tone deaf dj: fuck
mom: language
tone deaf dj: frick
edgy ginger: I swear if this is about wine or kaeya
tone deaf dj: don't worry we haven't drunk anything in like 3 hours
thing 2: is 3 hours the longest you can go without alchohol?
tone deaf dj: no I once went for 5
broke bitch: truly an outstanding record
tone deaf dj: anyways I think zhongli just died
tired: what
chalk: you could've started with that
sexy: childe just jumped out the window
rich mom: zhongli what now
walnut: I gave him 1 (one) cheeto and he passed out
caso cerrado: I TOLD YOU NOT TO GIVE HIM SPICY FOOD
walnut: I THOUGHT YOU MEANT ACTUAL SPICY FOOD NOT A CHEETO
food nerd: and I thought Chongyun had it bad
Chongyun: I can eat a cheeto
book nerd: only one though, the last time you ate two you didn't go to school for a day
mom: did you call an ambulance?
walnut: no why would I lose a customer
caso cerrado: hu tao
walnut: yes honey <3
caso cerrado: call an ambulance
walnut: yes honey
promise I'll be gentle: how dare you hurt him
walnut: wanna fight?
rich mom: do not
atheist: is a there a day you guys dont kill each other?
tired: pretty sure not
fake real pirate: its our instinct for constant violence
book horny: is he dead or not
short edgy dude: he better not
short edgy dude: or there will be blood
walnut: scary~
promise I'll be gentle: my constant need for violence tells me to fight something
thing 2: I volunteer
promise I'll be gentle: nevermind
thing 1: pussy
tone deaf dj: coward
fake gay pirate: this is why gingers are the inferior species
probably a vampire: scared?
promise I'll be gentle: is zhongli okay?
tone deaf dj: changing the subject?
rich mom: he's okay
rich mom: hu tao you are banned from going near him
walnut: :(
caso cerrado: its a fair punishment
walnut: my peepaw :(
mom: why do you guys call him that
tone deaf dj: he's old
tired: aren't you old too?
thing 2: you two are the oldest in the entire school
tone deaf dj: yeah but im sexy so it doesn't count
promise I'll be gentle: counterargument: he's sexy too
tone deaf dj: he has arthritis at 18
promise I'll be gentle: i dont know how that disproves my point
real gay pirate: both of you are wrong
real gay pirate: ningguang is sexier
rich mom: Im not old
book nerd: but you're our mom
rich mom: im not
ice cream nerd: you are
mom: just accept it
edgy ginger: this is the third time my day is ruined
walnut: just because peepaw passed out?
edgy ginger: no?
edgy ginger: someone tampered with the cheetos at the cafeteria
walnut: ...
book nerd: ...
ice cream nerd: ...
food nerd: ...
rock n roll: ...
the power of christ compels you: who did it
maid on steroids: me and xingqiu were in charge of lunch today
book nerd: this is a false accusation
short edgy dude: who. did. it.
promise I'll be gentle: im gonna beat up some freshmen
ice cream: it really wasn't us
food nerd: the science club was there first
chalk: what could we do?
food nerd: you guys have the chemicals
fake gay pirate: leave them alone
short edgy dude: no
short edgy dude: confess
sucrOwOse: it really wasnt us
promise I'll be gentle: you hurted zhongli
promise I'll be gentle: prepare for punishment
walnut: wait if the cheetos were poisoned how come Im okay?
chalk: it could have been so week it only affected zhongli
caso cerrado: the school is gonna do a proper investigation
rich mom: so don't throw accusations
sucrOwOse: what if we really did it?
chalk: shit
chalk: sucrose is crying because she thinks she killed zhongli
thing 2: sucrose is WHAT
broke bitch: start running, ginger
fake gay pirate: how dare you make my boyfriends girlfriend cry
thing 1: unacceptable
chalk: kaeya we are not dating
fake gay pirate: me and you or you and sucrose
chalk: im not dating anybody
fake gay pirate: does that mean you're free?
chalk: zhongli is dead and sucrose is having a breakdown plus one of us poisoned the food supply
fale gay pirate: is that a yes?
promise I'll be gentle: zhongli is gonna die
short bastard: if Im not wrong, I left my poison in the science room before the freshmen went in
mom: why did you have poison in the first place
short bastard: WhY dId YoU hAvE pOiSoN iN tHe FiRsT pLaCe
short bastard: to commit murder obviously
rich mom: which means the freshmen did it
tired: okay now we have a full rundown of the situation
caso cerrado:
Zhongli got poisoned by a cheeto
The suspects are:
- Hu tao: gave him the cheeto
- Xingqi, Chongyun, Xiangling, and Xinyan: were in the crime scene
- science club: have access to poisons and were in the cafeteria first
- unknown: took scaramouche's poison
tone deaf dj: wow this is more organized than any final essay I have written
fake gay pirate: not a high standard, is it?
book nerd: it seems to me Hu tao took the poison, put it in the cheetos, and gave them to zhongli
walnut: I would never hurt peepaw :(
caso cerrado: lets be honest, if hu tao did it, he wouldn't have survived
walnut: yeah listen to her!
rock n roll: she also ate a cheeto herself
fake gay pirate: that could've just been a cover up
rich mom: no one said the person who took scaramouche's poison had to be a freshmen
atheist: yeah, anybody could go in and take it
sucrOwOse: if we're talking about a poison, is it a small purple bottle with a blue cap?
short bastard: you have it?
sucrOwOse: yes, I saw it and kept it in a cabinet for safety
chalk: that narrows it down
thing 1: where did they get the poison then?
caso cerrado: this is a tough case
edgy ginger: what are you people talking about?
edgy ginger: I never said they were poisoned, just tampered with
thing 2: aww we had a trial going and all
edgy ginger: what happened was that someone replaced the cheetos with slighty fatter takis
walnut: that explains it
book nerd: im glad nobody got poisoned
ice cream nerd: me too
book nerd: glad nobody did it without me
ice cream nerd: why do I put my hopes up
tired: who did it tho
tone deaf dj: ah I dared Kaeya to do it
fake gay pirate: I assume my dear brother ate some and didn't take it well?
edgy ginger: I shouldn't have unmuted you
fake gay pirate: but you did
mom: Im glad everything is resolved
rich mom: why did I bother staying in this chat
real gay pirate: you love me <3
*rich mom muted real gay pirate*