Seungyoun sighed, this was the last day at the coast his trip proved to have some nice outcomes. He never imagined Wang Ybo and Xiao Zhan to be that nearly close if they were different outcomes what would happen if there were different outcomes in destiny back in the days. Furthermore, whatever his uncle went through was the cruelest thing ever does he even remembers Bingwen in the first place. Seungyoun couldn't tell many thoughts were running through his mind at the moment, he should not have been nosy and decided to come and investigate whatever happened. Uncle Ren must have been traumatized for a long time without knowing. Was the history repeating itself with Yibo and Zhan that couldn't be happening right? But what were the chances of all that was really happening? How could grandfather Wang do that to uncle, is that the reason why he never wanted to bless Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan's marriage in the first place, did he use Uncle Ren for Yibo and Xiao Zhan to divorce, all this time while everybody was thinking Uncle Ren to be the bad guy he wasn't the bad guy at all. Seungyoun got more confused the more he used his brain to think of it. Then if that is it Grandfather Wang has already succeeded or did it?
°°°°°°°°
"Zhanzhan come on talk to grandmother what really happened" Chu Hua was in the seclusions of her room with Xiao Zhan and Wooseok " do you want to talk or do you want me to fish it out from pretty boy"
" Are you proud of me" Xiao Zhan whispered but with the silence of the room the two heard it loud and clear
" you know we are always proud of you" Chu Hua assured Xiao Zhan
" But why" Xiao Zhan asked " why are you proud of me, I ruin people lives I come between families I destroy their relationship with their families are you still proud of me after all that"
" Who wouldn't want to be proud of you, look at how many achievements you have, how far you have come, you are taking care of yourselves and others with one look everybody should be proud of you" Wooseok was this close of fighting whoever was saying some bad things about his 'Zhanzhan' " who said that, who said those things is it that old bastard did he say all of this"
Xiao Zhan smiled at Wooseok but you would see the tears in his eyes " I am not a bad person am I, I am not crazy right, I have not gone mad right"
The two caught their breaths what really happened to Zhan for him to start this proclamation.
" if I am not mad or crazy or even mad why do I keep thinking about him and every time I think about him I am always guilty, it drives me crazy you know" Zhan sniffled "We are divorced right now I am free that is what I want to think of it like, but I can't escape him I really cant. I have tried drinking medicine to stop it but I can't he is always in my mind even without trying. Why is it so hard to move on he has me tied up in these ropes that cant break free even how much I try I cant is this how someone is supposed to feel after a divorce" Xiao Zhan whispered the last part "I want to be happy, but I cant it seems like he was my happiness? I don't even have the urge to enjoy life anymore I really can't go without thinking about him"
" Isn't it heavy for you?" Chu Hua asked her grandson " the weight inside your heart isn't it too heavy for you to carry it you carry it so well nobody could have known what you were feeling "
" grandmother just because I carry it well doesn't it is not heavy, it is too heavy and suffocating for me it makes me want to end all of this right now"
" But what is stopping you, " Wooseok asked "Zhan what is stopping you from moving on"
" I don't know"
" Stop lying to yourself you very much know what is stopping you from moving on" Chu Hua " think about it what is it really stopping you from moving on what don't you want yourself to forget"
" His voice I don't want to forget it, his face I don't want to do it, his hugs I don't want to forget them" Xiao Zhan looked at his grandmother as if he was tired.
" But why Zhan, why can't you forget all of that" Wooseok asked again.
" Because he completes me, he was my home, he was the one who held every Fear every Beautiful Broken piece Of me, he was the drug to my anxiety fears pains and anger because he was the one who walked into my heart like he belonged there took down my walls and lit My soul on fire. Because I am still In love with him" Xiao Zhan looked down to his laps. And all of a sudden he felt tired the world had drained Him everything he ever had.
°°°°°°°°
What is love? How do you love? why do you love it? Why does one idolize the world love? Let's get all of this together. Love is that great to human beings do the humans really need it, would the humans survive without the word and the action love. Are humans really that desperate for it that they can go to great lengths to acquire it. Love is patient, love is kind It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres. Love never fails. Love it it is not that great what do you see in it. Love is not patient, love does envy, it does boast, it is proud, it does dishonor others, it is self-seeking, it is easily angered, it keeps records of wrong, love does delight in evil and rejoices in lies and deception, it will never protect, it will never trust, it will never hope, never perseveres. Love does fail. It is just a stupid emotion that makes people be in pain for its own gain. All of this crying and happiness just because of something and someone literally fuck off. Fuck love fuck everything fuck the person who invented love what were they thinking when they did it. Oh! Just because I get butterflies in my stomach and they make me feel good so that is love. Fuck all of that. Fuck everything. What they didn't say is that love will bring you pain, lots of it. Love will destroy you and it will never give you a chance to recover. Love will fuck you like a bitch it is and leave you to walk it off. Sometimes it feels right to know that falling in love is never one of the greatest things but the painful things after all what the fuck is love without the pain right?. Once a wise man said love is sometimes a battlefield and many of the brave soldiers die for it while the little ones who are left come out of it alive. And Yibo was one of the brave ones.
°°°°°°°
A month later Team Alpha was officially disbanded and ready to be shipped off to an island of Kiribati with four of the UN's organizations to help the Islanders who had sought help and they had received it. They didn't know how long they were going to be there but as one of the best elite teams in the world, they were prepared for the best and the worst.
" How was your little vacation Youn," one of the other three team Alpha's members asked ( Wenhan)
" Would you call it a vacation, many things happened by the worse of them all Captain finally signed his divorce papers and then disappeared out of nowhere" Seungyoun sighed
" Is he going to be okay"
" I don't really know, he disappeared to Kiribati the moment the papers were finalized" Seungyoun sighed " don't even bring up the word divorce in it we don't know how rogue he can go the moment he hears it" Seungyoun wasn't going to risk his team mates physical health Wang Yibo was a man capable of many things. Even though the team came perfectly fine when they started Seungyoun wants them to retire the same way even though they were going to carry their undiagnosed mental sickness they got from the army.
°°°°°°°
Qiao Ren saw his wife the last time nearly a month ago. At this point should he call her his wife or just his legal partner. Things started to make a lot of sense after he passed out at his friend's house. In his dream, there was someone calling him Li Jie over and over again was that person the Xiao Bingwen from that letters. Was Xiao Bingwen his first and last love? Qiao Ren knew he ever loved his wife in the first place but what made him so pathetic was that he decided to marry her. What happened those thirty years ago. Did he suffer from memory loss? Why weren't his friends answering his question who was Xiao Bingwen and what really happened 30 years ago? All of this thinking really made his head hurt. But for now, he had to sort the mess that was around him, like for first find out about Xiao Bingwen and talk to his 'wife' because if things were like the way they were it was not fair for her and him, it was not fair for them.