The kiss was hot and heavy; I had never kissed anyone before but with Seth's lips; he had experienced a lot, and just thinking about him with other girls made me agitated. I pull him closer, making our bodies touch. His hands snake around my waist, and I feel a tingle. His lips were soft, and I craved more as our tongues intertwined.
"I don't find you repulsive, Terry, "Seth whispers in our kiss. "Otherwise, we wouldn't be kissing."
I didn't respond but continued to kiss him because the drug inside was still active, and I needed fifty percent of it out before things between Seth and me got out of hand. If this does involve removing our clothes, I'm afraid Seth will find out I'm a woman.
A bit sober, I pull apart, and we both mimic each other's breathing. Looking at each different eye, he is hungry for more, but behind those, I remember what he said: his eyes were genuine.
He doesn't see me as a freak. I'm not disgusting to him. The way he responds to my kiss means there is something that can happen. I don't know what I will do if he ever finds out; what will be between us? But until I have Eva and all the Order members are gone. I will confess everything to him.
I help myself up and turn my back. Closing my eyes, I took in my breathing and calmed my heart.
"Terry?" I feel Seth standing behind me. His closeness is causing my heart to engage. "About what we did...I..."
"Don't blame yourself," I cut him mid-sentence. I was not looking at him because I hid my warm, blushed face. I can't believe I did that to him. "I force myself on you. I'm sorry."
I'm sorry, I couldn't be the woman you wanted me to be.
I wanted to tell him, but I didn't have the heart to say it, and something inside me hurt.
I rub my chest where the ache lies above my heart.
Living like this is hard, but I don't regret it. It's my way of saving those before they succumb to the same fate as I was—the nightmare I had to endure. In the darkness, I had to walk. Those kids need a better life, and I will give them that even if it costs my life.
"Would you excuse me? I'll be taking Persephone home," I tell Seth without looking at him and walking out of the house.
"Terry."
I can feel he's upset. He wanted an explanation about this, about what just happened between us. Maybe he did not push me away because I was drugged and violated him. Was it because I was drunk and assumed that my conscience wasn't in its right mind?
I am never drinking again.
I touch my lips. I expected him to shove me off and look at me with disgust. A man and a female pretending to be a male kissed each other, but he accepted the kiss.
Does that mean...he...?
I shake my head out, not wanting to know the answer. "I need to get Persephone out."
I need to leave, too.
I spot her still with the children, but the two Order men are gone. They probably succeeded with the beer tactic or were stupid that I would pass out. It's good that they didn't take the child away, but if I were to stay long in the house, I would have failed my duty to protect her.
I need to find them, I say in my head. Ignoring the painful headache, I turn to the back door when a voice stops me from leaving.
"There you are, Terry," Claire steps before me. "The girls and I were worried about you. Is everything all right?"
Before I could answer, I heard the men call out Seth's name, and I could feel his presence behind me. My heart skipped a beat.
"Seth, darling, the cooler is running out of ice. What took you so long? Don was about to get you and check if you are fooling again." Claire says, and I look away to hide my heated face.
"I had to go to another store to get the bigger bag."
That was a lie. Of course, Seth couldn't say he and I were making out in the hall for at least twenty minutes.
"Oh," Claire glanced at me, then at Seth with a creepy yet beautiful smile. Although she isn't wearing any make-up, the pregnancy makes her glow beautifully. "Well, go on, but the ice away."
As Seth brings out the bag of ice, I stand in front of her. "I'm taking Persephone home."
"So soon?"
"Yeah, I'm a bit drunk, and Persephone is probably tired." I made an excuse, and I know Claire or anybody would find that hard to believe, but it's worth the shot.
"Nope, you are not leaving with alcohol in your system and driving home with a child," Claire put her hands on her hip. "You will stay in one of the guest rooms, and Persephone can sleep in Zara's bed."
"She has a bed? She's only how old?"
"Effie and Logan are just preparing in advance. But don't change the subject, Terry; I forbid you to leave in that drunken state."
"But-"
"Ah, no, young lady," Claire says in her mother's tone and stops me with her hand up. "You are staying for the night. No buts. No complaining."
She's treating me like a child. We are almost the same age, yet she's more experienced in dealing with stubborn people than I am.
I want to argue, but the drug is still in my system, pounding my head. Driving home with this would be a bad idea.
I rub my face and groan. "Alright, fine, but one night. Persephone and I are leaving first thing in the morning."
Claire then had her hands off her hip, crossed them over her chest, and looked at me with a sneer. "Why are you so eager to leave?" She glances over her shoulder where Seth is now with the children, playing. "Does it have to do with Seth?"
I look in the direction where I find Seth underneath the sand as the children continue to cover him.
"Why are you and Effie on my case, especially involving him?" I groan again, rubbing my temples. The drug has started to take effect.
"We are cousins; that is what we do when we are concerned about our family and also our friends," she declares and clarifies. I have known Claire for a while now, and we aren't close with her, but I consider her one of my own.
"Did something happen between you two?"
Thinking about the kiss made my whole body shiver, and the craving became so bad that it was unbearable to let go. "Nothing happened. I'm going back inside. Can you watch Persephone for me?"
"Of course, the room is upstairs and at the far end of the hall, and drink some cold water before you sleep."
I wave her off, stop standing at the doorway, and look at Seth one last time before I head inside to clear off my head.
I found the guest room like I know the place. Closing the door behind me, I plop on it with a loud sigh.
With my hand over my eyes, my mind blasts images of the kiss with Seth. "I can't believe I fucking did that?" I mutter. "With Seth of all people."
Though, the kiss wasn't bad. I'm not complaining about kissing Seth. I'm acting this way because he can't kiss another guy.
"But he didn't reject me," answering my conscience as if I'm fighting my other self.
Seth accepted the kiss. He let me in.
I hesitated to try another method instead of using him, but my body moved independently. I remove my arm away, looking up at the ceiling. The drug has been subdued for a while, and I'm fighting the aphrodisiac. My body still feels hot. I entered the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and washed my face with cold water. I removed my clothes and hopped in the shower with ice-cold water when that didn't work.
After a fifteen-minute shower, I look at myself in the mirror. I see my feminine body. Without the band hiding my breast, I see the scars, burnt marks, and other markings that have been with me since the beginning. Then I gaze at the small incision where I had a C-section. I caress the healed scar where my baby was pulled out from me. I had that procedure because I was still a child, and having a child growing inside me would have killed me. I hated myself for being pregnant. I hated that my baby shared the same DNA as the man who took my childhood away. I wanted to kill myself, but none of that worked. Eva had people watch me 24/7 because she didn't want anything to happen to the baby and me.
I appreciate her concern for my health, but she only wants my baby. I decided to kill it on the day of my baby girl's arrival, but I cried once I woke up after having a C-section and heard her cries. The moment the Order nurse had my baby girl beside me, healthy and trim, all my rage and hatred towards her died. Even so small, she smiles at me for the first time. My heart melted as I fell in love with my baby and changed my ways of protecting her instead.
Everything changed after her birth. I only have a few days with her before they take her away. I didn't want her to go. I just got her. She's mine. They can't take her away from me. But if I don't give it to Eva, she will kill my baby and the other newborns.
I couldn't do that with my child, especially the others. If I were to give her my baby, she would be in the hands of a pervert who would raise her to be his wife instead of his child.
Plop back on the bed, I close my eyes and think of the scariest decision I have ever made. I didn't want Eva to kill my baby, so I had to do it instead.
I cover my face as tears start to form. I burst silently into tears. I let the emotion flow. I grab the pillow from the bed and hug it tight. Curled me in a ball and cried on the pillow.
"My baby," I whisper. "Mommy is sorry. Mommy is sorry she couldn't protect you." I let my emotions run over me as I thought of her.
"I wasn't strong enough." I continue and sniffle. "I couldn't...I couldn't stop them. Your mommy is weak."
I sniffle and let the pillow go as I look over it with it still in my arms. My eyes are moist from the tears as they flow down my cheeks.
"I...I...," my voice stammering from this mental breakdown. "Mommy didn't give you a name."
Since she was born, I didn't give my daughter a name. Because if I have shown, I'll be attached to her once I have let her go. I don't want to give her name, knowing she wouldn't live in my life. She wouldn't experience her first steps, words, going to school, making friends, falling in love, getting married, and I wouldn't get to see that knowing she would leave me.
I will never have the chance because it's all Eva's fault.
Suddenly, my sadness turns to rage. My blood was boiling inside me as I clenched my pillow tight. Rising from the bed, I pulled out my phone. Speed dialing the number. It answers on the first ring.
"It's me, Kendall!" Hearing her cheery voice puts a smile on my face.
"Kendall, I need you to do something for me," I say seriously.
"Whatever you need, I'm at your service. What is it that you want me to do?"
"Hack in the Wolfe's security cameras from their home. Effie and her family are having a BBQ, but I noticed two unfamiliar men."
"Okay, hacking and checking the time stamp," I could hear the clicking of her keyboard on the other end of the call. "Now doing facial recognition. Got it! Names are Frankie Obispo and Lou Tavares."
"Just as I thought."
"Why are two Order lackeys of Sully doing at a BBQ party?" She asks.
"My question from the start when I noticed them. But from what I heard from Effie, they work at the Wolfe family auto shop."
"How did they know you would be there?"
"You can never be invisible under the eyes of the Order," I tell her. "They were here to get Persephone back."
"These damn Order bastards," I hear Kendall slam her hand. "If I can hack into the government missiles, I can bomb their asses and then go kamikaze on them."
I chuckle. "Easy there, tiger. As much as I want to join..." I cut off as the ache in my head started to pound.
"Cap, you okay?"
"Nothing to worry about; I drank some beer with aphrodisiac in it-"
"You what?!" She screams in my ear before I pull away. "Are you serious? Do you want me to send Warren there?"
I rub my temples. "No, it's fine."
"How can you be fine? It's an aphrodisiac. You know it's a type of drug...when...you..." she's stammering, and I couldn't help but grin. "And to get rid of it, you and a partner...you know..."
"I get the hint." I sigh. "Why are you so shy to say sex? You and Gunner-"
"Hey! That's between my hubby and me."
I chuckle.
"Are you sure you don't want me to send Warren?" I appreciate her concern, but I can endure it like all the other drugs I took as a child—the ones the Order feeds me.
"No, send me the locations of Frankie and Lou. I'll be fine," I toss the pillow aside and walk to the window to find some people leaving. "I need to find them as soon as they tell their master that Persephone is here. And I will have them regret putting that drug in me."
"I know that tone," Kendall says with a worrying voice, and she knows. "When you say it like that. Please don't tell me the gruesome details. Give me the PG version, not rated MA for a mature audience."
I love Kendall's humor when she says it like that. But I know she hates anything that involves open body parts.
"Don't worry," I smirk. "You will hear it as if it never happened."
Once I ended the call, Kendall immediately texted me the location. Another grin on my face made its peak from my lips. I put the phone back in my pocket and watched the moon. When everyone is asleep tonight, I will look for these new friends of the Wolfe brothers and welcome them with a surprise.