{CHAPTER THREE}
"I was in Russia."
Regrets.
They were the most common thoughts in Harlow mind.
Always regret.
She couldn't rid herself off them. After all if someone had done the same things she did, she doubted that she could live with herself - she barely could. That was one thing Harlow couldn't quite grasp. After all her wishes for everything to just be over she was still here. She was finally free and more than capable of ending her own existence. So why was she still here? Why, despite all her regrets and self-hatred, had she denied herself of the end. Honestly she wasn't sure but there was something, some feeling, telling her that it couldn't be over yet. That she wouldn't be at peace if she gave into her urges.
Harlow Loughty had many of regrets. She wished she could take back all of her actions and crimes. The mistakes she made, but that wasn't possible. But it seemed that the girl had a habit of making new situations that she would regret. And although this regret was a lot less serious than the rest, she was still angered the most by it.
Harlow regretted ever opening her mouth, even the minuscule amount that she did yesterday.
Some how the girl had managed to give off the impression that she welcomed others speaking to her. Her icy cold nature apparently wasn't as obvious to everyone around her as she thought it would be. She knew she wasn't that good of an actress and certainly knew that she failed to play the part of the old Harlow Loughty so she couldn't quite work out what gave them that impression. Apparently all her blunt replies weren't enough to turn people away. Instead, they took it as an invitation to keep trying to speak to her.
And leading that line of waiting people, happened to be no other than Lily Evans.
Harlow was already in a foul mood even before leaving her dorm. It was expected. She was, once again and like always, feeling exhausted due to her nightmare riddled sleep. Having terrorising nightmares was a regular nightly occurrence for her. Each night her memories formed their attack and viciously came in from all angles. It would always leave Harlow feeling weak and pathetic. She hated how much the nights shook her. It was almost as if even though she escaped her mind was still back there. Half the time Harlow thought her own mind was just trying to punish her for her crimes. The other half, well she thought she deserved it.
Her eyes scanned the walls around her. The simple off white colouring of the walls and floor had faded to a less than pleasant colour. There were stains of blood that no one had bothered to clear up, mostly on the floor. But amongst that was fresh blood, small droplets that splattered only inches from her foot. Without giving it any thought, Harlow knew exactly where she was. It was a room she had become so familiar with she could navigate it blind. It was none other than the training room. The gruesome, dingy, dirt and blood covered training room.
Harlow hated that place more than anywhere else.
Well that actually wasn't entirely true. She hated the training room at the beginning. At the start the training room was an intimidating and scary place. It was the place that she failed over and over again, getting injured and hurting others. But, as time went on, the room became less scary and it became a room Harlow thrived in - that was the terrifying thing. Harlow no longer feared the room because ultimately she became the most scary thing inside it.
Her sight scanned up from the fresh blood on the floor and up to her hand. She could see a dark dagger nestled awkwardly in her hold. Seeing this she knew exactly what nightmare was coming to haunt her in her sleep. The way she held the dagger was nothing like how she would now. There was no comfortableness about it. Only fear and necessity. At first Harlow couldn't deny she was scared of the weapons that she was presented with. Worried about what they may do to her. But once again that all chnaged over time. Harlow learned to appreciate the beauty of the weapon and what they could in return give her.
Instead she learned that the only frightening thing about these weapons was what she could do to others.
She also learnt that she was good at it.
But this memory was not of that.
She couldn't ignore the sticky feeling of her own blood dripping down the dagger handle. Her eyes followed the stream of blood as it danced down the blade of the knife, stopping at the tip before it dropped to the ground. Harlow knew exactly what this memory was and there was nothing she could do to prevent it.
"СНОВА!" *Again* The instructor called out as he hit his metal cane onto the ground. The sound echoed loudly throughout the room with a slight vibration through the flooring which signalled for Harlow to repeat the sequence.
Harlow took in a quick breath before she switched the blade to her right hand and punched it in order that she was taught. The dagger spun from her right hand to the left agilely, narrowly avoiding slicing her palm. To finish off the sequence she tossed the dagger into the air and grabbed it in the correct hold to stab someone. She stood still, her back straight although her chest heaved up and down as she let out ragged breaths. Her body was consumed in pain. Each slight movement caused a prick of pain in her body. She had been completely drained from intensive training since she woke up, and although she couldn't tell the time she knew it must have been at least half a day. And it wasn't just that. Whilst training for strenuous amounts of times had it's impacts, it didn't help that her captivators seemed to wish to starve her. She couldn't quite understand how their mind works. She knew they wanted to turn her into their soldier - their most powerful one yet - but surely starving her wouldn't help them do that. Harlow knew her unwillingness to cooperate was the main reason why they treated her the way they did, but even then she'd rather be dead than their slave.
All whilst she still would've rather died than become their assassin, her captors managed to find another source of persuasion.
"Привести солдата" *Bring in the soldier* The instructor demanded. The workers sitting behind the computers that link to the cameras in the training room notified the guards to grab him.
Harlow looked to the instructor in panic, her eyes widening. She tried to figure out why they would bring him in. She always dreaded the times they would bring in their already mind controlled soldier. It was either to give her a good beating or for a fight that always ended in his favour. What did they expect? He was a fully grown super soldier while she was just a little weak kid that still refused to kill. Sure she was a mutant but she refused to use her abilities around them, something that got her punished frequently.
The metal door jolted open and slammed harshly against the wall. In stepped the oversized assassin. His build was intimidating enough, at the very least three times the girl. The guards which escorted him in looked almost laughable in comparison. He walked silently over to them and stood broodingly in front of Harlow, towering over her with a glare so vicious it caused the girl to gulp.
"Бороться?" *To fight?* He asked monotonously as he tilted his head sideways to look at the instructor. His empty eyes drop to Harlow and scanned her face emotionlessly.
"Ладить с ней" *Just get on with it." The instructor harshly responded and wacked his cane against the floor again.
Before Harlow could even blink a forceful fist came flying at her face. The young girl quickly ducked and raised her hands to a protective position around her face. To counter the miss the soldier lurched his knee up which connected forcefully with her face. Harlow's nose ached instantly and throbbed as her eyes started to water. Although she knew it was fruitless to fight as there was no way for her to win. She also knew if she didn't give it her best she would just get punished further.
On instinct Harlow didn't clutch her nose like most people would. She rammed the dagger she clutched into his side. The soldier grunted in response and attempted to disarm her. He didn't manage however, Harlow aggressively forced the dagger through the hand that was attempting to take it away. At least this time they gave her a weapon to face him.
The soldier practically growled and brought his other hand up to her neck. It clamped around Harlow's neck tightly, his finger digging into all the right spots to steal her breath away. With the loss of breathing Harlow's condition was only getting worse. He started using his enhanced strength to lift her off the ground whilst sliding his other hand off of the knife's blade. With the momental weakness Harlow was showing, the soldier took it as the perfect time to take the dagger and ram it into her lower abdomen.
Harlow's eyes widened as her survival instincts cut in. The pain seared through her whole body only furthering the panic in her mind. Her nose was already gushing so she figured she couldn't really make it any worse. She slammed her head forward into his. Knocking him back and forcing him to drop her. Her eyes darted to the dagger still dug into her stomach, so did his.
He had the nerve that she didn't. That was something she still hadn't gained - not yet.
That was the area that she lacked so greatly it was bound to kill her. While she was improving in fighting she still lacked the nerve that was necessary to fight well, to save herself and to hurt others.
She didn't want remove the dagger to prevent her from bleeding out. Even though she would rather die than kill anyone, it didn't mean she was scared to die. But the soldier just saw it as an advantage and a weapon. He wrapped his hand around the daggers handle and pulled it right out of her stomach. His had immediately placed the dagger to her throat and prepared to make the final move to kill her.
Harlow's eyes snapped open as she belted out a loud scream. She was sure her heart was beating million beats a minute as she scrambled up in her bed. Her eyes flashed around the room as she tried to figure out where in the hell she was. Plain white walls, plain flooring, minuscule decoration and she was in a double bed. Relief flooded her system instantly as she realised exactly where she was. With her heart beat returning to somewhat normal she let out deep breath and sunk back into the mattress - thankful that she was smart enough to put up silencing charms before she slept. It was proving to be a very wise move.
Her hand instinctively moved to her stomach and felt the scarred over wound that healed almost three years ago now. She hated how rough it still felt despite the healing time. She had many scars all over her body but for some reason that was one she hated the most. Concealment charms would definitely be a must to get by in Hogwarts.
Since it was still in the early hours of the morning, and Harlow still felt off, the girl found herself changing into some basic training gear, light and flexible, without much of a thought. She reminded herself of the secret hidden room Dumbledore had told her about the day before and set her plan into motion. She gathered some weapons and had to make do with a pillow slip as a makeshift bag. It took her a while to figure out the whole room of requirement thing. It turned out Dumbledore was not very specific on how to access the secret room only letting her know that it was on the seventh floor. But after waiting around thinking about the room, the mystery was solved as a door popped up.
As soon as she stepped in Harlow was met with a sight she could've never predicted. Her eyes widened as she was met with a large training room. It was kitted out for everything. Anything she may need was mounted on the walls or placed around the room. Weapons ranging in deadliness, dummies ranging in size and a very stable looking punching bag hung right in the centre.
Harlow couldn't help but smirk, it was exactly what she wanted and needed.
With each sharp and powerful punch she let go of a small piece of anger within her. Every time her fist connected with the punching bag she managed to drain a little frustration. Just a little. But still, it was calming to her. It was also the least violent method of her letting out her rage. At least this form didn't involve anyone else getting hurt. Harlow didn't dare use boxing gloves or wrap her hands for the activity. Never had she taken that measurement before and she didn't plan to start. Her actions caused pain, bleeding and swelling. But she welcomed all of it.
Harlow welcomed feeling every negative emotion she had. Especially when it came in the form of rage and fury. It only added to her powers. And, although she wouldn't admit it, she liked to feel something other than numbness. She enjoyed feeling the pain in her knuckles and hands that reminded her that she was still alive, and that she was capable of feeling.
She moved on quickly to other skills. Throwing knives to targets, working with a variety of swords like katanas, shooting guns at targets and dummies, the lot. Any and anything to feel emotions rise to the surface away from the deep dark place they usually rested. To finish her training of, she practised some more advanced combat moves. The majority of them were some type of ancient and complicated martial arts, making it even more difficult to learn. Harlow didn't stop when her body started to got sore, that wasn't the way she was taught. The joints in her knees were begging her to stop, so she did. Only after she managed to correctly complete the move three times in a row.
That decision resulted in Harlow running a little behind her planned schedule. It wasn't like she was actually running late, all of the other students were still tucked nicely in bed, but to her it was late. Harlow needed to have a shower before breakfast to rid her of the sweat she'd worked up, which she hoped she could have before the majority of students came down. She was used to being completely alone or in the presence of a few individuals, but not the masses like at the school. It wasn't that fact that freaked her out. Rather the problem of her very short temper and lack of patience. All throughout the feast the night previously Harlow's hand was screwed up tightly at her side, creating half moon cuts on her palms, to stop her from decking the people nearby her. The girl was terribly irritable, but that was due to a lack of being around so many people. She was no longer use to the extreme noise of everyone around her chatting away or using their cutlery on their plates. It was all things that Harlow was going to have to adjust back to.
When she made it down to breakfast in her restricting school uniform she was content with the few souls already were already down. The great hall was quiet, the only sounds were goblets being gulped, cutlery on the plates and the odd sound of words being exchanged. But, they were quiet enough for the girl to ignore. Harlow also noticed all the kids down so far appeared to be from the younger years. She noted the bonfire must have had an impact on their abilities to haul themselves out of bed. Ah, teenager stupidity. Drinking on the first night back.
An occurrence she didn't expect, happened when Remus quietly sat down in front of her. Remus seemed to be watching her intently waiting for something. Harlow raised her eyes from her plate, connecting them with his. She stared back at him waiting for him to crack, which he did. "I'm used to being the only one down early. The boys are a bunch of lazy gits in the morning." Remus smiled as he insulted his brothers light heartedly.
Harlow racked her mind trying to find something to say. Pretty much anything that wouldn't invite many follow up questions. "I suspect they will be hungover." She stated randomly with a shrug before she sighed to herself and went back to her food. This time she was more considerate of her eating and stuck to a few items, but put at least one thing that she used to love on her plate.
"No doubt about that. Apart from James, he was on mother mode." Remus replied with a friendly smile. "I'm surprised you aren't hungover." He added after noticing how fresh faced and ready for the day she looked.
"And why would that surprise you?" Harlow asked rather impassively. She brought her goblet up to her mouth and took a swig of the juice.
"I just noticed your regular trips to the drinks-" Remus awkwardly spoke, realising his words and how it made him sound like some sort of a creepy stalker. He expected her to retort some type of comment about him watching her but he didn't expect to be spat on.
All of a sudden the contents of her mouth went spraying over him. "What the fuck is this?" Harlow swore loudly as she gagged from the remaining taste in her mouth, grabbing a glass of water to get rid of the taste.
"Eh pumpkin juice." Remus voice quietly answered as he wiped his eyes and face.
Following his voice with her eyes, Harlow grimaced as she noticed what she did. "Fuck I'm sorry." She groaned and grabbed a napkin to pass to him to wipe his face clean.
"It's okay." He spoke with a small chuckle as he grabbed his wand and cleaned himself up. "We have magic for a reason." He laughed and smiled when he saw she wasn't getting embarrassed, believing it to be because she felt comfortable around him.
"I forget." She mumbled and gestured to their wands.
"Your accent is slightly different. It's got a twinge of something else to it." Remus stated as he narrowed his eyes seemingly trying to figure it out. "It's nice."
"Thanks, I guess. I was in Russia." Harlow explained briefly. "Я не знаю, почему я сказала тебе это" *I don't know why I told you that* She muttered to herself, narrowly avoiding his eyes.
Remus' smile only grew when the girl opposite him spoke in Russian. He was ecstatic to be taking to her again. "What did you say?" He questioned curiously, wondering if she was being cheeky.
"Just that I was in Russia." Harlow lied with a shrug.
"Did you not use magic there?" Remus continued to ask questions making Harlow quickly feel like she was being quizzed. The last thing she wanted was to be disturbed even more than she already was and rather than spinning lies that she'd have to remember, the girl just wanted to have a peaceful start to her day.
Harlow sighed heavily and moved her head to rest on her hand. "I uh- I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about it." She awkwardly mumbled as she made her eyes water, the rims brimming with tears. As soon as Remus saw the tears, she made a show of trying to hide most of her face away from him. As soon as Remus realised the girl was about to cry he apologised profusely and dropped the subject. It only made him more curious though. But it was the type of curious where you wondered to yourself, but wouldn't ask out of respect. He was mature enough to know when sensitivity was needed and clearly it was. Harlow weened out her act to make it believable. Nobody would just stop crying. So she faked a sniffle and told him not to worry about it. Then she sat in silence for a minute pretending to gather herself.
"It okay Remus." She repeated for what felt like the tenth time. She tried to brush off his constant apologies but it was starting to get annoying. "Remus I'm fine. Drop it!" She finally demanded.
"Sorry." He mumbled with slightly widened eyes. His mouth slightly agape from the girls drastic change.
"I came down early because I wanted peace." Harlow explained, no longer caring about playing the nice card or trying to put on a performance. She was fed up. Besides she believed that she had already interacted enough for the day.
"I'm sorry I'll just go-" Remus muttered yet another excuse and went to leave. He cringed when he felt a pair of hands on his shoulders pushing him back down and quickly exchanged an apologetic look with Harlow as he knew chaos would no doubt ensue.
"Not so fast Moony." Peter spoke as he pushed the boy down. He sat to the left of Remus, whose cringe only grew further when he saw James and Sirius sitting on either side of Harlow.
"Morning hottie Harley." Sirius cheekily sang right into her ear. A shit eating grin on his face.
A smile that quickly got wiped of his face.
Harlow's hand moved without her even thinking. It went to grab Sirius' face to slam it into the table. In the last second she managed to take control and just push his face away. "Don't."
EDITED 24/1/22
REWROTE 4/3/24