I woke to a muffled bang. Head shooting up, I wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth and looked around. The room was still, but there were footsteps down the hall. Someone slamming doors? Dismissing the noise, I looked down at Emiya who was still sound asleep, regardless of the noise. He seemed to have two variations of sleep; either a light footstep would wake him, or he could sleep through a riot. Right now he seemed to be the latter. A soft smile formed on my lips staring down at his sleeping figure. Now I didn't have to worry about chasing him, because I have him right here. I layed back down, resting on his bicep, and closed my eyes, just wanting to enjoy the moment.
The footsteps were now outside Emiya's door, and voices accompanied them. I opened an eye. Was that Cal I heard? "Shit, what time is it?" I was late so often recently, he told me to take this more seriously. Kneeling up in the bed, a rapid knock sounded off. I hopped off the bed, making my way to the door, but Cal didn't wait for it to be opened before he came barging in. When his eyes fell on me, it became quite clear just how pissed he was.
"Setanta, do you really have that little respect for me?"
"Cal--"
"Yesterday, I asked you--" Cal caught sight of the man still sound asleep on the bed. His eyes migrated back to me, his tone low and quiet. "Downstairs. Five minutes." With that he left the room, closing the door softly behind him. I released a heavy sigh, picking up my shirt and hair clip from the floor. Once I was dressed and hair decent, I sat at the edge of the bed staring down at Emiya's sleeping face. It's strange neither of us woke up earlier, considering the fact we went to bed so early. Maybe it was all that anxiety we had before being worked away in our sleep. I stroked the side of Emiya's face then brushed back his banges to lay a soft kiss on his forehead, before I headed downstairs to get yelled at by Cal.
When I walked into the common room, Cal was sitting arms folded, drumming a finger on his arms. He watched me with a frown on his face as I sat down. "Cal," I put my hands up so he'd let me speak. "I realize what I've done is wrong, but to be fair it was an accident."
"Sleeping in this late was an accident? Then maybe you shouldn't stay up so late."
"I'll have you know I was passed out in less than two hours after I left the barracks." He raised an eyebrow. "I swear, Emiya's my witness." I couldn't help a tiny smile.
"If so, what made you sleep for that long? Is training really rough for some reason?"
I laughed. "Goodness no, I think I know why-- Nevermind, that's not important. All I can say is that it won't happen again... probably."
Cal smirked at my flustered sentence, then sighed, "Alright, it better not. I would ask Emiya to make sure you wake up... but he seems to be having the problem you are."
I smiled at the ceiling, "Yeah... but he's typically up before sunrise, so this is strange for him as well."
The man opposite me gave a sigh of disbelief. "I can't believe you're with Emiya."
"Oh? And why not?"
"I just didn't think he was that kind of person."
"What kind of person?"
"The kind to be with you."
"Oi, why does that sound like an insult?"
"It's not, I'm just saying that you go around looking to have a good time, but you hardly ever pursue long. So everyone you end up with has a tendency to be... well... as eager as you, so to speak. I never would have considered Emiya to be like that."
"That's because he's not. And ouch on my behalf, I'll have you know I don't just run around looking for a one night stand... sometimes. I didn't with you."
"What? Are you referring to the night you hit on me?"
"Yes, I genuinely liked you, but you made your feelings very clear before I could even get out the second sentence. That punch hurt damn bad."
"Good..." Cal's shoulders went a little stiff, his eyebrows drawing together. "And by liked, you mean..."
"Yes Cal, liked as in past tense." He physically relaxed, and I laughed. "You don't have to worry about me hitting on you, I like my jaw too much to try that again. Besides, my interests are a little preoccupied at the moment."
"So... how long have you and Emiya been a thing?"
"Hmm, that's a hard question to answer, because I think anything between last night and before I met him would be correct."
"How does that make any sense?"
"Don't ask me, I wouldn't know."
He huffed a laugh. "How did the two of you meet anyway?"
"I found him half dead in the snow. Nurtured him back to life. It was very romantic."
"Oh I bet."
"I'll have you know, your sarcasm is not appreciated."
Cal laughed, "I can't help but feel bad for Emiya now."
"Hey, I'm not that bad!" Cal just had a playful smirk on his face.
"Yeah, yeah. So explain to me how a guy like him ended up with you if it wasn't for the thrill."
"Believe it or not, he was actually the first one to make a move on me... sort of. It's all very confusing, but like I was saying before, we had a connection before I even met him. After a lot of work on my end, and a lot of restraint on his end, last night, we finally managed to work it out."
"Hmm... still I think it's odd, but I'm not against it, as long as the two of you don't turn into love sick airheads."
I threw up my hands again, "I can't make any promises on that end, but we won't let it interfere with our work, if that's what you're getting at."
"Good. Now, I'll see the two of you at the barracks later today. Sadly, I have another meeting to attend to." He got up to leave, but I caught his wrist.
"Hey, tonight, you come here. You said you'd have a drink with me, and you never showed."
He sighed, "I'll try, Setanta." My hold on his wrist never loosened, instead my eyebrow shot up. "Alright, I'll be here."
"Glad to hear it." I let go of him and smiled. Cal smiled too, though only a little. "See you, Cal."
"See you, Setanta."
Once the inn door had closed, there was no hesitation in me as I raced back up to Emiya's room. Legs hung over the side of the bed, he was sitting up rubbing his incredibly messy hair. His eyes softened as they settled on me. "That was an odd night," He said, stretching his arms and back, allowing me the pleasure of watching his muscles move. "I don't know the last time I slept that long without in turn being under physical distress.
"Me neither," Emiya seemed to pull me in like a magnet as I moved over and sat beside him. "But damn did it feel good."
He chuckled at my comment, and laid his head on my shoulder. My hand, almost on instinct, gently tickled his bare back. "Yes, it did feel good, definitely now with all that stress gone.... But still... I can't help but wonder if I made the wrong choice."
"What? Worried you'll regret me?"
His head shot up. "Shit, no, that's not what I meant!"
"I know, I know, I'm just teasing you." I patted his head back onto my shoulder. "But still, you are going to have to live with the consequence, whatever they may be."
He sighed, "I'm well aware of that."
"Yes," I moved my hand from his back to cradle the back of his head. "So you are going to have to live with this," Bending my head, I placed a kiss on his forehead. "And this," Next his cheek. "And this." Last his lips. "Think you can live with that?"
"Hmm..." He drew his eyebrows together. " It'll be difficult, but I may manage to survive."
Laughing, I shoved his head off my shoulder playfully. "Well, I'm about to add even more problems to your life. Get up, Cathal wants us to the training yard." The clothes from the floor magically vanished, and reappeared on Emiya's body. He stood up combing his fingers through his hair.
"Was he here this morning?"
"Yes, and angry, but I managed to calm him down pretty quick."
"Hmm," Emiya splashed water onto his face from the wash stand. "By here do you mean...?"
"Here, as in here in this room, yes. The man saw you passed out on the bed."
"Oh..." He took a drink of water.
"Don't worry. It'll only be as awkward as you make it... so I guess it'll probably be a little awkward, if we're being honest with ourselves." Emiya glared over his shoulder at me. "What!? I'm just talking from experience with you."
"Okay, let's be done with that, and head out." I smiled and followed him to the door, but when we got there, he stopped me. "But one more thing before we go. I never said this earlier, but... thank you for what you said. I don't know that I would have kissed you without it."
Leaning in, I gave him a soft, yet meaningful kiss. "Any time, my love. Now shall we go, or do you have any more reasons for me to stand in this doorway and kiss you?"
He chuckled sweetly. "Let's go, Cu."
The day's training went smoothly, and it seemed that the soldiers were making much progress. These young men were shaping out to be real warriors. Planning wise as well, the mission seemed to be progressing. Cal said we'd be marching within the next week. The anticipation crawled in my stomach with the announcement. Each day we've gone through, I could feel the battle nearing closer and closer. Thankfully, I had Emiya here to distract me, but whenever I looked into the bright and eager eyes of my soldiers, my nerves creeped over me. For some reason it all seemed worse tonight. I definitely needed that drink with Cal.
The sun was setting, and I found Emiya talking to a few guards. It was interesting to watch him interact with others compared to the way he interacted with me. With others, he spoke with intent and to the point, but with me it seemed much more... expressive, and even unsure at times. I suppose I just knew how to make him scramble for words. The thought made me smile. With a small bounce in my step, I approached him, and happened to be just in time, for he was saying his goodbyes. "You ready?" I asked.
"Yes, but I was also going to talk to Cathal about preparations before we leave."
"That'll have to wait till tomorrow though, you can't talk to him about it tonight, but right now we should go."
"Are you that eager to get me alone with you?"
"No, it's not about that, and I'll have you know, I don't have to be alone with you to do what I want to." Moving in, I went for a kiss to seal my point off, but to my surprise, Emiya dodged it. I drew back worried."Why didn't you let me kiss you?"
Though his face looked fairly blanke, I could tell he was amused. "You know, you kind of remind me of a puppy, especially when you make that face."
"Are you comparing me to a dog, Emiya?"
"Possibly. I mean it's fitting, is it not, Hound of Culann?"
I almost growled, but caught myself before I could, it would just prove his point. "First off, no more of that. Second, why did you dodge?"
With a smirk on his face, he leaned close to my ear. "Because Cu, when I kiss you tonight, I don't intend it to be short." He pulled away, walking forward. "Now let's go." A small smile widened, and I followed after Emiya. "By the way, why is it you don't want me to talk to Cathal?"
"I just don't want you to talk to him about work. He's coming to the inn tonight, and I want him to actually relax for once."
"Ah," Emiya nodded in understanding, and reached down to grab my hand. "That's good, because he needs it."
"As for you, it's nice to see you relaxed. Now I can talk to you without you worrying about every word out of your mouth, and stiff as a board half the time."
"Stop exaggerating, I wasn't that bad."
"I had to physically pin you down just to get you to talk to me, you stubborn man." He just shrugged innocently. Laughing, I tucked him a little closer. "I think I've made my point." Emiya rolled his eyes, and I bit down on my lip, appalled by how good that soft content smile looked on him.
When we got to the inn and sat down. I'd offered Emiya a drink, but he'd just raised an eyebrow at me. "Cu, I don't understand why you'd even bother at this point."
"Alright, alright," I raised my hands in defence. "Just trying to be considerate."
"Though... the thought is appreciated..."
"I'm glad." It was then I realized how much of our conversation was spent just exchanging smiles, and right now, I couldn't stop staring at his. Leaning closer to him on the table, I lowered my voice. "Emiya?"
"Yes, Cu?" He mimicked me.
"You'd mentioned a kiss?"
"That I did, but you'll just have to be patient."
"Patient? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that term."
His sexy smirk deepened. "Seems you're going to learn something new tonight, then."
"Oh? But what if I don't want to learn?"
"Well, you don't get everything you want. Did you never learn that as a child?"
"Perhaps, but I have you right here, proving that statement false." My lips were even more eager as a touch of pink lit up in his cheeks.
"Are you two finished, or should I just go?"
I turned my head away from Emiya and to the man standing beside our table. "Cal! You made it!" After Cal had made his appearance known, through the corner of my eye, I watched Emiya shoot back in his seat. After all that talk of not making things awkward. Cal sat down, and he seemed as amused about Emiya's reaction as I was... well, not as much.
"No need to be embarrassed, Emiya. I'm used to this with Setanta."
"Let me get you a drink, Cathal." Emiya got up from the table, and left to the counter.
Cal looked at me and I shrugged. "I think he gets nervous when other people see him show affection."
With a grunt, Cal shook his head. "You two really are complete opposites."
"Are we though?" It was a question for me as much as for Cal. I can see where he's coming from, on the surface, Emiya and I have two very opposing personalities, yet I don't know that I've ever met anyone more like me.
He raised an eyebrow at me then shook his head, "Well, I guess it works to have him balance out your overbearing nature."
"Do you find me hard to bear, Cal?"
"At times, very much so, but I guess Emiya can handle it. Or at least, I hope he can."
"I'm not overbearing..." I muttered into my mug, but this just seemed to amuse Cal. Emiya came back seeming fairly composed, and placed a drink before Cal. With a thanks, Cal began to drink, and it was no sip. I smiled, "You really needed that drink, didn't you Cal?"
The man took another large drink, letting the mug thud on the table with a satisfied sigh. "Yes, Setanta, I'll admit I did."
"The stress getting to you?" I turned my attention away from Cal to a serving girl, ordering a pitcher of ale. There wasn't a response, but when I looked back, I found Cal staring intently into his mug. I frowned in concern, then let my face resume its cheery attitude. "You know what? Right now is a time to forget about all that for a night and let loose."
I watched as Cal relaxed then smiled as he held up his drink. "I couldn't have said it better myself." Smiling at my accomplishment, I knocked my mug against his. Cal glanced at Emiya, as we held our mugs. "Emiya, are you not having a drink?"
"I'm good, thank you."
Our mugs landed with a thud, Cal's full attention on Emiya. "Come on, even I'm letting loose tonight."
"Don't push it Cal," I interjected, "Nothing you say is going to make him change his mind, trust me."
Cal shrugged, taking a drink. "I suppose you would know better than I."
With a small smik, I glanced at Emiya, and in turn, he glanced at me. "It feels good to be the Emiya expert." I snagged the other man's hand.
"Oh, you're not the Emiya expert. The only Emiya expert is me." He made a sadly successful attempt to pull his hand away from mine.
"Really?" His irritated frown is so cute. "I think I know you pretty well by now, well enough that I know how to get you to do what I want."
He almost looked amused now. "Like what?"
"For example, I can make you hold my hand."
"Oh? Good luck pulling that one off-- Cu!?" Emiya was now holding my hand, getting it away from the inside of his thigh, where it had found its home just moments before. With a victory smirk, I intertwined my fingers with his, not letting him go this time. Emiya just stared down at the inter mingled hands in shock, then turned his head away in embarrassment as I placed our hands on the table, showing off my prize.
Cal chuckled. "I'm sorry, but it's just a little shocking to see this side of you, Emiya."
"Yep way inside that hard exterior is an angry blush." I stroked Emiya's hand with a finger, his ears lighting up as I spoke.
"Can you two stop talking about me like that!"
"Alright, alright." I yielded. It was tempting to not, but my focus tonight was Cal, not Emiya. Though, I never let go of his hand, and that he wouldn't be able to convince me against.
My attention was back on Cal, and we talked. It was nice to see him relax and let his tongue loose. As the drinks piled on, we got deeper and deeper in conversation. Eventually he began telling us the story of how he was promoted, and came to the position he was in now. Cal was a great warrior, and in the heat of things, a great leader, but when people looked to him expecting, he felt the pressure to perform. His greatest fear was failure, and in this position, he would have the failure of hundreds of men, the city, and himself upon his shoulders. It was no wonder he'd been this tense, and knowing Cal, he'd take that faluiar on himself seriously. This was the first time he'd be asked to perform on the behalf of this many, and success was the only option in his mind. With him as drunk as he was now, he let that all known to Emiya and I freely.
"Setanta, I don't know how you do it. I don't understand how you stay so carefree and happy while dealing with all that stress." Cal ran his hand through his hair, finishing off his sixth drink, while I was still halfway through my third. "You're given responsibilities from everyone, all the time, anywhere, hell, even I handed off some of my load to you." He paused. "Yet still... you are still... you. How do you do it? Please, if there is some secret, let me know." Cal stared at me expectantly, searching for answers I didn't have.
"Cal," I sighed. "I don't know what to say, everyone deals with things differently. You just have to figure out what helps you cope."
There was silence as Cal waited for more, but more never came, so instead he settled on a disappointed huff. "Really? That's all the great Cu Chulainn has to say?" That wasn't all I had to say, but that was all I had to say to a drunken man.
"Cal, it's probably time for bed."
"No, I think it's time to talk." He pointed his finger down on the table for emphasis. "You said let's talk, so let's talk."
"If you want to talk tomorrow, I'll be glad to, but no more tonight." I stood up from my chair, to help Cal up.
"You're just a hypocrite, that's what you are."
"Oh, now you don't mean that." I tugged him up so he was at least standing now, but he pulled away from me.
"Emiya, you need to teach your boyfriend here how to keep to his word, because clearly, he doesn't know already."
With a sigh, Emiya unpropped his head from his fist, and stood up, while I secretly relished in the fact that Cal just called me Emiya's boyfriend. "Cathal, Cu's right about this. You should get to bed.
"Great, now I have you both against me."
"We're not against you, Cal." I grabbed his elbow, and pushed him forward a little to get him walking. "You want to know a way to relieve stress?"
"What?" Cal spoke in a hopeful voice, as I guided him out of the common room.
"Sleep. I assure you it works wonders. And guess what? We even have a room just for you. It was just freed up yesterday night. Seems it's your lucky day." I passed a glance to Emiya, who received it with an eye roll.
When we got upstairs, I opened the door to my old room, and Cal looked over to glare at me. "Setanta, this is your room, and there is no way that I'm going to sleep with you." I'll be honest, it hurt a little that he was still able to say that while drunk.
"Don't worry, I'm not sleeping in here, I'm going with Emiya. You'll have the whole room to yourself." I moved Cal to the bed while Emiya got a fire going.
"Fine," Cal sighed, kicking off his boots, and removing his cloak and vest. "I'll stay in here."
"Good choice." I patted him on the back, then he waved a hand at me before climbing into bed. It wasn't long before he was out like a light.
Moving around the room silently, I grabbed a change of clothes, given that the opportunity to officially move in with Emiya hadn't come up. The other man watched me silently. Leaned up against the wall, his eyes had a soft yet eger glow as they watched me. Once my things were gathered up, he popped off the wall, and to my side.
"Thank you for staying down there with me during that. I could tell you were getting tired."
"Of course, Cu." He opened the door to our room for me. "I didn't want to go to sleep without you." A devilish smirk was on his lips as I set down what I'd been holding. It was a surprise to see that look on his face, but I didn't question. Instead, I just returned with one of my own.
"Oh yeah, it seems you owe me a kiss, don't you?"
"I do indeed." Emiya grabbed me by the hip, pulling me in close. He let his lips barely graze against mine, but linger close.
The touch felt sweet, but I was getting too anxious for that right now. "I thought you said, you had a long kiss in store for me tonight?"
He chuckled warmly letting his lip brush my ear. "I also said I'd be teaching you patience tonight, didn't I?"
Hell no. "Emiya," I said his name sweet yet threatening. "If you don't start the kissing, then I will."
Emiya chuckled for a second time, but this one was dark more than anything. "Calm down and listen to me, Love." He murmured against my temple, both his hands slowly trailing under my shirt. "Or is it that I'll have to teach you obedience too, my puppy?" With a soft bite, Emiya nibbled the top of my ear. I couldn't tell if I was irritated, or turned on by what he was saying, but if he kept up that nibbling, it would definitely be the latter.
"I thought I told you not to call me that."
Emiya's mouth left my ear, and he migrated his forehead to mine. There was a sweet look in his eyes. "But I like puppies."
"Will you just kiss me already!?"
His lips gently caressed my forehead, then he let go of my waist. "There, now go lay down for me."
"That is not what I meant--"
"Go lay down, Cu." Emiya moved away from me, and started chucking some wood into the fireplace. I paced reluctantly behind his back. After a moment, I did as he asked, taking off my boots, cloak, and shirt before getting in bed. I waited patiently for Emiya, just like he wanted, till eventually, he followed in my footsteps.
"Alright, I've been patient," I said once he was in bed beside me. "Now where is my kiss?"
"Right here," he placed his lips on my shoulder. "Right here," then my neck. "And right here." Last my cheek."
"Emiya."
"Yes?" He said innocently, stroking the side of my cheek.
"Had your fun yet?"
His soft smile widened, then he sighed as his fingers grounded themselves on my cheek. "I suppose. Learn anything tonight?" Emiya scooted closer to me under the blanket.
"Yes, I learned that you love to torture me."
"Good." With warm lips, Emiya's mouth moved against mine. He entangled his fingers in my hair, massaging my scalp gently. As he deepened the kiss further, Emiya rolled on top of me, letting my hands find their way to his hips. Then my hands moved further. "Cu." His voice was playful against my lips, as my fingers caressed his butt.
"You said later, and now it is later." I gripped one of his cheeks, and he moaned against my lips as he kissed me. "I knew you liked it!" I continued my assault on his ass. My chest burned with joy from every hum of pleasure he gave.
Eventually he pulled away, painting above me in the orange light of the fire. "Finally satisfied?"
"What do you mean? Because I'll always want to kiss you more, yet I can live off your presence alone." Emiya had a smug look on his face, as if had been expecting that reply. Then leaning down for one more light kiss, he rolled off me. I turned over on my side to face the other man. The fire light played in his eyes, giving them a golden amber glow. I don't know why, but it seemed fitting. Grabbing his hand, I held it up tracing the lines in the warm illumination. My fingers turned his hand over, outlining the curves there as well. Interlocking my fingers with his, I let my lips track down his forearm next. Pressing my cheeks against the side of our hands, I looked at the man who had been staring at me. "You look gorgeous in the fire light. The golden glow really suits you." I brushed a thumb under his eye. "Even your eyes absorb it."
Moving my hand away from his cheek, he tucked his face away into the shadow, leaning deeper into the pillow. The gold left his eyes as darkness set in. "What is it, Emiya?"
"Nothing," his eyes were almost apologetic. "Just some... thoughts."
"What thoughts?"
"Don't worry about it."
"Emiy--" He kissed me before I could finish his name.
"Leave it, Cu." His voice was determined, which annoyed me. "Let's go to sleep." Emiya turned around, leaving me to hug his back.
"Alright, but when are you going to stop closing off to me?"
He glanced over his shoulder at me, then turned back, squeezing my arms tighter to him. "I'm sorry if you feel that way, but you can't just expect me to open up everything right up front. Though... I do appreciate the concern."
"But will you tell me if it's important? Will you promise?"
"Only if you promise as well."
"Deal." I said the word so sure, but still it felt uneasy. Sometimes I think just faking it will change the truth of the matter, but no matter what the outside says, the inside stays the same. Still, I would try to keep that promise, especially if it be one I made to Emiya. As I snuggled my face into the curve of Emiya's neck, Cal's words from tonight bubbled into my mind. He asks how to handle the weight in his life. Truth be told, I've been wondering the same thing for years. I blocked out the next thoughts that came, focusing on whatever I could to keep them banished from my mind. The soothing flicker and crack of the fire, Emiya's scent heavy in my lungs, warmth from being pressed up against the other man, and the gentle rhythmic rise and fall of his chest underneath my hands. I fell asleep.
***
The next morning, I woke up early as usual, slipping from Cu's arms gently enough not to wake him. Warmth from Cu left my skin, and the morning chill greeted it. There was a voice at the back of my mind telling me to crawl back into that comfort, and seeing Cu's arms reaching for me in the empty covers made the voice especially challenging to ignore. But somehow I managed, though, with privileges. Moving to his side of the bed, I sat beside his back, stroking his hair before placing a kiss in it. Satisfied with what I allowed, I pulled away, but movement in Cu's hand caught my eye.
Gripping the sheets, his knuckles went white, trembling slightly. Crease formed along his brow. "Cu," I gripped his shoulder to wake him. The world spun as I was flipped over on the bed. Cu was above me, eyes gleaming a dark ominous red. Fingernails dug into my wrist he had pinned down beside me. His other hand was the more pressing matter. With a tight grip on my neck, I was worried more about him snapping my neck before I passed out. My free hand worked desperately, yet pointlessly to pry his hand from throat. Kicking seemed my only option, but I couldn't get a foot under him, leaving my legs to spaz out behind his back. Darkness crept around me as I managed to lift his hand enough for one raspy breathless word. "Cu..." My senses numbed, I couldn't make out Cu's face from the dark patches anymore. Sluggish limbs came to a stop, unable to fight.
A weight was lifted from my throat, air flowing back into my lungs. I coughed and huffed, clawing at consciousness. Once my vision cleared, I could see Cu was off me, to the other side of the bed. The fear I felt was painted thick with pigment on his face. Wet eyes wide, he stared at me, tongue playing with silent words, till he managed to find some audible ones. "Emiya, I'm sorr--" I never let him finish the apology, pulling him in for a tight hug.
"Are you alright? You scared the shit out of me." Cu was stiff in my arms, and I began stroking his hair soothingly in hopes he'd relax. He was looking for confirmation. "Cu, I'm fine, but what's wrong with you? Was it the dream?" The silence he was giving me was deafening, his arms loose at his sides. I cupped the side of his face and pulled away to look into his eyes. He was staring at me with awe, tear streaks down his cheeks.
"What..." He finally spoke. "Why... I just tried to kill you..." Cu's voice was weak.
"Wouldn't be the first time." His eyes averted from mine looking down. I meant it as a joke, but I think it just made him feel worse. Cupping my hands on both his cheeks, I sighed, wiping the tears forming at his eyes with my thumbs. "Look," I tilted his face up, trying to get his eyes to link with mine again. "I know you don't actually want to hurt me Cu, so it's okay. You can relax, it's over now. I'm fine."
He finally looked at me again, his eyes still unsure. "...You're not afraid?"
"The only thing I find frightening about this situation right now is the fact that you won't talk to me. No, Cu, I'm not afraid of you." There seemed to be relief in his face, his body sagging a little. "Now," I rubbed my thumbs back and forth along his cheek bones. "You going to tell me what's wrong?"
He placed his hands on mine, holding me there with him. "It was just a dream. You startled me, and I wasn't quite awake."
"Well, you certainly have a strong grip for someone who's half asleep." A small frown formed on Cu's face, his eyes going blank as he started at my throat. One of his hands moved gently caressing my neck.
"You're bruising." His voice was dull and drained, the distance apparent. I think he'd ended up in a situation like this before, now he was just tired of it all. "Cu," Grabbing his hand, I pulled it up to my cheek, and his eyes followed.
"It's alright." Turning into his palm, I placed a kiss into it. "Want to talk about the dream?"
"Is that a question, or a demand?"
"What do you think?"
He sighed, gathering his thoughts, eyes searching for an excuse not to speak. "Emiya, should probably get you something for your neck. It's really red--"
"Cu."
"You're not gonna let this go, are you?"
"Well, sometimes it's nice to know why someone wakes up strangling you. Obviously you have something you need to get off your chest."
Moving his hand, and shaking away my own, he turned and sat in my lap. Resting my chin against his shoulder, my arms moved around him in a comforting embrace. "My dream was about my son... Connla."
"I didn't know you have a son."
"Had." He corrected me. "Connla's dead now, and my dream was about his death."
"Hmm..." I hummed my understanding into his shoulder.
"It was just a replay of the memory, it wasn't exact, and I watched it happen away from my body. I watched myself fight, I watched myself lose control... I watched myself kill my son..." His hands squeezed mine. "And all I could do was watch. Couldn't move, couldn't do anything as I watched.I started raging, feeling anger both for what I was seeing, and the fact I couldn't move. Emiya... when I get mad, I just lose control, all my actions are just dictated by this rage, and..." Cu's voice began to break, and he went silent.
"You alright?"
He exhaled a long breath. "Yeah... thanks." There was another silence before Cu spoke again. "Can we be done for now?"
"Of course." I kissed his cheek. "It's still early. How about you stay in bed, and I'll go make us breakfast. You want that?" I stared over at him, and he stared back, a light finally in his eyes.
Complemented with a small smile, he said, "I'd love that." My chest felt light as he spoke. Seeing him troubled had me holding my breath this whole time. Relaxation only came for me once I knew Cu had it first.
"I'll be right back then." Placing a kiss on his shoulder, I moved him off my lap. Cu snuggled into the blankets again, passing me a soft smile as I walked out of the room.
Once I had the food made, I went back to our room to find Cu passed out on the bed again. It was a good sight to see; him lost in a peaceful sleep. I set the food on the nightstand, and sat on the bed next to Cu's head. He shifted a bit as I did so. Next, he began sniffing the air. "I smell food."
"Shocker." I moved his plate in front of his nose. He opened one eye looking from the food to me. The smile he gave me next made my heart skip a beat.
"You're amazing, you know." Cu sat up in the bed, taking the plate from my hand. With the first bite he hummed his pleasure.
"Have any bad dreams while I was away?" I grabbed my own plate as he shook his head.
"Nope, seems you managed to clear them away." The sweet, pure, and, loving look Cu gave me made me turn my head away. No matter how many times I saw it, I don't think that look would ever lose its effect on me. He chuckled. "You know, I thought that maybe once we got together, you wouldn't blush so much. I'm glad I was wrong."
"Eat your food, Cu."
"Yes, Mother."
"And don't call me that."
"Yes, Mother Emiya."
"Stop saying that, or I won't make you breakfast anymore."
"Yes, Emiya."
"That's better."
We finished eating, and Cu decided to get up for the day. "Hey," Cu said, pulling on a shirt. "Did you see Cal when you left the room?"
"No, why do you ask?"
"I'm just wondering if he's up. He'll be mad all day if he wakes up late. Cal takes being on time very seriously, I should know."
I gave him a nod of thought, watching him comb through his hair. When he noticed me staring at him, a small smile hinted at his lips. "I'm gonna go check on Cal," he strode past me. "And maybe once I'm back, you can admire me some more." With that, he left the room, giving me a hair flip as he went. I chuckled softly, shaking my head before I began straightening the room.
Due to the bruises forming high up on my neck, I wore my cloak to hide them. Throughout the week, everytime Cu saw the dark spots on my neck and wrist, he gave them kisses as if to heal them with his lips. It was a cute gesture, but it just hurt me to know how much he was beating himself up for what happened. I saw it in his eyes with every kiss. It was starting to make me feel bad for being the one hurt.
We were coming up to the day we march. Throughout the week, I'd worked more with Calthal than Cu. While Cu stayed with the men, my abilities were needed more with helping Cathal with preparations.
One day, in Cathal's office, the light in the room dimmed; the bright setting sun no longer illuminating through the window. The sun set just in time, for all we needed was finished, and set in stone. Saying goodbyes to Cathal, I left to go find Cu in the training yard.
Walking out, I adjusted my cloak, letting in the cool air. The days have been progressively getting warmer, and the heat trapped in my cloak could get stuffy at times. Crossing a bend, I overheard two soldiers tucked away in the shadow of a building, seemingly engaged in secret conversation. Though, that secret was given away when one began to lose his temper, and progressively got louder.
"All these men think it's some honor to fight beside him. They obviously don't value they're life. The man's a monster!"
"Quite down. That may be what you think, but it's not a popular opinion." The other man quieted his friend down, but it was too late, they'd already caught my attention. Folding my arms, I leaned against the wall on the other side of the bend listening.
"It may not be popular, but still everyone knows it," he spoke much softer now. "But they're all blinded by the fact he's the honorary Cu Chulainn to acknowledge the truth. If they were smart, none would go within a mile of that man on the battlefield. Hell, he's not even a man. He's a damn animal!" This is where I lost it. Flipping around the bend, I grabbed the front of the man's shirt, shoving him hard against the wall. The idiot in my grip went pale, eyes glowing with fear, while his friend fell onto the ground, too parylized to help.
"Oh? And what else does a little shit like you have to say about Cu Chulainn?" My voice came off less menacing than I expected for the amount of rage overflowing my gut.
"N-n-nothing." He tried to struggle out of my grip, but soon realized the extensive power gap between us. His friend even got the balls to help, but I didn't even budge. Within those eyes of fear, I could still see the spite light up as I said Cu's name. The lying coward just pissed me off more.
"Really? Nothing at all?" My grip on him tightened, and the pathetic man gave out a small whimper.
"Emiya." I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Cu's hand. "Stop." His voice was stern, serious, and his eyes matched the tone. Reluctantly, I let go of the man who right after, crumbled to the ground.
"Cu, he was talking shit about you--"
"I know." Cu grabbed my forearm, pulling me away. "Let's go."
The friend helped the man up, but before they left, the man turned back yelling, "You bitch!" I thought it was aimed at me, but to my surprise, it was Cu he spat at. And just when I thought he couldn't piss me off any more! Regardless of Cu telling me no, I almost went after them, but it was Cu's white hot grip on my arm that stopped me. He stared at the men with dead eyes. Cu was absolutely seething, holding back his rage with everything he had. My concern for Cu trumped my anger for the two soldiers.
"Cu," I cupped his cheek, turning his head towards me. "Like you said, let's go."
His grip relaxed a little, and he leaned into my touch. "Thank you." Tucking my arm around his waist, I pulled him close to me as we walked towards the street.
We walked in silence for a bit, enjoying one another's touch, until I couldn't help but speak. "How much of that conversation did you hear?"
"All of it. I was there before you were."
"And you didn't intervene?"
"Let people have their opinions, I don't care."
"You seemed to care back there? I could see in your eyes that you would've gone after them."
"Well... yes it makes me angry, but if I act on that anger, it'd just be proving their point further. People like that aren't worth the energy. Besides..." his eyes went dark. "To an extent... they aren't wrong." I stopped, forcing Cu to cease walking as well. Grabbing his chin, I made him look at me. He was surprised at first, but with a cold look, he guessed my next words.
"Cu, you're not a monster."
Glancing everywhere but me, he spoke,"Emiya, you can say it all you want, but it doesn't change the fact--"
"Cu!" His attention was instantly back on me. "You are not a monster."
After a long pause, his expression melted into a sad smile. "Alright, Emiya~" Even now, he was trying to act happy. Cu tiptoed and kissed my forehead, then began guiding me down the street. Even as we walked after that, I could see the stress on his shoulders, but I was at a loss for words. Insead, I just focused on holding him close. If I couldn't comfort him with words, I could at least do it with my touch.
When we got back to the inn and ate, Cu seemed much more light hearted, as if the moment before hadn't even happened. He was so good at faking happiness, I couldn't tell if he was sincere or not. Though, as the night was drawing to a close, he was getting more anxious and restless. When we started talking about leaving with the army, he suggested that we retire to our room, and I agreed.
After letting my cloak, jacket, and shoes dissolve, I started getting a fire going. "By the way, I think you're plan to get Cathal to relax worked." I stood up dusting off my hands, staring at the newly birthed flames. "He seemed a lot more relaxed this week--" Turning around, I froze. Cu was completely naked, pacing the floor. "Umm... Cu?" Stopping, he perked his eyes up to me.
"Yes?" He walked up to me, wrapping his arms around my neck. My hands drifted to the side, unsure of what to do.
"You're naked."
"I know." His finger was tapping anxiously against my back.
"Are you... okay?" After a moment, he grunted in frustration. Next thing I knew, his fingers were working my own clothes off. Now my heart was really pumping. "Cu!"
"Relax, Emiya." He cornered me against a wall, hands sneaking under my shirt.Once that was over my head, his hands were in my pants next. Though this time, I managed to grab them before they were yanked off my body. "Cu, what are you doing!"
He gave an aggravated sigh at the hand keeping my pants on my body. "Undressing you. What does it look like?" Cu's strength won in the battle for the pants that were now at my ankles. "Now step out before I trip you." I did so, knowing that that was an honest threat. Looking me up and down, there was a satisfied smile on his lips. Then his eyes focused on my underwear turning that smile to a frown. "Can I take those off too?"
"I never said you could take any of it off!"
"Oh, you're right, I don't need your permission." His fingers were at the waistband, knuckles brushing the skin inside, before he yanked them down. Arms around my neck, he grabbed the cloth with his toes, pulling. This forced me to step out of them, so he could fling them behind him. With a heavy sigh, he sunk into me. "That's better..." He hummed against my skin. I tried with great effort not to think too much about everything on our exposed bodies pressing up against eachother, but failed. Finally relaxing a little, I let my hands rest on his waist, but looking down at the curve of his butt, those hands began exploring. Cu hummed for a second time as my hands moved over his bare ass.
"Mind telling me what's going on?"
I felt Cu sigh into my neck. "Sometimes when I get really anxious, I get stuffy, and can't stand clothes. I couldn't stand yours either.
"You feel anxious? Is it about what those men were saying?"
"Yes and no. It's not about them in particular, but the subject they spoke of. I guess you can say... I'm nervous about going to battle."
"You're nervous?"
"Yes." He said aggressively, as if he couldn't bear to hear it. "Can we move over to the bed?"
"Sure--Cu, I can walk you know." He had me scooped up in his arms.
"But this way's so much better." As he moved to the bed, he flashed me a handsome smile. Cu placed me down gently before climbing in next to me. I slid my arm around him so he could lay on my chest.
"Tell me why you're nervous."
He hesitated, both wanting to speak, and not. "Well... I get nervous before every battle.It scares me what might happen, what I might do..." I stroked his hair listening. "Not always, but sometimes I just get going in the fight. My blood starts pumping, my fighting gets more intense, and I stop thinkinging straight. I kill, just... kill. Whoever's there, whether ally or enemy; I kill. That's why they were right... Anyone senseable wouldn't fight beside me."
"I'd fight beside you."
"I said anyone sensible, Emiya."
I gave an amused grunt, but when he went silent, I knew it was my que to speak. "I told you a bit about my afterlife. There, it's the same for me in a way. All I do is kill, and that was my choice, though... now I can't change it no matter how hard I try. When you're stuck in these situations you can't get out of, it doesn't help to beat yourself up over it. Trust me, I'd know."
Once I was finished speaking, Cu turned over, propping himself up on my chest. He looked into my eyes with a wondering expression. "So... you're saying we both need to just suck it up, and deal with it?"
"Exactly." I smiled, then he matched that smile. Leaning forward, he gave me a soft kiss.
"You know, I don't know that I've ever really talked about this with anyone but you. No one else knows I get nervous before battle, or how I feel about losing control. I can't tell if you just know how to bring those things out in me, or maybe it's because somehow, in advance, I already know you'd understand."
"Maybe both?"
He chuckled, "Maybe." Next, he took a finger, and began tracing over my face. "Let's be done with that conversation now, I don't want to think about it anymore tonight."
"Alright." My hand moved over to his back, running up and down his spine. Cu continued to play with my face, while he kicked his feet in the air, like a bored child. Then those feet stopped as his thumb brushed over my forehead.
"I hadn't realized you had a scar here."
"Yeah, it's easy to miss." During my life, as my skin burned, so did my scars, making them blend in with my skin.
A mischievous smile slid onto his face. "Should I search for more?"
"I feel like you're going to even if I say no."
"You are correct." His feet were down now as he intently searched my face, then my neck, till he eventually found another on my shoulder. "Ooo," He went back to my forehead, placing a kiss on that nick. "One..." Then his attention was to my shoulder, giving it a kiss as well. "Two..." The pursuit was back on. Three and four were on my chest, and his kisses lingered a little there. Continuing on, five was on my right arm. When he got down to my legs, I closed them together hiding one scar I didn't want him to find. Knowing Cu, it might just be his next favorite thing. As he searched my thighs, his hand went to part them, but he felt my reluctance. A dark grin appeared on his face. "Something you're trying to hide, Emiya~?" His strength got the better of me, and he managed to pry open my legs, revealing a small knick I'd received from a bullet on the inside of my thigh. "Seems I found another one~" He sang as he pulled my knee up to bend, bringing the scar better into view.
"Six," I said for him. "Move on, Cu."
"No, that's not how this works." He gripped my leg, keeping it in place. "I still need to give it a kiss." Cu wasn't going to Let me slide out of this one, so I just stared at him, waiting. Taking a finger, he slid it slowly over the scar. Back and forth, back and forth, each moment drawn on for an excessive amount of time. I felt a throbbing as I watched him, and it wasn't in my chest. Once he was satisfied with his tourture, Cu replaced his finger with his lips. This kiss wasn't like the previous. He sucked on my thigh for a while, before dragging his tongue across my scar, lathering my skin with his saliva. I bit back a small moan as he did so. Cu finally drew away, a satisfied smile on his lips. He glanced at my red face, then my penis, eyes widening a little. "Seems you liked that more than I expected!" He now looked very triumphant. I wanted to turn away, and hide from embarrassment, but he still had his grip on my leg. Brushing his thumb over the scare one last time, he said, "Six," then moved on.
Cu had me turn over once he finished his inspection on my front. He found the seventh and final scar along my back, though I think he was a little disappointed there wasn't one on my butt. I for one, was very grateful. Declaring he was satisfied, we returned to our position of him snuggling on my chest. Expect for now, he was a little more invading with one of his legs tucked in between mine.
We laid there in silence, Cu tracing over the more oddly shaped scar on my chest. "How did you get this one?"
I glanced at it, thinking back. "I got it from you, actually."
"What?" He looked up at me.
"Back when I was alive, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Got caught by you. You were just fulfilling your duty, of course. It was all bad luck on my end. You stabbed me with Gae Bolg." After I said it, I regretted it, for Cu's eyes went dark.
"...I stabbed you in the heart? Did... did I kill you?"
I brushed the side of his face for comfort. "No Cu, I survived, and lived for years after. The only thing that wound did was give me a rough night. I was fine."
"How? It's a stab to the heart with Gae Bolg?"
"I have my ways." I gave him a smile to help cheer him up, though I'm not sure how much it worked. "Let's go to sleep, Cu." I decided that was best after everything that was said tonight. Turning on my side towards him, I pulled the blanket over us, and tucked him back up against my chest. He snuggled into me, getting comfortable in my arm. I stroked Cu's hair, until I eventually heard a light snore coming from him. That's when I finally let myself go to sleep.
I had a dream that night of the Grail War's. Cu's eyes burning a bright red, hungry for my blood. The smile on his face was sinister and inhumane as he drove his attacks at me. I couldn't keep up as he seemed to become stronger and stronger; a demon seeking my life. There, the tip of his spear went to drive through my heart, but I awoke before he could ever peirce.
As a consequence of the dream, I felt a little spooked, with a chill in my bone. Though when my eyes rested on the sleeping angel in my arms, the warmth flowed back in. I squeezed Cu a little, sighing into his hair. The Grail War's seemed so far and forieng now. Having Cu beside me rather than against me felt so right, I never wanted to leave it, but eventually, I'd have to. Today we'd be marching, and with that, the time I had left here with Cu noticeably shortened. I shook my head, trying to disperse those thoughts from my mind.
Putting a kiss on the top of Cu's head, I decided I should get up. Cu's arms shot around my waist, and his legs entwined with mine the moment I tried to get up. He was looking up at me with fresh morning eyes through the messy bush of his fallen banges. "Cu, we need to head out early today."
"I know, but let's just stay in bed for a few minutes."
"As long as it's only a few."
"It will be, I promise."
"Okay." I laid my head back down on the pillow, and Cu adjusted himself against me. His hand moved under the blanket, up and down my side in a very soothing movement. We just enjoyed the silence as he did this, and I became very tempted to fall back asleep. Just as I was about to doze off, Cu's voice made me alert again.
"I never told you this last night, but you have a very beautiful body."
"Umm... thank you..." The comment took me a little off guard. He chuckled at my awkwardness, then began tracing the scar we talked about last night. "You even think it beautiful even with all those scars?"
"Of course, I love the scars. It's like I get to see little pieces of your life written out on your body. Though... you could probably do without this one." He was referring to the one he gave me.
"I don't think so." He raised an eyebrow at me, and I elaborated. "Now everytime I look at it, it reminds me of the first time I met you."
His eyes went wide, then he closed them and laughed. "I guess there's a bright side to everything."
"Mmm..." I thought about the statement. It was one that I'd typically never agree with, but now it resonated true for some reason. That reason was probably Cu. No, it was most definitely Cu. If I hung around him any longer, I might lose my status as a pessimist.
Cu moved around so that he was leaning above me, then gave me a warm kiss. "Okay we can get up now." He rolled over, standing up while I watched from the bed. The blanket slid off, bringing his body into view. Blue disheveled strands poured down his back like a waterfall. Dim sun beams from the window shown on his smooth light skin, giving his naked figure a morning glow. Cu had a beautiful body too, one that was mesmerizing to stare at.
I finally managed to break my eyes from Cu, and slide my feet off the bed. My clothes rematerialized around me as I stood. The stress Cu felt last night came to mind. "You sure you're going to be okay?"
Grabbing some pants, he looked over at me. "I appreciate your concern, but remember, I am a professional. War is my life."
"I know," I folded my arms walking up to him. "But last night--"
"Emiya," he cupped my cheek. "I'll be fine." His face was sure and calm, one no one would second guess, but I couldn't tell if he was sincere, or just trying to make me forget about his moment of weakness. Before I could contradict his worry free attitude, he looked down with an irritated frown, pulling lightly on the string of my jacket. "Really? You couldn't get dressed normally just once? I let you admire my naked body, you could return the favor." Sometimes I hated how aware he was of my staring.
"There'll be time for that later," I waved his hand away. "But right now, there are things to do." Walking away from him, I began straightening the bed.
"Later you say? Sounds like a promise."
My hands froze, and I looked over my shoulder at his devilish smirk. Looking back at the bed, I continued my work. "Well... maybe it is..." I bent over the bed, pulling the blanket up. Suddenly, there was a smack on my ass, accompanied by a hard squeeze. I would've called out in protest, but that grip left me breathless.
"I'll be looking forward to it after the fight then. Now, I'll have nothing but encouraging thoughts to fill my mind." When he left me to finish getting dressed, I just laid on the bed for a moment, regaining the composure he managed to rip from me in seconds. Finally, I pushed myself up, making the bed in silence, except for the brief and small chuckle from Cu behind me. After he got ready for the day, he walked up behind me, and I couldn't help but tense up.
"Calm down, Emiya~" He was very amused with my reaction. "I just wanted to give you this." He placed a small kiss on my cheek. "I'm going down to get Liath ready. Meet you in the common room for breakfast?" I gave him a nod, so he replied with a smile and left.
We rode Liath that morning to the assembling army of the city. The men were rallied and ready, lined to march. Behind the men were two large supply wagons for the journey, and beside them all was Cathal on a tall black steed. "We can get you a horse, Emiya." Cathal said as we approached.
"There's no need for that." Cu spoke for me, patting one of my hands that were wrapped around his waist.
"Oh?" Cathal raised an eyebrow. "And do the two of you intend to ride into battle that way as well?"
This time, I spoke up first. "I have no intention of riding a horse into battle." Taking notice of Liath, I patted his side so as to not offend him.
"Alright, but now that you two are here, we can leave." Cathal moved to the front of the army, addressing the men. He spoke clear and confident, it becoming very apparent why he was in his position. By the time he was done, the men cheered a loud roar, one you wouldn't expect from the size of the group. Listening to it all, it was hard not to feel inspired. I looked over Cu's shoulder to see his reaction to Cathal's speech. He was smiling.