“Luke, are you ready to talk to Jordan? She’s waiting for us,” I said as I walked into the kitchen.
“I’m coming. I’m going to grab a drink first. Do you want anything?” Luke asked as he got up and opened the refrigerator.
“A Sprite please. And a snack maybe?” I answered him.
“What do you want?” Luke asked me.
“I really don’t care. I haven’t ate anything all day,” I told him.
“Bridge, why haven’t you ate?” Luke questioned me still holding the refrigerator open.
“The same reason you haven’t,” I stated. He just looked at me then grabbed a few bottles of water, Coke, and a Sprite before opening the cabinet and grabbing some peanut butter, crackers, and then a butter knife from the silverware drawer. He struggled cramming everything into his arms. It was like a juggling act gone horribly wrong.
“Would you like some help?” I smirked.
“No, not at all,” He said as he rolled his eyes at me. I considered taking him literally for a split second, but I knew that wouldn’t end well.
“Do you think y’all are going to need the kitchen sink?” Megan asked sarcastically.
“Haha! Very funny!” I exclaimed as Luke and I started up the stairs.
“Where’s Jordan?” Luke asked me as he topped the stairs.
“Your room,” I told him as he took a right towards his childhood bedroom.
He stopped right in front of the door and waited for me to open it. As I did, Jordan was sitting at the window staring out to the open field behind the house. I had seen Luke there so many times. That was his go-to spot anytime he was upset about something and we were here. He would sit there for hours just thinking. I’m sure she would too. There was a lot that Jordan and Luke had in common. More than either of them even realized.
“I brought some snacks up here,” Luke said as I sat down on the bed, “Do you want anything?”
“What do you have?” Jordan asked as she finally turned from the window showing her freshly tear-stained eyes.
“Peanut butter, crackers, water, and Coke,” Luke told her as she walked towards us.
“A Coke, I guess,” she sighed, “Maybe some crackers to settle my stomach.”
Jordan crawled up on the bed next to me and started to open the box of Ritz crackers. I opened to peanut butter and started smothering the crackers with it as soon as Jordan got them open. Every time I got the crackers covered in peanut butter, Luke ate them. I don’t care if he will admit it or not, I knew Luke was just as hungry as I was. When I finally got some ahead of Luke, I sat back against the headboard and handed everything to Luke.
“Can I ask y’all something?” Jordan asked as she stared down at the cracker in her hand.
“You can ask us anything,” Luke spoke while I had a mouth full, but I shook my head in agreement.
“Why are you going to get rid of this baby?” Jordan asked us.
“We’re not. That’s not anything we’ve even thought about,” Luke told her as I finished chewing.
“But Bridget, you said that it wasn’t going to last?” Jordan questioned me curiously.
“Honey, it’s not like that. Not at all,” I said, but before I could finish Luke chimed in.
“With all the stress that Bridget’s under right now we know that she will have a miscarriage. We would never purposefully end our child’s life,” Luke said as a tear started to form in his eye.
“With all of this and everything I have going on every day,” I began, “I’m under so much stress. I have anxiety attacks on a regular basis. I can’t tell you how many times a week I have a complete breakdown.”
“But you can’t. You just can’t lose the baby,” Jordan cried as she pulled me into her arms.
“We don’t want to lose the baby either,” Luke told her as he pulled both of us into an embrace.
“It’s the last thing either of us want. It’s something neither of us want to ever experience,” I told her as tears continued to fall down my cheeks.
“But how do you know you will?” Jordan asked me as she pulled away.
“You know, we don’t for sure, but we know the possibility is very high. I about lost the twins several times and this is a whole new level of stress,” I explained to her.
“It’s not like we won’t take every precaution we can to prevent it, but we also know it’s inevitable with the circumstances we’ve been dealt,” Luke clarified as I leaned my head over against his chest.
The three of us sat in silence. Jordan seemed to be soaking in what we had said and Luke was stroking my hair as I continued to lay against him. I felt my hair and head becoming wet. I knew it was from the tears Luke was crying. All of the sudden I felt Jordan move, but almost instantly I felt her wrap her arms around me and Luke.
“I’m so sorry,” Jordan cried as she embraced us from behind me.
I didn’t know what to say and evidently Luke didn’t either. We continued our silent embrace for a while after that. I’m not sure how long. I was crying, Jordan was crying, and Luke was crying too. I couldn’t help thinking how this will affect her too. I desperately want to be able to be able to carry this child to full term as much as I knew it wasn’t going to be possible.
“How do you do it?” Jordan asked me as she finally broke away.
“What do you mean?” I asked her as I looked at Luke to see if he understood, but he was just as confused as I was.
“How do you just keep on going knowing what will probably happen? You know, with the baby,” Jordan clarified her question,
“She holds it all in until she eventually just explodes. She’s all about making sure everyone else is okay and puts herself on the backburner,” Luke spoke before I had the chance to open my mouth.
“But you can’t do that. You have to do what you can,” Jordan cried both figuratively and literally.
“I am,” I told her as tears started to escape my eyes once more.
“Be honest Bridge,” Luke said, “You are holding all of your feelings about this in. Admit it.”
“Only because making sure the kids make it through this is more important,” I told him, “And not letting anyone get their hopes up for a new life that I don’t believe will make it through the year.” I saw the hurt in Luke’s eyes from the words I had just said. I knew if anyone had their hopes up, it was Luke. Finding out I was pregnant the day after Lee’s passing was probably the only thing that was keeping Luke halfway sane for right now. God help us all when he does completely lose it.
“We’ll see about that,” Luke said trying to hide his hurt, but I could see right through him. He couldn’t hide is feelings from anyone. He has always worn his heart on his sleeve.
“Anyway,” I started directing my attention back to Jordan, “You wanted to talk to us. What did you want to talk about?”
“Why does this always happen to me? What did I ever do to deserve losing my Momma and now my Daddy?” Jordan questioned Luke and I. As I turned to Luke I knew the questions baffled him. This was going to be something I was at least going to have to get started. Hopefully he will be able to help with this, but who knows.
“You know, there is a time and place for everything. Losing people in our lives, moving away from home for the first time, having children, getting married. God always makes sure it happens only when you can handle it. Even though when it does you feel like your entire world is crashing down around you,” I explained to her as I reached up and grabbed her hand gently holding onto it giving her all the comfort I could at the moment.
“But how do you move past it? How do you move on with your life? How do you stay so strong?” Jordan asked me with tons of curiosity.
“Grief never ends, but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It’s the price of love,” I told her, “You move on eventually, but only you will know when the time is right for you. Everyone grieves in different ways with each person they lose. You’ll grieve for your dad differently than you did your mom. You will grieve differently than Til or Kris. I will grieve differently than Luke. The main thing in the whole process is knowing that there will be those you can count on every time you are having a hard day or even a week. You, Kris, and Til will always have me and Luke. We will always be only a phone call away and if you need one of us to be here, you know we will be here as soon as a plane can get us here.”
“I know you’ll always be here, but I just don’t know how I will get over it,” Jordan cried to us.
“There’s something I learned years ago, actually when I was your age, when your Uncle Chris died. When someone you love dies you never quite get over it. You just slowly go through each day, but you will always keep them safely tucked away in your heart,” Luke finally spoke up offering some advice.
“How did you manage to come out even stronger after losing Uncle Chris and then Momma too?” Jordan asked Luke.
“Well, I had some great friends,” Luke told her as he looked at me and grabbed my hand, “And I had family too.”
“Bridget helped you?” Jordan questioned not realizing how close Luke and I had always been.
“Yes. When your Momma passed she was there and made me talk when I didn’t want to talk to anyone. She found me when I ran off to be by myself and refused to leave me alone,” Luke informed his niece.
“I didn’t know ya’ll were that close back then,” Jordan said with a confused look on her face.
“Not many people did,” I began, “Caroline didn’t even know how close we were. I spent a lot of time with Luke over the years. Most of it was when Luke and Caroline had split up for those five years. I went up to Nashville at least one weekend a month and we just hung out. Looking back on it now, I realize how big a part of my life Luke was from the very beginning. We’ve both been there for each other in times like these.”
“I would have never made it through your momma’s death without Bridget. She was my saving grace,” Luke chimed in.
“But weren’t you and Caroline married at that point?” Jordan asked him.
“Yes, but when I left that night after we got back to Nashville, it was Bridget who found me. It was Bridget who talked me down,” Luke explained.
“Talked you down?” Jordan questioned him again.
“I was so drunk. I didn’t want to talk to her. I tried ignoring her. She wouldn’t let me. She knew I needed to talk and she refused to leave me alone. That’s really what I needed. I know that now, even though I didn’t want to believe it then,” Luke explained more in depth.
“You loved Bridget then didn’t you,” Jordan said with a smile.
“I’ve loved her for a long time. We’ll just leave it at that,” Luke said with a smile as he squeezed my hand.
“Have you known you loved Uncle Luke for a long time too?” Jordan asked me.
“Yes,” I smiled knowing someday she was going to ask us more about when we knew we loved each other. I looked at Jordan and there was a genuine smile on her face. I knew that this talk we were having was helping her more than anything. It’s like she knew we understood where she was coming from. I still can’t believe that she was probing us about our love for each other though. That will be an interesting conversation when it comes up again.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do when ya’ll go home,” Jordan said as her smiled turned to a frown.
“Why do you say that?” Luke questioned his niece.
“Because it’s like ya’ll are the only ones who understand. I won’t have anyone to talk to,” Jordan answered.
“Jordan, we will only be a phone call away. We’ve told you that. One phone call and I’ll be here. And Luke will be too whenever he can. You can come up whenever you want. Even if it’s just for a weekend,” I told her.
“I know, but it’s not the same,” Jordan said with tears in her eyes.
“Why don’t you come stay with us as soon as you finish with your finals? We can do some shopping and have a little girl time. Luke will be home and we can get everything figured out. What do you think?” I proposed to Jordan.
“Really? You wouldn’t care for me coming up?” Jordan asked in shock.
“Of course we wouldn’t care. You’re family. You’re always welcome at our house,” Luke told her as he let go of my hand and pulled her into a warm embrace.
“Can I ask you something?” Jordan asked Luke as she pulled away.
“You can ask me anything,” Luke told her honestly.
“Can I come to your spring break show this year since it’s going to be the last one?” Jordan asked seriously.
“We’ll talk about that when it gets a little closer. I’m not going to say no, but I also can’t stop you either. You’re 19 now, if you want to go I’ll make sure you are taken care of after we talk about it,” Luke answered her.
“You want to go downstairs and see your granddaddy and Kaye before bed?” I asked her with a smile.
“Yeah. I think I’m ready now,” Jordan said as we all got up and walked to the door.
“You know you are stronger than you believe you are. You will come through this just like your Uncle Luke; stronger than ever,” I told Jordan as I gently wiped the tears from her eyes and then wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug. Within seconds Luke joined our embrace.
“Well, let’s go see some people,” Luke smiled as we walked out of Luke’s room.
“I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be down in a minute,” I told them as Jordan headed down the stairs and Luke stood waiting for me.
“Alright,” Jordan said as she continued.
“I’ll wait for you,” Luke told me as he leaned against the banister.
“Could you not lean against that? You make me nervous when you do stuff like that,” I exclaimed while I closed the bathroom door behind me. I took care of business and returned to Luke now leaning against the doorframe to her bedroom door.
“That took long enough,” Luke smirked as I came into the hallway.
“I can’t just whip it out like you can,” I smiled as he walked over to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
“You and Jordan are going to cost me a lot of money on these shopping trips aren’t you?” Luke asked me.
“Well, I figured she could help me get our Christmas shopping done. And maybe find the perfect present for you,” I answered him.
“I see what you’re doing,” Luke said as she squinted his eyes at me sheepishly.
“I don’t have a clue what you are talking about,” I said as I wrapped my arm around his waist and we started down the stairs. Everyone was sitting at the kitchen table when we entered the kitchen.
“You two remind me of a couple of teenagers sometimes,” Megan said as she shook her head.
“If you think this is bad, you should see them at home,” Tia chimed in, “They are even worse. Luke is constantly tormenting Bridget over something. He’s really partial to holding things over her head so she can’t reach them.” Everyone got a laugh over that, but it was true. Sometimes it would make me so mad I would try and refuse to talk to him. Then he would just torment me in some other way.
“I love the way he dances around all the time and is just completely goofy,” Jordan said of the times she has spent with us in Franklin.
“He’s my sixth child,” I laughed.
“Hopefully not…” Luke started but stopped realizing what he was getting ready to say. Everyone just looked at him, but no one more so curious than Tia and Megan, who were the only ones who didn’t know our secret.
“What were you going to say?” Megan asked him.
“Nothing,” Luke quickly responded, but I knew she was going to push him.
“No, you were going to say something. Just say it,” Megan stated eager to know what he was going to say. I just looked at Luke and he looked at me. It was like we could read each other’s minds. We knew she wasn’t going to stop until he finished what he was going to say.
“Well, he was going to say ‘Hopefully not for long’ because I just found out I’m pregnant, but I’m not getting my hopes up. With all the stress and everything and then taking into the consideration I almost lost the twins, we know the chances of this being a successful pregnancy isn’t very plausible,” I explained to Megan.
“What? You’re pregnant? Again? This soon?” Megan questioned in shock.
“Yes,” Kaye said as everyone just looked at her not knowing what to think of her shock.
“It was the night of the CMA’s wasn’t it? I knew it! I told you then! I can’t believe this!” Megan screamed as she jumped up and ran to Luke and I hugging us fiercely.
“Don’t get your hopes up,” I told her, “Just wait a few weeks and if we make it that long then you can, okay?”
“Ugh! Alright!” Megan sighed.
The next day was the viewing funeral home in Albany. LeClaire had finally got there that morning and apologized profusely for not being there sooner. That afternoon we all went early and had a private family viewing before the public was allowed in. The whole family came back to Ben and Barbara’s and awaited visitors. It was a pretty silent time for everyone, except the kids. Megan and Tia ended up taking all of our kids with the exception of Kenzie back to Tommy and Kaye’s. We made the final plans for Lee’s service. Ben and Barbara both agreed that Luke should co-officiate. Even though Luke agreed I knew it was something he really didn’t want to do. It was going to be hard for him and we both knew it, but he will have his family by his side the entire time.
**Author's Note**
What do you all think about Luke and Bridget's talk with Jordan? Do you think they really helped Jordan the way Bridget thinks they did? How will the service go? Will Luke completely lose it when he co-officiates Lee's service? Do you think Luke and Bridget are doing everything they can to help?
**Side Note- Tickets for the Kick the Dust Up show at Vanderbilt Stadium go on sale this coming week! I am so excited to take my daughter to see Luke! Tuesday I will be on an all time high when I have those tickets to make her 10th birthday the best ever!