*Nameless Bard*
Bard: I have a name
Venti: shhhhh it adds to the mystery
Bard: this is why we don't talk anymore
Venti: then why are we talking right now?
Bard: did you tell the entirety of monstadt that I died?
Venti: maybe
Bard: Venti you can't do that
Venti: it adds to my character
Bard: it doesn't
Bard: I keep getting flowers to my house
Bard: my mom thinks I have had a girlfriend for 5 years because I can't explain to her that my childhood friend convinced the country I am dead
Venti: sorry
Bard: its ok as long as you apologize :)
Bard: at least I have a reason to skip school
Venti: how do I apologize
Bard: form a band
Venti: what?
Bard: I'll explain when you have the members
Venti: asshole
Bard: also
Bard: why didn't you tell me you had a boyfriend you bitch
Venti: bye Murata is talking to me
Bard: Venti
Bard: Barbatos
Bard: come back here
Bard: son of a bitch
*Venti's personally made hellhole*
tone deaf dj: how is school without me <3
atheist: better
tone deaf dj: so mean
the power of christ compels you: how is college?
tone deaf dj: idk
tone deaf dj: just got here
tone deaf dj: me and murata are lost
ginger manwhore: who is murata?
tone deaf dj: a friend
tone deaf dj: you played minecraft with her once
walnut: oohh the god of war?
tone deaf dj: yeah
ginger manwhore: thats a cool ass name
peepaw: Venti where are you?
tone deaf dj: got lost
mom: I'm already at the dorms
mom: turns out me and Ningguang share one
tired: its good you're not with a stranger
real gay pirate: omg me and Lisa share a dorm too
book horny: what are the chances
baal simp 1: I also got to share a room with Baal <3
fake gay pirate: lesbians have amazing luck
party pooper: my roomate isn't here yet
peepaw: what number?
party pooper: 304
tone deaf dj: wait
tone deaf dj: lmao
tone deaf dj: that's my dorm
party pooper: fuck
tone deaf dj: lmao
tone deaf dj: heading there right now
mom: weren't you lost?
rich mom: I helped him
atheist: you shouldn't have
rich mom: he payed me tho
real gay pirate: understandable
mom: how is school for you guys?
the power of christ compels: nothing much
caso cerrado: we're still on our first week after all
thing 1: Baizhu got hired as the science teacher permanently
chalk: sucks
fake gay pirate: I thought you liked him
chalk: even Klee knows more about science than him
chalk: he's good with medicine but anything else he makes Qiqi do all the work
bunny arson: poor Qiqi :(
thing 1: right
ginger manwhore: I miss Zhongli
walnut: me too :(
token straight: Sayu is finally not a middle schooler I'm so proud of her
ginger manwhore: she keeps glaring at me when I see her
Sayu: you disgust me
Sayu: all that height and no brains
ginger manwhore: why are children so hostile towards me
thing 2: because you suck
tired: should we meet up after school?
tired: you know like a final goodbye until we start classes seriously
short edgy dude: no one here does classes seriously
tone deaf dj: lets go
short edgy dude: but I guess its a good idea
what does the fox say: being a senior is scary
fake gay pirate: lmao no
fake gay pirate: I made a freshman bow to me
atheist: where are we going?
mom: mall?
peepaw: sounds lovely
walnut: when did you become 6000 years old
fireworks girl: he talks like my dad
chalk: what mall?
chalk: so the last time doesn't repeat
big head no thoughts: I heard I new mall just opened
communist mermaid: oh yeah it was Eien Mall or something
baal simp 2: I have heard that name before
fireworks girl: isn't that a mall in inazuma too?
token straight: probably from the same company
the power of christ compels you: noelle can you drive?
maid on steroids: same people as always?
unlucky: so same seat arrangement
bunny arson: Baizhu's class is so boring
chalk: told you
sucrOwOse: even I'm falling asleep
vengeance is better served cold: that takes a new level of skill
tone deaf dj: so at what time?
short edgy dude: as soon as class ends
tone deaf dj: ok
tone deaf dj: gotta go I broke Diluc's vase
fake gay pirate: 😥
*The abyss*
dainsleif: help
Princess: tf do you want
dainsleif: you became the leader 3 days ago and already want to degrade me?
Princess: yes
Princess: now what do you want
dainsleif: all the archons are here in the campus
dainsleif: morax, barbatos, baal, murata, tsaritsa, and that green nerd
Princess: what happened to the other one
dainsleif: i don't know and I don't care
Princess: lmao if you hate them that much just leave
Princess: you don't even have a vision to be there anyways
dainsleif: I got in after trying for three years I can't just leave
Princess: that's your problem then
dainsleif: I think the purple one glared at me
Princess: send a pic for her boob knife for me <3
dainsleif: .
*the seven (hottest bitches on teyvat)
Murata: bruh my roommate is so cool
Barbatos: who?
Morax: I was going to ask the same thing
Murata: idk she has white hair and the ac on the whole day
Murata: she also called this guy called "Scaramouche" lmao what an ugly ass name
Tsaritsa: that's me you fucking single celled bitch
Murata: did you just call me a bacteria :(
Tsaritsa: yes
Murata: rude
Baal: shut up
Morax: I heard you got a dorm with Yae
Murata: lucky
Barbatos: did we interrupt your hot steamy sex
Baal: no you mistake from god
Barbatos: :(
Baal: I'm somewhere with my family and if they know I'm still in this group I'll get in trouble
Morax: ok we'll stop
Morax: I hope your parents are well
Baal: I hope not
Morax: oh
*Venti's personally made hellhole*
tone deaf dj: cafeteria?
maid on steroids: yes
mom: Baal didn't come with you?
broke bitch: scaramouche had a family thing so she probably went with him too
tone deaf dj: at least no one will die today then
party pooper: I doubt that
atheist: wait
atheist: look to the right
rich mom: why text?
atheist: they'll hear me
atheist: anyways look to the right
book nerd: omg
what does the fox say: do you think they see us
broke bitch: no there's a lot of people
unlucky: I can't see
book nerd: ok i'll describe
book nerd: Scaramouche and Baal are taking photos together
broke bitch: they are both smiling
baal simp 1: baal only smiles after we
ice cream nerd: after you what?
baal simp 1: nevermind
real gay pirate: they're hugging omg
mom: you got to applaud their acting skills
ginger manwhore: true
book nerd: they're leaving
broke bitch: do we keep texting?
the power of christ compels you: yes I can't hear over the crowd
rich mom: is something happening?
sexy: they are children of a super rich ceo so maybe that
ginger manwhore: what was the name of the company?
ginger manwhore: Ei or something
big head no thoughts: Eien
shakespeare: is that not the location we find ourselves in at this precise moment?
unlucky: ohhh
walnut: so they're doing a promotional photoshoot
walnut: I did one once
caso cerrado: for a funerary?
walnut: don't judge my business practices
fireworks girl: Eien is very popular in Inazuma
big head no thoughts: so basically they own this place
token straight: mhm
food nerd: did anyone take pictures?
rock n roll: got you
rock n roll: gjfkdkdkd.jpg
rock n roll: gkkfkdkldld.jpg
broke bitch: they're going to kill us
tone deaf dj: but its worth it
broke bitch: of course it is
fake gay pirate: wait they're back
mom: looks like they're going to eat
real gay pirate: are we really just going to spy on a siblings day out
thing 1: yeah good sibling moments are rare here
thing 1: nevermind he pulled her braid
book nerd: and she punched him in the ribs
broke bitch: they're just glaring at each other
thing 1: there goes the nice sibling evening
baal simp 2: god that skirt looks great on Baal
baal simp 1: do you think its new?
all my friends are dead: not now
baal simp 2: ok hater
what does the fox say: leave kazuha alone
baal simp 2: or what?
walnut: what is happening
mom: lets not fight
rich mom: can we try not to kill each other for a minute
party pooper: lets not have anyone die please
fake gay pirate: like your dad?
walnut: LMAO HE THREW A MILKSHAKE AT HIM
broke bitch: let's continue texting I can't hear anything over the yelling
food nerd: bro they threw my noodles
ice cream nerd: why is it always the noodles
book nerd: noodle abuse
book horny: I wonder which pair of sibling is going to stop yelling first
vengeance is better served cold: I bet on baal and scaramouche when they notice we're here
bunny arson: oh right
short bastard: what the fuck
mommy: are you doing here
baal simp 1: awww they synced up
short bastard: shut up
mom: we were going to shop but saw you guys and now diluc and kaeya are fighting
short bastard: yeah a fry landed on me
real gay pirate: lmao
short bastard: be honest
short bastard: what did you see
sexy: gkkfkdkldld.jpg
short bastard: who took the photos
sexy: childe
ginger manwhore: IT WAS XINYAN WTF
rock n roll: it was not
book nerd: not you blaming her
food nerd: that's low
walnut: yeah childe just accept you did it
ginger manwhore: Zhongli?
peepaw: sorry I didn't see anything
mommy: why are they fighting now
tone deaf dj: another dead dad joke
short bastard: lmao
broke bitch: you guys should become actors after that
mommy: shut up
short bastard: shut up
food nerd: we should leave before security comes
short bastard: yeah you should
mom: have fun with your family :)
short bastard: fuck you
book horny: watch how you speak to her midget
short bastard: sorry mom 🥺
short bastard: fuck you too
mommy: just go
baal simp 1: that skirt looks great on you <3
short bastard: please just leave
chalk: wait we can just try to break them up
rich mom: how???
chalk: wait
broke bitch: holy shit he did it
book nerd: albedo our savior
party pooper: sorry for ruining your family night
short bastard: die
mommy: die
fake gay pirate: so inspirational <3
maid on steroids: shouldn't we actually go shopping?
the power of christ compels you: I saw this shop you might like
mom: you guys can go ahead
probably a vampire: yeah just go
the power of christ compels you: ok then!
fake gay pirate: 👀
tone deaf dj: 👀
mom: omg
book horny: lets leave them alone
token straight: lets just go around ig
atheist: yes
tired: sounds fun
(hours later)
thing 1: where are you guys
tone deaf dj: I vomited on a ball pit :(
probably a vampire: this is why I don't go out with you
short edgy dude: I'm taking Venti home
mom: me, lisa, Ningguang, beidou, baal, yae, sara, hu tao, yanfei, amber, eula, ganyu, and keqing are watching a movie
fake gay pirate: ah so the lesbians
maid on steroids: do you guys want to go home?
book nerd: please
ice cream nerd: yes
food nerd: same people as always then
rock n roll: we're all together so we'll meet at the entrance
maid on steroids: great them
maid on steroids: Barbara is with me
token straight: we know
maid on steroids: ?
fireworks girl: see you guys at school then
all my friends are dead: anyone want to stay for a movie?
all my friends are dead: I have to stay for Beidou
what does the fox say: I'm down
token straight I have to drive the other home but thanks for the offer
short bastard: did you say you vomited on the fucking ball pit?
tone deaf dj: ehe
mommy: disgusting
*the abyss*
Dainsleif: where are you
Princess: at the mall with the others
Dainsleif: with the archons too??
Princess: duh
Dainsleif: I told you to stay away from them
Princess: I was just looking after my brother
Princess: no that you'd understand
Dainsleif: I told you about my dead family once
Princess: lmao
Princess: bye scaramouche is beating the shit out of Barbatos
Dainsleif: send a video
Dainsleif: princess
Dainsleif: your majesty
Dainsleif: your highness
Dainsleif: Lumine
Dainsleif: fuck you
Lumine: ehe
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NOTES:
That is all the chapters currently on Ao3 finally on here so enjoy.
Funfact: Im actually not the author, im her friend (I go by they/them thank you) that got her Ao3 account banned for a month after writing a 1 million word luck baal manifesting fic. She is super stressed with school so I've been given free reign over this fic but I can't update until the 24th lol.
Nice to meet you too ig