I'm just scared of what you'll think
♪
~ ~ ~ ♡ ~ ~ ~
Nikhil wasn't expecting Sharanya to chose a garden to meet. However, he had no problem being present at Lalbagh Garden at four in the late afternoon on a Sunday evening. It was almost equidistant from their houses.
He was present outside the plant nursery just as they had decided. He stood under the shade of bougainvillea shrubs waiting for her. He looked left and right and then glanced at his watch, wondering if he should call her. A minute passed and he spotted a figure dressed in a red kurta at a good distance approaching in his direction. He guessed it was Sharanya. The closer she got the surer he became. She looked elegant in the kurta and the white bottom. What surprised him was that she wore sports shoes for footwear. A rather odd choice but he thought it was smart.
"Hi!" She greeted with a smile.
"Hey!"
"I just thought it would be nice to meet here than a Cafe." She explained.
"Hmm," He nodded.
"Let's walk, till we find a good bench?" She suggested.
"Sure,"
"How was your week?"
"Hectic!" He answered as he fell in step beside her.
"I can only imagine how much you work!" She said with an appreciative smile, readjusting the strap of the bag she had on her shoulder.
Nikhil didn't know how to accept that without making it look like boasting. So he just nodded, and looked around. He was blank at the moment. Just an hour ago he had a few things in mind that could be good pointers to start a conversation, but they were all gone. Wiped clean from his mental whiteboard.
"How was your week?" He asked, remembering one of the little things he had learned about speaking and socializing with people. You can't think of anything, you ask the person the same thing or something along the lines of what they asked.
"Okay, I guess." She smiled.
Nikhil glanced at the ice-cream vendor who stood a little ahead under the shade of a big tree with widespread branches. "Ice-cream?" He asked.
"Uh, no. I don't really like ice-cream. You can go ahead and have one." She said.
Nikhil had never thought a woman could say no to ice cream. "You don't like ice-cream?"
Sharanya forced a smile. "They give me a headache, especially if I eat it under a sun."
"Oh, but do you like them?"
Sharanya smiled at his query. "With chocolate sauce, yes."
"Haa.. corner house style!"
She smiled. "You can buy yourself one."
"Nah," He answered, watching kids around the ice-cream vendor.
They walked ahead in silence for a few minutes, looking around mostly.
"When we were kids, my parents used to bring us here a lot. Especially during the time they had fairs." She said.
Nikhil smiled, "I was just remembering the same. Maa used to frequent this place a lot. She loves plants. In our older home, she had converted the balcony into a garden with a variety of plants. I literally had to beg her to not do the same to our current home. The bees, dragon flies, moths, and mosquitoes that come with gardens aren't exactly good company."
Sharanya smiled. "Bees sting bad."
"Tell me about it. I have been stung thrice."
"Wow, that's quiet some experience. Once was enough for me to remember it for a lifetime. Put a bee in the same room as me, I won't get a thing done, because I would be spying on it's smallest movement."
Nikhil broke into a laugh at the imagery she used, and soon she joined in. Seemed like Sharanya had a dormant sense of humor which just showed a glimpse of it's existence.
"It's good that bees don't have ears, or I am sure many around would be offended." She added.
Nikhil smiled.
"Let's sit there," Sharanya suggested pointing to a bench under the shade of a tree on the right. The bench was on the side and offered a little privacy in the public place.
"Sure," He said, dreading what was to come.
Nikhil sat on one side of the bench, adjusting his spectacles on his nose. Sharanya sat on the other end of the bench placing her bag between them. She slightly turned towards him. He slowly oriented himself towards her.
"I just thought we should talk. I mean, marriage is a big deal."
"Right," He supplemented.
"I was wondering, why me? I mean, you had told me that your mother was looking for a match for you. What I am trying to say is that you would have had other options." Sharanya exhaled. This had played out better in her mind.
"Hmm," He responded, phrasing his answer in his mind. "I just..." He smiled. "I liked you," He shrugged.
Sharanya's cheeks warmed at that. She felt her stomach knot. A silence fell, as each had a thousand thoughts in mind.
"When we enter or are in a relationship," Sharanya began softly again, "expectations come up. What do you expect from a marriage?"
Nikhil gave an understanding nod before answering, "like I said the other day, I expect friendship and understanding. What do you expect?"
Sharanya blinked registering that question. Had anyone asked this question a few years back to her younger naive self, she would have a long list. She'd want him to be understanding, romantic, honest, self-dependent, chivalrous, witty, intelligent and handsome. The list would go on. But time had taught her a lot. At least, enough to know that entering relationships with a long list of expectations would bring disappointments, lot of them.
"Just a peaceful, happy life," she said.
"Hmm," was all she got for a response.
She fidgeted a little with the strap of her bag that drooped over her lap.
"Have you been in a relationship before?" There he said it. Last night before going to bed, he had done a thorough research about what a person should know or tell the person they wanted a future with. The thing that popped up in most articles was letting them know you had a past. The only way he could find an opportunity to tell her that was by asking her about hers. He'd be lying if he said he didn't really want to know.
Sharanya was sensible, mature and faired decent in looks as well. Most striking feature was she was responsible. Who wouldn't want a woman like that?
"No, uhh, I went out on a date a few months back but that turned out to be a disaster. In fact, Gargi had set it up, a blind date. The man was well, a very strange man. He kept talking about himself and had some serious allergies issues. Very temperamental as well."
Nikhil found amusement again. Now that he looked closely, Sharanya was very expressive. Her eyes particularly were very expressive. Her smile was no doubt charming. He paused his thoughts, alarmed at the sudden compliments that sprang up for her. He straightened up a bit.
"You?"
"Huh," He muttered slightly disoriented, and gazed at her.
"You've been in a relationship before?"
"Me, no. I mean yes." He mumbled and then cleared his throat going on to say, "It was quite some time back, eight years, no nine actually. I met this girl at an exhibition and we hit of pretty well in the beginning. We started seeing each other. Very soon we realized that we had differences, a lot of them. She wanted to travel the world, try out different things, she was even writing a book or something, when we were seeing each other. At that time, my goal was my dream. My number one priority was DreamDigital. She had other plans. It was barely a month we were together... and then we said goodbye and went our separate ways "
Sharanya nodded. "It means a lot to you naa, your company? You named it DreamDigital because it was your dream?"
"Yeah," He smiled gazing at the grass.
"It's rare, you know."
He looked up at her, meeting her gaze.
"Very few people actually chase their dream and make it a reality. Others just wake up, grow up and move on and put up with life."
He nodded. It came at a cost. He wondered if all people who achieved their dreams felt as alone as he did. He was different, no doubt. He chased his dream like a fanatic until he had materialized it. Only that, in the chase, he had drifted to a faraway place. Now, he felt lost.
"There was something I wanted to tell you," Sharanya said taking a deep breath. "Before starting a new chapter it's very important to be on the same page." She removed a file from her bag. "It's, uh, natural for you and your family to have some expectations out of this marriage, expectations of me. I just wanted you to be aware of everything about me. For you it is like opening your family to a new member. You deserve to know who you are accepting into your circle of trust."
Nikhil was a little puzzled. What she said wasn't fully making sense to him. He could make out her nervousness.
"I have PCOD. It's umm, a disorder with primary symptom of having cysts in ovaries. There are a range of symptoms that it comes with and these symptoms happen differently to people. This is a copy of my medical file, I want you to keep this."
"Uh, I, I don't know what this means." He said putting his hand on the file. A lot of thoughts filled up his mind space. Was she trying to say she was infertile or incapable? What were the symptoms she was talking about? Were they life threatening?
"It's understandable, hence this file. It has everything you'll need to, uh, know what it is." She said, hoping he wouldn't delve into he content of the file right away.
Nikhil wasn't prepared for this. This was a speed breaker he had not seen coming. Sharanya wouldn't even meet his gaze. He wondered if it was embarrassment. He opened the file to read through.
"Nikhil, can you read it later?" Sharanya ended up speaking up before she could stop herself.
"Uh, sure," He answered.
"How's your mother?" She asked to swiftly hanger the topic.
"She's doing well. How's everyone at home?"
Before Sharanya could answer her phone rang. She quickly retrieved it from her bag. It was Akshaya calling. She was out with her friends.
"Excuse me, I need to take this one," she said, "It's Akshu," she explained.
He nodded.
Sharanya got off the bench and turned away. "Hello,"
"Hi Di, I need cash. Can you do an e-wallet transfer please?"
"For?"
"I forgot my wallet at home. We came put for pizza naa."
Sharanya sighed. "How much?"
"I need to pay four hundred but you can put in five. I need to take the cab too."
"Okay," Sharanya said and ended the call. Quickly proceeding to transfer the money into her sister's e-wallet.
Nikhil had been watching and hearing her while going through his own phone.
"Sorry," She said walking back to sit on the bench.
"Don't be," He said politely.
"Do you want to walk to the lake?" She asked.
"Yeah, let's walk." He agreed. He held the file in his right hand, carefully, making sure the papers didn't slip out.
"I can keep that in my bag," Sharanya offered.
"Yeah, that would be helpful," He said giving it back to her.
They quietly began walking.
Sharanya felt a weight of her shoulder. There was a little bit of sadness too. She was not sure if things between them would go ahead after he knew of her condition. But she was happy that she hadn't concealed it from him.
"Do you come here often?" He asked.
"No not really. Don't get time."
"Hmm, same." He said.
"You like flowers?" He cooked up the question taking cue from the tiny pink flowers he saw on the bushes on either side of the paved path they walked on.
Sharanya's cheeks warmed up at his simple question. "Gerberas," she answered.
He regretted asking the question. His knowledge of flowers was limited to roses, lilies, orchids and sunflowers.
Seeing his puzzled face she smiled and elaborated, "they are the colored flowers that look like sunflowers and you are likely to find them as abundantly as roses in florist shops."
"Oh, I get it. They usually put them along with roses in bouquets." He said, understanding her explanation.
"Yeah," she smiled.
"You like flowers?"
"No. I mean, they're all good to look at and decorate a room. But I find them to be useless gifts."
Sharanya nodded.
After a long walk up to the lake in the garden and back towards the gate, and having tea from the stalls, they decided to end their rendezvous.
"Do you want me to drop you home?" He asked whilst she handed him the file.
"No, I will take an auto from here."
"Are you sure? It will be no problem." He said.
"Yes, I will be fine." She smiled.
"See you then," He said
His words caught Sharanya's attention. She wondered if they'll ever meet again after he was well informed about PCOD. Maybe as common friends of Arun and Gargi they may.
"Bye," she put up a smile.
He held her gaze for a few beats longer than usual before saying, "Bye."
Sharanya wondered what it meant. This wasn't the first time he did that. Every time they parted ways, he looked at her like that. She had no clue what it meant. Maybe it was just his way. Quickly walking away to the other end of the road she wondered if she should walk all the way up to the bus stop and take a bus instead. She wasn't sure of the bus timings. Maybe she should just take an auto, reach home and relax. It had been a long day after all.
• • • • •
I would really like to know all your thoughts at this point. What do you think of it? Is there anything that could be better? Is there anything you are not liking?
I am trying my best to make it as realistic and authentic as possible. Suggestions to improvise are always welcome.
As for those who don't know about PCOD, I would throw some light on that in the next chapter.
Next update by Thursday! (Hopefully!)
- Anami!♡