Minho and Lex found themselves debating at her front door again. Though this time she remembered to let him in. As soon as the door was shut, they fired up again. It was strikingly similar to the same argument he had with Chan. But he stood his ground.
"Aren't you noticing this pattern? Isn't this getting old?" Lex contested. She wasn't upset at Minho, but the whole situation. A fight happens, she goes home, Minho comes over to apologise and make up. This was no way to work. She knew when she wasn't wanted. Lex stomped her foot in frustration.
"How am I supposed to be part of your gang when your leader and I don't even see eye to eye? It doesn't help that some of them don't even want to speak with me." She continued ranting. Lex was being offered an opportunity to get money and potential accommodation with them. How could she refuse? She had given it a chance out of desperation but now she was starting to reconsider. Was it even worth it? Would she be off better working on her own and maintaining a friendship with Minho personally?
"I... I don't know, Lex. I'm sorry," Minho admitted sympathetically if not shamefully. "Do you think you could give it one more chance? I want to help you and I want us to be closer."
Lex sighed, plopping on her couch. She was surprised Chan hadn't just kicked her out. "I mean, I don't have any better options? I was already breaking into places and getting into ring fights before I met you. I'd be dumb to leave but it's starting to feel like more trouble than it's worth. Besides, I might get myself kicked out before I even get to make that choice."
"I know," Minho sighed. "This might be unhelpful, but Jeongin and Felix like you, and Han of course."
"That's true I suppose." Lex shrugged, smiling slightly. She did enjoy their presence and how welcome they made her feel. Was it enough to outweigh the members that disliked her?
"That's nice to hear. That makes half of your gang." Lex huffed, crossing her arms. "I don't know what else to do."
"One more chance, please." Minho grasped both of her hands in his. "That was Chan's ultimatum too. What do you say? If it doesn't work out then I won't stop you from leaving."
"Why do you want this to work out so bad? Can't you just let it be?" Lex asked, finally curious as to why he was so determined. Maybe it wasn't about the gear anymore, Minho just seemed desperate for her to stay. "It just feels like beating a dead horse, Minho."
Minho was stuck for a response, his face contorted in frustration. It seemed like there was something on the tip of his tongue that he couldn't quite admit.
"Minho, what's your true intention with me?" Lex asked one final time. Whatever it was, she wanted to hear. Was he using her? Did he feel guilty? Or did he truly? Was it a mix of those? She needed to know.
He wasn't sure what came over him, but the stress brought tears to his eyes, and he turned around abruptly until he shoved down the urge to. He felt embarrassed that this was the second time he had done it. Lex wasn't sure how to react to his reaction.
"I just... I wanted you to have the chance I did. I want to make up for lost time and to help you in any way I can. I know you're strong enough on your own. But I wanted to invite you into the family you never had, that we never had." Minho was eventually tearing up again. He let himself be vulnerable in front of both Chan and Lex out of desperation. It was now or never for him to say how he really felt. No, he hated the idea that he was guilting them by crying
Lex's face dropped and she stopped frowning, staring at him sympathetically. His words struck a chord in her heart. Of course she wanted a family. Deep down she has always wanted it. But years of getting by alone taught her to rely on herself. People could lie, manipulate, cheat you.
If this was the truth about his motives, then she believed him. She would believe that he didn't have ulterior motives with her. It reassured her to hear it from Minho, whom she had been debating whether to fully trust. Lex gently placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Last time, okay? This is for me, for you and the rest of your gang. I know when I'm not wanted and I don't need to pretend I don't notice. You all will be fine without me, you already were weren't you?" Lex said softly. For once she was making a mature decision, and she planned to follow through with it. This was unlike any stress she's had before. She's always had to work around things on her own, or with the help of temporary people. Having to navigate around a whole group was daunting.
"I just want to give you that chance." Minho sniffled.
"I know Minho, but for some things... You just have to let it be."
Minho hugged her so tightly that Lex couldn't think of it as anything other than genuine. Lex closed her eyes and hugged him back, and suddenly it felt like when they were teenagers again, clinging on to each other during their adolescence. Deep down, their inner child still yearned for the same thing. Family.
~
Felix sat crossed leg on Jisung's bed while the other man sat in his desk chair, sketching a cartoon charter Felix couldn't recognise. The man was deep in thought, scrawling away on his paper. It was common for Felix to waltz into their room, generally enjoying hanging out with Minho and Jisung when they weren't busy doing their own thing. But tonight was different.
"Han?" Felix said, trying to grab his attention. Jisung hummed in response to indicate he was listening. Felix uncrossed his legs. "Are you okay?"
Jisung glanced up from his drawing and around, widening his eyes and landing on Felix. He could've sworn he saw the cogs turning in Jisung's head. There was a lot on his mind, he could tell.
"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine, why?" He responded unconvincingly. Felix scoffed, knowing he was lying. He had come into Jisung's room to accompany him while Minho was gone and to check up on him. His attempt to approach Hyunjin was met by his fierce demeanour, and so he left him alone, choosing to bother Jisung instead.
"You are? I know when you're lying, you know." Felix said, tilting his head, though he was fibbing a bit himself. He was teasing him of course, knowing what effect Minho's name had on him.
"What, how?" Jisung's eyebrows furrowed.
"Your eyes dart around a bit and your mouth becomes small. According to Minho anyway." Felix explained, shrugging. He smirked at Jisung's widened eyes.
"Minho told you that?" Jisung asked, maybe even with a little excitement. Felix found it funny that he missed the point and chose to acknowledge a smaller detail. Still, he was dodging the question.
"Not even the point of what I was saying." Felix rolled his eyes playfully. "Wanna talk about what's wrong?"
Jisung stared at him, contemplating whether he wanted to confide in him. After a moment, he sighed and dropped the pencil. Of course he wasn't okay, not with what's currently going on. Sides were being picked and there didn't seem to be a good outcome for either.
"Okay, you're right. I'm worried about the future of our gang. There's so much tension in the air that I can taste it." Jisung sighed, shaking his head. "On top of that, I'm worried about Minho. It's becoming stressful for the rest of us but I know he's under pressure with trying to please both sides."
Felix paused, comprehending his words. It all made sense, partially what he was thinking himself and had expected. The blonde man slid off the bed to his feet to stand behind Jisung. He placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"I understand how you feel. I'm also worried about how this is going to turn out. I feel kinda bad for Hyunjin."
"Me too. I didn't feel good siding against him but... well in that situation I think I did the right thing. I just don't want it to permanently damage our relationships, you know?"
Felix sighed. "Yeah. Even I'm starting to doubt it. I'm just hoping they work it out."
"Hopefully." Jisung shrugged. "But remember when he and I used to not get along? I mean we worked that out."
"That's true, but to be fair you were here first." Felix pointed out. It was true that Hyunjin didn't get along well with Jisung at first. They used to bicker with each other frequently, less aggressively than Chan and Lex. The two men put aside their differences after Jisung took care of Hyunjin after he had a bad reaction to his past. Hyunjin realised that he truly cared, and they respected each other after.
"I suppose so." Jisung rolled up his drawing and secured it with a small rubber band. "How are you?"
"Feel the same as you. Though thankfully it hasn't changed much between me and Changbin. Things haven't been awkward because we avoid talking about her to each other." Felix responded, bringing a fresh wave of relief. At least some things were going right in a time where everything was going wrong.
"Well, that's good. I'm actually sort of glad no one is roommates with Hyunjin right now. That invites all sorts of troubles." Jisung tucked away his drawing on the shelf, then added as an afterthought, "Well actually, he might be feeling lonely right now. I take that back."
"Yeah well, I tried to talk to him before but he was kinda upset at me."
"Chan will probably talk to him anyway."
Felix hummed in agreement before giving Jisung a hug from behind. "Well, I'm retreating back to my room. Goodnight!"
"Goodnight!"
~
Chan knocked on Hyunjin's door. A disgruntled 'what!' sounded from the other side, as he expected. He had heard from the other members that Hyunjin had been giving them the cold shoulder. Knowing he would talk to Chan, the leader decided to visit him after he retreated to his room for a secluded dinner.
"Can I come in?" Chan requested. He knew how to approach them when they were upset. It was the same formula. Respect their boundaries, and ask before pushing them.
"Whatever I guess," Hyunjin responded with a bite before he could stop himself. He was agitated at anyone and everyone, even at himself. Chan opened the door and leaned on the door frame. Hyunjin was in his bed, scrolling through social media on his phone, a pout prominent on his lips. He had barely glanced at his leader.
"How are you feeling?"
"Fine, I don't know?" Hyunjin retorted, not even glancing up. He was mad but toned it down for Chan. Although he was starting to feel a little guilty about being mean to Jisung before. He usually felt guilty after his outbursts, but he was too stubborn to admit it. Jeongin was able to get him to snap out of it most of the time. But even he decided to leave Hyunjin alone for a bit to give him space.
"Wanna talk about it?" Chan offered kindly. If there was one thing that worked well for their gang, it was their empathy. Someone was always there to check up on the other, even if they were too stubborn to accept it.
Hyunjin sighed and placed down his phone, sitting up. Chan moved to sit beside him. He didn't respond immediately, recollecting his thoughts as he hugged a pillow close to him. After a moment, he responded quietly, "Do the others not like me? Why do they continue to side with her?"
Chan noted his tone and the way he was hunched over his pillow, realising he felt insecure. Hyunjin had been processing the meeting in his room for the last few hours and kept drawing up blanks as to why they wanted to give Lex another chance.
"I don't know, they must be seeing something we aren't." Chan moved to sit beside him. "But they do care about you. I know they do, they're not acting like it right now but you're still their brother."
Hyunjin took a different approach with his next question. "Why are YOU giving her that chance?"
Chan sighed and rubbed at his face. "I don't like her as a person, or at all really. But... I don't know. I guess I think she might eventually be useful someday, not with her gear or whatever. I'm giving Minho the benefit of doubt. I'm sorry you have to suffer because of it."
Hyunjin turned his gaze to the floor, tucking the pillow under his chin. He breathed out heavily as he closed his eyes. "I just don't want us to end up regretting it. Do you think they're mad at me?"
"I think they're more worried about you being mad at them," Chan reassured. "Remember, at the end of the day, you're a higher priority than her."
"She is annoying though."
"You're not wrong. I can't stand her arrogance."
"Sort of reminds me of how you used to be," Hyunjin said, smiling slightly. Chan scoffed and shook his head.
"Yeah, but like many people, I grew up."
Hyunjin tucked some hair behind his ear. "I really don't trust her. I wish the others could see where I'm coming from."
"You're right, it's not your fault you feel this way. I'm here for you, okay? I'm sorry this is hurting you. If she proves herself to be unworthy then she's out." Chan proposed. He wasn't sure how much truth was behind his words, but it seemed to have a positive effect on Hyunjin.
"And if she proves herself to be worthy?"
"We'll go from there. For now, I'll tell her to leave you alone if you leave her alone."
"Yeah, yeah okay that works."
Chan bumped his head against Hyunjin's affectionately ruffled the back of his long hair for good measure. Hyunjin appreciated how caring his leader was. While initially he was infuriated for letting such a thing happen, it put him at ease to know he was being heard. Chan returned to his room moments later, and he was left with his thoughts once more.
After 20 minutes of scrolling aimlessly on his phone, he decided to turn in for the night. He tucked himself into bed after switching the main light off but turning on his galaxy orb. Since there were no windows, the darkness sometimes became unbearable. The other members had some form of light in their rooms, but Hyunjin went above and beyond with his.
The starry lights calmed him down slightly, but he still carried the burdens of the previous nights. When he turned over in his bed, he stared at the other half of the room that he had refurbished within the last couple of years. He had more space than the others since he slept by himself.
Hyunjin's bedroom had space for many of his hobbies. He was grateful he had more room for it, but couldn't help but think about how the others had roommates. Minho and Jisung. Felix and Changbin. Seungmin and Jeongin. Had he befriended Jeongin earlier, they would've been roommates, but Seungmin and Jeongin came to the gang as a duo.
It made him sad to think about it. After all, he didn't always sleep alone in this room.
~
Published: 12th September 2021