A/N:
Get ready because this is one of the longest chapters I have ever written of anything. Well over 4000 words without author's notes. I couldn't be stopped. This chapter is also a nice combination of the show, books, and original content. Now, I'll shut up and let you read.
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Raven's POV
The time had come. The King wanted to set out early the next afternoon to begin the month-long trek to King's Landing, so the night before Robb gathered Jon, Theon, and myself outside for one last hurrah before we were to be separated. Ale had been passed around and Theon, who had made a point in being indifferent to Jon and I's departures, was drinking for sport
"You don't have to go," Robb told me, his words were sudden but obviously thought over, "While Father is South I'll be the Lord of Winterfell. What mother says won't hold as much weight. You said it yourself, Father would rather you stay here with me."
The offer was tempting, it was, but I couldn't take it. I sighed "So you'd rather me continue walking on eggshells around a woman who has never hidden her hatred for me? Robb, it is easier if I go, and the Mormonts are expecting me. I cannot go back on Father's plan."
"If you want me to say it, I will. I don't want you to leave. Winterfell is your home, you belong here with your family. It's not fair for you to be forced out because of my mother."
I set my hand upon his, "It will serve me well to see more of the world, even if it is still the North. And I will be only a few days ride from here, you could visit and I could return for events. This is not goodbye." I raised the flask he'd brought out and took a swig. The boys laughed as I grimaced at the taste
"You're excited then? To go to Bear Island?" Jon asked as the conversation lulled once again
I nodded, "I am. It may not be all that big of a change, which I am sure was a part of Father's plan, but I am excited for a challenge. You know they have gone through five tutors in the past year alone?"
"That girl must be a menace," Theon mused, "The two of you should get along swimmingly." he took a hefty drink from the flask, "I hope they don't intend for you to mellow her out, Snow."
Robb quickly grabbed the object from him, "Just admit you'll miss her and get on with your goodbyes already." he said making Jon and I laugh with him
The older boy huffed and snatched the flask back, "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Stark."
I gazed around the space, taking in every detail of the boys as I did. A sense of melancholy swept over me, "Let us enjoy our last night together boys for we may not get another just the four of us."
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"Up and at 'em, Raven." Jacline's voice filled the room as she went about her routine, including the opening of the shutters, bombarding my eyes with the morning light
"Five minutes, Jac," I mumbled into my pillow
"I hope the boys didn't keep you out too late. We 'ave a long ride a'ead of us, and you 'ave goodbyes to say before we go." (1)
I hadn't planned on staying out as late as I had, but my brothers and I had the chore of carrying Theon back to his chambers after a few too many drinks. I sighed into the plush surface, "I'm up."
"Good," I could almost hear the grin on her face, "I've laid out your clothes for the day. I wouldn't dally getting dressed, the house boys will be up to collect your luggage within the, 'our."
I waited for the door to close before removing my face from the pillow. I pushed myself up to lean against the large headboard. This would be the last time I'd ever wake up in this bed, in this room. I glanced around the space. The room was barren; gone were the stacks of books on every surface, and the tapestry of a wolf running through a snowstorm I'd made to hang over my bed. Replacing the clutter were the bags and chests that held nearly all my worldly possessions stacked along the far wall.
It felt surreal. I'd spent the majority of my eighteen years in this very room. Held each of my siblings in the depths of whatever emotion they were feeling. The room where Arya would seek shelter during a storm. The room where Bran would run after a nightmare to not get teased by Jon and Robb. The room where Rickon first babbled "Damn", his first word thanks to a heated debate with Robb.
Where Lady Stark had caught Sansa and me doing needlework and scolded me for corrupting her daughter... So not all the memories made in this room were good ones, but they made me who I was today.
And now I had to leave them all behind to make new ones in a different part of the country I loved most. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, muttering a quiet "Adventure awaits." to myself before getting dressed for the journey ahead.
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"Good morning!" called to my siblings when I arrived in the dining hall. Before I took my seat I noticed Theon slumped over the table, "I see someone is still feeling the celebration." I noted, a grin spreading on my face when he didn't respond. I passed my usual seat to stand behind Theon, I leaned in and yelled "Up and attem Greyjoy!" in his ear
The table erupted into laughter as the iron-born flinched and all but threw himself from the table. He glared up at me, "Very funny, Snow." I held my hand out to help him up, he begrudgingly took it, "You can't leave soon enough."
I took my seat across from him and Robb, "You did it to yourself. We all told you trying to finish an entire barrel of ale wasn't a good idea."
"Though watching you try sure was a sight to behold," Robb laughed.
The meal went on normally with conversations being struck amongst us. I listened briefly as Sansa gushed to Jeyne Poole all about the Prince. I unconsciously flexed my hand, the one injured by her "sweet, handsome Prince". Gone was the bandage, but pain lingered nonetheless, a phenomenon the Maester assured was perfectly normal.
All too quickly, the meal was over, and, to my dismay, we were all going our separate ways. Jon and I walked out to the courtyard together, "I've got to pick something up from Mikken's." He told me
"As do I," I turned to him with a quirked eyebrow, "Let me guess, going away present for Arya?"
"How did you-?"
"Great minds think alike, brother." I grinned.
We arrived at the forge as Mikken was finishing up, "Ah Jon, Raven just in time." He smiled as he pulled two bundles wrapped in cloth, one significantly longer than the other. He unwrapped the smaller of the two, revealing a small dagger, "Here you are."
I slid a hand between his hand and the cloth to take a closer look. The dagger was much like the one Robb had given me for my nameday, the one Arya had been obsessed with since it was gifted. It had the same vines twisting about the handle the only difference was the size. This one was much smaller and easier to conceal. "It's beautiful, Mikken, thank you." I rewrapped the dagger in the cloth and slid it into the pouch on my belt
"Just working my trade, Raven." He moved to the larger cloth and unwrapped a thin sword, not much wider than a twig at its tip. He pointed the tip to the table and tilted it for Jon to see.
"Sword for the Wall?" a voice spoke from behind us. I turned to find its owner, none other than Jamie Lannister sculking toward us
"I already have one," Jon answered
"Good man. Have you swung it yet?"
"Of course I have."
"At someone, I mean." Jon's eyes shifted towards me as the Kingslayer took a step closer, "It's a strange thing, the first time you cut a man. You realize we're nothing but sacks of meat and blood and some bone to keep it all standing." He looked Jon up and down, then held out his hand. Jon shook it but Lannister didn't release "Let me thank you ahead of time for guarding us all from the perils beyond the Wall...Wildlings, White Walkers, and whatnot." Jon tried to take his hand back, but the older man pulled him closer. "We're grateful to have good, strong men like you protecting us." He patted Jon on the shoulder and turned to walk away
"We've guarded the kingdoms for eight thousand years," Jon called after him
Ser Jamie pivoted back, "Is it 'we' already? Have you taken your vows then?"
"Soon enough."
"Give my regards to the Night's Watch. I'm sure it will be thrilling to serve in such an elite force. And if not? It's only for life." he sauntered off the way he came
"What is wrong with that family?" I mused. Jon looked more downcast than usual, so I set a hand on his shoulder, "Don't mind him, brother. You have wanted this for as long as I can remember. You will do well."
"I suppose you're right."
"You know I am. Now, we have farewells to make," I picked up the cloth-wrapped sword from the table and held it out for him to take, "starting with our dear baby sister."
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We entered her chambers to find a disgruntled Arya packing her chest. Our sister gave us a look as we stepped inside, "Septa Mordane says I have to do it again. My things weren't folded properly, she says. Things are going to get messed up anyway. " she threw her clothes down with a huff, "Who cares how they're folded?"
"Septa Mordane," Jon told her, "I don't think she'd like Nymeria helping either." said wolf quirked her head at him
"It's good she has help." I nudged him
Arya smiled, "Watch," she turned to her wolf, "Nymeria, gloves." The wolf stared blankly up at her
"Impressive." Jon deadpanned while I attempted to hide a laugh
"Shut up. Nymeria, gloves!"
"It's just as well. We each have something for you to take with you." Jon laid his wrapped package on the bed
"And they need to be packed carefully." I added, "Close the door." I nodded behind us and took a seat on the edge of her bed
Her face brightened significantly, "Presents?" she did as told, closing the door and commanding Nymeria to stand guard
"You could call it that," Jon drew the blade slowly and held it out for our sister to see, "This is no toy. Be careful you don't cut yourself. The edges are sharp enough to shave with."
"Girls don't shave." Arya was quick to correct
"That would just be the Septa." I chuckled along with Jon who had been unfortunate enough to have seen the old woman's legs for himself. He was never the same after that...or so I had teased him about
Arya studies the sword, "It's so skinny." she giggled
"So are you." Jon smiled down at her, "I had Mikken make this special. The Bravosi use swords like this in Pentos and Myr and the other Free Cities. It won't hack a man's head off, but it'll poke him full of holes if you're quick enough."
"I can be quick,"
"You'll have to work it every day." He set the sword in her hands, showing her how to use it before stepping back, "How does it feel? Do you like the balance?"
"I think so,"
"First lesson," he leaned forward, setting a hand on the back of her neck, "stick 'em with the pointy end." he told her 'seriously' before grinning like an idiot
Arya rolled her eyes, "I know which end to use." Jon helped her slide the sword back into its sheath
"Alright, my turn!" I hopped off the bed, "Aye it's a fine blade, but entirely impractical for close combat." I revealed the dagger from within my sleeve, pausing briefly before handing it over, " Now, remember what I taught you. Where should you aim?"
"The kidneys!" she exclaimed happily
"That's it!" I demonstrated on Jon, hand over the blade as to not actually stab him (2). He pushed himself from my grasp as all three of us laughed. After a beat to sober up, I handed the blade to Arya, "Big cities are dangerous, especially for little ladies." She let out a sound of indignance, "I know that is not what you want to be, but it is how the world will perceive you. The last thing I want is for something to happen to you when it could have been prevented. Keep it on you, strap it to your person, hide it in your skirts."
She nodded and studied her gifts thoughtfully, "The Septa will take them from me."
"Not if she doesn't know you have them." I grinned
"Who will I practice with?"
"You'll find someone. Until you find a partner, watch how they fight in the yard." Jon began
"Run, ride, make yourself strong. And whatever you do..."
"Don't tell Sansa!" The three of us said together, all too much alike for our own good
Jon ruffled her hair, "I will miss you, little sister."
"As will I, pup." I smiled sadly
Tears filled her eyes, "I wish you were coming with us."
"Different roads sometimes lead to the same castle. Who knows?" I could tell he was willing himself not to be sad, but it was there all the same, "I better go.
I'll spend my first year on the Wall emptying chamber pots if I keep Uncle Benjen waiting."
I nodded in agreement, "And I still have a few more stops on my farewell tour."
Arya ran to us, dagger still in hand, "Put down the blade first." I warned her, laughing
The young girl turned a light shade of pink, "I almost forgot." she set down the blade shyly and then ran into our arms. She showered us with kisses and we held tight, willing the moment to last longer
"All the best swords have names you know?" Jon said as we parted
"Sansa can keep her sewing needles. I have a needle of my own," she said confidently
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Jon and I parted after our time with Arya. He'd already said his goodbyes to Bran and did not wish to see Lady Stark ever again, so I was on my own. I steadied myself outside the door and looked in. Lady Stark was not the strong woman I'd known her to be. Bran's fall took the life from her, and from what I'd heard she had not left his bedside.
I knocked lightly on the open door, she barely acknowledged my existence. Some things never changed, "I came to say goodbye to Bran."
"Be quick about it." she sneered
I walked to the bedside and took his small hand in mine, I swallowed hard before speaking, "I'm sorry I won't be here when you wake. Just know how much I love you, pup." I pushed the hair from his forehead and pressed a light kiss to the spot
I straightened, taking a deep breath to compose myself. "Lady Stark, may I have a word?"
For the first time she looked up from Bran, "No, you may not. Leave now." she all but spat
I sighed heavily, "I would have preferred to have done this anywhere other than my sick brother's bedside, but you have left me no choice. Do not mistake my intentions, I do not wish to kick you while you're down. I cannot begin to imagine what you're going through right now, but I have been preparing our last conversation for a week, and I will not be deterred now."
The glare continued, "Go on then."
"I have paid you nothing but respect, not because you have done anything to earn it but due to the love my father and siblings bear you. Despite this, you have never given us the same courtesy. Jon and I did not wish to be born. We did not ask Father to bring us home after the war. Not a damn thing was in our control and yet you chose to despise us."
"You couldn't even be bothered to look past your blind hatred for us to see how it impacted your own children. Robb and Arya have grown to resent you because of it. And before you try to turn it around on us 'poisoning' them as you have insinuated time and time again, it was always me who came to your defense. I have never asked for such staunch loyalty, but it came with how they were raised. To defend those they love with everything they have got. I've got to commend you for that."
"I need not your validation, bastard." her voice full of venom
I held a straight face, "No, no you don't, but you were always a good mother. Take it from someone who was forced to watch it from the sidelines. So I ask you this, how could such a godly woman and loving mother not find it in her heart to love two motherless children?"
"I owe you no explanation."
"You damn well do! 'Family, Duty, Honor'. Those are the words of your house. From where I'm standing you have failed your family by not showing respect for two people who love them and are loved by them the most. You've refused your duty as a mother to show two children the slightest bit of kindness. And you've disgraced your own damned honor by blaming children for the sins of their father." (3)
She was too stunned to reply so I went on, "I could almost look past everything you have done to spite me, but you have made Jon feel as though the only place he could ever belong is the blasted Wall among the criminals. He is as innocent as I am in all of this and we are both being shipped away from our brothers, our home, and the only world we've ever known." I moved for the door, feeling as though I had gotten everything I'd been holding back for eighteen years off my chest
Her voice stopped me at the door, "This castle should have never been your home. Ned should have left you two mistakes in whatever ditch he found you."
I didn't look back. My head was held too high to give her any more of my attention, "I remember, you know. All you did after Jon got sick with the pox and my little body was too overwhelmed to function. I remember you at my bedside weaving prayer wheels, begging for us to be well, praying any to God that would listen you would be a mother to us if they let us live. We survived and yet here we stand today. You broke your vow to the Gods. Remember that when you wonder why bad things befall your family Catelyn." With that, I left her to continue her vigil, closing the door behind me as I went.
I carried myself with a strange bravado. Guilt was creeping in at my words, but that didn't stop the feeling of vindication that came with standing up to Catelyn Stark.
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"There you are!" Robb boomed across the courtyard. He was walking towards me with Rickon on his shoulders, "Rickon has something very important to give you."
"Does he now?" I smiled wide at the six-year-old. Robb bent down a little so I could take our brother from him. Once he was settled on my hip I noticed something poking out from under his tunic, "What have you got there, pup?"
He unwound the fabric to reveal a wooden knight figure, a toy I knew to be one of his very favorites. He held it out proudly, "To protect you from the bears."
Robb chuckled, "He may have taken 'Bear Island' a tad too literally."
I joined in the chuckles, "You think so?" I went back to Rickon, "Are you sure you want me to have this, pup? I know how much you love it."
"I love you more." he wrapped his little arms around my neck and held tight
"Oh, sweet boy, I love you too. Look here," Blue eyes met grey, "this is not goodbye. It's never goodbye, not for long. I will be but a few days ride away, and I'll write often. You can ask Robb to send as many ravens as you please."
"Really?"
"Of course. I'd never leave you, and surely not forever. But if it will put you at ease, I will take Sir Knight here and carry him with me wherever I may go." I took the toy and held it tightly in my hand, "Why don't you go say goodbye to Father? I know he will miss you dearly." I set him back on the ground and watched as he ran to where Father stood by his horse
I turned back to Robb but wasn't able to say much as someone tapped on my shoulder. To my complete shock, it was Sansa. She looked rather uncomfortable and was no doubt sent over by the Septa as to not look rude. "I hope you have a safe journey," That hadn't sounded rehearsed at all
I smiled nonetheless, "Same to you, Red. Try not to let Arya get under your skin too much." she wasted no time rushing off
Robb and I were left, "You say goodbye to Jon yet?" I asked
"Aye, just before you came out. What held you anyway?"
"I went to see Bran. Your mother was there." I shortly
"I take by that tone it didn't go well?"
"There may have been some yelling, more my part than hers, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's praying the Gods smite me down or throw me from my horse."
His eyes were wide, "You yelled? At my mother?" I nodded, "I have never been prouder of you."
I rolled my eyes and beckoned him to follow me to my horse, "Any grand parting words, dear brother?"
"Just that you'd be a much better advisor than Theon or my mother." he grinned
"I'm touched. Truly, truly touched." I teased
"What am I to say? You won't be far, and I know you expect weekly correspondence. We won't be out of touch." He absentmindedly started to pet Ember, who was waiting for me to mount and get started on the journey
I placed Rickon's toy knight into a saddlebag and I called over my shoulder, "Just say you'll miss me already, Stark."
"Fine, I'll miss you."
I pulled him into an embrace, "And I you, brother, but as I told Rickon, this is not goodbye. Once I'm settled, it could be possible for the new Warden of the North to set out on a trip to Bear Island. He could get to know his fellow countrymen, see more of the land he governs, and, while he's at it, visit his little sister."
"Now why didn't I think of that?" We pulled apart and he gave me a leg up to help me mount my horse
"Sometimes I wonder how you'll survive without me."
"You'll probably be able to see Winterfell burning from Bear Island." He jested. Theon walked up next to him
"Watch his back, Greyjoy."
"Always, Snow."
"And Robb, you send a raven the second Bran wakes."
"Of course. Stay safe."
"Safe or out of trouble? I cannot promise both." I smirked down at him
"If that's the case, I'll take safety."
"I shall try my best." I sighed, "Off I go then."
The procession started filing out of the courtyard, beginning with the King and his family of course. When it came time for me to follow, cast one last glance at my big brother. He waved me off, Rickon once more sat upon his shoulders. I waved back then set my sights forward as I trotted along next to Jon
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As the party reached the King's Road, those going North broke off from the main group. Father, Jon, and I stopped at the fork in the road, "There is great honor serving in the Night's Watch," Father told Jon, "Starks have manned the wall for thousands of years. And you are a Stark, the both of you. You might not have my name, but you have my blood."
A thoughtful look crossed Jon's face, "Is our mother alive? Does she know about us? Where we are? Where we're going? Does she care?"
"The next time we are all together, we'll talk about your mother." His eyes shifted between the two of us, "I promise." we nodded our understanding, and with that Father rejoined the main party
Jon and I too went back to our groups. It would be a few miles until our one party became two. When it did, we were left alone to say our final goodbyes. We had put it off for so long because neither of us wanted it to happen. We'd never been separate. We came into this world together, grew up attached at the hip, ate together, trained together. He was my best friend and I his, no matter what Robb would claim otherwise.
We dismounted our horses, "So this is it." I sighed as I watched Ember and Ghost run about the field
"I guess it is."
"I don't want it to be." I internally cursed myself when my voice cracked involuntarily
Jon set a hand on the back of my neck, the same way he had with Arya, "What is it you've been saying all day? 'This is not goodbye'?" He smiled sadly, "You ought to listen to yourself, sister."
"Just-uh-" I sniffled hard, "Don't get yourself killed, alright?" I gave him a watery smile, "And if you find that the Wall wasn't all you dreamed, you ride for Bear Island. Catelyn cannot touch us there."
He laughed heartily in response, "I shall try my best. Don't corrupt that poor girl too much."
"'I shall try my best'" I mocked lightly. Jon pulled me into his arms and held tight, "I love you, Jon."
"And I you, Raven." We released and mounted our horses once again.
"I expect a raven weekly," I told him before whistling for Ember to come
"They won't be anything exciting."
"That's what I'm hoping." I grabbed the reigns and lightly kicked at the horse's side (4), "Farewell, brother."
"Farewell, sister." we road off to rejoin our respective parties. I found Jacline and Harold, the Stark guard Father had chosen to accompany us, just over the hill that overlooked the field.
"Are you alright, Raven?" Jacline asked softly
I took a breath gave a small smile, "Aye, Jac. Bittersweet goodbye is all."
"Milady, we ought to get moving," Harold spoke up
"None of that 'Milady' nonsense, Harold. I encourage you to call me Raven if we're to be friends." I looked out to the horizon, "I agree we should get moving. Jac are you riding in the cart or with one of us."
She laughed, "No offense, my friend, but I've seen the way you ride. I'll stay in the cart."
"To each their own." I smiled as we got moving on down the dirt road. I took one last look behind me as Winterfell faded into the scenery. I was flooded with memories. Fights with squires. Spats with siblings. Hostility from most, indifference from some, but oh so much love from a special few.
Winterfell would always be my home, but now it was time for a new adventure. Though something told me I would not stay away forever.
One day I'd return home.
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A/N ~
(1) ~ No clue what the hell I'm doing with this accent. Bear with me.
(2) ~ Inspired by a scene from Outlander
(3) ~ Based on a comment Prisoners101 left on chapter thirteen (After Catelyn's blow up at Raven). It was so eloquently put, I'd be remiss to not include it, so thank you.
(4) ~ No fucking clue how to ride a horse.