MARY
I sat in my car staring over at the building and for about the billionth time tried to get the courage to go in. I had tried to get out of it, I really did, but after last night Erin was in no condition to take my place, and Lexi... Well, this wasn't something I felt like she should have to do. She was still only nineteen. She shouldn't have to be dealing with any of this, so I came on my own.
Ian dropped Erin and me off at the house last night and helped me get her inside, despite me assuring him that I could handle it on my own. He wasn't taking no for an answer and easily lifted Erin out of the car and walked her in the house. Once we got inside, he laid her down on the sofa and I got a blanket from the basket by her feet. I tucked it around Erin's body and could feel Ian watching me while I did. I let my hair fall down over my face to cover the blush that I'm sure was now plainly visible. I shouldn't have been blushing.
"She's going to have one helluva a hangover tomorrow," he commented with a sympathetic shake of his head and crooked smile.
I looked down at Erin, scowling in her sleep, and nodded my head. "I honestly don't know what got into her. Lexi's usually the only one who gives me a hard time."
"You know sometimes I forget that you actually raised them."
I turned around and faced him and he was looking at me in what can only be described as awe. This time I didn't bother to hide my blush, but not because I was embarrassed that Ian knew all about my family issues. It was the way he said it. Like it was an accomplishment.
I uncomfortably thanked him for his help again. I knew he probably needed to leave; girls like Margot probably awaited him. I crossed my arms over my chest, disturbed by my irrational jealousy. I had no right to have an opinion on his life; I just wished someone would inform my emotions of that.
I wasn't a total idiot when it came to men. I knew I was attracted to Ian; my eyes skimmed his over dark hair and strong jaw. How could you not be? But I knew someone like him was way out of my league. He was experienced. He was dangerous. He was everything I didn't need to complicate my life with right now.
I forced my eyes up to his, getting sucked in by the absolute rugged handsomeness of his face. The alcohol was still flowing through me and I swayed a little reaching out but nothing was there to support me. Ian's arm darted out and grabbed onto my elbow and I tumbled into his chest. It was strong, and solid, and I could only imagine what it looked like underneath that black shirt of his. I closed my eyes, feeling my cheeks warm while I attempted to shake the image from my head.
"What about you?" he asked, and I could hear the smile in his voice even though I wasn't looking at him. My head had somehow managed to land against at the base of his throat and I had no plans on moving it. "Are you going to be okay?"
I knew that he was talking about the current state that I was in, but for some reason I thought about Matt, and my next step, and my confusing feelings for Ian. Shaking my head I looked up at him and answered honestly. "I don't know."
He wrapped one of his arms around me and walked me over to the love seat. Erin was still passed out on the couch next to us but I knew she was down for the count; we wouldn't be disturbing her. We sat down together and he made no effort to remove his arm, keeping it around me and holding me close to him. I needed some comfort, and amazingly enough Ian Malcolm was the one providing it.
"I think you will be," he whispered, and the way he said it almost had me believing it.
He rested his head down on top of mine. It felt right, like he belonged there, and that terrified me, and my heart picked up speed.
What was I doing? I knew Ian. He was the guy who bedded half the cheerleading squad while I was playing house with Matt. He was the guy all the girls cried about in the bathroom while I was blissfully going steady. And he was the guy who apparently got Kaitlyn Bart pregnant his senior year right after I had just given my virginity to the one and only guy I'd ever slept with.
Ian Malcolm wasn't the way to mend a broken heart. He was the way to crush it to pieces.
And now I was supposed to walk into his office for our final meeting and pretend like everything was normal. And everything was normal a few days ago when Ian had called and told us that one of us needed to come by his office. He said he just had to explain a few final things about the estate, get one last signature, and then everything would be settled. I guess it was just assumed that I'd be the one going; Erin, Lexi and I never talked about it. But now with Erin incapacitated and Lexi...Lexi, I didn't really have any choice; the job fell to me.
But I really didn't want to see Ian. Things had shifted between us last night, but I wasn't sure what that meant. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to know.
He stayed with me for a lot longer than I expected last night, resting his chin on the top of my head and just talking with me. Each question he asked made me more and more comfortable with him, but that voice reminding me of the reasons why he should leave, stayed present in my head the entire time.
When he asked me what I liked best about journalism I paused for a minute before realizing that I didn't have a solid answer for him. The truth was I never really was that passionate about it. I had no idea what to major in and I remember Matt jokingly suggesting broadcast journalism, telling me I could be just like that hot, female ESPN reporter he loved so much and I could interview him on the field after all of his games. It all started as a joke really. But since I had no idea what I wanted to study anyway and, thanks to Matt knew everything about football, I declared sports journalism my major and never looked back. It was stupid of me, but I wasn't focused on me.
I rested my head back against Ian's neck and closed my eyes, embarrassingly admitting to him that I wasn't sure if I liked it at all. He let out a silent laugh and I could feel his throat vibrate underneath me, as he told me how he got into law just because of his father.
"It was always just assumed that I was going to be a lawyer. Hell, I was telling people that I was going to grow up to be a lawyer before I actually even knew what a lawyer was." He laughed again only this time it was a little louder and I smiled, picturing what his face must look like. I fought the urge to turn around and see if I was right, but I was too comfortable sitting here like this with him to do it.
"Right before college I had a little freak out. I spent the first two years taking classes like Great Books of World War II and Japanese Culture. My dad was pissed. I wouldn't declare a major and basically just partied my ass off." He let out a deep sigh. "And then he died."
I could now relate to his pain and knew exactly how he felt without him having to say anything. No matter what your relationship with your parent was like, when they're no longer were with you, all you're left with is regret. I thought about dad and all the times I could've pushed harder, demanded more from him, but never did.
"I pretty much buckled down after that," Ian continued. "I got my head together, started doing pre law, and getting serious about it. I was kind of surprised when I actually ended up enjoying it." He lets out another laugh. "Now I think it doesn't really matter how I got here-- if I was groomed for it, or if it was by choice, because I'm actually kind of happy with where I ended up."
"I don't see why you wouldn't be!" I giggled. "Mr. Big Time Gorgeous Lawyer with the supermodel girlfriend on his arm! You're probably gonna kill at the high school reunion!"
I immediately clamped my mouth shut, realizing what I just had said. Did I just call him gorgeous? Did I just refer to Margot as his girlfriend again? Jesus! I sounded like some weirdo. I was so out of practice with this stuff. I closed my eyes in horror as my cheeks heated, grateful that Ian couldn't see my face right now.
"And what about you Mary?" he asked, ignoring my jab about Margot. "Are you gonna kill it at your high school reunion?"
I opened my eyes back up and shook my head. "Doubtful. I still don't know what I'm going to do. Who knows where I'll be by then. I could be living in a cardboard box." Ian's chest shook underneath me as he laughed, but I wasn't trying to be funny. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do next.
"What about this place?" he asked. "Your father paid the house off. Couldn't you stay here while you figure it all out?"
I looked around the house, the only place that actually felt like home to me. It was an idea. "I'm not sure how Erin and Lexi would see it though. I mean the house belongs to them now just as much as me. I assumed the plans were to sell it, but we haven't really talked about it yet."
"I think your sisters would understand. You should talk to them."
Ian stayed a little while longer talking to me about everything and nothing at all. It was nice. He was nice. I liked him and that scared the shit out of me.
He hugged me goodbye when he left. He didn't try to kiss me and I was grateful for that because I probably would've let him and I was pretty sure that would've been a bad idea. Besides, I wasn't sure if I was even ready to take that next step, and if I was, I wasn't sure if he was the guy to do it with.
I pulled my gaze away from his office and quickly checked myself out in the rear view mirror. Sweeping my hands through my brown hair, I blew out a nervous sigh while fixing my lipstick. I could do this. Opening the car door, I adjusted my sundress around me and then smoothed my hands over the material, taking in a deep breath and trying not to psych myself out.
When I walked in the law firm, the same receptionist who greeted us before was there manning the phones. She took my name and asked me to have a seat while she checked to see if Mr. Malcolm was available. I swore I saw her cheeks color when she said his name and I wondered if Ian had this effect on all women. Maybe I was just under his spell like every other member of the female population.
Not three minutes later he appeared, looking amazing of course and showing no signs of our late evening together. His short, dark hair was effortlessly styled and his dark blue tie brought out the color of his eyes. I felt myself go a little weak in the knees just at the sight of him and it took me a beat too long to stand up.
"Mary. Hi." He took my hand and pulled me in closer, kissing me on the cheek like you'd greet any old friend, but my heart still flipped at the gesture. I could feel the receptionist's eyes on us as he released me.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, as he gently took me by the elbow and led me down the quiet corridor back towards his office. I blushed a little at the mere mention of last night but managed to tell him that I was doing fine.
"It's really Erin that's in bad shape."
"I don't doubt that!" He laughed as he opened the door to his office and ushered me inside. I followed behind him, taking in the dark cherry wood and deep leathers that seemed to dominate the room. For some reason the office didn't seem to match Ian at all. I'd put money down that he never redecorated since his father used to sit behind that very same massive desk.
But Ian wasn't the type to sit behind a desk. He led me over to one of the leather sofas, sitting entirely too close to me for a business meeting. My pulse quickened and my thoughts scattered. I was acutely aware of how the fabric of his jacket brushed up against my bare arm, how his knee barely touched mine, and how his crisp scent filled the room. I knew I should probably say something but all I could manage to do was thank him again for last night. I felt tongue tied and it confused me because I had no problem talking to him last night. I'm sure the alcohol helped.
He slid some papers on the coffee over to me. "This is the last of it. Everything should be all taken care of now. Everything on my end is finished." He placed a delicate, silver pen down on the table for me to use. I picked it up, trying to keep my hand from trembling as I looked over the papers.
Everything was finished on his end.
Did that mean I wouldn't be seeing him again? I let my eyes scan over the first sheet in the stack but hardly processed any of the words. I kept thinking about Ian disappearing from my life and couldn't understand why the idea bothered me so much. Of course, maybe it wouldn't happen if I kept the house like he had suggested last night.
After Ian left I gave a lot of thought to the idea of moving back home. I knew for certain that I didn't want to go back to Philly, regardless of what happened between Matt and me. And Erin was finishing up college and then who knew where she was going to end up next, so she wasn't really an option. The idea of staying with Lexi in Maine wasn't really all that appealing either. I'd actually never seen Lexi's apartment but I knew she shared it with three other people. I mean there were worse things...
But when Ian planted the seed about staying something clicked. It made sense. I could keep the house, get a job, and take some time to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I just had to talk to Erin and Lexi about it first. I was kind of unsure how both of them were going to react to the idea, so I decided it'd be best to talk to them individually. I'd probably start with Erin; she was the more practical of the two, whereas Lexi could be more emotional. I'd just have to wait until she was coherent again before I brought it up.
I signed my signature on the last page and handed the pen back to Ian, stupidly letting my fingers slide against his. I suppressed a sigh at the sudden warmth that pooled inside me. Part of me wanted to let my fingers curl around his hand and tug him closer. I quickly flicked my gaze up, looking around the room and keeping it anywhere but on him.
"This office doesn't really seem like you," I murmured, filling the uncomfortable silence. I had to distract myself in some way and apparently for me that meant just blabbering on about nonsense.
Ian slowly moved his head and looked around the room. I peeked at him as he took in the space. His forehead creased and his mouth turned up in a crooked smile as he shook his head, laughing deeply. "I guess it isn't. This was my dad's office."
"I thought so."
"How did you know?" I shrugged my shoulders and dipped my head, holding back a small smile. "I mean those are my pictures in the frames, my name on those plaques on the wall..."
"I don't know," I tell him, looking up and meeting his dark, blue eyes. "I just don't see you as 'cold hard leathers'. This place feels stiff and you're anything but stiff." I pulled my gaze down to the papers in my hand, my words trailing off as it dawned on me how incredibly awkward that sounded. Ian laughed.
"And how do you see me?" He lured my attention up to him as if his voice had direct command over my body and I was just along for the ride.
I stared up at his face, his dark lashes, the strong lines of his stubbled jaw, and his perfectly bowed lips. A sense of calm swept over me and I answered. "Cool colors. Blues, whites. More crisp. Clean lines." I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know what I was talking about. I was just trying to fill the space, to delay the inevitable moment when I had to walk out that door.
"Have dinner with me tomorrow night."
The request came out of nowhere. My skin prickled as I gaped up at him in surprise. He couldn't really want to have dinner with me. There must've been some mistake. My eyes were filling with confusion and even though my mouth had popped open, nothing came out. Ian smiled and gently placed his large hand over mine and took it in his own.
"Mary, I know you're going through a confusing time right now, and I don't want to add to your problems, but I like being with you. I want to get to know you better. There doesn't have to be any pressure for it to be more than it is."
"And what is it?" I asked, unable to tear myself away from his permeating gaze and hating that I knew what I wanted to hear him say.
He leaned in closer and I could smell his cologne. It suited him perfectly-- manly and clean. I wanted to bury my head in his shirt and breathe more of it in but instead I sat perfectly still, not moving a muscle. "Just two old friends," he whispered.
My body came alive as his words swept against my skin. "Who haven't seen each other in a while." His breath tickled my hair and a shiver ran over me. I felt myself melting into a puddle of desire and bending towards everything that I knew wasn't ready for.
"Trying to get to know each other again."
My knees clamped together and I could feel my mouth moistening. I wanted to kiss him right then. Everything else flew out the window-- all my insecurities, all my doubt. I just felt him next to me and I wanted more. My heart was thundering and my body was wound with adrenaline begging to be released. I took in a shallow breath and opened my mouth; I was going to say something, I wasn't sure what though, but a knock at his office door jarred me, and had me jumping back. I frantically stood up, dropping my purse to the floor in the process.
"Yes." Ian sounded annoyed by the interruption, directing his attention to his door while we both bent over and clumsily gathered the items that had spilled from my purse. Part of me was just as annoyed by the interruption, but I knew it was as blessing in disguise. Things were moving far faster than I was ready for.
"Your three o'clock is here," his secretary told him before quickly looking back and forth between the two of us and pursing her lips. I'm not sure what she thought was going on, but I think it was pretty clear that I just managed to piss her off.
"I'll just being going," I mumbled, stepping through their conversation and heading to the door with my head ducked down and my purse in both my hands.
"Mary, wait!"
I stopped. My feet literally rooted to the ground as his request. I'd never felt like my body was more traitorous than it was right then.
"I call you about tomorrow."
I could hear the promise in his voice and all I could offer in return was a noncommittal half-nod, before dipping my head down again, and sliding out the door. I wasn't sure what exactly Ian wanted from me, but by the time I got to the car I'd convinced myself that whatever it was, it wasn't a good idea. I couldn't seem to control myself around him and the last thing I needed was to get tangled up in more heartbreak. And that's what would eventually happen here. I'd get my heart broken again. I couldn't afford that.