a/n: you asked for more crack fics so here you go
😈 FOS 😈
chair guy: peter
chair guy: PETER
chair guy: are you on a mission rn??? I have an important question
motorcycle jeepers: He's probably just asleep
chair guy: PETER
chair guy: PETER
motorcycle jeepers: PETER
Spider fursona: sorry what's going on
chair guy: where were you
Spider fursona: WHY IS THAT MY NAME
motorcycle jeepers: because ned my name look like this so I retaliated
Spider fursona changed their name to wise jedi pete
motorcycle jeepers changed their name to MJ
chair guy: PETER
wise jedi pete: WHAT
chair guy: I have a really serious and important question
MJ: Hm
wise jedi pete: okay what is it
chair guy: so as spider-man you have to wear a mask right??
wise jedi pete: yes??
chair guy: do you smile underneath it?
MJ: Oh no
wise jedi pete: how is this serious and important?
chair guy: yes or no
wise jed pete: i guess???
chair guy: so I guess you could say you wear a mask with a smile for hours at a time?
wise jedi pete: ???? huh
MJ: Ned I'm going to block you
wise jedi pete: wait I feel like i've heard that while babysitting morgan
wise jedi pete: is that a quote from something? like a kids movie or something???
chair guy: HAHHHH Peter is old
wise jedi pete: i am so lost
MJ: [Link: Spider-Man gets kicked into the Hudson fighting off new Villain!]
MJ: Dude are you okay
wise jedi pete: worst day ever
chair guy: how many showers have you had today lmao
wise jedi pete: not enough. may did not look at me when i got home for dinner
MJ: You're such an idiot
wise jedi pete:
chair guy: hahaha
MJ: Lmao
chair guy: [Video Link: "OH HELL NAH SPUNCH BOP"]
MJ: Tag yourself I'm Salt Creeks
wise jedi pete: spunch bop for sure😭 there's no other way to get rid of a super headache
chair guy: YOU DONT TAKE BENADRYL TO GET RID OF HEADACHES OP
wise jedi pete: no no no i get that i just mean the usual prescription of any normal drug doesn't do a dent in my system
MJ: I never thought about that
chair guy: yeah Peter gets massive headaches sometimes in class and it looks like he's gonna pass out
wise jedi pete: true
chair guy: I think you actually did pass out one time
wise jedi pete: there is no potential of peace with the existence of fluorescent lights
MJ: TRUE
chair guy: vouch
wise jedi pete: also the sound of refrigerators. the worst. terrible.
chair guy: you can hear refrigerators?
MJ: You can't hear refrigerators Ned?
chair guy: no?? lmao what do they sound like
MJ: Hell
wise jedi pete: they sound like. annoyingly bright. like. eeeeee but 1000x
chair guy: huh
chair guy: now I'm curious, what else do you hear that other people don't
wise jedi pete: mj can you hear the sound of carpet
MJ: I don't think so
wise jedi pete: what about like. echoes of peoples voices but specifically through the school lockers
MJ: Nope
chair guy: woah
wise jedi pete: ye
wise jedi pete: i know one dude i worked with one night in hells kitchen had hearing that was like 1000x better than mine though so those questions would be better geared at him lmao
chair guy: no wonder you get so many headaches though, I would tear my ears off
wise jedi pete: pfff
🔵IronDad🤖
IronDad: You and May coming over for dinner tonight?
The Child: yeah! see you then :)
IronDad: Morgan is excited to hang with her brother. 🙂
The Child: mr. stark please don't use the smile emoji
IronDad: ?
The Child: it's so cursed
IronDad: You used a smiley literally two minutes ago
The Child: that's different
IronDad: You're such a weird kid
The Child:
The Child: wrong photo
The Child: wrong photo
The Child: ignore thst please thats the wrogn photo
IronDad: Oh?
The Child: hold on let me find the right photo
The Child: nevermind there's no coming back from that one
The Child: me and may will show up at 4:30 to help pepper with dinner
IronDad: Can't wait. Roflmao
IronDad: What's Morgan doing?
The Child: watching frozen 2
IronDad: I need you to go to my lab
The Child: oookay
The Child: there's nothing here
The Child: have you trolled me
IronDad: No. Is my toolbox locked?
The Child: locked as ever? why
IronDad: Just wanted to make sure. Pepper would have my head on a stick if Morgan was playing with sharp things on my account and the tool box is the only thing I have to physically lock
The Child: you could put tech in the lock
IronDad: ... I don't know why I didn't think of that
The Child: glad to help old man
IronDad: Insufferable
IronDad: [Link: Spider-Man takes an afternoon to help a lost little boy find his parents.]
IronDad: Proud of you. Good work kid
The Child: thank you mr stark :)
The Child:
IronDad: What is wrong with you!
The Child: lmaoooo
The Child: question how possible is it to break a rib via falling into moving car
1 missed call from IronDad
1 missed call from IronDad
1 missed call from IronDad
1 missed call from IronDad
1 missed call from IronDad
The Child: IM OKAY MR STARK ITS NOT BROKEN
IronDad: Grounded.
🌻Aunt May😊
May: Do you want me to send you the green bean casserole recipe?
Peter: yeah!
May: [Link: Greenbean Casserole made easy at home—5 simple steps!]
Peter: thanks may :)
May: Please clean the footprints off your ceiling again
Peter: oops
May: At least I know now how those got there, lol!
Peter: in my defense
May: Yes?
Peter: idk i didn't plan that far
Peter: [image: streetcat hanging out on a fire escape, eating a bit of ham from a spider-suit gloved hand.]
Peter: he was hungry so i gave him some ham from the sandwich you made me i hope you don't mind
May: Definitely don't mind. Very cute kitty!
May: Do not bring the cat home
Peter: so close
Peter: i found a meme i think you'll like cuz you help make billboard type stuff for feast
Peter:
May: Lol! Funny 😛
May: I'm going to send this through the weekly office email, I'm sure they'll get a kick out of it
Peter: okay tell me what they think, haha
Peter: can we get pizza for dinner
May: [Link: Spider-Man gets shot at small Bank Robbery in Midtown!]
May: WTH. Are you okay?!
May: I'm calling Tony now.
Peter: i'm good, it only grazed me. not that much blood, i should take care of it pretty easy on my own
May: Be more careful or the next news article is going to be about your aunt May beating up NYC bullies. 😠
Peter: i believe that 100% and i am afraid for them but don't worry i am okay
Peter: can we get pizza for dinner
May: Yes, we can get pizza for dinner
May: Like I'm going to say no after you got shot
Peter: mission successful