A/N: Dedicated to everyone who enjoys reading this little book.
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You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.
Albus Dumbledore
Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix
Hermione
The daylight was gone. I ran toward the Forbidden Forest like a bullet shot from the barrel of a gun, as if Tom Riddle himself was hot on my heels. The night was cold, and I could hear the distant rumble of a storm approaching. Xavier was already deep in the Forest. I didn't have a hope of catching up, he was faster than me, even from my distance away I could hear his voice echoing from deep within the trees yelling at me to hurry.
The thing with Tom was that you couldn't outrun him no matter what you did. He didn't need to chase me to be actively hunting me. He was already there with me, in my head, in my heart. It felt like I was in a dream, running across the wet grassy plains and not getting anywhere at all. The more I ran the more the pain from all of my unhealed injuries stabbed into me, a stinging reminder of my reality. Tom had become seamless to the darkness of the night in mere months, he was the compressing sensation of mental purgatory in the form of a man. All of this pain was interwoven, the hell in my mind was intricate and it was going to take a lot to pull myself through, that was if I could be bothered to even help myself. These days I barely had the motivation to do even that.
The moment I crossed over into the shelter of the forest I slowed the pace, coming to stop beneath the shelter of a Sycamore tree. My left arm was still partially broken, my running had made feel extremely nauseous. I slid down the trunk of the tree, taking grateful gasps of the cold night air into my lungs. I was losing track of my injuries, my depression was making it hard to care for myself. At least it was mending fast, although Tom's runes probably had a lot to do with it. I was strictly told I couldn't heal myself of any injuries Tom had given me. Maybe Tom was the reason for that? Maybe he had felt sorry for me, having to deal with all of this shit with a broken arm just to add insult to injury.
He was the one who broke it in the first place! My mind protested. What motivation would he have to heal you? What the hell is wrong with you?
Thunder rumbled in the distance and the heavens opened up once again and rain pelted down from the skies. I closed my eyes in the darkness and all I could feel was each painful thought cascading over me. I knew I had told myself many times before that I couldn't do this, but I seriously couldn't.
I shouldn't need to. The torment was draining me of all my strength. Tom's psychological abuse was crippling my mind, and with him amping up the physical violence I was getting panicked. My hands were constantly shaking from the PTSD. I was going crazy.
"Hermione? There you are! We don't have time for rest breaks. Come on!" It was Xavier. I shouldn't have even bothered to open my eyes. There was no need to. Lightning cracked loudly, lashing at the skies like a whip, and as the rain came thundering down I smiled grimly.
"Don't worry about me." I waved him off dismissively, "Keep going. Tom will be here at any moment."
Lightning cracked across the sky and a momentary look of disbelief flashed across his face.
"You really think I'm going to leave you." Xavier said. He stepped closer, footfalls crunching dry leaves in his path. "You know, I flew up to Ravenclaw Tower to help you, and almost got hexed off my broom by that fucking asshole Tom. Not the first time I could have died either and you really think I'm just going to leave you stranded here? Nice."
The storm was getting worse. I got the distinct feeling that Tom knew just what was going on here. Standing in the darkness having a touching moment with Xavier was going to end on Tom's terms if we didn't wrap this up. He would find us soon. Tom wasn't stupid, in fact he was the polar opposite and that was the damn problem.
"Okay, fine. I'm a terrible friend, I get it. Just leave me. I'm only going to slow you down, and you're already slow enough as it is." I said harshly.
"What are you talking about?" Xavier demanded. "Open your eyes, you're not thinking straight. Tom is tracking us both down right now. We could both die!"
"We will only die if we're stupid!" I yelled. "There is nowhere in the grounds that we could go that Tom won't anticipate so what's the point in running away?"
I exhaled, laying my head against the truck of the old tree. I was shivering with cold and feeling weaker by the second. Maybe if Tom just killed me, at least it would all be over.
"Look." I turned to back to Xavier with an exasperated sigh. "You need to get out of here. Just by being my friend, you almost lost your life. I feel bad every time I look at you rushing to my rescue because I know that because you're acquainted with me Tom has set his sights on you too. Who knows what he has planned for either one of us? He knows you're constantly trying to get in his way." Before I knew it my voice had raised an octave, "Do you have any idea of what happens to people who constantly resist him?" I raised my broken arm weakly in the air. "This happened on a random occasion when he lost his temper. Maybe it's better if you just stay away from me."
I remembered all my old friends who I lost because of Tom. Ron. Harry. I had already lost myself before losing myself a second time in Tom's own damn timeline. I closed my eyes. Jade and her sister Shalini were another two, and lastly Daniel Dolohov who had his mind modified to forget me right after I had finally thought I would have a real friend who would actually protect me. That was just the cost people paid for being in my life, I guess.
"I can't believe you. One minute you're all about resisting Tom and breaking free of his bullshit. The next thing you know, you're running back to him like a lovsick lapdog. What's it going to be?"
"It will be what he wants it to be." I said with force. "It doesn't matter what I want, or what we want. Tom gets his way at the end. We should have known this."
"Look at me." Xavier said abruptly.
I spun fast enough to thwack my head on a low hanging tree branch. I buckled, eyes watering.
"WHAT?" I snarled.
"Hermione." All the colour had drained from his features. "Your eyes. I could've sworn they just changed colour-"
"Quiet. He's coming." Looking out at the School through the branches of the trees, I had the sudden, unnerving feeling that Tom was out there. He was a part of me, I could just sense when he was watching me, feel when he was nearby. His dark runes binded the pair of us together, it was almost like having a sixth sense. I could feel his rage flaring like a fire in the darkness, beckoning like a warning.
Don't provoke me.
And that's when I heard it. The sound of his voice.
You should know by now what happens when you run from me.
"Did you hear that?" I lurched to my feet, clutching my head in my hands. I could hear his voice in my head.
"What's going on? Where is he?"
"Tom's talking to me in my head. He's done this sort of thing before." My mind was swimming with hazy memories of the past. Harry in the Great Hall being commanded out by the sheer power of Tom, who was then well and truly Lord Voldemort.
"Where is he?" Xavier drew his wand as if ready to blast Tom out of sight right this very second.
I grabbed Xavier's shirt with my good arm. "For once in your fucking life stop being brave! It doesn't matter where he is, okay? Run! Get away from here. He's only doing this to torment me, and I don't want him killing you."
"I'd kill him either way, Hermione." Tom Riddle said dryly. "He's a pain in the ass."
From amongst the trees I turned in horror to see the familiar tall figure emerging from behind a large, weathered tree.
Beneath the weak light of the moon I felt petrified, frozen. My heart was racing a hundred miles an hour. All of my internal trauma lashed at me with all the mercy of a miniature pickaxe. Beside me Xavier Malfoy seemed frozen as well. Tom met my eyes with a wicked grin and laughed.
"Looking to make headlines? I'm sure not even the Daily Prophet is going to be interested in what is going to happen to the pair of you."
"Which is what exactly?" Xavier asked shrewdly.
"I would've thought it was obvious." Tom said coldly. "I was going to wine and dine you both. What time suits you?"
"Really?" I looked at the pair of them, Tom was only doing this to mess with me. He had a way of dousing horrific events in an abrasive and comedic light , and it was not only insensitive but abhorrent given the scale of the situation he had involved us in.
"For a moment there I really thought you had feelings for Hermione." Xavier said incredulously. "And now you're really just going to slaughter us out in the woods like wild beasts?"
Tom's eyes flashed in the darkness at the sound of him daring to mention my name. "Sure." He said. "Why not. And then consequently get expelled thus forfeiting my ambitions and everything I had worked diligently toward for the past ten years."
"So what the hell are you even here for, then?" Xavier demanded. "Because you can't fucking tell me you just coicidentally came out here for a late night run or whatever excuse you have put up your sleeve."
"Xavier." Tom stepped closer, footsteps crunching through the leaves. We could only see his silhouette in the dark, but then his dark eyes were glowing as he stared me down. He turned back to Xavier.
"How can you claim to have noble blood yet be reduced to a coward when the odds aren't in your favour? Don't act like the tragic hero, Merlin knows that there's plenty of them at this School as it is. Besides, there's nothing to be afraid of. Memory charms do not hurt."
I stood perfectly still and silent, asides my pounding heartbeat and Xavier's now ragged breathing, I suddenly thought of Daniel Dolohov, and his glazed look of confusion when he didn't remember who I was.
"This has NOTHING to do with Xavier!" I found my voice, emotions flaring up at once. "So don't you even DARE think about erasing his memory!"
Xavier raised his wand defensively and Tom, eying it for a split second as if deliberating on whether to hex it from his grasp, settled for no response at all.
People like Tom had few threats in this world.
"I agree. Yet he is interfering with matters that don't concern him... Neither of you have any idea the depth of intricacy to my rituals. The Runes have weakened due to Hermione's disobedience to my orders. If unchecked they will significantly jeopardize her health. If I had not come out here to find you tonight, Hermione would have died by morning. That's a hint of the scale of Dark Magic she is bound by, and a thorough showcasing of the pitfalls of your own wizarding ignorance. You had no idea."
"Don't listen to anything this power hungry prick says, Hermione. He just wants to have you as some sort of slave to abuse."
"You're not entirely wrong." Tom raised his eyebrows in consideration. "She's a hot little thing, yet my angle isn't purely sex driven."
My blood ran cold at the insinuation,
Tom's eyes flickered beneath the light of his wand and his stare was intense and chilled me to the core.
"I know you're scared of me." He said in an even tone. "I understand it in more depth than you know. Breaking Hermione is a slow yet delicate process, and yet splintering and rewiring your mind will undoubtedly trigger that fight or flight instinct. I am well read in my psychology, I am well equipped to handle you breaking apart in my hands. By the time I've finished here, you will enjoy how intimate we have become."
"Fuck - this is messed up." Xavier dragged a hand through his hair. "How are you like that, man. Just going through life like that."
"If silence be good for the wise, how much better for fools." Tom recited, his eyes shining very brightly. "Courtesy of the Talmud. Or rather, "A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends." Baltasar Gracián, renowned Muggle prose writer and Spanish philosopher. Despite having filth for blood - and the fact that he currently sleeps six feet beneath the earth - he still contributes to this life in a far greater way than you ever could."
"I'm never going to submit to you, Tom." I said in a rather bold despite the fact I was trembling in fear. "No matter what the hell you do, I know I won't. I still have my sheer will."
"It's not debatable." Tom said simply. "It's been finalised, and there's nothing you can do to affect the outcome." Tom said quietly. "Because I've already binded us. You would be able to understand if you looked deeply into yourself. It's already been done. There's nothing you could do. I had to let you think you could escape, because I could see that you were breaking beneath my power."
"Stop. I don't want to hear it." I said suddenly.
"Listen to me." Tom snarled. "These Runes I placed on your wrist are often at their most potent beneath the light of a full moon, yet tonight I was denied my Magic having full effect when you ran from me. Have you no concern for your life?"
He was intimidating, looming over me like a spectral from hell. Rain poured down on the pair of us as I struggled to come up with an answer that didn't sound as nilhistic as I felt, but as I looked around us I realised with a jolt that someone was missing.
"Where is Xavier?"
He was gone. Vanished without a trace. The woods were desolate, only Tom and I stood sentinel in the Forbidden Forest surrounded by shadows and trees and nothing else.
"Xavier is back at the School." Tom said calmly. He was quiet as he stared at me, those dark eyes guarded as they surveyed my reaction. He was hiding something from me.... But what?
"You know where he is." I realised out loud. "Which means..."
"You finally got it right." Tom said quietly. "I instructed him to attempt to break into Ravenclaw Tower. I ordered him to attempt to escape the room, to see if you would follow him."
"This entire time... You've been controlling him?" It took me so long to put the pieces of the puzzle together. My knees were trembling so much they were knocking together and Tom didn't do so much as blink. Instead, he stepped closer, lifting my chin.
"Did you love him?" Tom was remorseless. "I don't think you've ever cried like that about me before. It's as if you've just lost a lover. Pull yourself together. Stand up."
Tom hauled me off the dirt where I had fallen to my hands and knees. I couldn't
control the tremor now that I was drenched in rain, he had to support me with both arms.
"You'll see why I've done this in the end." Tom was saying to me. "Why you gave me no other option but to remain with you. It's okay. I'm here. I'll take care of you. Surely you should know I am the only one now that has that power now."
He reached around me, and in the shelter of darkness he snatched up my wrist in his cold hand. I hissed in pain, and as Tom withdrew his hand from me I saw my own blood scarlet against his pale skin.
Laughing, he swore at me.
"Cutting the Runes will have no effect. What don't you understand about that? There is nothing you can do at this point to stop the power of my Runes. You just can't seem to understand that, can you?"
I couldn't even feel the sting of the wound on my arm smarting, I barely felt when Tom snatched the stone I cut myself with from my grasp.
"Did you know that there is no way you can escape me? You could kill yourself and I would find a way to ressurrect you. What did you think you would actually achieve by doing this?"
He took two steps further into the woods and threw the stone into the night. Lightning splintered the sky above us and Tom laughed, a terrible, cold sound.
"How many times will you attempt to defeat me and fail? How much more elaborately can I reveal to you how pathetic you actually are?"
I didn't have the energy or the words for the situation. It really felt like the only stable ground had been taken out from beneath my feet, and I felt disoriented and lost.
"I didn't get a chance to say goodbye." I said, and in that moment I really felt like I was talking to him from the bottom of a deep well. "I don't even know the last thing I said to him before he... Before he left."
"That doesn't matter." Tom said dismissively. "You've wasted so much time proving your rebellious streak I just couldn't see why you'd feel the need to waste more." Tom examined my arm closely. "You really crossed a line this time." He breathed. "Your arm is more wounded than I originally thought. I'll take you up to the Castle, Madam Pomfrey already knows you to be clumsy. I'm sure I could convince her you've fallen down the stairs or something equally as tragic."
I didn't move. I was focusing on the feeling of the ground beneath my feet, the rustling of the trees in the wind. The grounding pace of my heart increasing, becoming faster in the horror of the moment.
"You can even go and track down your beloved Xavier if you like. He isn't going to remember you, but then again you're such a determined little thing." He took a single curl and tucked it behind my ear. "Maybe, instead of resisting me, you could make it your new mission to rewire yourself back into his mind."
I was frozen as Tom's hand travelled from the small of my back, and lower.
"I'm sure you'll have ways to make him remember. I know you do."
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't even move. Tom didn't take his hands off me for at least five minutes as he reprimanded me, physically dominating me for not obeying him. By the time he had finished he had to coax me into breathing normally so I could get enough air into my lungs to walk back up to the School.
My legs felt like lead weights, my eyes felt as dry as sandpaper. Talking hurt my throat for how much I had screamed beneath his silencing charm.
I didn't feel human in the slightest. I felt like I had died several times in a row, as if Tom had literally just killed me in the Forbidden Forest only to revive me for sheer entertainment.
"Walk faster." He growled, walking closely behind me in the darkness. "We haven't even reached the main doors."
We entered the Great Hall, the sudden bright light of the chandeliers above our heads burning my eyes. I didn't want to think, and the light was forcing me out of the darkness, and into the reality of it all.
"Hermione?" Xavier Malfoy was sitting alone at the Slytherin House Table, as if he had waited patiently for us this entire time. "You're back."
"Xavier?" My throat was dry, voice hoarse. "Is that really you?"
"If course it's me." He said with a mechanical smile. "What happened? You look like shit, no offence." He pushed his plate of food aside as if the sight of me had put him off his appetite.
"You were there with me in the Forbidden Forest." I sat in the seat next to him, reaching for his hand. He withdrew it, clearly repulsed.
"Don't touch me." He said sharply.
"Don't you remember anything?" I said helplessly. "We spent the entire day together." Xavier only looked all the more confused and Tom, who had been standing a little off the side sizing up the situation, approached with the patient air of a parent with a particularly wayward child.
"I'm sorry for bothering you." Tom said to Xavier, lifting me easily from the seat with a vice like grip. "There's something wrong with her. I don't know what happened, I found her out in the Forbidden Forest talking to herself."
"What? No, don't listen to him!" I broke down in tears. "He's lying, he ra-"
I didn't finish my sentence before I felt silence forced upon me. Tom had charmed me into submission yet again.
"See? I told you she's delusional." Tom cut across me smoothly. "She's been through quite a lot. Can you help me take her up to the Hospital Wing? I think she's going to need to be sedated. Whatever's happened to her must've seriously traumatised her, the poor little thing."
Tom's grip on me tightened painfully as Xavier stood, taking hold of my other arm.
"Be careful, that arm is broken." Tom said, taking hold of my waist.
"I'm sorry." Xavier said. "I didn't know."
"I'm sure you didn't." Tom replied. "Give me a hand with her, will you?"
"What about her arm?" Xavier asked. "It's bleeding pretty badly."
"She'll be fine. It's not long to get to the Hospital Wing anyway. Do you know who may have attacked her? Do you know of any enemies she may have had?"
Tom and Xavier spoke amongst themselves, holding my weight between the pair of them. No one saw us moving through the School at all. As a matter of fact no one was down here at this time, due to the fact it was still the School holidays. As they walked with me I registered lights and colour, and the sound of Tom's voice as he spoke about me, blending truth with lies so seamlessly it was like art in motion. No one was going to save me now. Tom took me from Xavier at the base of the stairs. Holding me in his arms he began walking up the staircase. "I can take it from here. Thank you, Xavier." He smiled.