Rosie
I have a feeling deep in my gut that this isn't something easily cured, that it is something that is going to change my life. I walk through the streets of Monaco alone, Charles had to fly out to Maranello late last night due to issues that needed his immediate attention. My doctor called me earlier and said that I needed to come in to speak about my test results, that it wasn't a conversation to be having over the phone. I arrive outside of the doctors office and take a deep breath before pushing the door open and stepping into the reception area. The woman working looks up as I enter and greets me "I have an appointment scheduled under Rosie Russell" I say and she nods and tells me to wait and he will call me through in a few moments. I can feel my hands shaking and I know that I must look like a complete mess right now and I don't know how to keep my emotions in check. A few minutes later I'm called through and the doctor greets me kindly as I sit at his desk "Bonjour Rosie, Merck d'être venu, je vows ferai savior maintenant que ca ne sera pas une conversation facile" (hello Rosie, thank you for coming in, I will let you know now that this wont be an easy conversation) I feel sick, this is serious, I am such an idiot. I cant find my words so I nod and luckily he takes that as a gesture for him to continue "nous avons vos résultants de l'échantillon que j'ai prélevé et je suis vraiment désolé mais cela montre que vous avez un ostéosarcome, une forme agressive de cancer des os" (We have your results from the sample i took and I'm really sorry but it shows you have osteosarcoma, an aggressive form of bone cancer" at the word cancer my heart drops, never in any of my thoughts did I think that I might have cancer. I can't find my french and I end up speaking to the Dr in English "Right, okay, what does that mean?" I ask and he looks at me sadly "You will need to have further tests but cancer of this type is fast spreading and you said in your previous appointment that you have been having symptoms for some time now" this is my fault "But we need to find out more before you jump to worst case scenario okay Rosie, is anyone with you today?" I shake my head thinking of Charles in Maranello already "Is there anyone you can call to come and collect you?" I nod "Yeah, I can ask Arthur" He nods not knowing who Arthur "Okay, so I have booked you an appointment at the hospital for Monday, will you be able to attend?" I shake my head "I will be in Italy" he nods "Okay I have your other address on file so I will book your appointment at the closest hospital to you in Italy and the receptionist will call to tell you the details this afternoon" he informs me and I realise I need to call Arthur to come and get me "Okay, thank you" I say standing up before pulling out my phone and dialling the right number.
I wait outside the office staring down the street, how did this happen? I thought life had been difficult before this but now my own body is out to get me. After about 5 minutes Arthur pulls up and I immediately climb into the passenger seat. He looks at me concerned and I shake my head at him before he steps his foot on the accelerator and heads towards my apartment. It is completely silent the whole journey and though I am grateful for him being here, he is the wrong leclerc, I just want Charles. My mind suddenly becomes determined to see him and I pull up the flights leaving from Nice today and see a flight in 2 hours and I immediately book myself a seat on the flight. Arthur looks over at me and I realise that we have pulled up already "Are you okay?" He asks me and I shake my head "I have had some bad news from the doctor but I want to talk to Charles first" I explain and he frowns "I get that, but we are family now and I am here for you if you need me" I give him a quick hug and then I think "Would you be able to take me to the airport?" He looks confused "I'm going to Charles, I just need to grab my passport and a few bits, my flight is in a couple of hours" he nods "Absolutely, I will wait here" he confirms and I rush up the stairs and I walk through the apartment in a daze trying to locate everything I need. I start throwing my make up and charger in my backpack, I have most of my stuff in Maranello anyway.
"Thank you for bringing me to the airport" I tell Arthur as I climb out of the passenger seat "No problem, have a safe flight" he says and I dash into the airport. I head straight to the security line and suddenly I feel worried, about telling Charles that I'm sick, I don't know yet how bad it is yet. How do you tell the person you have just agreed to spend the rest of your life with that you have cancer? I take my seat on the flight and try to switch off, its only an hour and a half flight so it's not long. I put my AirPods in and put on Coldplay, my absolute comfort music and attempt to focus on the lyrics instead of my racing thoughts.
The plane lands in Bologna and I grab my backpack wanting to get through airport security as quickly as possible. I hand over my passport to the immigration officer and he asks what I am doing in Italy "Oh, I live here" he looks confused at my British passport "I work in Maranello for Ferrari, my other half does too" I explain and he doesn't look convinced so I pull my employee ID card out of my bag and pass it to him. He nods "Ok, I have checked your visa as well and your good" he says and walk through with a sense of relief. I go straight through customs and out into the arrivals hall. We both drove separately to the airport in case something like this happened so I go to the long stay car park locating my car. I throw my backpack in the boot and decide to call Charles. I sit with my phone up to my ear waiting for him to answer "Hi Mon Ange? You okay?" He asks me quickly as it is unusual for me to call him in the middle of the day "Hi, hows your day been? Are you at the factory?" I ask him "Yeah, all good here,I'm just about to finish up! Why?" I debate with myself "just checking in" I tell him "Okay, well I'm just grabbing my stuff, did you want me to call when I get home?" He asks and I agree before saying goodbye and starting the 30 minute drive to our home.
I park up noticing that his car is already here but he might have walked to the factory today. I lock my car before locating my house key and unlocking the door. "Charles?" I shout out "Rosie?" I can hear the pure confusion in his voice as he walks into the hallway seeing me stood in the doorway 'What?" He asks before immediately pulling me in for a hug "why aren't you in Monaco?" He asks and I know he must be beyond confused "I need you, I had a doctors appointment this morning" he looks at me concerned "results of the biopsy?" He questions and I nod "Okay, what did the doctor say?" He asks and my throat closes up "I have" I cant get the word out and I just start crying "Rosie, you are really worrying me now, what do you have?" He asks me and I try to calm myself down "I have Osteosarcoma, it's cancer" his face falls and he doesn't say anything in response for a few seconds "Oh my god, is that why you came here?"I nod and he holds me tightly in his arms
Charles
Cancer, she has cancer? I realise that I haven't said anything "Oh my god, is that why you came here?" She nods and I pull her tightly into my chest and she starts sobbing. I stand there holding her for what feels like hours, tracing my fingers up and down her spine "I don't know how far progressed it is yet, he is booking me an appointment at the hospital here" she says and I feel some hope that it could be easily treated "Okay, I think we should worry until we have all of the information" I tell her and she nods "I'm sorry" she tells me and I shake my head "nothing for you to apologise for" she looks up at me " we are supposed to have forever" I know what she is trying to imply "we will have forever Rosie, of course we will" I kiss the top of her head as she lets out a deep breath. I know that I need to be strong for her "Shall we go and sit down?" I ask her and she agrees following my into our lounge. She pulls her legs up underneath her as I take the spot right beside her. I take her hand in mine "We will do whatever it takes, you know that right and I will be with you every single step of the way" I tell her sincerely "I know, its just really scary" I hadn't thought about hw terrified she must be feeling right now "Ive got you, you've got me and together we will be okay" I tell her an d she snuggles into my side.
*one week later*
I pull up in the hospital car park, we still have plenty of time before her appointment. I turn to look at my beautiful girl and my heart hurts. She is terrified and I understand but we need ton be thinking positively. I switch the engine off "'Right come on then, lets get inside" I say pulling her out of her thoughts "Yeah" she says pull the handle and swinging the door open. I follow suit and step around the front of her car to take her hand. She feels freezing so I pull my hoodie off, handing it too her. She takes it from me gratefully and pulls it over her head We enter the hospital and follow the signs for outpatient oncology. It feels surreal to be here,she said that she will be having scans and blood tests today that should determine the course of treatment. We take seat in the waiting area and he clings onto my arm. Thais feels horrifically unfair, she has already been through more than she should've at this point. We sit in comfortable silence till her na,e is called and we go together into the Drs room. She greets us both and focuses her attention on Rosie "Okay, miss Russell, your doctor has seen all of the results he had and we are going to get some scans today to find out more before we start the best course of treatment, Mr Leclerc if you Tay seated in here we should be back in around 30 minutes" she tells e and I nod giving Rosie and kiss on the cheek before she follows the doctor out of the room.
I sit back, I've been sending Mia my interviews answers to help pass the time, although I haven't stopped looking at the clock. It's been 35 minutes when the door opens and they both take their seat, the doctor with a file in her hands. Rosie take a seat next to me and I take her hand. She keeps her eyes focused on the doctor. "Okay, Rosie, you knew already that you have Osteosarcoma, it started in your kip joint, with symptoms starting a few months ago" she tells us and Rosie confirms "Okay so today we did an x-ray and CT scan to determine the stage that the cancer is at, unfortunately it shows a significant spread away from the initial joint, we call this usually stage 5" Rosie takes a sharp breath and I know that means she is aware already of what this means "Ideally this type of cancer should be found and treatment started before it reaches stage 2" even with my lack of knowledge I'm aware that this isn't good. "Rosie, I'm really sorry but your cancer is terminal, it has metastasised to your lungs" Rosie looks like she is on shock "I have been feeling short of breath" the doctor nods "I'm afraid that will only get worse, we need to start you on chemotherapy immediately to hopefully stop the spread but this is purely to extend the inevitable" she is saying that Rosie is going to die? "How long would I have with the treatment and how long without?" Rosie asks "With treatment I would say maximum 5 years, without we are looking at 12 months" I cant fully believe what I'm hearing, surely this is all a horrendous dream? "Okay, will I be able to continue to work?" She questions and the doctor looks sympathetic "the treatment will make you feel awful, I wont stop you from working but your employer needs to be made aware that you are in end stage cancer and that you will need support" My heart breaks hearing what the doctor is saying "Also Rosie, there is another sensitive issue that arose from your urine test, you are pregnant but in order to start the chemotherapy we would need to terminate the pregnancy" Rosie immediately shakes her head "I'm pregnant?" The doctor nods "it wouldn't survive the treatment" she explains and Rosie shakes her head "Then I'm not having any treatment, I will take the 12 months and have my beautiful baby" she says and I look at her in shock "Rosie you cant!" I say and she frowns "Either way I'm gone, at least you can both have each other" she argues and I can't believe that she is making this decision "But I don't want less time with you Rosie, I want the 5 years!" I say and she smiles softly "5 years of me spending my life in and out of hospital, feeling sick and dying anyway or 12 months of happiness and a baby? There is only one choice for me" she says before telling the doctor who cant disagree with her wishes but I can't help my anger from bubbling under the surface.