TRIGGER WARNING: HYPERVENTILATION, PANIC ATTACK, ASSAULT, TOXIC RELATIONSHIP. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU FIND IT UNCOMFORTABLE. THIS IS A PIECE OF FICTION AND INFORMATION WRITTEN HERE DOES NOT CONNECT TO THE REAL ARTISTS MENTIONED.
type: darkfic; disturbing(?)
trigger warnings: 4(trauma, bullying, toxic relationship, nightmares)
playlist: washing machine heart by mitski(slowed and reverbed)
word count: 1.6k words(one thousand six hundred and fifteen words)
It was a rainy day and it started pouring since early morning. You were at home, with your boyfriend Jungwon. You were snuggled up to him because it was being cold and you were afraid of thunder.
The clouds rumbled away as you made yourself comfortable in his arms. He ran his fingers through your hair, which relaxed you and you soon fell asleep. You started dreaming.
*ding*
The noise of your phone notification caught your attention. You just finished your homework and checked your phone. An unknown account DMed you on Instagram. You checked the message without accepting it.
Stop hanging out with Huening Kai Kamal.
Stay away from him.
Huening Kai was your (ex) boyfriend. Who is this? You decided to text back.
You: Excuse me? Who is this?
Them: You don't need to know who I am. Stay away from him.
You: Why should I? I love him.
Them: You better listen to me, Lee Y/N.
They know you. You got a little scared and blocked them. But a few days later, another account texted you.
Them: I told you to stay away from Kai. Why don't you listen to my words? Slut.
You: Why don't you reveal yourself and stop being a bitch?
You again blocked them. And this time, you got pretty irritated and decided to ask Huening Kai about it. You called him.
"Hello baby."
"Kai, someone is texting me on Instagram through fake accounts and telling me to stay away from you. Do you know anyone who might do it?"
"Uhhh n-no I don't think there's uh someone like that."
"Alright. I'm not feeling well, I don't wanna talk. Bye."
"Oh ok bye."
After cutting the call, you felt weird. Kai was acting sketchy, but you forgot it and went to bed.
The next day, you went to the school cafeteria at recess to see Kai sitting with Jihan, the girl you hated. She once absolutely destroyed your friend's relationship and now, she's targeting yours. You did not approach Kai and walked away. You texted him to come to the rooftop during his free class.
You stood and watched the horizon when Huening Kai appeared. He walked at you with hands ready to embrace you but you backed up.
"What's wrong baby?"
"You're talking to Jihan."
"Yup, why not?"
"She is not a good girl. She destroyed my friend Wonyoung's relationship."
"Come on, Jihan is my family friend. I cannot just shoo her away."
"But I don't like her."
"I'm sorry Y/N, it can't be helped. She doesn't have bad intentions."
"Does she know about our relationship?"
"No."
"No one does, anyway."
You took your bag and walked away. When you reached your home, you locked yourself in your room. After lying on your bed for a long time, you decided to check Instagram. You opened Kai's account without any thought and were horrified at his bio which was probably changed within 24 hours.
@ningning_kai
das Kai for u
pineapple on pizza is a no-no
owned by @han_jihan 🔐
Owned by Jihan?
The sentence broke you a little on the inside. Is he cheating on you? You DMed him.
You(yn_leeee): Kai what the hell? What's with your bio? When did we breakup?
The answer which came was something you didn't expect.
Kai(@ningning_kai): Oh hey Y/N it's Jihan. Ningning gave me his password.
He gave her his password?
You: what?
Kai: Yes. We're in a relationship.
You: Stop lying.
Kai: What? You don't believe me? It is Jihan really.
Kai: *voice message*
You played the voice message she sent.
"Hi Y/N this is Jihan. It really IS Jihan. I am in a relationship with Kai, do not disturb us please. Thank you."
You could not believe what she said. But then you saw a text from Kai's account only.
Kai: oh no
You realized that it was Kai who read the chat. You didn't do anything and slept that night, not checking texts anymore. Next day, you straight up approached him when he was again talking to Jihan. You yanked him by his wrist and brought him out.
"What's up with you? Owned by Jihan? Are you cheating?"
"No no. It's just...she likes me. And I cannot break her heart."
"But how is this possible? We are in a relationship."
"I know, I only love you. I truly love you. But I'll have to pretend to be Jihan's boyfriend for her sake. You told me you'll be there for me no matter what, right baby?"
"Yeah..."
"Now now, don't sulk. I'll text you when I'll go back home. I'll have to return to Jihan now."
He returned back to Jihan and pretended to be a couple. It looked way too real for you to believe that he was pretending.
Kai reduced his time with you, and started spending more time with Jihan and her friends. Jihan kept on bullying you, called you a slut and a whore for trying to be close to Kai. And you started getting depressed and insecure, not having any will to live left.
You decided to break up with Kai because this relationship did not make sense anymore. He didn't spend time with you, he always defended Jihan whenever she bullied you and cared about her getting hurt more than you whenever you told him to break up. You texted him on iMessage app because you couldn't text him on Instagram anymore.
You: Kai.
Kai(after 2 hours): Oh hey baby.
You: I think we need to talk.
Kai: Why what's wrong?
You: I feel like we are not spending time enough and you have done some things which have hurt me so I think it's better for us to break up.
Kai: Why do we need to break up?
You: Because I'm hurt.
Kai: But baby.
You: See Kai, if you really love me you'd want me to be happy.
Kai: Baby I'm nothing without you.
You: I'm sorry Kai, but I would like a break.
Kai: Fine then, I'll kill myself.
You: Wait what? Why? No, please don't do that. Please.
Kai: I will kill myself, because of you.
I will kill myself because of you.
I will kill myself because of you.
"NO!"
You shouted and jerked up, waking yourself and your current boyfriend Jungwon up. He had you in his arms, so he picked up your face and looked at your horrified expression.
"What happened baby? Why did you shout?"
You were shivering in fright, remembering the dream you had. You broke up with Huening Kai long ago, but your trauma remained and you get panic attacks from them. This was one such instance.
You sat up and separated from Jungwon, placing your back against the wall and your knees were close to your chest. You felt breathless and started to rock yourself, remembering the ways you read which help to cope with a panic attack.
Jungwon realized what happened and he quickly opened the windows to let in fresh air. The rain was not so heavy at that time, you scurried your way to the side of the window and took a breath full of fresh air from the outside.
Jungwon held your hands and intertwined your fingers, he knew that it helped you with your panic attacks. He did not hug you and let you breathe freely.
After you calmed down, you gripped on his hand tightly and looked up at him with teary eyes. He lowkey panicked, feeling alarmed at your situation and held both of your hands together.
"Baby? Is everything alright? Hugs? Cuddle?"
"Hugs please.."
You broke down as soon as he wrapped his arms around you. He continuously kissed your head and rubbed his hands on your back, making you feel warm.
"Nightmares?"
"Yes."
You separated and wiped your tears with your sleeve. But you were still teary, and it icked Jungwon. He knew about what you had a nightmare.
"Jungwonnie, I don't know why I keep on having nightmares about Huening Kai. He broke my heart so badly, I don't even trust myself at this point. I don't know, one day I might end myse-"
"Baby BABY NO! Don't talk about bad things. Don't intentionally involve your mind in thinking negative things. Nothing will happen. That jerk isn't here anymore, he isn't in your life anymore. If he tried to do anything, I'll personally take care of him."
You didn't cry anymore and just looked at him with a sad face. He dragged himself forward and held your face in his hands. He one by one kissed your forehead, your eyes, your nose, both of your cheeks and finally your lips. You still didn't smile, so he decided to be a little childish.
"If he even lays his eyes on you again, I'm gonna poke his eyes with my fingers and pull all the hair out of his legs using your tweezers."
Jungwon exhaled deeply with his nostrils as he had his hands on his waist. You found him funny and giggles. He got excited at you smiling and hugged you, pulling you closer.
"YOU SMILED YOU SMILED YOU SMILED YOU SMILED YAYYY."
"Okay okay Wonwon stop."
You guys hugged and cuddled with each other, and soon fell asleep in each other's warm embrace.