OBSESS:
/əbˈsɛs/
preoccupy or fill the mind of (someone) continually and to a troubling extent.
"I'm glad you two smoothed things over. It was getting a little awkward, you know." Kate blurted out. And Mia pinched her as she yelled "ouch."
"Hey you can't say that." Her sister quickly scolded.
"Well she isn't wrong." Vic added as she shrugged which led to her receiving a hard glare from Mia.
"What kind of best friends would we be if we didn't have our dramatic fight, isn't that right Ellie?" Jazz joked all I did was smile, being happy that all my favorite people were right here with me.
Weeks had passed and we had taken our thanksgiving break. The twins had gone to Zimbabwe for their break to their grandparents house. Victoria had visited her family in Mexico, the Wrights had theirs at home and my family had gone to the Caribbeans. Christmas was closing in and to be honest I wasn't excited for the holidays. I have always hated Christmas. If I'm being honest we always hosted a big Christmas at our house for as long as I can remember most of my family comes all the way down to fourth cousins and family friends. I used to be so insecure and the negative comments some of them passed always made me feel worse. But weirdly I was actually looking forward to this one because I wanted to invite Jacob to come but I don't know how to do it. He told me he usually spends most of these holidays either home or he visits his mother and siblings. But I didn't want that for him anymore spending holidays at a graveyard instead with people who care for him. He never has to feel like that ever again.
"Where is your boyfriend anyway?" Mia asked.
"These days you guys are practically inseparable even the teachers are beginning to notice." Vic said with mischief in her eyes.
"Probably with his boyfriend." Kate said, answering Mia, causing Jazz to laugh with her. I knew she was referring to Ryan because whenever he wasn't with me Jacob is always with Ryan. So now the girls had begun calling Ryan Jacob's boyfriend.
"Have you noticed Ellie does flinch or try to pathetically deny that she is dating Jacob these days." Kate said, causing all of the girls to look at me.
"I mean you got wifed and you didn't tell us? You sneaky little bitch." She continued and all I did was scoff and roll my eyes. If I'm being honest the whole thing was still surreal to me. I mean I had a boyfriend if you would have told me that 10 months ago I would have laughed in your face. But it wasn't the fact that I had a boyfriend that baffled me but rather who it was.
"Omg she did, I'm about to fret and plan a fucking a post bachelorette party."Mia said with giggles.
"Ellie are you coming to Mike Millie's after school with us or are leaving us for some dick."Vic asked and the bell rang soon after as she asked, signaling that the lunch break was over.
"Eww Vic." Both Jazz and I said in unison.
"But yes I will be there." I said. We all said our goodbyes as we went for our separate extra curricular activities.
"Congrats on being a wife Pricce." Kate yelled as she left the table.
"Mrs Knight wooooo." Both Mia and Vic cheered as they clapped and threw punches into the air as if they were cheering for their favorite football team. They walked away and a few people passing by began looking at us. I covered my face as I drowned in embarrassment. I was going to kill those three but now I had more pressing matters so I turned to stop Jazz from leaving.
"Jazz, could you wait for a second. I have a favor to ask."
"Sure." She said as the rest of our friends left.
I pulled out some pictures which I had asked from Ryan. He was surprised when I had said I wanted to talk to him alone but when I told him what kind of favor I needed he was more than willing to help. It had taken him two weeks to find these pictures and I was grateful for his help. I really hoped Jacob was going to like his gift. I have never been great at giving holiday gifts but I figured the first gift I was to give must be one he might love or at the least like. He's a hard person to read who hates almost everything and has everything. What was I to get him? Honestly I almost gave up but just before getting something cliche like a watch I figured he would like this more than that. As I gave her the picture her eyebrows screwed in confusion.
"So I need a favor." I began. " A big one." I said in addition.
"I'm listening." Jazz said and I began to explain to her what I was plotting.
I was glad she had agreed to do it, honestly I was relieved she seemed happy with what I was doing too, now both of our best friends approved. I just hoped he would love it too. As I hummed my way into the closest bathroom I could find before heading towards debate. I had already instructed Jazz to go on ahead without me. I was to catch up with her.
As soon as I opened the door it was quiet but I heard sobbing sounds someone was in here crying. I felt uneasy and a heavy cloud loomed over my heart. I knew how it felt to drown in your own problems till you couldn't take it anymore and completely break down in the bathroom. I slowly walked in hoping by the time I reached the mirror where the sound was coming from I would know what to say.
However the person who was there was none other than Brooke Bailey with smudged mascara dripping all over her eyes where red and puffy. As if the soul could bleed an ocean through the eyes, that was the enormity of her sobbing. I've seen her at her best but this had to be the lowest state I've seen her in and when her eyes locked with my own she quickly attempted to wipe her tears away. She opened the tap of water to quiet the noise of her sobbing. I had half expected her to pass some snarky comment of why I was looking at her but she said nothing instead and looked down at the water flowing.
I looked away and I walked into one of the cubicles. As soon as I saw her all the sorrow I had felt had instantly vanished. I hated her with every fiber of my being and human like her didn't deserve my empathy nor my sympathy yet my stupid conscience wouldn't let me rest so instead of ignoring it like wanted to I found myself opening the cubicle door and stepping back out. I saw her there using a paper towel to clean herself up.
In times like these I wish I was as heartless as she was maybe then I would care as to why she was crying.
"A-are you ok?" I shouldn't ask, I shouldn't even care yet here I am actually giving a shit.
"Mind your own fucking business Elipha-." She took a deep breath before correcting herself. "Ellie" she finished off I don't think she had ever called me by my name but that didn't matter I shouldn't have fucking asked it's not like expected to spill her guts out a simple 'I'm fine.' would have been better if she really didn't want to talk about it but then again this is Brooke we are talking about.
"Shouldn't have even bothered." I mumbled and I was getting ready to leave and go find a vacant and by vacant I mean a Brooke free bathroom.
"I don't fucking get it." She began and made me stop in my tracks.
"I really don't get it. How's it you get to have the perfect life? Why you and not me? You get to have the richest parents in the entire school, the beautiful sisters, the perfect family. Friends that actually like you for who you are. You even got a Jacob many would kill for he changed and for you he worships the ground you walk on and the way he looks at you even people on fucking Mars can tell that boy loves you he absolutely fucking a-adores you." She began choking her tears and she stopped talking as she used the back of her hand to wipe away the tears.
"And if he could he would get the fucking moon and stars for you. He doesn't use you, ridicule you or even think any less of you. Why does a person like you have such a beautiful life like that?"
"WHY?" she yelled, causing me to jump in fright. But when everything she had said sank in I chuckled and I slowly began to laugh hysterically. She looked at me like I had gone insane but she could tell my laughter wasn't out of joy but rather out of bitterness. And when I stopped laughing I looked at her with a cold stare.
"You are a fucking lunatic, you know that. What part of my life is perfect? Explain to me how years of mocking, laughing and emotional torture is part of a beautiful life. You made me hate myself because my body was shaped differently from your standards and you didn't let me forget it not even for a second for the past twelve years. You made me go insane, hell I almost died because of how much you made me hate myself. And thanks to you until recently I didn't have any friends because of the pain you caused my so-called rich parents could even realize I was drowning nor did my beautiful sisters. Your ridiculing made me hate my sisters for how they looked and forced me not to have a relationship with my parents because I felt like I didn't deserve their love or anyone else's for that matter."
"And as for Jacob you don't even know how hard we had to claw our way to each other because of you or Cameron then there was Gwen. We couldn't love each other because you continuously stood in your way. I fucking hate you so much and I hoped for years that when the time would come you will burn in hell for what you did to me and everyone else. I shouldn't even give a crap as to why you are crying but I don't have a twisted evil soul that you possess. So here I am asking why a human that seemed to be made of iron is sobbing in the school bathroom?" At this point I was heavily breathing and she looked at me with sadness and a hint of regret. Maybe until now she didn't realize how much she had done or maybe she was feeling remorseful.
"My mother and da- I mean Eric are divorcing." After yelling at her like that I was certain she would cuss me out and leave but instead she actually told me with tears streaming down her eyes but I couldn't understand how that would make her completely melt down.
Brooke's POV
When I was younger,I saw a woman in the streets of California whose beauty was like no other than I had seen. She had her skin glistening with sensual alluring beauty eyes like sunlight shining through whiskey. She wasn't just flawless in her bone structure, her skin was like silk over glass and she radiated an intelligent beauty with piercing orbs of an electrifying blue ocean. Her eyes were the blue of every dancing sky, infinite hues illuminated by newborn light. Her languid eyelashes of velvet-black blinked once slowly as her beguiling, oyster-white teeth flashed so brightly and they lit up the area. It could jolt one like an electric current when that megawatt smile was given to one along with her full attention, I instantly knew. She had been laughing at something but I had been lucky enough to see a glimpse of the aftermath.
Filed to perfection her Venus-red fingernails ran through her golden blonde hair that tumbled over her shoulders. I was so young and didn't know such beauty existed but I knew I wanted to be her. I wanted to be just as beautiful. Maybe then everyone could fall at my feet and worship me like a goddess just like her. She had people following her taking her picture, yelling her name. She must be of importance I thought. I figured if I was that beautiful the world would come to love me. Maybe then I wouldn't have to beg for my mother's love or even cry over my father's ignorance towards me.
Beauty was the key for utter perfection. If I wanted to make it in this life I had to be perfect and beautiful. I didn't want to end up like my mother. Vivian's beauty was the cheap kind one she used to scam men for their money, she tried too hard and even as a kid I could see that.
I became obsessed with that woman. I looked for pictures in magazines. She had to be there. I needed to know who she was for I wanted to be her. I would daydream about her. I had seen her mesmerizing beauty and my envy grew insatiably. Two months of constant searching I finally saw her on a billboard with all of beauty on display for all to see. I eventually found out her name Lily LeClaire-Pricce.
Right there and then I declared I was going to be her when I grew up just as beautiful, just as famous, just as rich, for I was destined for greatness. I wanted to shine so bright so that it would burn their fucking eyes. Even if I was to be viewed as that one being that runs on ice and breathes fire who has nothing but an insatiable appetite for destruction, who isn't evil because of an exaggerated sense of self preservation, but rather ruthless out of malice for perfection I was willing to pay the price for perfection. Even if I had to have my flesh cut and reopened and closed over and over again until I was beautiful it was fine.
After that day I never saw her again, I really wanted to be lucky enough to see her one more time so I would look at the woman I was to surpass when I grew up for I was to be named the most beautiful woman the world had ever seen. But when I did eventually see her again I didn't think it would be at school picking up her daughter who was just as beautiful as her. It was as if she had carved her baby to look exactly like her.
Why?
Why couldn't I be lucky enough to have a mother who held so much beauty like her who was respected and not mocked by others for being a whore? I hated her! I hated Eleanora with every fiber of my being not only was she blessed with a mother like Lily LeClaire she would grow up and to be just as beautiful if not even better than her mother. She possessed the same glistening blue eyes, soft golden blonde hair and her smile shined just as bright as her mother's. She had Lily LeClaire's blood flowing in veins of course she would be beautiful. But then I thought if she was held as the most beautiful woman alive then what would that make me? I couldn't let her have it all, I wasn't going to let her have it all. It belonged to me. I deserved it! All that was hers was meant to be mine.
So I did what I had to over the years to make her hate herself that way she wouldn't realize that she had the power to make even me insecure. She was a little chubby when we were younger but everyone could tell she was something special even that didn't matter but I knew if I pressed the right buttons she would break forcing her to continuously eat so she would not be chubby but fat maybe then all the attention would come to me and it sure did. Making her miserable would ensure my success in being loved and known, but I couldn't stop there. Everyone else was to fear me was to be miserable that way they would all wish they were me they would envy me before I could envy them.
I was, of course, as self-centred as a child. For me the world that mattered stopped at the tip of my nose. And as I grew older I replaced my selfishness with dominance. I've always seen it as a gift. Being able to take one look at someone and instantly knowing their fears prying on the insecurities of others makes them weak and miserable and in some sick and twisted way it brought joy to me to see others suffer. The world didn't deserve to be happy if I wasn't, no one deserved peace and love if I didn't have it.
I've never met my father but I know exactly who he is, a very wealthy man indeed but however he has never wanted anything to do with me. I am the dirty little secret he wishes he could keep hidden and for eighteen years he has succeeded. His wife or any one of his three children don't know of my existence. My mother was a rebellious child hence leading to her having an affair with a married man when she was only seventeen and when she fell pregnant he made it clear he didn't want to leave his wife nor did he want the bastard child she was carrying.
When my elite grandparents found out she was disowned. I don't think my mother ever loved me. I was the very living thing that ruined her life and I was proof that she wasn't enough to make my father stay. Knowing Vivian I would say she is incapable of holding any form of genuine affection but I truly believe she loved my father and when he didn't want her she never thought she could ever be enough for anyone.
Vivian was raised in riches accustomed to the life of the rich; she wasn't willing to let it go even if her parents had disowned her so she sold her body to keep living a lavish life. Man after man after man she would open her legs for anyone would just about give her a dime.
"Honey this is a cruel world we live in and if you want something make it yours at any cost." She once told me.
She had married many rich men who abused her and me physically, sexually and emotionally but she would always wipe my tears saying "It's for the life we live, we are paying for the finer things in life, so stop your whining and endure it."
I hated all the men she married or gotten involved with because they hurt me and she didn't seem to care what mattered to her was status and money. But Eric was different he treated like his own and for the first time I had a father. Even though I knew he only treated me with kindness to somehow get back at Jacob it didn't matter because I was loved. It didn't matter why the love was given or what happened between Eric and his son as long as I reaped the benefits so what? But my whorish mother had to go a ruin it for me, not only was she caught stealing from him she was cheating too and now we are being thrown out into the streets like dogs, with no money or family. Now we are back to where we were before she met Eric, broke and nowhere to go back to staying in hotels while she sells herself of for some money.
I hate who mother is and swore I was to be nothing like her yet somehow I've become her, sleeping with every guy who shows me any bit of attention I crave validation. Is it hereditary? To want a man to love you so much? Or is it because I've never had a father who loved me and somehow I think I will find it in any man. Cameron was a pitiful replacement he didn't make feel whole yet I clung on to him because he gave attention. Everything and everyone around me seemed meaningless. They are all stepping stones for me until I've become the only thing people talk about. I need to be loved and praised to be envied. For all the shitty things that have happened in my life I deserved that much in the future.
I thought if I got rid of her I would be fine, but she wouldn't disappear. Instead she came back looking like the spitting image of her mother and I knew I was doomed. She came back not as the little weak girl I had been tormenting but as a strong young woman who was determined to bring me down.
She has it all in the family which held a high status and wealth now she got friends and the one person who seemed to hate the world loves her. If she could change him the world was destined to love her. The life she has should be mine, hell I deserved it more than anyone in this entire world.
The cold harsh truth is that her and I are two sides of the same coin. She managed to be the shiny side which would attract anyone in sight to come to it whilst I was the undesirable side, full of dirt. I envy her, I want to be her so much it hurts to watch her laugh or be happy because what the hell have I done in the past life to deserve not to be happy?
I am who I am today because of her, I am this person because my jealousy and envy of Eleanora drove me to insanity. She hates me. I know she does and I hate her too, so why? Why is she looking at me with concern in her eyes like she really wants to know why a person like me is crying. It would have been easier if she had cussed me out and left but instead she stayed and asked, I don't deserve her empathy so why is giving it to me? She isn't looking at me with pity in eyes like Gwen and Olivia but rather genuine concern. Is this the punishment the gods have decided to give me? Are they mocking me, showing me that no matter how hard I have tried to get rid of her our destinies will be forever intertwined she will always be the shiny side of the coin while I the filthy side.
I have to admit I'm not entirely proud of what I have done over the years of my existence, but honestly I have no regrets nor am I ever going to grovel at the feet of my enemies to give a regretful acknowledgement of any offence caused by my impulsive, selfishly-gruesome actions.
I am that girl that all the other girls love to hate yet all wish they were me, I'm the girl that all the guys wish to screw life at Garfield Prep has never been difficult. But the life I live out the four walls of this school is nothing to envy. Someone once said it's like I ran on cold malice instead of any form of genuine affection. Her conclusion was that perhaps as a baby I might have been left to cry myself to sleep, or maybe I had a personality disorder the doctors couldn't fix. Either way she said I had as much empathy as a medieval mace. Although many have come to think of me as emotionally blind, a being who couldn't empathize with what other people thought or felt. I had to be like that in order to keep the coldness of being lonely out, I have to be heartless in order not to crave love or warmth.
Yet right now looking at Eleanora my heart breaks and tears continuously stream down my face so this is what it's like to be shown some kind of affection.
It feels so......so warm.
Maybe all this pain is payment for all the sins I've committed. I envy her looks, her family, her entire existence but I think today I've realized I envy her heart the most. Because with all I've done I don't deserve her empathy or sympathy yet she gave it to me anyway.
What a beautiful soul she has.
If only I was as kind as her, maybe then fortune would be on my side.
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