Sulking. That's the word. Ever since Glacia left for Ravenmore City, I've been sulking. In a funk, lost in glum, sinking beneath the dark, call it what you will, but it's true. I always said that she saved me. That she was the one holding me together. Unfortunately...now that she's gone...I've found that my words were all too true.
At night, I shiver, alone. Mark and Romy are worried, I think they can hear me calling for Mephis. Or maybe it's Glacia now. I'm not entirely sure, though I hope the warmth of the Stone of Calling helps keep a second kind of night terror from forming in my subconsciousness. If that night turns into a bad memory, I don't know if I could take it.
The issue is that Glacia was such a big part of my life. She wasn't just my teacher, nor just even my savior. She was also my best friend. The one who held my most secret, secrets, and who I trusted to always have my back. I have no other friends amongst the townsfolk. And without magic lessons, I have way more time than before. Though I throw myself into training with Romy to try to distract myself, and also because I want to grow strong enough to go out and find Glacia, I'm filled with despair at the standard Romy expects from me.
"Do you really think I'll be able to master that crazy technique? I don't even have any talent with the sword!" I try to argue with her, but she is adamant. "How do you expect me to stop a thunderstorm?!"
"Okay...maybe that's a bit much. How about...I'll let you use magic to do it! When you master a spell of that level, then you can leave!" She sighs as I shake my head pitifully.
"That's impossible! Absolutely impossible! I'm not a god!" I protest. Seeing how sad I look, she thinks some more with a finger on her chin.
"Let's see...okay, how about if you reach the apple tree, you can go then!" She sets a goal that sounds more doable, but if you know Romy...it's not. Even if she's going easy, this is a woman who cut a goddamn thunderstorm apart with a sword! How am I supposed to get past her!
"But, Auntie...that's not fair!" I whine. My efforts are useless.
"I don't care if it's fair. Myrr...you were attacked not long ago. If Glacia hadn't been here, who knows what would have happened? Clearly, there are still enemies out there. I wouldn't be able to face your mother if I let you leave without being able to defend yourself." Her logic is dubious. However, convincing Romy Rainstopper to change her mind is impossible. For once, her dogmatic desire to keep me safe is working against me. She insists that I demonstrate that I can beat her to the apple tree before I go.
"Sorry, Kid. But you have no idea what kind of people you're up against. And you won't find a better teacher than Romy at your level. So, I think you really should stay a few more years..." Mark isn't any help either. Even if he were willing to help, I doubt he'd be able to go against his wife anyway. Though he says that I should stay and learn, I'm not making any progress during Romy's lessons. Lately, I haven't even been able to look at the future without flinching. If anything, I'm getting further away from the apple tree.
My lack of progress leads to me spending time wandering the forest outside of town while experimenting with magic. Though Romy won't allow me to go beyond this area, I guess she's close enough in the house that she's not worried that it will be dangerous. There aren't really any wild beasts of note this near town anyways. Sometimes, when I get discouraged, I just wander the trees, and think about my last life. Gradually...I'm starting to feel like I'm reverting to my old self. How long am I going to be stuck in this town? Will I ever be able to make it to the apple tree against Romy?
At least though, there is hope. Even if it's a long way away, I should get stronger one day. I just hope that I'm strong enough. The constant training, even if mentally I'm failing, is definitely increasing my mana capacity. To be honest, unless I'm really casting spells nonstop, it's become a bit difficult to run out of magical power. Glacia told me that your overall mana pool continues to grow all the way through adulthood with practice. But at a much slower rate. So, I have many years of growth to look forward to. Maybe one day I'll have enough mana that I'll be able to stop a thunderstorm...yea right, like that's going to happen!
Today is one of those thinking days. I still have plenty of mana, but I just can't think of a new way to approach my current problems. If I try to look into the future, my heart races and I feel nauseous. Though I've been trying for a while to master casting Gust without chanting, something is still missing to understand the final step. And Romy has already beaten me into the dirt three times today, so I'm not really eager to return to the house. As such...I'll just walk. Today, my mind unconsciously drifts towards thinking of my past life. I can't help it. This shallow loneliness, the boredom, and feeling of not moving forward. It feels all too familiar. Damnit, I thought I left these kinds of days behind...
"Demi-Cats should just stay in the forest!" Suddenly, a harsh voice breaks into my thoughts. A bit startled, I realize that my footsteps have unconsciously taken me to the edge of town.
"P-Please! Just let me go home!"
Hey...that person sounds familiar.
"Or what? Mother always said that your kind should never have been allowed to join us. Can you give me back my father's arm?" An aggressive grunt is followed by the sounds of a scuffle. "Don't just stand there! Help me teach this Demi-Cat a lesson!"
*Thud*
"Ow, that really hurts!"
I turn the corner to see a scene which I haven't encountered since my last life. Well, unless you count Romy bullying Mark. But that's consensual. Kind of. A crowd of kids from town are standing around the cat-girl I accidentally peeped at all those months ago. Two of the larger children have grabbed her shoulders and are shoving her face into the dirt. They grind their feet into her face.
"S-Stop! I don't want to hurt you!" The Demi-Cat's clothes are getting covered in dirt, and doubtless the boots on her face are extremely uncomfortable, however, she does not cry. Instead, she glares at the people kicking her and calls out warnings. "Stop it!"
"Pfft, make me!" The kids continue to grind her down, and while some of the onlookers have uneasy expressions, the mob mentality is too strong. Since she is not resisting, eventually more of them will join in. My expression turns a little dark. I was bullied in my past life as a young kid. However, whenever a teacher intervened, it made no difference. The bullies just waited for when there was no one watching and then started again. Come on...fight back. Why are you just taking this? You'll never break free at this rate...
"Y-You guys are the worst! I hate you! I REALLY HATE YOU!" The girl's cat ears aggressive twitch underneath a boot, but she refuses to bite or hit back. Watching her get stomped into the ground, I shake my head as our eyes make contact. She has a ferocious, anxious expression on her face, and her cat-like pupils widen as she recognizes me. Before I can turn away, she somehow finds the time to call out while getting beaten up, "Y-You're the one who-!"
That's it.
I'm out of here!
My reputation with the townspeople is already bad since I rarely interact with them. If this girl says anything about that day, it could start a witch hunt!
Immediately, I turn around and stride back into the woods. As I leave, I listen closely, but the cat-girl never finishes her sentence. The sound of a continued beating goes on as I flee from her once again. Though I don't approve of a bunch of kids teaming up on a defenseless girl, if her state last time is anything to go by, they won't do anything really dangerous to her. One day...you're going to have to learn to fight back. Or else people will never respect you.
Suddenly, a nasty thought comes to mind. I distinctly remember the sour taste of running away as I first entered this very town. How useless I was as Jarold Westblade tried to take everything from me. Bleh...that's different. I didn't have a choice. I couldn't fight back against him...yet. And I will get my revenge one day. No matter what it takes! I learned my lesson! In this world, whether it be demons, assassins, or children, strength is the only thing people respect!
The rest of the day is a complete wipe. When I go to bed at night, I have awful dreams. Waking up for the fourth time in so many hours, I shiver and wipe the nightmare from my mind. However, I can't get it out of my head. Glacia appeared this time. She was shaking her head at me. Though it was just a dream, I can't help but get the feeling that she was judging me for leaving the cat-girl to fend for herself. Sorry, Teacher...but it was for her own good. She'll appreciate it one day.
Unfortunately, Glacia's dream-reply stays with me, even if its just my imagination. I vividly remember what she said-
"So, when you were scared and lonely at night...maybe I should have just left you alone since you were so useless, huh?