Jungkook seemed to stop playing around. At least Jungkook knew how to go home, he went to work on time and came back home no matter how late it was.
Seokjin's illness situation was the same as before. It was not good, but it did not deteriorate. It was not until he went to the hospital several times that he found that Dr. Kim had been avoiding him. Seokjin did not think much about the change of his doctor in charge, since he thought Taehyung was too busy. However, Seokjin understood something until he saw Taehyung come out of the office but pretended he hadn't seen Seokjin.
Seokjin didn’t understand the change of his attitude completely. In his impression, Dr. Kim always took good care of him. The two people could be regarded as friends, but why did Dr. Kim suddenly turn a cold shoulder to him? Seokjin was not particularly sensitive to the sophistication of human feelings, and this was very baffling.
Seokjin continued to come to the hospital for chemotherapy, which was the third time that he had done, and there was no one being with him.
The process of treatment was extraordinarily long and painful for him, the winter was long and the wind seemed never to stop; except the gray sky, all he could see was the snow-white walls of the hospital.
It took him more than ten minutes to get up after the chemotherapy. He walked against the wall and his pale face matched the snow-white wall. He looked haggard and lonely with the skinny body.
The nausea caused by headache and the sequelae of chemotherapy blurred his dull eyes. He couldn't hold on anymore so he squatted down slowly and waited to get through his dizziness. After a long time, Seokjin came to himself and noticed there was someone in front of him. What leaped to the eyes was a pair of pure deerskin shoes with soft soles, followed by straight trousers, white coat and a very handsome face.
"Come to my office and rest for a while?" Taehyung's brown pupils were gentle. There was a sense of inexplicable sadness in his eyes.
Seokjin bit his lip and wanted to stand up, but it was too hard. Taehyung did not help him with restraint as usual. He directly carried Seokjin into his arms.
"Doctor!" Seokjin was shocked and gave a short cry.
Taehyung did not wrinkle his brow but marched forward. He might feel Seokjin’s embarrassment and shouted twice, "Move aside! Emergency!" The look in eyes of the patients around changed from doubt to understanding.
The layout of the lounge remained unchanged, but the quilts that had not been sunned recently were a little damp.
"Thank you, doctor," Seokjin hadn’t calmed down, and there was some redness brought by hypoxia on his face. "Oh right, I wanted to bring your scarf along to return it to you. But I don't know why it slipped my mind as I was leaving. I'll pass it to you next time."
Taehyung lowered his head and didn’t reply after he put Seokjin on the bed. For a moment, the air was silent to freeze.
Seokjin pressed his lips and gently pulled the doctor's sleeve twice, "What's wrong?"
The doctor looked up abruptly and bow infront of him, "... I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…”
Taehyung's eyes turned red, and the moment he looked up, Seokjin saw his sadness which was so strong that it almost could drown himself.
His's shoulders relaxed after a sudden stiffness. He patted the doctor on the shoulder in a comforting way, "What's the matter? Did something happen?"
"The bone marrow..." Taehyung's voice choked, "I found a bone marrow that was a match with you, but the mayor's son also had an emergency. So it was taken away after detection..."
Seokjin was stunned and then laughed, “Just because of this? It's okay, I thought something really happened to you.” Seokjin's voice was very gentle. He was the person who should feel sad, but he comforted Taehyung, "Proper bone marrow can be found again. The mayor's son is more important than me, it's not a surprise he has priority."
"That’s not for him. The mayor’s son took it for his sick lover."
"Then that person is a pretty affectionate person." Seokjin even tried to amuse Taehyung. He knew how difficult it was to find the right bone marrow, and this miss basically sentenced him to death. But that might be his fate.
"No, I’ll plead with my brother. There must be a way, Seokjin."
Seokjin felt extremely sorry and sad when seeing others worry about him. Finally tears welled up in his eyes, "Doctor... no, Taehyung, it's fine, I'm just one of your many patients. It's inevitable if I can't be cured, it's not an accident.”
Taehyung got up and stooped to Seokjin. There was something glittering in his eyes, "I don't want to just treat you as a patient..."
Before Seokjin said anything, Taehyung came up, caught his shoulders, and then kissed him on the lips with a restrained feeling of failure, "I like you very much, Seokjin! I also don't want to, but I can't help myself. I too am really scared.”
Seokjin’s eyes widened in surprise. He was so shocked that he did not even struggle at the first time. He came to himself and bit Taehyung hard when he felt that Taehyung’s tongue was trying to enter his mouth.
Taehyung let go of Seokjin. The blood in his mouth made him sober. He wanted to apologize to Seokjin, or give him a comforting hug like a friend. But he could only see the paler face with disgust and distrustful look of him.
"Seokjin..." Taehyung carefully called Seokjin name, trying to reach out and touch the back of his hand. But He flung his hand away and then slapped Taehyung hard across the face in next moment.
Seokjin pushed Taehyung away and got out of the bed without saying a word. He saw nothing but that door.
"Seokjin!" Taehyung grabbed Seokjin’s wrist and said, "It's my fault. I may be in the wrong but your body is weak so please go back and lay down!"
Seokjin clenched his teeth and tried hard to pull his wrist out of the doctor's hand. Taehyung was afraid of hurting Seokjin and could only let him go. He was really impulsive today like a devil. His body was not controlled by his brain.
"Seokjin…" Taehyung could only follow him out of the lounge since he couldn’t stop him and went through the corridor, "I really do like you. Do you really dislike being liked by me that much?"
Seokjin suddenly stopped. He looked back at Taehyung for a long time before he looked away. His voice was gentle and soft as before, "Doctor Kim, I just don't want to see you make anymore mistakes. It's not that you're not good enough-"
However, Taehyung didn't care about the rejection and alienation of Seokjin. He realized that Seokjin forgot to take his coat in his hurry. The sick people had poor immunity and were afraid of cold. Seokjin's illness was especially severe. Getting cold meant a fever to him often.
Taehyung even took off his white coat in a hurry. He wrapped his clothes around Seokjin. His voice was almost imploring, "Stop talking. I won't force you. The weather's is too cold. I'll drive you home early. You can reject me after getting on the car, okay?”
Seokjin's heart ached violently. At this moment, he suddenly felt some grievance for Taehyung. The young and rich doctor was self-restrained at first, but now his eyes would easily run over with tears and he even pleaded for Seokjin’s opinion with such humble words, asking him whether he could do it or not, whether he was not good, and whether Seokjin disliked him. How could Dr. Kim, so good a person, fall in love with him? He just could not believe it, since he always regarded Taehyung as a close friend.
When Doctor Kim felt Seokjin stopped struggling, he tentatively held the cold hand of Seokjin. Taehyung's hands were dry and warm. He couldn't help giving Seokjin a little warmth. He took the cold hand of the latter and finally changed from a tight grip to fingers crossed.
When Seokjin got on the car, he tore off Taehyung’s white coat. But he didn't throw it aside. He just hesitated for a moment and folded it neatly.
Taehyung seldom felt his mood fluctuated upon someone's behavior. He was still heartbroken in the last second. But he tasted a hint of sweetness in the pain at this moment.
He turned up the temperature of the air conditioner and slowed down the car.
"I'm sorry," finally, Taehyung broke the silence first. "But I don't think that I'm not in wrong to like someone. I made mistake in kissing you before getting your permission."
Seokjin turned the silver ring on his right ring finger and rubbed it over and over again.
"I'm the one in the wrong. I received your gentleness, and coveted your warmth, yet I'm unable to reciprocate. No matter what kind of feelings you pin onto me, or how nicely you treat me."
"I didn't treat you nicely just because I have ulterior motives." Taehyung felt insulted.
Seokjin knew it clearly, and he laughed, "Not just that."
The car was parked at the gate of Seokjin apartment. Seokjin smiled weakly and said, "You see, all I have is my weak body, it would be nothing to make you comfortable by it."
Taehyung's face turned pale for a moment, and even his mouth lost its color, "I never knew that you could be so cruel to this extent." These words cut Taehyung’s heart like knifes, though there was no blood.
Seokjin worn the flimsy clothes in the wind. His beautiful eyes made the whole winter look gorgeous. He waved, turned around, and soon disappeared in Taehyung's sight.
It was not definite who fell in love first would lose. Jeon Jungkook won finally.
But if one fell in love with the person who was doomed not to love back, he would surely lose like Kim Taehyung.
When Seokjin opened the door and entered the room, his hands were frozen and somewhat stiff. As blowing on his fingers to warm them, he changed his shoes and saw the 16-hole Italian leather shoes that Jungkook wore in the morning. Only then did he realize that there was someone at home.
Jungkook was very busy. He left early and returned late. During the daytime, he had no time to care about Seokjin. Neither of them bothered the other. Jungkook was busy with his career, and Seokjin went to the hospital by himself. Their time was well planned. He glanced at his watch. It was just over five o'clock in the afternoon. He really didn't expect Jungkook would come back so early.
When Jungkook heard the sound of opening the door. Just after Seokjin walked a few steps to the room, door of the study room was opened. The older still held a financial statement in English with a pair of low-degree gold rimmed glasses on his nose. Jungkook's voice was gentle yet determined, "Tell me what you did today."
Seokjin felt a cold shiver for no reason.