Y/N's Point Of View
my hands were getting clammy again. my heart was beating faster every minutes will passed. my eyes rested on the wall clock, counting the time. it was already 10 pm in the evening but i couldn't sleep and i was just remained awake inside my parents house.
i couldn't tell the feeling on meeting him ... alone.
what could i say? what will be our conversation? i don't know. all i could felt right now was ... nervous.
questions were scattering inside my mind right now as i peeked outside my window. it's getting colder as i waited for him. but waiting inside my room is making me suffocated more. that's why i decided to sneaked outside without making any noise.
the air was peculiar. it was more than days since i didn't feel the fresh air beneath. i hugged my jacket as i passed down the streets. it was already my 12th sighed at the time as i slid my hands under my pocket because of the cold.
it was a long walk as for me. i wanted the time to passed by and the conversation will be enough. i also wanted to talk to him for everything but because i really miss all of him. his touch, his scent, his eyes, and of course ... the smile i used to see sometimes.
the time when he used to dumped me, all i could feel was anger, pain, and alone. but my heart ... it was also fighting my feelings alone. my feelings was more bigger than the absolute pain i've gotten.
i've already promised right through them ...
that i'll come back.
i wanted to fix him even though it's unfair.
tears gathered in my eyes as i lie my head down, looking at the sidewalks while the cars were passing by.
yeah, just for him.
"y/n."
i froze in my tracks as i've completely heard that familiar voice infront of me. as i forced my head up ... there he was.
"mikey." my lips quievered as i restrained myself creating a small sob. my eyes are getting blurry because of the tears. i could feel my heart began to pounding loudly and my hands were shaking inside my jacket.
his eyes began to show emotions. all i could see is the reflection of his face in the moonlight.
"i'm so sorry." his breath become ragged as i started to walk closer to him. his eyes having tears that i didn't seen my whole entire life when he extended his arms next to mine.
in that cold evening ...
i'm finally having the warmth in his arms.
i've finally count my lucky stars right now. it didn't died down as the night began to flew old. it felt like time finally slows down on its pace as i feel his warmth inside me.
the anger seeping through me had already thrashed down. i couldn't feel anything but the welcoming ...
forgiveness.
"i-i'm sorry ... i'm sorry ... " he continously mumbled while he trembled completely in my arms. i could feel his shoulders gets up and down everytime he heave a sob. his heart beating audible in my ears as i layed my head down.
that was the first time i've seen him so vulnerable.
it took time ... for the last two years i didn't feel these kind of hug that he's just the only one who could makes me warm. his scent fumbles in my nose when i closed my eyes. tears raining so much in my wet cheeks that i couldn't wiped it away.
"i can't ... baji died, y/n." he shook his head as he buried his head onto my neck. he was badly shaking in my arms as he immitate his pain, giving up and being weak.
i shook my head as i shushed him, "shh... it's not your fault, okay. baji did what's the best for us." i caressed his soft locks. i really missed the way it glides through my fingers. and the way how he used to hugged me tightly.
we stayed in our position for the moment. the two of us still could feel the pain, but although it became numb. shutting my eyes closed as i nudged my chin on his softly, calming him down as i held his head on my shoulders.
from that moment, i knew he already felt that.
卍
the sound of the crickets was the only one creating noise in-between us while we sat on the swing of the playground to calm ourselves. the moon shine so bright, illuminating my eyes while hearing my own heartbeat still in-tact.
"how are you after all these years, mikey? " it was almost a whisper when his eyelids fluttered. his features glowed around my eyes, as if it was so enchanted to meet him again. i was the only one who gave up the silence, completely zoned out through the beauty of the night sky.
he was sitting just behind me, a space in-between us, and it made a creaks everytime he sways a little on that rusty swing.
"nothing's new." he frugally said, "i didn't knew that things would go out like this." i'll admit that his answer was kind of stupid but i couldn't say anything despite of the silence engulped us.
"you ... you really did that? "
he didn't answer again as he already feel the guilt hovering around him. i could already see him poking his cheeks inside his mouth as his eyes stared at the ground, eyes like a dark coal.
"why...? " i paused.
i really wanted the answer now. for the past 2 years, i couldn't find a reason why he really needed to push me out of that group that i admired the most. it hurts but there's somethings specifically wrong on my guts.
it haunts me everyday.
before i could even say a word, he slipped something out on his pockets.
a piece of white envelope was passed onto me.
"all the answers were on that note." he didn't look at me as the folded paper was infront of me.
i swallowed hard as my shaking hand grabbed it. i didn't know what was on my mind that time when i slowly unfolded it and found a piece of paper inside. it made me feel terrified. what was inside? is this something that i didn't know for how many years?
‘she will bled just like roses of thorns
just wait for the time that it will be dead
her innocence and weakness will kill you slowly, upon getting your hands dirty’
this is a kind of joke.
but it's not.
my blood run cold.
my eyes getting flashbacks and flashbacks of scenes. terrible. violence. blood smearing and splashing. rose petals along the ground. his command.
"you were a threat, y/n." that voice immediately echoed inside my mind.
a piece of rose petal peeked inside when i almost dropped the envelope. it was already dried. the rusty smell — no, it was blood soaked in the petal.
my eyes widened for a second. i stare at the envelope for a moment and i realize whose handwriting that was.
"that's why i wanted to protect you." right now, both of our eyes finally stared towards each other. his eyes were crucial.
tears started to formed out of my eyes as his revelation covered me with so much different emotions i couldn't explain.
"someone was giving you a threat, y/n. two years ago . "
winds swirled together with his words, the deep pain hurdled us when his eyes never left the rusty-blooded petals scattered inside the envelope.
i tried to pick it up and slid the letter inside the envelope again back to its pace. my heart was racing into fire, remembering all the details inside the letter.
it's terrifying.
before i could stand up, a pale hands grabbed mine making me halt all of a sudden. it wasn't rough yet gentle pull away from the swing.
i almost gasped when i landed into his, making my heartbeat increased in a rapid pace. he pulled me again but this time, it was a tight hug.
"i couldn't lose you, okay... so i pushed you out of this. i had to do it, for your safety. because you're that important to me." it was an akward position for me on his lap while he embraced me but what i did care right now was his revelation.
it made my heart melt and burst, as unending tears spilled out on my eyes.
"i'm so sorry if i did it, y/n." he whispers on my ear as he leaned his head on mine.
that's it. that was the side i wanted to hear from him. and now ... it was like ... i was freed from my darkness. things just started to clear out. my vision began to composed back to its pace. the realization when you can't judge the person by their own will.
it's frustrating and dissapointing, but the efforts mikey gave just to protect me ...
it was worth of sacrifice.
"don't think of that threat again. because ... i'll protect you now."
"but i can protect myse — "
"no, you still can't. even though you're strong enough to fight those people ... i still can't afford to lose you right now." the sadness painted on his eyes as he grabbed my cold hand. the warmth started to engulped me again just by his touch.
we looked both into each other's eyes as my lips started to quiver again, fighting the urge not to cry but i lose again. now, my conscience was eating me.
"i didn't know ... that you were protecting me right away." i closed my eyes shut as i waited for the salt tears to flung right away.
i felt guilty. but i didn't know the truth.
in the first place, all i could thought was that mikey's being a jerk ... since his brother died. i thought he started to hate me the most when i already felt useless inside the toman. i think of the negative thoughts as to how he sees me.
and all of it was wrong.
"you don't need to forgive me right away. i know you're started to heal yourself right now ... but, let me handle all of it now." he said as he kissed the back of my palm. his eyelids fluttered slightly upon as he hold me tighter.
my heart was writing in pain. it was a little bit unfair.
“i did this to protect you. ” now, i already realized what he said the night when emma wanted us to talk.
he still saved me in the end.
"come back to me now, y/n. because i still need you."
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Author's Note: I feel like floating in this chapter. Finally, Mikey and Y/n reunited. But who do you think who sends them a threat?