A soft knock on the door wakes me up. Remy stands in the door wearing a cardigan, crossing her arms around her body. A concerned look is painted on her face as she looks at me and a breakfast tray in her hands. When I lean forward I immediately feel an aching in my shoulders and collarbone.
"I was pregnant with my daughter before Alonzo." She says with a sudden frown, walking into the room. She sits down on my bed and gets a spoonful of eggs, holding it to my mouth. "When I found out, I was so excited. I wanted to name her Reagan because that's my mom's name— was my mom's name." Her eyes water. "Nico was furious and forced me to get rid of her. He was so mad that I didn't conceive a boy, so he said it was my fault and killed my parents for punishment."
That's terrible. I mean, Remy is a terrible person, but I can't forget that she was forced to submit to Nico— the resident terrible person. "Remy, that's so awful."
"When I was told about you, your name, my face twisted up in disgust. Originally Nico told your parents to name you Reagan. At first I thought it was an apology and that I'd eventually have the daughter that I wanted. But I soon realized it was just a taunt, something to rub in my face." She gets angry, though she still feeds me.
Oh shit.
"I didn't know how I'd feel about you. Despise you? Welcome you? I didn't know." She admits. "Then I came to know you. You are the daughter I could never have." She gives me another bite of eggs.
Phew. "So you're not mad about last night?" I croke.
"Of course not." She shakes her head. "I just want you to know the grief I've endured in this life and why I'm doing this for me." She explains. "I'm helping you find yours." She gives my hand one more squeeze before getting up and leaving with the empty tray.
I am utterly dumb founded. I knew Nico was an ass, but forcing his wife to abort? That is lower than low. Though my experiences with Nico were horrible, I can't even begin to imagine how horrific it must have been to be married to the man. I understand that Remy wants to get back at him, but he is dead now. Why is she still fighting to go after her son? I still don't understand.
Alonzo runs a Mafia, it sounds so terrible and it is I have no doubt. But I know him, he doesn't want this. That night when I confessed that I loved him, he was so broken and hated himself for the person he had become. He only became that way because of Nico. Nico is the reason behind all of this.
And who knows, Nico's father was most likely the same way and made Nico the way he was. Nevertheless, the difference between Nico and Alonzo is that Nico ran with it out of pride, while Alonzo is because he has to.
"Being with me is dangerous. It's disgusting. I kill people. So many people." His voice faltered. "I'm a disgusting monster."
He was so scared when he came home. He didn't want to be the man he was painted to be.
All I can do is sit here and think. By lunch time I've put too much thought into it. I hate myself for the conclusion I have come to.
Thoughts?