Our lips conjoin once again, taking all the air from my body and filling me with devotion and warmth. I edge closer to him, wanting every single piece of him next to every single piece of me. I caress his cheek with my hand, gasping as he pulls me closer to him. My arm drapes behind his neck, tugging at his hair.
"What the hell is going on here?!"
My blood freezes inside me as I swiftly peel myself off of Ferris and stare at the person near the door. Dad. His eyes are burning through mine, setting fire to my bones. Ferris jumps up and clears his throat, glancing at me before focusing his eyes on my dad.
"I'm gonna... I'm gonna go." Ferris stammers before he gives me an awkward wave and uncomfortably scuttles past my dad.
"What the hell are you doing?" Dad shouts as soon as he hears the front door closing behind Ferris.
"Dad-"
"No, Kaylee!" He bellows, stepping closer to me. "What is wrong with you? You are just like your brother!"
"What happened with Daniel was diff-"
"Kaylee!" He screams, jolting me out of my thoughts. "Do you never learn? Who is that boy?"
"He's a friend from college."
"You kiss all your friends like that?" He asks, running his hand through his dark hair.
"I don't know, okay!" I cry, leaping off the sofa and standing in front of my dad. "I know that I shouldn't be doing half of the things that I am doing, but... I can't stop."
"What are you saying?" My dad asks, taking a small step away from me.
"Dad... I don't know." I whisper, admitting defeat.
Silence.
"You're mum was just like you." He reveals.
"How?" I question.
"When she was your age, she had no control over what she was doing and she was a mess. She slept with nearly every boy at that damned college and nobody stopped her. Not even your stubborn grandparents."
Wow. I didn't know that my mum was such a disaster at college. That would probably explain her inability to look after her children.
"And now you're following in her footsteps. You're right around the corner of being kicked out too."
What?! Kicked out? Dad kicked mum out?
"Kicked out? You kicked mum out?" He didn't say anything, instead, a small smirk played on his lips, spreading wider by the second. "I thought she left! This entire time, and I thought she walked out!"
"God, Kaylee. Get a grip. That woman doesn't belong in this family anymore so you have to forget about her."
"She is my mum!"
"Who couldn't raise you!"
My eyes are bulging and my cheeks are blazing with heat. I could feel my heartbeat accelerate with every word that left my mouth, cutting through the cumbersome atmosphere.
In this moment, this heart breaking, distressing moment, I realise that I'm just a tiny heartbeat in this ever pointless and entropic journey we like to call life, as I float further into the cruel, callous abyss of black nothingness. And there's nothing I can do to escape the feeling of complete failure and will to live. I wish that I had a small amount of hope and energy to carry on hiking down this uneven road, avoiding all the bumps and collisions. But somewhere deep inside of me I know that I can't live life without any imperfections, that I've just gotta keep going and give this idle, unavailing life everything I have, and hope that in the end, I can walk out unscathed.
"You can't keep hoping for that woman to come back and 'bring happiness' to your life again, she won't be there for you when you need her most, she isn't here for you now!"
"I know, dad. Look... I can't have this conversation with you, I'm going to my friends house for a while. Don't wait up for me." I quickly grab my phone and saunter past my dad, turning around to just say one more thing. "And FYI, you aren't here for me either." With that, I turn on the heel of my foot and leave the room.
***
I slam my bedroom door behind me, bursting into tears as soon as I flop onto my bed. Why must everything be so complicated? Why must I have to complicate everything in my life so much that I can barely stand at the end of it? Why do I have to be so arrogant to every person that I love? Why do I have to push away all the people that make me happy? Why can't I allow myself to be selfish and greedy once in a while? I wished that I could answer these questions right here, in this moment where it's just me and everyone around me is a distant memory.
Suddenly remembering to call Sophia, I bring up her number on my phone. When she doesn't answer, I leave her a quick message.
Can you come to Christina's house whenever you can make it?
When she doesn't reply, I hurriedly jump off of my bed and fling open my wardrobe, scanning the minimal amounts of clothing that I have. My eyes rest on the cream tank top that my mum bought for me last year. Hesitantly, I reached out and yanked it off the hanger, peeling off my dress and slipping on the tank top. My mind wanders to the first time I wore it, the day that my dad had stayed out all night, to come stumbling into the house at six in the morning. I shudder at the memory whilst pulling on a pair of white jogging bottoms.
Grabbing my phone, I quickly open my bedroom door and run down the wooden stairs, slipping on my shoes before racing out of the house, starting my trek to Christina's house.