The next morning I wake up early, after another dream about Beca. I sit on the edge of my bed, looking through my tiny bedroom. Every room of my apartment is tiny, but just big enough to fit in my king size bed. I go over the mattress with my hand. I used to share this mattress with Beca. I still can't believe she will never lie here with me. It's been almost two-and-a-half-years since the boat sank and I'm still not over Beca.
There are many memories that Beca and I shared. Beca inviting me to her family's game nights on Friday's, our science project and the first time I kissed her. I feel so lonely here without her and that guys start to flirt with me doesn't help.
My phone starts ringing and I look down to see that Aubrey's calling me. Usually I will be ecstatic to see Aubrey's name show up on my caller ID, but now my mind isn't in the mood for a conversation with my best friend. I ignore the call and feel the sunlight on my face. I see a message from Aubrey asking me to call her as soon as I can, but I don't reply back.
I get up and walk to the bathroom. I turn my face so I can not see myself in the mirror because I get memories from when Beca and I were standing in front of the mirror together, holding each other closely. I wash my hands and go to the kitchen to get started with breakfast, knowing that Kara is sleeping in Ryan's room right now. I have some time to prepare this breakfast.
Half an hour later, the table is full with bacon, eggs and the Cheerios cereal for Ryan. It smells nice and I can hear footsteps on the stairs.
,,It smells delicious!" Kara looks at me with a smile.
,,I hope you like bacon and eggs, Kara." I say, pointing at the table.
,,Oh come on, who doesn't like bacon and eggs?!" She looks at me as if I'm crazy to even ask that. I laugh.
,,And look sweety," I turn towards Ryan who rubs his eyes. ,,I have Cheerios." His face lit up and he literally runs towards the table. Kara laughs.
,,He obviously loves breakfast, just like Beca always did." She tells me and I can see a small sad expression. Maybe it's time to show Kara my board? Nobody except for Chicago knows I'm having my own investigation about the boat accident and now that the authorities has stopped searching for survivors, I'm the only one who can try and find Beca. If she's still alive.
,,I want to show you something after breakfast, Kara." I say and look at her. Her eyebrows get raised but I don't say something else.
,,Okay, that sounds important." She only says and then grabs her phone to message someone. ,,I tell Lena that I will be a little late today." Okay, now I feel bad. She made plans with the girl she's in love with and now I'm the one making her see her later.
,,Kara, you don't -" She hold up her hand.
,,It's important, right? What you want to show me?" I nod. ,,Well, then Lena has to wait. Besides, spending more time with you and my cute nephew is worth it." I don't know how big my smile is now, but it's big. Kara loves Ryan so much. The only three persons that can't stand him are Beca's younger brother Wyatt and Beca's parents. All three of them blame me for cheating on Beca and in some way I did, but I was drunk. I know that isn't an excuse but I didn't think straight that night.
,,Mommy, can I play LEGO now?" I look over to Ryan, who is already done with his cereal. He's such a good eater, just like Beca was.
,,Of course," He smiles and get off his chair. ,,sweety?" He stops in his tracks and turn his gaze towards me. ,,Aunt Kara and I have some business to do, can you build something big with the LEGO?"
,,Okay, mommy."
,,Thank you, sweety." Ryan nods and then goes into the living room.
,,You're a great mother." Kara tells me with a smile. ,,Now show me that surprise."
,,It's not a surprise. But you will be mind blown and maybe you can help me?" Kara looks at me with a confused expression.
,,You're acting weird." She tells me and then looks at her phone, while it gives her another message. ,,Uhm, Chloe?" She looks at me again. ,,Do you mind if Lena comes here? She only has the two hours we were supposed to meet."
,,Sure no problem, but she can't know about this."
,,Whatever 'this' is." Kara gestures with her hands before replying to Lena.
Once she's done, she puts her phone in her pocket and looks at me.
,,Okay, I'm ready. Show me." I look over towards the living room to see Ryan happily playing with his LEGO and walk to the closet. I grab the board out of it and put it down on the dining table. I watch as Kara walks up to the board with every newspaper of the accident and every information that I'm trying to find, including the map where the boat sank.
,,Wow, you've been busy." Kara say, while looking at the photo Beca and I made when we first step foot on the Queen's Gambit.
,,Yeah, I know. I just can't let it go."
,,You shouldn't." Now she takes a closer look at the spot where the boat sank. ,,There's a lot of water."
,,Yeah, tell me about it. I try to stay positive and maybe find a clue somehow on there, but it's useless." I say frustrated.
,,Don't despair yet." Now she takes of the picture.
,,Hey, what are you doing?!" Kara shush me and grabs her phone. She types something and then it seems like she's zooming in.
,,Oh, my God!" She exclaims.
,,What? What's wrong?"
,,Nothing. Come here and look at this!" She says and I don't think twice. ,,Look at those tiny spots." Kara points on his phone.
,,I never noticed that before." I tell her.
,,Well, can I print this here somewhere? Maybe we can find a new clue together." She says with a big smile. I admire Kara. She always have hope.
,,Upstairs in my room there's a printer on my desk, you can use that." Kara thanks me and runs upstairs. I walk towards Ryan. ,,How is it going, sweety?" I sit down next to him on the floor.
,,Great. Look mommy, I made boat." He points at his creation and I have to blink away the tear that will fall if I don't stop it.
,,It looks amazing. Can you build a little more for me? Guess aunt Kara and I have more things to discuss."
,,Okay, mommy?" He asks me. Knowing what he means, I only nod and he smiles. ,,Good. I don't like seeing you sad." I pull him close to me and give him a light kiss on his forehead.
,,You make me very happy. I love you so much, sweety."
,,Love you too, mommy." He kisses me on my cheek before playing with his LEGO again. Kara appears back into the living room with her printed version. We go back into the kitchen again and Kara places down her printed version. She has draw a black line from New York to Southampton, Europe.
,,Look, Chloe!" Kara holds a black marker and put a circle around the tiny spots.
,,What if those tiny spots are islands? Maybe Beca is still alive, just shipwrecked?"
,,Islands?" I look at her hopeful face and I'm not sure if I believe her. ,,I want to believe you, but -"
,,It's too much of a risk, I know. You're afraid we're getting it wrong and you're too scared to actually find out that Beca did drown." I look at Kara and nod. ,,But imagine us having this at the right end? What if Beca isn't dead and survived on one of those islands?"
,,I don't know, Kara. I mean, we don't even know if those spots are islands."
,,I do! Look!" Now Kara places another printed version of the sea, but this time I see small islands.
,,Wow, there are seven small islands on that small piece of water." My heart fill themselves with hope again. Kara gets a notification.
,,Oh right, Lena was coming here." She tells me but I'm too shocked to even react. Kara disappears from the kitchen to let Lena into the house. I block their voices and grab my phone.
Chloe, are you okay? My best friends voice comes through the speaker.
I'm not sure. I found something in my investigation.
Still trying to find information about the ship? Chloe, the authorities searched and they couldn't find anything. I think it's better to move on and -
Don't you dare to tell me to move on! You know what Beca meant to me, Bree and this can be the answer to every question I still have. Please can you come here?
I can't, Chloe but maybe you want to pick me up?
Yeah sure, where are you?
At work, but I'm almost finished and as I'm the boss around here I can take time off whenever I want.
Great, I'll see you in a few!
I quickly hang up and walk inside the living room, just to see Kara introducing Ryan to Lena.
,,Ryan this is a good friend of mine, Lena Luthor."
,,Hello Ryan, it's very good to meet you." Lena tells him and he smiles.
,,You're very pretty." Lena laughs and Kara blushes.
,,Thank you. You're very handsome yourself." Lena tells Ryan and he looks at me proudly.
,,I'm handsome, mommy!" He tells me and now Lena looks at me.
,,Hey, Chloe. Thank you that I could come here." She tells me.
,,No big deal, Lena." I look at the three and it hits me. ,,Actually, I have a favor to ask you and Kara." Now both of them look at me. ,,Can you please stay with Ryan for a little bit? I have to pick Aubrey up from work."
,,Yeah, sure." Lena and Kara say both at the same time and then looks at each other with smiles on their faces.
,,Thank you so much!" I kneel down in front of Ryan. ,,I'll be right back, sweety. Can you promise me you'll be nice to Kara and Lena."
,,I promise, mommy." He looks at Lena. ,,Can you help me build with LEGO?" Lena agrees and I say my goodbyes, knowing Ryan is in good hands with Lena and Kara.
When I arrive at Aubrey's work, thirty-five minutes later, she's already waiting outside for me. When she notice my car, she waves and runs up to the car.
She gets in and I drive back to the road leading to Aubrey and Stacie's house.
,,What did you wanted to tell me?" She asks me.
,,Well, Kara and I found some island on the map."
,,What does that mean?"
,,Do you think Beca is still alive? That she's on one of those islands?" Aubrey looks at me.
,,Do you think that?"
,,I don't know, but it's possible, right?"
,,Chloe, I know you want to believe that Beca is still alive but -"
,,But what, Bree?! Why is it so weird to be hopeful and pray that Beca is on one of those islands?"
,,Because it's a little weird. Why wouldn't the authorities search further? I mean, they could've known those islands where there, right?"
,,They stopped because they were only searching the area where the ship sank. They didn't think about a possibility that there could be islands around. I haven't thought about it before, Kara found them."
,,I don't want you to get all hopeful and then be disappointed. I'm going to help you, I swear but you don't need to rush things and get down again." I look at Aubrey and then back to the road. We sit there for the whole twenty-two minutes in silence, not knowing what to say more to each other, until we reach Aubrey's apartment. Aubrey looks at me. ,,Thank you for the ride. You're pretty awesome, you know that?" My eyes widen. ,,Oh no, did I say something Beca used to say?" I just nod while I let the memory come.
Flashback
Beca and I are driving from school to Beca's house in my new car. I just passed my driver license, since I turned eighteen last march. I just didn't have the time to buy a car, but I've been saving from march until now. I want to be the one who brings Beca everywhere. To school or her house, I don't care as long as I can be with her.
I look next to me and turn on the radio. Beca loves to sing with songs on the radio. The begin tune of 'Uptown Funk' from Bruno Mars is heard and I see Beca move in her chair, singing with some of the lyrics.
,,Looks like you're enjoying my new car." I say and she looks at me smiling.
,,I love your new car! I can't believe I have to wait another three, almost two years before I can drive you around town."
,,Do you see a future for us?"
,,Of course I can see a future, Chlo." Now I'm curious.
,,What do you picture?"
,,Well, we live together in a nice apartment in Manhattan."
,,Expensive taste you have there, Mitchell."
,,What can I say? I love New York and I really hope I can live there some day." She looks me in the eyes now. ,,Hopefully with you as my roommate." A big smile appears on my face.
,,That does sound nice."
,,Yes!" Beca pumps her fist in the air in joy and I laugh at her enthusiasm. ,,Don't laugh at me! Can't you see us living together?" Oh no, don't be sad! Before I can answer a new song is heard on the radio and Beca squeals. ,,Oh, I love this song!" She turns up the volume and starts to sing with the song.
I've been meaning to tell you, I've got a feeling that won't subside
I look at you and I fantasize, you're mine tonight
Now, I've got you in my sight...
I feel her eyes looking at me and I feel my cheeks burn. Is she really singing this to me? Does that mean she fantasize about me? Oh, my God! What if she does? What if she's thinking about me when she's lonely? What if she touches - I quickly stop my thoughts and keep a close eye on the road ahead. Don't think that about Beca. She's your best friend, Chloe. I say to myself, but my mind is thinking all sort of things right now.
With these hungry eyes, one look at you and I can't disguise
I've got hungry eyes, I feel the magic between you and I
Don't look at her! Don't look at her! I tell myself over and over again, while listening to Beca's angelical voice.
I want to hold you, so hear me out
I want to show you what love's all about, darling tonight
Now I've got you in my sight, with these hungry eyes...
,,Sing with me, Chlo. You love this song too!" Beca tells me and stops for a moment. I look at her surprised, but then after waiting for the right moment, I sing with her.
I've got hungry eyes, one look at you and I can't disguise
I've got hungry eyes, I feel the magic between you and I
I've got hungry eyes, now I've got you in my sight
With these hungry eyes, but did I take you by surprise?
I keep a close look at her, when we sing together and the butterflies in my stomach are going very fast. She's pretty, nice, cute and an amazing singer. What else can she do? And why can't she see how much she means to me?
With my hungry eyes...
We finish the song and Beca smiles at me.
,,When you get at Barden University this September, you should totally assign for a singing group, Chlo. Your voice is amazing!" I blush. ,,It's cute when you blush." My eyes widen, as I try to keep an eye on the road. Only a few minutes left before we arrive at her house and this nice car ride ends.
,,We only have two weeks left before I have to go to Barden University." I tell her, obviously disappointed. She grabs my hand.
,,I'm sad about that part too, but we'll keep in touch. We probably won't see each other much but Whatsapp still exist."
,,You're pretty smart, you know that?" I tell her and parc in front of her house. She looks out the window and waves to Emma who's just about to go inside the house. She sighs and then turns to me.
,,Thank you for the ride. You're pretty awesome, you know that?" I smile at her confession.
,,I'm trying, but you can repeat that sentence every day from now on." I say, giving her a wink. It seems like a little blush appears on her face. She smiles and looks down, fiddling with her hands before looking back at me. We keep on looking at each other for a few seconds, before we realize we're very close. I look at her lips and then to her eyes. I know we're only in this relationship and kissed once or twice, but I don't want to go fast. We both agree to taking this relationship slowly. Suddenly Beca leans in and her soft lips touches mine in a sweet kiss, which only takes a few seconds.
,,You're awesome." Beca says while resting her hand on my cheek. ,,I really like you, Chlo."
,,I really like you too, Becs. Now say hi to your family from me." Beca nods, gives me one last kiss on my cheek and then gets out the car. She waves at me until she's inside her house. We wave at each other for one last time, before Beca closes the front door. I touch my lips with my fingertips. The kiss was sweet and not forced at all. It felt great and I know our relationship will only grow stronger!