Grab the Kleenex!
December 20th, 2020
Ari Pov
I laid in the hospital bed scrolling on Facebook. Today is finally going to be Kay's first time seeing my baby. She finally has a video call. It's not the same as her actually being here but something is better than nothing.
"Ari have you eaten" my mom ask
"Yeah Tae brought me some fruit" I say
"That is not real food" my mom say
"I'm okay. I'm not hungry" I say and I'm not. I just want to wait for them to bring my baby in and for Kay to call. Can't wait for her to see him. Wish she would've been able to call when Bryce was here. He had so many questions and was amazed at the fact Bryce was so small and I was no longer fat. Kenya took pictures so she'll see them one day
"Okay" she sit in the chair
I looked at the clock. Dang they usually bring him in by this time. I decided not to let it worry me. I leave tomorrow and hopefully he pick his weight up so he can join me. Can't believe I had a premature baby. Nothing wrong with that but the doctor said my stress levels were extremely high so they decided to take him. I don't really know what the hell I'm stressing over but he's here now and that's the only thing that matters
Plus the lady told me I could send the birth certificate to the prison and Kay can sign it. Always wanted two signatures on my child birth certificate.
I fell asleep. Honestly that's all you can do in a hospital. Service suck so you can hardly be on the phone.
I woke up to someone standing over me. I quickly sat up because what the fuck? I looked at the clock. One hour until Kay calls "where's my baby" they always bring him around the same time and at this point almost two hours have passed
"The nurse will be in shortly. She wanted to wake you but I told her to let you sleep" this is why I wanted to be in here by myself. Since I had Kason I just want to hold him, fuck that sleep.
"Everything okay" I ask
"Of course. They just wanted to know if you wanted to feed him" why the fuck didn't she wake me? Of course I want to feed my baby. I don't want him out my sight honestly. If they could just bring him in here and let me watch him sleep I'll be happy
"I'm really scared somebody gone steal him like those lifetime movies" I say
If that was to happen I swear I expect Kay to escape from prison and paint the world red until we find my baby. "So many things have changed since those movies were filmed"
"Tell me something then" I say
"How about you tell me something? The question you keep putting off" I'm not putting it off but it's just not her business
"Yes mom" I ask
"Kason's dad, where is he" she was so innocent. She didn't even get to meet Kayleigh, Bryce, and Kenya because they were already gone by the time she came.
"He doesn't have a dad" I start
"One night stand" she ask making me laugh
"Another mom" I say
"So you went to a sleek bank and planned a baby and she's not here" if she don't stop jumping to conclusions and let me talk.
"No. She's intersex. A woman born with male parts and she's currently incarcerated" I say
"For what" she raise her voice
"Mom out my business I'm grown" plus she hasn't met that girl and before she's able I don't want her thinking of her as such a bad person because that's not the case whatsoever.
"I'm guessing murder and drugs" I shrugged my shoulders
"Guess whatever you want" I wasn't confirming anything
Creed: everything good with you and the baby.
"So what you being her R.O.D. Or something" I started laughing
"I'm not with her. We just share a baby" I say
I watched her type on her phone. Probably telling my dad or her messy ass might just be texting Trent. She does shit like that.
"I didn't even know Trent was out here" I shrugged my shoulders "want him to come see the baby"
"Now why would I want that" I ask
"Well the other parent is in jail. You have nothing to worry about" she shrug not seeing any wrong
"I'm not even cool with Trent. He hates the fact I got pregnant so why would I want him around my baby" plus my baby a premature his immune system not that great and no telling what hoes he been around.
"Well he's in love with you so duh he'll hate it" My mama say "but once he see Kason all hatred would be removed" she definitely think we're going to end up together. Sorry mom but it was just dick. It was good but at the end it was just dick.
"Just because he's in love with me doesn't mean anything. I have said it countless of times, I have no feelings towards Trent" and that's the truth. He can definitely be the homie but nothing more than that
"Because you don't like good guys. You like the ones that run the streets and get locked up" yeah she about to be on the next flight back to Illinois
"Trent runs the street" I say "and I actually prefer a 9-5 dude. Since we on the subject. I don't think Trent is actually in love with me. I believe it's all lust" Just think about it when we're mad at each other we have sex, go out to eat we go back and have sex everything ends and start with sex.
At first I was not liking the fact Creed and I wasn't having sex but now I can honestly say I appreciate it. Sex isn't clouding my judgement and I can actually have fun with her. Lord knows I've let good sex cloud my vision plenty of times in the past
"And he takes care of home! He's never been in jail" I rolled my eyes
"You like him so much you date him" I roll my eyes
"I'm married" Barely. My daddy been cheating on her for years. Hate people that just can't let that shit go. Ain't no love there.
"If that's what you call it" I roll my eyes
There was a knock on the door before the nurse walked in "We tried everything" a lump formed in my throat. Anytime someone starts with that it's never good "unfortunately he passed away five minutes ago" no. This is not what I want to hear "we're going to take you to see him"
"What do you mean he passed away" I look up at the lady. I knew exactly what she meant but I wanted her to tell me something different "don't tell me that. Kason is okay"
No tears fell out my eyes as I got up. I put my sandals on and followed the lady out. We got on an elevator and went up a floor. It felt dead on this floor
I followed her to a room and walked to his incubator. The lump in my throat got bigger and bigger "Kason wake up for mommy" I put my hand in the little opening touching his small hands. He usually wrap his little hand around my finger but not this time "please. Please"
I stood in that room and cried my heart out "would you like to hold him"
I couldn't even stop the tears. She took him out and placed him in my arms. He look so peaceful. I placed a kiss on his forehead.
December 21, 2020
I got home and my mom helped me up the stairs. I was preparing for my baby and now I came home without one.
I got in bed and placed the cover over my head "I'm going to plug your phone up" I didn't say anything "and maybe you want a guest"
"No. I don't want anybody here" didn't want her here either but I wasn't going to argue.
I know when I found out I was pregnant I pushed for an abortion but I came to terms. I was ready to do it by myself. Just Kason and I.
Halfway through just laying there the door opened and I heard hella footsteps. I thought I told this woman I didn't want any guest "Ari"
Ignored. I felt the cover raise and bodies join me in the bed. I didn't have to open my eyes to know it was Miracle, Santana, and Tae. Love the support and the fact they want to be there for me but I bitch need a moment to herself.
I heard my phone star my ringing. The person I want to talk to is not in the position to FaceTime me so I didn't bother getting up.
"Hello" I hear
"Hey, how's Ari" it was Creed. How nice of her to check in on me
"She's being a sad ass bitch" Santana say and I rolled my eyes "but I'm gone give her a pass"
"I mean no choice dickhead look at what she's going through" Miracle say
"Who's dick is in my back" I groan
"That's my purse. Nasty ass girl" Miracle say and I did a small smile
"Creed you not cracking this bitch back? She done forgot what dick feel like" of course I didn't tell my friends that we weren't having sex. They already tried to clown the fact she's in school
"You okay" Tae mumble
"My child was alive for three days. Hell no I'm not okay" and after the lady let me hold him I had to complete two forms and pay a fee. Like can a bitch heal first?
I heard more footsteps and I rolled my eyes again. "Ari baby"
Can a bitch just lay here? I feel my attitude coming and when I snap it's her fault. She's making decisions over and over. Maybe if I was woke to feed my son he would've still been here
"Yes" I ask trying to keep the cool. They're just here to support me
"Kayleigh is on the phone" I rolled my eyes before putting my hand out.
"Hello" I put it to my ear
"Ari my mom told me to leave you alone and let you rest but I don't like that very much. I just want to tell you that I'm here for you even though I don't know it feel but you can talk or just cry with me. I wouldn't judge you. Katorah has been through some stuff and unable to call but we got your back over here!" I smiled
Katorah probably doesn't give a fuck. She probably happy that she doesn't have to deal with me. I don't know who told her and I don't really care. It is what it is.
"Forever my sister in law" I say
"Yeah especially when y'all get married" Kayleigh say
"Goodnight" I say
"I love you" Kayleigh say
"I love you too" and I put the phone back out "please mom no more calls or visitors"
"Damn bitch tell us how you really feel" Santana say
"Maybe y'all should go and give her the space she need" Creed say
"Depressed, sad, and alone people kill themselves. Don't worry we got this over here" Tae say
"I know that's right" Santana say
"Just trying to help" Creed is like a child. Always need someone behind her
"Y'all being mean to that girl. Sound like she's about to cry" Miracle say "we didn't mean any harm but we just know how to deal with a sad Ari and giving her space would just leave her in her thoughts" maybe I want to be left in my thoughts.
"I'm not going to cry" Creed laugh
"Good because we hate a crybaby ass bitch" Santana say. I know they're just trying to take my mind off of everything but Kason just died yesterday at least give me a few hours to myself. If I wanted to harm myself I would've been done it.
"Creed you got kids" Tae ask
"No" Creed laugh
I felt that. I didn't even have time to be a real mother. All these deadbeat ass hoes having kids and making it out the hospital but me? A bitch that'll actually take care of her kid can't even make it to a week!
I felt the tears coming down my face. My child is gone. He couldn't even meet everybody that was ready to kill for him.
I got up and walked to the guest room and made sure I locked the door behind me. I started bawling. My baby? My everything?
After crying myself to sleep. I woke up later that day and it was dark outside. I walked downstairs and looked at the living room. Not one Christmas decoration in sight. I looked at all the flowers and gifts. I opened my balcony and started throwing the flowers over. Fuck is this a funeral?
"Ari you okay" I turned and looked at my mom
Can people stop asking me that? "Do I look fucking okay? I'm losing my damn mind" because why me out of all people? I grabbed the glass vase and threw it over. Throwing shit helps
" I can tell" She say
"You need to gone back to Illinois because your mouth is going to end up making me beat your ass" I say
"Just think about it he's up there with Kyle" my stomach did this weird turn and I ran to the kitchen and emptied my stomach in the trash can "you okay baby"
Deciding not to answer I walked upstairs. To my room and locked the door. I glanced at the bag the hospital gave me. She must've brought this in here. I opened the bag and pulled out his little blanket and his bear. My baby.
It was a little picture at the bottom. I had just given birth and was holding him with a huge smile painting my face. I watched my tears hit the frame but I was all smiles.
Kason Dionte Marrero.
"Just know you are loved baby. If not by anybody else definitely by me" I wipe my tears "Kyle please take care of my baby. Kason keep him up all day" I giggle
That's how a happy ending doesn't exist. My brother and now my baby. The two that I'll literally kill behind. It's like no matter how much I give something is being taken away from me. I just want my child.
December 23, 2020
Young POV
"She's upstairs" I nodded my head. I walked up to Ariana's room. I closed the door behind me. She was under the cover probably sleep.
I raised the cover up and she didn't even turn and look at me. I climbed into the bed "Ariana, can you say daddy's home"
She raised her head up and looked at me okay bitch that was a joke laugh. "I-" she couldn't even form a sentence before she was crying. I wrapped my arms around her "Kay"
"Yo" I ask and she didn't say anything else. I guess I could just allow her to lay in arms until she wanna talk or some shit "you sleep" hours done went by and we haven't been talking. Weird as fuck so I had to say something
"No. Haven't been able to sleep much lately" Ari confess
"You gotta sleep ma. Staying up ain't gone do you no good" I say checking the time
"You didn't even get to meet him" Ari say looking up at me. Her eyes are so swollen, face just red, and dried tear marks on her face.
I smiled "everything gone be okay" she reached over and grabbed her phone
"I have a picture" Ari say. I was hoping she did but I didn't want to ask and make her feel bad. She tapped on her phone before she just kept looking at it.
I grabbed the phone and turned it around. It was a picture of Ari holding him. I scrolled and the next picture was of his full body. So small and so damn pink "What he got all these tubes for" I ask
"Breathing" Ari say "he was only able to breathe on his own for a hour. That was on his third day"
"Hate you had to go through this by yourself" I say. I honestly felt bad as fuck. It's one thing to lose your baby but to lose it and the person that got you pregnant not even there to help you through the shit
"If you could be there you would've been" she shrug "but you here now. How" she raise her eyebrow
"Nothing just sold my soul to the devil" I rub her back. If Ari didn't lose the baby then I would still be in that bitch but I couldn't do her like that "Where the body"
"I have to go and get his ashes. They're going to call me" Ari say "well call my mom"
I nodded. "You need to try to sleep" I pulled her on my lap. I rubbed her back and laid my head on the headboard. Wasn't really sleepy just wanted to be here for her.
I watched the time. I moved her over and stood to my feet "please stay"
"I can't" I say
"Please" Ari say. I raised my sweats up "oh"
"I'll be back tomorrow" I say
She rolled her eyes and laid back down. Don't have time to argue with her selfish ass. Had to dance with the fucking devil just to get out. All for Ari because I be damned if I let her go through any more shit by herself. Some about her just make me want to protect her from any and everything
Whether I admit it to her or anybody else, I think I love Ari.
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