Deep End - Ruelle
August 4th, 2021
I broke through the door and just kept forward.
My feet hurt.
Hitting the concrete faster than I can think. But I just keep running.
The long hallway is narrow and bare. Grey.
No windows. Just the flickering fluorescent lights that seem to be five minutes from burning out and leaving me to be in complete darkness.
It's never ending. The farther I run, the farther I have to go to get to the end. I can't even see where the next door is.
As I keep running, I turn over my shoulder to make sure they aren't gaining on me. They haven't made it through the door yet. I have time.
But I'm not slowing down. I can't.
My chest is burning each time I inhale. I can feel the speed of my heart, threatening to crack open my chest and fall out onto the floor in front of me. It would smash beneath my feet before I could even realise that my heart is shattered like glass.
The door slams. It rattles the floor. I lose my balance.
I look behind me, and they are marching down the hallway. They aren't running like I am, but somehow they are getting closer.
As I turn my head back around, I slam into something.
Or someone.
I'm met with a chest before my eyes, their hands gripping my shoulders to stop me.
I look up and meet their eyes.
"Dad?" I whisper. "What are you doing here? You have to get out of here! They are coming!"
I become more frantic, but he just keeps his face flat.
"Come on!" I yell, trying to get around his tall build. "We have to get away-"
"Alice?"
My bedroom door creaks open.
My back faces the door, giving zero indication that I am now awake.
My room is dark. Even though the sun is out, my blackout curtains keep the blinding light out.
"Al?" Her Irish accent is a dead giveaway.
"Viv?" I groan. "I thought you were coming back tomorrow."
I felt the other side of my bed dip, her hand pulling my shoulder to roll me onto my back. I finally open my eyes, meeting the beautiful face of my roommate. The hallway light casts a soft glow across half of her face.
"Not happy to see me?" she cocks an eyebrow.
My lazy lips pull into a smile as I look up at her. "I am. Why did you come back early?"
Everyone has been away for almost three months on summer holiday. Visiting home and going on family vacations.
Sigh.
I haven't seen my best friend in so long, but there is no energy in a single cell in my body to get excited.
"I know what day it is." she says, her face becoming sincere.
My face falls. I break from her eyes, staring at the ceiling. My body is weak, unable to move.
Vivianne's hand brushes the stray hairs out of my face, smoothing it down with a soft touch of her palm.
Eight years ago today was the day that caused my entire life to spiral.
"It's half past noon, and you're still in bed. It's a 'lights out day', isn't it?" she asked, her tone hushed.
I nodded, still not looking at her.
Viv claimed the term 'lights out day' when we first became roommates. The days that I can't get out of bed, so the darkening curtains stay pulled across my windows so that no light can pour into the room.
Days where there is no hope.
'Do you want me to leave you alone?"
I shook my head, looking back at her with sorrow in my eyes.
She gave a small nod, scooting down to lay next to me on her side. Her fingers begin brushing through my hair again.
We lay there for who knows how long. She hums our favorite song, Tiny Dancer. My breathing slows down as I watch the ceiling fan go around and around.
Vivianne never fails to prove to me that she is the best friend. Without speaking a word, she makes me feel at home with her. Safe, comfortable.
After some time, her hand pauses, and she speaks.
"Do you want to talk about him?"
I shook my head.
Then nodded.
"What is your favorite memory of him?"
I pulled my lips to the side, searching the archives of my mind to find the best answer. There was just so much that I loved about my father that it's impossible to choose just one.
"He would take me and Kitty on daddy-daughter dates all the time." I say, smiling at the images in my head. "He would pull us out of class and take us to malt shops and load us full of sugar. He would make us promise not to tell mother, though, because she would have lost her mind."
My face slowly melted downward at the last sentence.
Vivianne must have noticed, because she spoke again.
"What else?" she said eagerly.
I turned my head to her, seeing a plastered on hopefulness on her face, but in her eyes I could see the 'Sorry' she was wanting to say.
"He would bring all three of us bouquets of flowers randomly when he would come home from work." I said.
"What's his job, again?" she asked, clearly trying to get me to focus on the good.
"He was a lawyer."
Her shoulders sagged at my emphasis.
"I'm so sorry, Alice." she whispers, the air between us growing thick.
I shrug. "Don't be. It's not like he's dead." I deadpan. "He's just probably out there with a new wife. A new family."
My eyes hyperfixate back on the fan. I can't sugarcoat the reality anymore, even if it is for my friend's sake.
Vivianne props herself up on her elbow, peaking her face into my direct line of vision.
"Then let's take back this date." she says, determined.
My eyebrows pull together. "What?"
She glances at the clock on my wall. "It's lunchtime, and since you probably haven't even gotten out of bed to use the loo today, your stomach is empty." she states.
She is, in fact, right.
"I'm listening." I egg on.
"Marion and Reese get back in a few hours. Let me make you some lunch, we can watch some television, and then we can all four get ready and go out tonight. Let's change August fourth so that you have one less scheduled 'lights out day' for the year." she rambles.
I let out a sigh, having zero urge to get up any time soon.
"Please." she begs.
I clench my jaw so tight that my teeth end up on the brink of crumbling. After a few seconds, I caved.
"Fine."
She lights up in a smile, pulling my arm to get me to a sitting position.
I'm going to regret this, aren't I...
—-----------------------------------------
AHHHHH!!!!
chapter one complete! I'm so glad to be back baby!
at the beginning of each chapter, there is going to be a song to relate to the chapter!!
Alice's past is a bit rocky, but you will soon find out more hehe;)
short chapter, but we are just warming up
happy to get to say again...
sending all my love <3<3<3