I rush to the back of the library, I need the reference section. I'm thumbing through file folders, when I hear someone whispering a few feet away. Curiosity tugs in my stomach and carefully, I sneak over. Someone whispering in the back reference section of the library was never good news. Keeping my distance, so as not to be seen, I peer through the space between the shelves and books.
It's Will, and James is buried in the crook of his neck, kissing him. He comes up for air and I swear he makes direct eye contact with me for a split second before going back to making out with Will. The world shatters around me.
Shaking, I leave the library.
---
I don't remember the weekend.
The following Monday, James is waiting outside for me. I want to engulf myself in his arms, convince myself I'm still his, but nothing happens. I stand in front of him and he kisses my head.
"My house?"
"Sure," I say, despondently.
In the car, he asks,
"Are you ok?"
"Sure, I'm fine James."
When we get to his house, Will's coat is on the rack. A sudden wave of anger courses through my chest.
"That's Will's coat." I point out.
"Yeah, he was over studying. He must've forgotten it."
"Were you just studying?"
"Darling, what is this about?"
"Were you just studying, James?
"Yes, what else would we be doing?"
Tears brim in my eyes.
"I don't know. Kissing? Fucking?"
James acts oblivious, but for a split second I see a look of shock on his face.
"Klaus, don't be ridiculous."
"No- stop- shut up," I sob. "Shut up, you're fucking him."
"Klaus," his voice is more serious now. He comes closer, hugging me and I melt into him one last time, savoring it. It was good while it lasted.
"You're an awful person," I whisper. James steps back. It's silent for a moment, just us, the fairy light he has strung up around the living room and the sun is setting dragging inky colored clouds across the horizon.
He strikes me across the face.
It's sharp and it stings and I don't think twice about what I do next.
My hands are gripping the tshirt fabric on his shoulders and all I want to do is drive him into a wall.
He returns the favour.
My shirt rips and I hit my head against the coffee table. I get back up and shove him as hard as I can.
We fight.
I taste blood.
James pins me up against the door and I whimper.
"There's a reason I didn't stick around," he whispers in my ear. He's too close. "You're so pathetic, Klaus, so stupid. The fact that you only found out about this now is hilarious to me," he pats my cheek. "You were a good fuck though."
James steps back.
I bolt out the door.
I bolt out the door and I'm running.
I'm running as fast as my feet can carry me and I don't stop until I physically can't keep going.
Barely able to breathe and my face wet with tears, my shaking hands call Mars.