The candles twinkled in the night; it wasn’t windy so they didn’t flicker roughly like I’d thought they would. It was… truly beautiful. I found myself smiling as I walked down the path, but I looked down at the ground the whole time. I didn’t want to look up and see what was ahead, I wanted to not have time to think. I wanted to live for the moment, not plan it out. The only sound was my feet padding on the concrete path, and I took a few deeps breaths and shoved my hands into my hoodie pocket, I’d had it in my schoolbag in case I’d need to hide away from the world. My bag thudded against the back of my legs repeatedly, and I could feel my books through the thin material as they hit the back of my thighs.
It felt as if I’d been walking for over ten minutes, but as I contemplated the minutes in my mind, the path came to a stop. I halted and slowly looked up, flicking my hood off in the process. The candles spread out into a sitting area, they were placed on benches and on steps. I sucked a breath it, it looked surreal. And there, on one of the benches with a guitar on the seat next to him, was Ryan Follese.
I felt my heart beat increase, and I stepped forward cautiously. My mind screamed at me to run, knowing that if I talked to him I would fall in love all over again. Although, I never really broke out of it… I’d always loved him.
Ryan lifted his chin, a gesture to say ‘come, sit’ and so I did. I cleared my throat as I sat down, but my eyes never left his. The soft candlelight flickered against his face, and I could see he’d cleaned himself up. There was no stubble above his lips from where his moustache sometimes grew, but not even a quick cleanse could get rid of the bags under his eyes. I suddenly felt so guilty; I was doing this to him.
“Hi,” he whispered. “You actually came.”
Ryan reached his hand out and set it across my knee, but I didn’t pull away. His touch… it sent shivers through me. I’d missed it. I’d missed his hands on my face, his fingers tucking hair behind my ears, his palms sliding down my waist… I’d missed it all. And it hurt. A lot.
“Yeah,” I agreed. We sat there in silence for a moment. “So, what’s all this?”
He suddenly took my hand in both of his. “I miss you, Blair. So much it hurts. And I know you’ve missed me too, you just won’t admit it-“
“I’ll admit it,” I said meekly. “I’ve missed you so much. And I don’t think I’ll ever get over you. I’ve been trying but... it’s impossible.”
He smiled slightly. “Don’t try to get over me, follow your heart.”
I breathed air out of my nose in frustration.
“What does it say?” he asked.
“What?”
“Your heart?”
“It’s hard to tell when it’s shattered into a million pieces,” I grumbled. He laughed nervously.
“I know the feeling.” My face fell at that. “Oh, God Blair I didn’t mean to say that, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault that it-“
“It is, and we both know it.”
We both looked down at our laps, Ryan had pulled his hands back when he thought he’d offended me. I suddenly felt cold, so I shuffled along the seat to be closer to him. He took the hint, but slowly wrapped an arm around me, careful not to move too fast. I snuggled into him.
“I miss this,” he mumbled into my hair.
“Me too,” I replied, reaching my hand up to grasp onto his ‘Van Fuckin’ Halen’ shirt. “Aren’t you cold?”
He chuckled. “Freezing. But the things I would do for you Blair… suddenly sitting in 6 degree weather for an hour seems like nothing.”
I smiled, feeling my control slip away. Why did I have to stay away from him? It made me happy.
“So, I have a few surprises for you tonight.” He pulled away and clapped his hands, rubbing them together.
“A few?” I asked, surprised. Well, it worked. I was surprised.
He laughed. “A few.” Ryan leant down and picked up his guitar, leaning it on his knee. He started strumming it, and it took me a moment to realise what song he was playing. Sleeping With Sirens - All My Heart. There was a pang in my chest as I recalled most of the lyrics. They related perfectly. He started to sing, and I just wanted to melt.
“There's so many things that I could say, but I'm sure it would come out all wrong. You've got something that I can't explain. Still I try and try and let you know. That first summer we spent, one could never forget. Looking for any kind of reason to escape all the mess that we thought is what made us ain't it funny now? We can see. We're who we're meant to be.”
I felt a tear slide down my cheek. His voice was angelic, it made my stomach whirl. I watched his fingers as they changed chords, how they glided perfectly along the frets.
“You still have all of my. You still have all of my. You still have all of my heart.”
He looked deep into my eyes, as if portraying words to me and hoping I could understand. It sounded silly, but I swear I could feel the pieces of my heart being picked up and glued back together. Metaphorically, of course.
“There's too many times I have to say, I could have been better and stronger for you and me. You always make me feel okay. Those late summers we spent, stay up talking all night. I'd ask "you think we'd ever make it?" You'd say "I'm sure if it's right.” Ain't it funny to think just how stupid I used to be? Hope you always believe.”
Everything in the world stopped, there was no other sound besides the guitar and Ryan’s voice. He’d picked a perfect song, something that I would always remember. Even if we didn’t get back together… I would never forget this.
“You still have all of my. You still have all of my. You still have all my heart. You still have all of my. You still have all of my. You still have all my heart.”
In my head I sung along to the song, but I didn’t dare sing out loud. It felt as if my voice wasn’t there, that if I talked it would come out as a squeak instead. The next lyrics really caught me, so relatable.
“Let them talk and talk and talk. Let them say what they want. We will laugh at the thought they don't know what we've got. Every year that goes by, a year older we are. You'll still be beautiful then, bless your beautiful heart.”
‘Let them talk and talk and talk, let them say what they want.’ It was… wow. It changed my mind on the whole situation. What did I care was some lowlives thought of Ryan and I? It was our relationship. And I wasn’t ready to leave it all behind yet.
“They'll talk and talk and talk. How crazy is it? Someone could waste their whole life, helplessly,
Just patiently waiting for a love like you and me. You still have all of my. You still have all of my. You still have all my heart.”
He stopped and looked down, and I saw a tear slide down his cheek. Since there was no longer any music being played, it was completely silent. I saw Ryan hastily wipe the tear away, setting down the guitar back where he’d left it beforehand. As there was no object blocking me now, I dove into his arms, almost knocking him off of the bench. He was surprised at first, but after realizing what was happening he wrapped his arms tightly around me. I felt warm tears run down my face, soaking into his shirt. When he felt the dampness he brought me closer, so I was now sitting sideways on his lap. Ryan nuzzled his face into my shoulder, and we sat there for a few moments. Just holding each other, forgetting about everything else. I took in the moment, wanting to remember it after this was all over. How he smelt of strong cologne, how his hands spread across my back, the warmth of his body. There were so many things that made my heart beat faster, just the little things. That’s all it took.
We both pulled away at the same time, but not far. I was still in his lap, now gazing into his eyes. I pulled my hand back from behind his neck and rested it across his jaw, caressing it with my thumb.
“Ryan,” I whispered, the sound barely audible.
“Shh,” he said, putting a finger over my lips. He inched closer and I knew what was happening. But I didn’t want to stop it. I closed the distance, pressing our lips together. The little voice in my mind was screaming that this was wrong, but for once I ignored it. I was going with my heart this time, scared that if I abandon it again it would re-shatter. It felt… whole again. Our lips moved in sync, and he brought me closer again, our bodies against each other. I pulled back a little, biting his bottom lip, causing him to let out a soft groan.
“Blair,” he breathed. “I love you.”
I paused. If I didn’t say it, it would surely hurt him… but I couldn’t lie anymore. “I love you too,” I murmured truthfully against his lips.
“We should,” he said between kisses. “We should talk about this. Our relationship I mean.”
“Uh-huh,” I replied, still focused on kissing him and not his words. He opened his mouth, inviting me in. I felt my stomach do flips, I’d missed this all too much.
“No, seriously,” he said, pulling back from me. I felt as if a sudden blast of cold air had been blown across my face. Didn’t he… didn’t he want this? “We need to talk. I can’t kiss you again until I know you won’t walk away.”
I looked down at my hands, which were fiddling with the material of my jeans. “I…”
“Blair,” he said playfully. “Don’t hold back.”
“Since when have I ever held back?” I replied cheekily. He chuckled and shifted his grip on my waist.
“Just tell me what’s on your mind.”
I sighed. “You know I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Every day, almost everything reminds me of you. And I hate myself for what I did… I really do. But you learn to deal with haters, you have to. I just couldn’t. All those messages, the photos, how they got my number. It was all too much. And instead of telling you, I just thought it would all go away if you did. I’m so sorry Ryan, I’m so sorry,” I sobbed, resting my head in the dip of his neck, where his shoulder was.
“Baby, it’s alright,” he cooed, tightening his grip on me. “But did it go away?”
I knew he was expecting me to say no. So he could prove his point, so we would get back together. But I couldn’t lie to him. “Yes,” I whispered. “It went away.”
He did a double take. “It did?”
I nodded, placing my right hand on his cheek. “But that doesn’t matter to me anymore,” I murmured, shaking my head quickly. “I need you, and if it gets me hate, then I’m willing to deal with it.”
“Blair…” He sighed. “You don’t have to do that for me. Don’t get me wrong, I would do anything to get you back, but I don’t want you to get told to kill yourself over it. I’d rather have you alive and avoiding me than gone forever and not coming back…”
“I won’t ever do that again Ryan. I want to be with you,” I’d moved closer, and our lips were almost touching again.
“You want to? You really want to?”
I nudged him. “Don’t make me change my mind,” I said jokingly.
“Seriously Blair, are you sure? You won’t… you won’t walk away again? Because you’ll always have my heart. Sure, you might crush it into a thousand pieces, but it’s still all yours.”
“And my heart is all yours. I love you, Ryan. And I’m sorry for what I did… please, please take me back.”
He smirked, pressing his lips against mine as he said, “I thought you’d never ask.”
* * *
Ryan and I had sat in the park for a long time, just in each other’s arms and talking casually. As soon as he’d taken me back, we pushed the problem behind us, trying to forget it all. This was the only chance we’d have to start again, and that’s what we wanted to do. I would never get sick of his jokes, his compliments, the way he kissed my head when I’d make him laugh. And his laugh… I’d never get sick of that. The Tennessee night was cold, the wind had picked up slightly, but not enough to blow out the candles, just enough to lick the flames and make them dance. Having Ryan’s arms around me made it considerably warmer, though.
“You have the lamest -- and most offensive -- jokes,” I giggled, after he’d told me one about Sarah Jessica Parker walking into a bar. I think you know where that one went.
“I know, but you laugh, so I’m not stopping,” he laughed. “What about this one-“
I groaned.
“Hey! You’ll love it, I promise.”
(A/N haha who remembers this? I may not have got it word for word) “Okay, so a panda walks into a bar, right? He orders food, shoots the bartender, and walks out. Why?”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know, why?”
“Because that’s what a panda does. He eats shoots and leaves.”
I couldn’t help it, I laughed. Not because the jokes was entirely funny, but because it just felt right.
“Wow, you really outdid yourself there,” I replied sarcastically. This time he rolled his eyes, leaning down to kiss my nose. He pulled away instantly.
“Oh! I almost forgot,” he exclaimed. “Well, I didn’t actually forget, I was just waiting for the right moment. Now’s as good as ever.”
“What?”
“You’ll see,” he winked. Ryan reached down into his guitar case, lifting up his guitar of which he’d placed carefully in there an hour or so ago. Underneath was an envelope, and it was sealed with a gold sticker.
“What’s that?”
He held a hand up to silence me. “Let me speak, okay? Just let me speak,” he said playfully. “I have to get this right.”
I smiled at him and shook my head at his words. He took a few deep breaths, staring down at the envelope as if it held my own death in it. What was going on?
“So I did this for you… I knew how much it meant, and I just had to, even if we hadn’t gotten back together.”
Now I was really confused. What could possibly be in that envelope that could be so important? Ryan stood up and walked in front of me, getting down on one knee. I didn’t think anything of it, but his next words really made it clear. “Ryan, wha-“
“I know I don’t have a ring, but this should do for now. When you’re at the legal age I’ll buy you the most expensive ring I can find for you, because you mean that much.”
He had to remind me that I was 17, didn’t he? But what- a ring?! Did he just say that. Wait, was he… was he…
“Are you…”
“Yes. I’m proposing. With this. Now open it before I have to do it for you.”
“I-I…” He pushed the envelope into my hands. I looked down at him.
“But first,” he smiled deviously. “I need answer. What do you say? Will you marry me?”
I stared at him, eyes wide, mouth open, heart racing and stomach in knots. He laughed and cupped my face in his hands. “You don’t have to answer straight-“
“Yes,” I replied instantly, not having to think about it. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I also want a diamond ring, but yes. I will marry you.”
Ryan laughed at my joke in the middle, obviously getting my humour. He leaned in and kissed me, soft at first but then moving on to something deeper. That was when I lost myself, and when kissing him felt this amazing, I didn’t want to be found. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in, moving from his lips to the skin above his collar bone. He sucked in a breath as I ran my tongue along the bone, and pulled away enough to murmur in my ear, “easy, open the envelope.”
“Okay,” I sighed, pulling away and ripping the top of the envelope. I took out the paper and the first words I saw shocked me into silence.
BLAIR EVERTY, SIGNED TO JIVE RECORDS.
A/N... there's a little surprise after this hehe... but you'll have to wait a day or so. I'm sorry! But it will be well worth it c: ♥