her thoughts aloud.
It didn't flatter Nikhil. Did he? He didn't answer her. He just stood their lost and worried. Why couldn't he even think of letting go what he was? Was that love for himself? Or something else?
"It's okay to be proud of who you are and love your, present so much to not trade it for anything else in the world, Nikhil." She said softly, standing up.
He turned his head to look at her. Maybe she was right. Maybe he loved his present a little more than he loved his past. Maybe she loved her past a little more than she loved her present. Either way was okay. His tensed features eased and the lines of worry faded away as quickly as they had set in.
"Let's go sleep?" She asked softly, her cold hand still holding his.
He nodded, leaving his hand she moved in with him on her trail.
* * *
When Nikhil returned from jog the next morning, he was greeted with an endearing sight of Sharanya making the rangoli outside the doorstep. She seemed way too engrossed in the design to notice his arrival by the staircase. He stood still for a moment appreciating her. Last night was so beautiful. He was beginning to like her more and more. It was like she was the missing piece he had been looking for, the one he felt lonely without.
As he took a step forward, his eyes moved over her figure stopping just below her neck. She was leaning forward to complete the design, her t-shirt hung loose giving him a generous peek at her melons, abundant ones. He ran a tongue over his dry lips, gulping the lump forming in his throat.
There was no more beating around the bush. He wanted her in the most intimate way, physically. He could only imagine what would it be like to look at her when he was inside her, deep inside her. Would she blush and let shyness dance in her eyes or would she look at him with same wild sparkle she had in her eyes while they spoke.
He caught her movement in his peripheral vision and his mind immediately pulled him out of his carnal thoughts. He quickly made his way towards her with loud slow steps. "Good morning," He said, thankfully his voice sounded normal, not giving hint to what he had been thinking about just seconds back.
"Good morning!" Sharanya smiled, quickly straightening up and then getting up.
He looked down at the rangoli. It was a different pattern today. Unlike his mother, Sharanya probably liked having different patterns every day. "It's not complete yet?" He said more than asked.
"Yeah, I will complete it later," she said slowly turning to enter inside.
"Sharanya," He called. She looked at him.
"You can complete this," He said.
"Yes, I know. But I made juice for you. Thought it would be better for you to have it now than with breakfast."
Nikhil nodded. "Tell me where it is, I will take it." He said. "You carry on with this," He said looking down at the incomplete pattern.
"It's in the fridge," she said, "I kept it a few minutes back, so shouldn't be too cold or too warm."
"Okay, thanks," He said stepping inside past her. He glanced at her over his shoulder once he was inside. She sat down again and busied herself. However, this time around he didn't have a breath-taking view in sight.
With a slow forming grin he made his way into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and thankfully there was orange juice not carrot. He sniffed the jar to make sure his assumption was right and it was. He poured some juice in a glass for himself and leaned against the counter, staring at the coffee machine on the other side of the kitchen, one he had bought with so much enthusiasm despite his mother's berating. She thought it was an unnecessary expenditure.
He sighed, remembering reading that too much coffee causes anxiety, stress, yada yada. He sipped on the juice. It was fresh, nice and sweet. Sharanya was beginning to be a healthy impact on his life. He almost smiled. He felt happier around her. Whoever said that marriage was a headache probably had the wrong partner.
Keeping the empty glass in the sink, he rushed to his room to get ready for the day.
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Would love to read your thoughts on the chapter. Would you want to go back to your childhood with the condition that you wouldn't be what you are today?
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-Anami!♡
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