Author's note:
So, here's the chapter after the long wait hehe:) I'm doing a writing competition, so I've been a bit slack on this one:( but here it is;)
chapter six.
Stuck in her daydreams,
Been this way since 18 (15) but lately,
Her face seems, slowly sinking, wasting.
-The A Team (Ed Sheeran)
Waking up in the morning was... relieving for me.
I know... that's different. Most people hated waking up, but I liked it because it reminded me that I had lived another day despite all the lost and loneliness. It made me grateful. I wake up... rather early for the lifestyle of the British people. At least Jack and Finn, anyways.
So, I decided that I would edit the video me and Jack took yesterday and upload it. It was a rather easy video to edit, so it only took about an hour and a half. When I was done, it was about 11:00 am and the twins (I'm not sure which one) had woken up and was walking downstairs. I put on a large t-shirt, some shorts, my bracelets and then walked to the bathroom, bringing my toothbrush and all that stuff with me.
I brushed my teeth, fixed my messy hair in a small bun and washed my face. And for the first time, I went out of the bathroom door fresh-faced around Jack and Finn. I even wore my rectangular reading glasses. Since Jack was no longer an option and Finn would never be an option, I decided that it didn't matter if I looked like shit around them.
"Good morning," I greeted whoever was in the kitchen. I couldn't tell- Jack's back and Finn's back were exactly the same, I swear.
He jumped, and "Holy fucking shit!" was heard echoing through the kitchen. My eyes widened a little as I heard the crash of a milk carton hit the counter, and milk started spilling a little. He turned around, and I realised it was Finn.
"Shit, are you all right! Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed, walking quickly towards him. He was currently trying to mop up the milk that had spilled with a rather dirty looking rag.
I could feel that he was pissed when he turned around and I was unintentionally or intentionally pinned against the counter. "God, what the fuck is wrong with you?" He snarled. "Why do you think that when I have everything organised so well, you can just barge in and change everything? Who are you anyways?" I was now up against the counter, and he was pressing against me, and I don't know if it was on purpose or not. Too close, too close. I couldn't breathe, he was too close to me. Fear clouded my mind, I didn't want to think- I can't stop- I can't brea-
I couldn't see anything- just light green. I think those are Finn's eyes.
Holy- I think I'm kissing Finn, because there's something soft against my lips, and something was prying my lips open. It wasn't gentle at all. There was so much hatred, so much anger and passion. There was something else, something different, but I can't place it. I think I was kissing back, because my lips were moving on their own accord. I don't even know why I know what to do; this was only the second time I had ever kissed anyone.
Suddenly, his hands- wet from the milk, were sliding down my arms. One hand was pushing my bracelets up so he could grasp my wrist, while the other one was already successfully grabbing my other wrist.
As sudden as it happened, it all stopped. The kiss stopped, his lips remained on mine, but the movements stopped. Instead, he was pushing my bracelets further up, to feel my wrist better. I didn't understand at first, but then I realised what he was doing. I leaned back quickly, and he pulled back to stare at me, shock written all over his face.
My wrist remained in his hand for a few minutes before I pulled it away violently and replaced my bracelets. I turned away, turning extremely red at the realisation that I had just given away my darkest secret to Finn Harries- the person who hated me.
"Do you have any coffee?" I asked quietly.
"Top cabinet," he answered, but I could tell he was looking at me, even though he sounded nonchalant.
I got the powdered coffee beans out and started brewing it. I heard a click, and looked sideways to see Finn brewing his tea, which I assumed he did every morning. We stayed like that awkwardly for a few minutes before we broke the silence.
"Was that-"
"No."
Frustrated, he started again. "Do you-"
"No."
And then there was silence again. It was clear that I didn't want to talk about it.
"I won't tell anyone."
"Tell what?" I feigned complete innocence.
"You know what I'm talking about," he mocked for the second time. I turned away from him, pouring the coffee into a random mug. And then casually, I just snapped the elastic on my wrist again. This unfortunately drew his attention again. Suddenly, it dawned on him. "Boredom or awkwardness, huh?"
I merely blinked at him.
"You're so difficult!" He half-shouted, earning a groan from upstairs as he did so.
"Will you two shut up!" Jack yelled. "I'm trying to sleep!"
"It's bloody 11! Wake up!" Finn retorted just as loudly.
A pissed off Jack was dragging himself down the stairs. "What the fuck guys? What's wrong with both of you? What the fuck are you two fighting about?"
Finn started, "She-"
"You said you wouldn't say anything!" I yelled at him, scared that he would actually say something. I couldn't let Jack know, no matter he liked me or not, whether I mattered to him or not. Jack was Jack, and he couldn't know about this.
"So now you admit you're hiding something!" He shouted at me.
"I didn't say anything!"
Jack groaned again, and gave a loud scream. We turned to look at him weirdly. "Can you leave each other peace, please? You're giving everyone in this neighbourhood a headache. Finn, leave her alone, what she's hiding is her own business."
I thought my heart broke that it didn't matter to Jack what I was hiding. I figured that I did want Finn to ask after all, I wanted him to break my walls down, and I wanted him to care what I was hiding, what my secret was.
I glared at Finn, and thanked Jack quietly, to which he gave a grunt of acknowledgement.
"Now can we go out to have breakfast please?" Jack asked after we all went quiet.
We looked at each other, and went to our respective rooms to change into something more appropriate to go out in. I picked out a cold shoulder blouse in case Finn accidentally touches my wrist, and a pair of light wash vintage shorts. I released my hair from my bun, which resulted in wavy hair, and then put on the lightest makeup I could manage without cringing at my reflection.
We went to Starbucks, and I bought a blueberry muffin. Finn looked at it, and smirked, saying, "Hashtag muFinn and post it on instagram."
"I can't. I don't have instagram," I replied, then seeing his incredulous face, I added, "I use a Blackberry!"
He shook his head, and took a picture of us with my muffin before posting it on his own instagram with the captions: Chanel Romanov just bought a blueberry #muFinn. How delicious:p
Jack laughed at the caption, and I just shrugged at it. For the first time, Finn and I were getting along fine. We weren't screaming at each other to fuck off and he wasn’t being uncivilised with me. He didn't attempt to bring up the subject of... well, that. We were actually having fun, which was kind of ridiculous.
That afternoon, we talked, had ran around in the park like a bunch of kids, and I had the most fun I had had in months. We were exhausted out of our minds when we got home, collapsing on the sofa in a heap. Then, I suggested we watch a movie. After taking showers and changing into our pyjamas (in my case, a large t-shirt and shorts, in their cases, t-shirt and boxers), Jack suggested a horror movie, and to both of their suprises, I agreed, mainly because I wasn't very intimidated by horrow movies.
Finn ended up choosing Saw, which instead of a horror movie, was a gore movie. The sofa arrangements were a bit weird. I was sitting in the middle, while Jack and Finn were both sprawled sideways next to me. Sitting in the middle, I pulled my legs up to feel more secure.
However, since it was a gore movie, instead of being all fearless and amused like I would be, I was grossed out and disgusted throughout the film. Finn manage to somehow shift so that I was half-leaning across his body, hiding my face in his shorts.
I couldn't see properly, but I'm sure Jack was smirking over at Finn while Finn glared at him. I don't think any one of us were actually focusing on the actual film itself. We were all focused on different things. Me on the pattern of Finn's shorts, Finn on my bracelets (which I pretended to ignore) and Jack on Finn and me (which I also pretended to be more absorbed in Finn's shorts).
When the movie ended, I was pretty much sure that Finn and Jack were asleep. After all, no one was really watching. I settled on falling asleep in this position. Better take this chance now while I still have it. I guarantee that tomorrow, Finn would be back to hating me all over again, and Jack would... still be supporting me but physically with his girlfriend again.
About five hundred and seventy eight breaths later, I fell asleep to counting the up and down rhythm of Jack's chest.
End Notes:
Errrmmm, yeah:) Still Filiza aha, I know, but you won't see Jaliza for a long time. Which pairing do you like? I'm a Jack girl obviously, so I'm all for Jaliza.