For a terrifying second, the world was tilting on its axis, and Ahsoka was barely clinging to the edge, moments away from taking a tumble. Though it was Kakashi she held on to for dear life.
His dear life.
With her arm wrapped around Kakashi, and his good arm slung over her shoulders, they leapt from branch to branch in the tall forest. But the silver-haired teen's face paled by the second as the wound on his shoulder kept gushing blood.
His head hung loosely, and a pained moan escaped him.
Ahsoka didn't know if she might have still been screaming or sobbing— like when she first saw that spear impale Kakashi— only that there was a deafening silence in her head. And an insistent ringing in her ears.
She had barely register when she had hurled Daiki's sword across the oasis, hitting true in between the eyes of her enemy. Splitting his head in two with his own Master's sword.
She had barely registered removing the spear out of Kakashi's shoulder and hearing his screams of pain before grabbing him, then running as fast as she could with his added weight.
And she had barely registered when they had cleared the desert of the Land of Wind and entered the covered forests of the Land of Fire again, trying to put as much distance between themselves and the temple they had left behind in flames.
Now, she struggled under Kakashi's height and weight to keep jumping from tree to tree. He had tried to help her at the beginning, tried not to lean too much into her and carry his weight.
But he now sagged against Ahsoka, his strength flagged and eye half-closed. He couldn't even lift his head.
So much blood— he had lost so much blood.
Ahsoka looked at him, desperation in her eyes, glimpsing the paleness in his face despite the mask. She hadn't noticed she had been talking to him as well:
"Kakashi, hold on. Hold on, please!"
But his world only turned black.
Kakashi didn't think being dead would hurt this much. The radiating pain he felt coming from his shoulder was enough to bring him back to consciousness.
Not dead then.
It took him a couple of long moments, that could've been minutes or hours, to finally crack open his eyes enough to register the dark leaves and large trees trunks above his head. They were illuminated by a warm, orange light emanating from what seemed to be a small fire just ahead.
However, more important than the fire, was the figure hovering over Kakashi's left side, framed by the firelight that darkened their features. But Kakashi would've recognized that auburn hair glowing in the orange light, those catlike eyes that were closed, and those worried, furrowed brows even in the dark.
He shifted his aching body slightly, and that was enough to alert her of his state as her eyes flew open, immediately falling on his tired face.
"Ahsoka..." Kakashi croaked her name, his half-lidded eyes meetings her wide ones.
She inhaled sharply. Then her head dropped down to her chest, letting a cascade of auburn hair cover her face.
Her body shuddered as she released a breath. "You're awake..." She looked back at his face, smiling ruefully down at him, "Thank Kami-sama."
That's when, even through his hazy mind, Kakashi noticed her hands. They were glowing a mint green, hovering over a gaping wound in his shoulder. Medical ninjutsu.
The almost sixteen-year old Hatake could still feel the pain on his shoulder— radiating across his upper body and neck, with a pounding headache to go with it— but it wasn't as bad as it had been when he had first lost consciousness. His body still ached like he had been trampled over by a hundred horses, but at least he was alive.
"No..." Kakashi's strained voice said, looking up at Ahsoka, "Thank you."
Ahsoka didn't say anything, only keeping her worried, attentive gaze focused on him, as if she couldn't quite decide what to do with his words— with his gratitude.
He didn't care at the moment. He took the chance to pass an eye over her and assess. She seemed overall fine, except for the tell-tale signs of exhaustion on her face.
"Were you hurt?" He asked when he didn't find anything in plain sight.
Ahsoka choked on a dark laugh. "You are the one who was bleeding out and you're asking me if I got hurt?!" She laughed incredulously without mirth again.
But then she looked down at him, saw the hard, mismatched stare that told her he was still expecting an answer. So she finally said, "No...I wasn't."
Ahsoka glanced down at him again. And there were so many words written in that gaze, written in a language Kakashi wished he knew how to read just to be able to know what was troubling her mind.
She opened her mouth, then closed it, shaking her head slightly. Seemingly trying to bring life to the thoughts raging behind her eyes, but struggling.
Eventually, the words came out in a strained voice. "If you had been one inch further behind...it would have hit your heart...."
The words hung in the air.
Even with a mind clouded by pain, Kakashi understood what she meant in a second, and a small pang of guilt struck his chest. He had literally been inches away from death— right in front of her.
"Ahsoka—" he began.
"I- I tried to heal it as best I could, but..." Ahsoka cut him off, laughing humorlessly as she closed her eyes for a second. "I'm not a medic. The best I could do is keep the worst of the pain at bay and stop most of the bleeding."
He blinked at her, sensing she wasn't done.
She then shifted on the legs tucked beneath her. "I can't keep this up for much longer...We're going to have to have to wrap the wound eventually. But..." Her amber eyes flickered uneasily from his face and then to the forest beyond. "... I- I would need to take off your shirt.... and your— your mask"
Oh.
Oh.
Kakashi was just now noticing that Ahsoka had taken off his cream colored tunic and haori. He could now see the two bloodied garments hanging from a low branch of the tree they were under. But she had kept his black tank top on, and the attached mask that came with it as well. Both of which were ruined now, soaked in his blood and not at all hygienic.
Ahsoka looked away. "I didn't want to do anything you weren't comfortable with without your permission. I know how important that mask is to you. So I— So I just kept trying my best with ninjutsu."
Kakashi stared at her, dumbfounded.
Ahsoka wasn't a medical nin, but she must have started nursing that wound as soon as she could. And she had been keeping the wound from bleeding with her own hands long after she should've. That meant she had been up for god knows how long, wasting her chakra and losing sleep... all because she didn't want to look beneath his mask without permission.
Something in Kakashi's chest tightened.
This girl. She struck cords in him that should have stopped ringing long ago. That's why, despite the thundering heart in his chest, it was so easy to say:
"Alright..."
Ahsoka blinked down at him, shocked. "What?"
"I said it's alright..." Kakashi repeated, holding her gaze, ".... you can take it off."
Ahsoka went still, eyes shifting, studying every aspect of him— his one open eye, the confident set of his jaw— as if to assure herself he meant what he said. But she found no contradiction, merely the hard set acceptance of a task that only a seasoned fighter could have.
She then breathed out, giving a single nod of concession as she turned serious. "Alright then, I'm gonna need you to sit up against the tree."
Kakashi did as he was told. His body strained and trembled as he pulled himself up, shoulder barking in pain, grunting until he finally managed to sit up.
He was already out of breath, but Ahsoka helped him scoot and lean back slowly against the rough, solid bark of the large tree behind him, careful of his shoulder.
Kakashi huffed out a breath as he let the back of his head hit the trunk gently. He was exhausted, and the hard part hadn't even begun.
He still had to take his shirt off. That thought alone almost made him groan in exasperation.
With heavy hands, he went for the edge of his shirt, wincing slightly at the sharp pain on his left shoulder when he moved. That was enough to tell him how this was gonna go.
"Are you ready?" Ahsoka asked, looking a little concerned as she also grabbed the end of the shirt.
"Yeah..." Kakashi answered, already bracing himself for the coming pain.
They both began pulling upwards, easily pulling the tight material over his toned stomach. It wasn't until they reached his shoulders that Kakashi's vision began swimming.
Pain like being impaled all over again had Kakashi hissing through his teeth as he tried lifting his arm up as high as he could manage, letting the bloodied material slide over the wound. It was enough to make him want to pass out again.
"Careful...Slowly....That's it...." Ahsoka muttered the encouragement as she took over pulling the shirt over his arm, doing it as delicately as she could.
They got the other arm out much quicker, though his muscles still ached from the effort and his breath was coming in short bursts from his nose by the end of it.
That only left the shirt bundled up at his neck, with the rest of it forming the mask covering his face.
Ahsoka looked into his eyes. The light from the fire danced behind her, surrounding her like a halo. She didn't say anything, those bright eyes spoke for her. A question was in them. A request for permission.
Kakashi merely nodded his answer.
And so she slowly pulled the shirt over his head, taking the mask with it.
The world went dark for a second as the fabric passed over Kakashi's eyes. Then, he felt the cool night air hit his exposed skin.
Kakashi peeked opened his one dark eye, and it immediately fell on Ahsoka's stunned face.
Beautiful was the first word that came to Ahsoka's mind as her eyes raked over Kakashi's maskless face.
Strange. Beautiful wasn't a word that most people would use to describe men's faces. Handsome maybe, striking, or maybe even attractive.
But he wasn't beautiful as in the beauty of a flower or the loveliness of a flowing river through a meadow.
No. He was the type of beauty you saw when you looked out towards ragged, snowy peaks of Kumogakure in the distance or stood in the middle of a forest of imposing, never ending pine trees. Or perhaps when you looked out a window to see the bright, jagged bursts of lightning that lit the clouds white and blue during a thunderstorm.
That was the imagery she thought of as she looked at the sharp angles of his cheeks and nose, the hard line of his mouth, the unexpected beauty mark on the left side of his chin.
He had a harsh, rugged type of allure.
In nearly seven years of battling side by side with Kakashi, of long nights of planning, of impossible missions, of loosing family and friends, of teasing and fighting, of camaraderie and friendship, she had never seen the face behind the mask. Not once.
So she gaped. Her eyes moved from one eye, to the next, and then to his mouth— absorbing every single detail of the face. So familiar, yet not.
There was a deafening silence in the forest. One that made eardrums ring and thoughts disappear. It was as if the wilderness held its breath, watching the two shinobi on the forest floor.
Before Ahsoka knew what she was doing, as if in a trance, she reached up and touched the scar over his eye.
Her mind dully registered Kakashi's muscled body freezing, but he did nothing to stop her as he watched her— stunned as she was— through his one dark eye.
Slowly, two fingers traced down the harsh line of the scar, starting from his silver brow. His closed eye fluttered on reflex as they passed softly over his lid, gentler than the stroke of a paint brush on a canvas.
Ahsoka's fingers continued down. The scar ran further than was usually visible, going down to the middle of his cheek. And as she reached the end of the sharp line, Kakashi opened his eye.
The bright red color seemed to bleed as Ahsoka was suddenly met with the Sharingan, staring right into her own eyes.
The fearful, powerful eye didn't daunt Ahsoka, didn't make her balk or shy away. Instead, she stared back at him with an expression he had never seen before. One of gentle, curious eyes.
Suddenly, her hand cupped his cheek.
Kakashi's eyes widened.
He stayed still— so perfectly still anyone would've thought he was petrified. The firelight danced in his stunned, mismatched eyes. The only part of that face that Ahsoka was acquainted to.
Carefully, she stroked her thumb across his cheekbone. His skin was smooth and warm, the bones beneath strong and firm. His breathing turned ragged when she moved her hand down to the corner of his mouth, and to the beauty mark on his chin.
Ahsoka didn't think she imagined it when his eyes fluttered for a second, and he leaned into the touch. And that was what brought her back to reality.
What the actual hell was she doing.
She retracted her hand like she had been burned. She suddenly stood up, effectively snapping them out of their trance.
Kakashi felt the loss of the warm hand immediately as his cheek was once again met with the cool night air.
His body slumped forward, as if his fatigue had returned— the moment over. Had it been only seconds? Minutes?
It had felt like a lifetime.
Kakashi's mind vaguely registered the auburnette jumping into action, reaching for the clothes in the low branch they hung from. But his eyes stared at the ground, unseeing as his mind spiraled. Thoughts whirling.
What the hell had just happened?
Ahsoka had looked at him, touched him, in a way she never had before. That no one had in many, many years.
Kakashi didn't think he had ever felt so vulnerable in his life. So naked and exposed. Those gold eyes had stripped him bare. Quite literally as they had studied every aspect of his face with certain.... awe?
No, that couldn't be it.
He only snapped out of his current daze when Ahsoka dropped to the floor again, his cream haori in hand.
His head slowly turned to look at her as she began ripping the fabric apart, separating the bloodied portions from the clean ones.
Ahsoka's face betrayed nothing— ever the good spy. Only the tint of red on her cheeks was out of the ordinary. But even that was probably just a trick of the light.
They both said nothing as she turned the rag into usable strips of clothing.
They continued to say nothing as Ahsoka cleaned the wound— using a small vial of water she had somehow kept throughout the fight— and as they silently cooperated to wrap the clothing around Kakashi's shoulder and chest.
Finishing with a final knot in the bandages, Ahsoka stood up, grabbing the remaining bloodied rags before walking the short distance to the fire and tossing them in.
The flame flared with the added fuel, shooting embers up into the night and bathing their small section of the forest in an even harsher light.
Ahsoka didn't flinch as the sparks flew past her. She stared at the fire for a second longer before turning around.
Kakashi observed her every move as she walked back, watching as she chose to sit at at a spot of grass to his far right, putting considerable distance between the two of them. At least two meters.
She tucked her legs towards her chest, and then just stared at the flames.
The silence that followed was heavy, palpable. The tension so thick you could cut it with a kunai.
That was very unusual for them. One thing Kakashi had enjoyed about being in Ahsoka's presence was that their silences were never awkward. There was always an understanding even in the stillness. This type of silence was extremely unfamiliar.
But everything about the past five minutes had been unfamiliar. Everything since he entered that dammed temple had been different.
She was different.
Even so, Kakashi felt the urge to tell Ahsoka to get some rest. She had done so much for him already. For both of them.
The words were at the tip of his tongue when she suddenly spoke.
"You took that spear for me." Ahsoka said, still looking at the flames. Her brows had become furrowed, her hands tightening over her knees.
"You—" Ahsoka began, seemingly swallowing the words before starting again. "You didn't have to do that—"
"I don't regret it." Kakashi said suddenly, damming his raspy voice. "So don't expect me to apologize for saving your life."
And he really didn't regret it. If he hadn't stepped in, it would've been Ahsoka's body sitting in his place— or worse. It was possible he wouldn't have been able to save her the same way she saved him.
Guilt, however, was something he did feel. She had watched that spear tear into him. She had watched the blood soak his tunic, his skin. She had watched him almost die. And she had made sure he stayed alive.
That was still not enough to make him regret his choice.
Kakashi saw Ahsoka's lip trembled infinitesimally before she got a hold of herself.
She finally looked at him then, and he saw the small, silver lines of unshed tears. "I guess I should be thanking you then..."
Yellow and orange flames flickered in her amber eyes. She gave him the slightest smile, one that didn't quite reach her eyes. One that spoke of years of tiredness and pain. Of seeing loved ones and friends leave.
He had barely managed to not be one of those today.
Kakashi remained unmoving for a moment, then nodded his head once, eyes dropping to the floor.
It was that pause, that look in Kakashi's eyes, that made Ahsoka's forced smile slowly drop.
In that moment of stillness, as she looked back at Kakashi's still uncovered face, unbidden memories resurfaced, just as they constantly had the past few days.
The snippets of the words echoed against the walls of her mind:
Guy leaned forward with wide, concerned eyes, "I'm worried about Kakashi!"
"Kakashi has always been so closed off. But now its gotten a lot worse...He's-" Guy struggled with the words, "-He's not like you."
"The only person he really seems to talk to...is you"
The Aoyama's stomach dropped at the memory, but not as much as it did when she remembered a different one. One from a dry prison cell:
"Ahsoka, I was looking for you!"
She had to turn away from the man that had said that to her, sitting a ways away with the distance she had placed between the two after....
She would think about that later. Right now, she would let her mind be consumed by another predicament; one she had avoided for far too long.
Months ago, she had promised Guy that she would try to help Kakashi. But Guy had missed an important detail.
Her little secret.
The secret that Ahsoka and Kakashi weren't that different. That they acted as different as night and day, but they were still two sides of the same grieving coin.
Ahsoka hadn't fufilled that promised to Guy. She hadn't out of cowardice. Out of fear of bursting the dam of her own problems.
She refused to be a coward any longer. She owed it to her friend, to Kakashi.
"Ahsoka, I was looking for you!"
She stared into the fire once more, resting her chin on her knees.
After a moment, she spoke, "I have a lot of things to thank you for...actually." Her voice scarcely a whisper.
Kakashi glanced up at the soft words. The hard line of his mouth now visible without his mask a sign that he was questioning the meaning of her words. But he stayed silent, waiting like the calculated observer he was.
Ahsoka suddenly breathed out a laugh, surprising even herself with the sound. "The world isn't kind, is it?" There was no humor in her eyes.
Slowly, Kakashi straightened, wariness dawning on his features.
The wood in the fire crackled, and the Aoyama watched with glazed eyes as a scorched piece of wood broke in two. "It is cruel, unfair, brutal." She continued, "It takes things away right when you think there's a chance things are going to be alright. And just when you think there is nothing left to take.... it does anyways."
Images of bodies lying in the blood pooling on the floor burned in Ahsoka's mind as clearly as they did a decade ago.
But thoughts of a boy finding his father dead on the floor by his own hand did so as well.
Yet there was still more. There were memories of a wide grin and a patient soul, of a boy full of dreams crushed by rocks, of a hand going through a kind heart, of a funeral with the pictures of a red-haired kunoichi with a wild heart and a clever blonde with striking blue eyes, and of a child that was a perfect mix of both his parents.
Their parents, Hiroshi, Obito, Rin, Kushina, Minato, Naruto.
All of them had been ripped away from them, leaving only the two of them with their grief.
Kakashi' s brows furrowed, his guard up. "Why are you telling me this?"
So tempting. It was so tempting to just stop talking, to forget she ever said anything. But Ahsoka was already feeling the cracks on the dam, and the years of pent up pain already leaking through.
The girl closed her eyes, inhaling slowly. No turning back.
Gold eyes met black and red. "I'm telling you this because I know how it feels to sit on the edge of your bed, head in your hands...wishing it would all just end....and I think you know it too."
The fire crackled again.
The expression of shock that played on the silver-haired teen's uncovered face at her words was nothing short of fascinating. Who knew the usually stoic Kakashi Hatake could be so expressive.
But Kakashi wasn't as much surprised about the fact that Ahsoka knew how much he still grieved his lost comrades—that was an almost unspoken thing. He was more surprised at the fact that Ahsoka was saying these unspoken things out loud.
She was right though. The world had been cruel and unfair to them, but the two of them rarely ever spoke about that pain. One of the few times they had was that long ago day when he found her, standing alone in the cemetery after Hiroshi's death, looking like she wanted the earth to swallow her whole and free her from worldly problems.
She had cried at a bench when they took shelter from the rain, and she had confided in him that she was letting go of her love for Obito, for her feelings were not reciprocated. That was the first time he had ever seen the strong willed and spirited Ahsoka cry.
The second time was the one and only night the two had with their sensei's orphaned son. Tears had slipped down her face as she sang a lullaby for the unruly infant through her pain. Even then, they hadn't spoken about it.
Those were the only times she had ever let Kakashi catch glimpses of her own pain.
As for Kakashi, he had mentioned his own torment only once. In what felt like a lifetime ago he had told her in a training field at dawn when neither of them could sleep:
"I have nightmares too."
The nightmares had only gotten worse since then.
Kakashi looked on at the Aoyama, his voice was scarcely more than a whisper, "Where is this coming from.... Ahsoka?"
She looked at him with heavy eyes, and the tiredness in them was so palpable Kakashi could almost feel it in his very bones. "People worry about you, Kakashi. Your friends worry about you." Her voice grew softer with every word, yet somehow more commanding— empassioned. "They see you... and when they look at you, they see you are suffering."
His first reaction was to recoil. To deny. To argue and say that it was none of his friends' business. But that sounded like something his old self would say. Like the self that shunned any type of attachment to his comrades.... to his friends.
Kakashi released a heavy sigh, letting his shoulders drop, ignoring the pain that came with the movement. "I know..." He couldn't bring himself to say anything else. For what else could he say to that?
He looked like he was suffering? That wasn't good. But wasn't that normal? Wasn't he allowed to deal with death the way he wanted? To put his focus on his work and protect the village? To be left alone after causing so many of his own problems?
"I—" He tried, but his thoughts— his feelings— refused to be voiced.
Ahsoka watched him, seeing the signs in his eyes that he was grappling with his thoughts. She saw the other signs on his face as well, signs that she had never seen before, hidden by his mask. But ones that she would commit to memory now.... and imagine them whenever she saw the same expression again on his covered face.
"I have no more fight in me when it comes to making bonds... I have already loved and lost too many people." Kakashi went silent after that, just as a small breeze moved the flames in the fire. He was going too deep into his thoughts now. Retreating.
So Ahsoka looked into the fire once more, her eyes turning distant, and with a voice like a whisper of wind she said, "A lost loved one can't be replaced. There is no one thing or person that can fill that void that is left. In time, you learn to live with it. That's all you can do."
Kakashi looked up at her words, dragged out of his thoughts to hear the usually fiery kunoichi speak.
And speak she did. From her heart. From her soul. From the love and pain and grief and acceptance that came from experiencing loss.
The dam had finally burst.
"But, no matter what, regardless of the time that goes by... You still love them. You still miss them. You still wish they were here. Love doesn't end. That's why grief doesn't either. We grieve the person we lost. What many don't understand is that is only part of it. We grieve what we had and all we shared. We grieve all the important things they have missed and will miss. We grieve the future we were supposed to have together."
A shaky breath escaped her, but the tears that threatened to spill stayed firmly in her eyes. She didn't even know what she was saying, but she let herself be swept by the tide.
"Time hasn't changed anything. I still miss them. Their laughter, their advice, the sound of their voices. And I still miss them as much as I did the day they died."
She hesitated for a second, but still managed to say, "And sometimes, all I can do is lie in bed, and hope to fall asleep before I fall apart."
The admission rang like a funeral bell. It made Kakashi's knees weak even if he was sitting down. He suddenly had the urge to comfort her, to keep her from falling apart...but who was he to do that when he couldn't even hold himself together?
"Nothing good happens when you let the past consume you.... I know that. I've experienced it before..."
Her thoughts wandered to a time when a young Ahsoka was new to the Hidden Leaf. When her six-year old heart had been left so numb by the despair of what she lived through that she pushed everyone away.
That was until she found herself again with the help of people who loved her along the way.... Most of them were gone now.
"My parents.... they died when I was very young." Ahsoka admitted, the sole of her sandal distractedly scrapping a small hole in the forest floor.
Kakashi went taut, for he knew the story of what had happened. And he knew that Ahsoka had been a cold person for a time from the talk of their comrades that met her at the Academy.
"They died and I was left a shell of who I had once been.... I was in a dark place." Her foot stilled, a spark of a familiar fire suddenly lit her eyes. "But I came back— Obito, Rin, Hiroshi— they all helped me come back..." She looked down, then swallowed, "Now they are gone." And just as it had appeared, the fire was out.
The words tasted like ash in Ahsoka's mouth, and a mournful look flashed across Kakashi's face.
A moment passed before Ahsoka said softly, "I refuse to return to that dark place.... but it's inevitable sometimes. So I try to keep moving forward, living the life they helped me create."
She took a deep shuddering breath as her eyes squinted at the fire. "But truthfully...most of the time I'm somewhere between giving up and seeing how much more I can take."
Kakashi's heart cracked. He had know this.... known about that mask that she wore in front of everyone and had only lowered for him a few times.
And he knew her. Perhaps he was the only person alive who truly knew her— knew that those beautiful smiles hid so much. So perhaps he was the only person that could say these words to her.
"Sometimes laughter isn't always the best cure.... but the best disguise." His voice cut the silence like smooth glass. "And sometimes... people don't realize they're drowning when they're trying to be everyone else's anchor."
He waited until her eyes met his to continue. "You are the girl who is always there for people when they need a friend. You are also the girl who faces many issues alone, but will do anything to see someone else smile."
Kakashi didn't think Ahsoka was breathing as she lifted her head slowly from her knees. He didn't think he was either. But he continued on, letting the observations he had made about her through the years become words in between them, ignoring the heat that crept up his visible cheeks.
"You smile, but you wanna cry. You talk, but you wanna be quiet. You pretend like you're happy, but you aren't. You hate when people see you cry because you want to be that strong girl." Her eyes widened as she gaped.
"At the same time though... you hate how nobody notices how torn apart and broken you are."
There was an endless, terrible silence. Then suddenly, a single tear finally slipped down Ahsoka's face, and she smiled. "Wow, I didn't think you'd have me that figured out..." She chuckled, not ironically... but relieved.... relieved that perhaps someone truly did see her.... all of her.
She ignored the fluttering in her chest those thoughts gave her. Instead, she met Kakashi's eyes. "But I know you too... Kakashi Hatake."
He tensed. Something akin to fear made goosebumps in his skin. Fear? No. Nerves. Nerves about what she would say about him...what she thought about him.
He gave her his undivided attention.
"I know that you have a big heart. That you wage a quiet war within yourself because of it....because you care too much about others, but you don't want to get hurt again. So you distance yourself. You hold on to that heavy feeling in your chest when you don't feel any desire to speak or move....the one that doesn't let you connect to anyone or anything."
The sadness in her eyes was almost palpable. "So you gave up on friendships.... even though it hurt you." She hesitated for a second, swallowing. "Yet it's something you still crave.... you just won't let yourself have it."
There was no judgement in her words... only the honest truth...
"Despite all of this..." Ahsoka said, catching Kakashi off guard, "You have always been there for me when I needed a friend.... And for that, I'm always grateful for." Her eyes crinkled in a soft smile. "I meant it when I said I had a lot of things to thank you for.... So thank you for always supporting me, and being there for my tears, Kakashi."
For what felt like the hundredth time today, Ahsoka surprised Kakashi.
Would she ever cease to amaze him? She called out to parts of Kakashi that should've long been dead. And he didn't mind it... not one bit.
But it was his turn to catch her by surprise, letting his genuine words wash over her.
"I could say the same thing to you...." he began, "You have never let me give up. So the one who was being supported...is me." A soft smile grew on his lips as his eyes never strayed from Ahsoka's. "Thank you, thank you."
She gaped once more, letting that smile she had never seen before captivate her.
As she looked at him, Kakashi became painfully aware that he still hadn't covered his face again. Embarrassment reared it's ugly head in the conscious part of his mind. But a traitorous part of his mind felt like he didn't need to—didn't want to.
Suddenly snapping out of the haze, Ahsoka cleared her throat. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"
"N-No." Kakashi stammered, taken aback.
"Alright then." She stood up with feline grace, taking out the now empty vial of water from her pant pocket. "I'm going to refill this in a stream nearby and then get some rest. You should do the same. The pain should be better in the morning if you sleep it off."
Kakashi nodded. "Hai."
He watched her walk away until she disappeared into the forest, the darkness blocking her out of sight.
Kakashi's head thudded as he leaned back against the tree, staring unseeing at the canopy of leaves. And his thoughts slipped to the conversation he just had.... to the kunoichi he just had it with.
She has a habit of getting playful when she is hurt, as if she was trying to spare everyone from her pain, from being tainted by it. So she remained a shining light for everyone.
But that shining light listened to him. Understood him. And that's why.... he felt so much love for her.
The admission was like the right note being struck at the climax of a song. The answer to a question that had been left unanswered for far too long. There was no denying that those feelings he has had for years were anything but love.... No matter how hard he had tried to get rid of them.
He was in some deep, unending shit. But Kakashi wouldn't trade the fluttering in his chest for anything in the world.
Ahsoka's back thudded against the tree at the edge of the stream far enough away from camp to have some privacy. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she tried to calm herself.
What the rotting hell had this entire, never ending night been.
She groaned in exasperation and embarrassment as heat creeped up her cheeks, her body sliding down the trunk. But all she could think about was that face.
That gods damned face.
A/N:
There's no way I made an entire arc just for this scene... hopefully it delivered! So happy I could get a chapter out this month though!
The dynamic is finally changing guys! She finally likes him guys! Woohoo!! (Not that she's gonna admit it to herself at this point though haha)
You know who does admit it to himself? Kakashi. This is important though because since his crush on Ahsoka started, and then grew with them through out the years, Kakashi had never actually named what he felt for Ahsoka. He only saw her as a "friend" *cough*. But now he finally admits to himself that what he feels is love. <3
Now if Ahsoka would actually hurry up and figure out what she feels....