REMINGTON POV
Taylor Morris was one of the local high school baseball stars back when I was in Little League.
He was a god with a little g, as Dad would always say.
I remember being awestruck when he helped our team since his little brother was our idiot outfielder who would rather pick his nose instead of pay attention to the game. I even asked for his autograph at one point which he thought was hilarious. Naturally I apologized when I was older but that moment still remains as one of my most embarrassing.
Coming home was something I chose not to do for a long time because of all the triggers. I had forgotten he lived next door, but kept up with him and Rebecca on Facebook over the years. We would like one another's posts once in awhile and even participate in a Fantasy Baseball League together each year. Otherwise it's just talk about which player should be traded and whether the next action film is going to be decent.
That's the kind of friendship I like.
No need to deep dive or discuss anything intense, no pressure to constantly feel like I'm letting anyone down by not being physically present.
I don't have to think about how Taylor was one of the pallbearers that helped me carry Reese's casket, or the fact that his wife is friends with Dana. No need to look at his face and see the scar on his jaw from when a flyball connected with his face at a game my family attended. As soon as I saw his face my eyes instantly zoomed in on that area of his temple.
"So, how do you feel after surgery?" Taylor asked, patting Trent's back while Daisy and Benji excused themselves to clean up dog toys strewn throughout the yard.
Almost by instinct I felt my ribs and winced, shaking my head. "I have never felt worse, man."
Rebecca's eyes widened and she made a tsk noise, shaking her head, "Remi, please take it easy on yourself. If you aren't able to heal then you can't really be here to appreciate Greg's last days..."
Her voice trailed off and guilt washed over me.
A soft hand wrapped around my back and I felt Lissy lean into me and sigh. She looked up and caught my eye with a reassuring smile, "I completely agree."
Taylor chuckled, "You've met your match with Alice, haven't you?" He shook his head and made lingering eye contact with his wife, sharing a warm grin before continuing, "Alice, how do you feel?"
She shrugged, her green eyes flicking to me a moment before answering, "Physically I think I'm doing okay. Mostly it's my hips and back, but the stretches and physical therapy have already helped me a ton. I think my brain has not caught up with everything that happened yet, but my therapist is incredible and Benji is also in therapy so at least that will help."
I noticed Rebecca's eyes light up and a smile brighten her face as she spoke. "Really?"
She let out a laugh, her posture looser now so I wrapped my arm more tightly around Lissy's waist. "Of course. I mean, I lost my birth mom when I was a toddler then my Daddy and Clara when I was sixteen and have raised Benji on my own since then. You bet I need therapy!" Lissy almost laughed while speaking but we both noticed the looks of horror on both Taylor and Rebecca's faces at her admission.
They had no clue.
Of course they knew about the train crash.
Everyone did. It was all over the news, along with our names (which we did not want released but they were anyway), plus it's a small town.
Word had spread around town as well that they were orphans, but very few were aware of Benji's relationship to my Dad and me.
Taylor and Rebecca need to know, but not tonight.
I pulled Lissy into a side hug, kissing the top of her head a moment, before replying, "These two have been through a ton in their lives. It's a long road to get here, but now we can start fresh and try to make a new life. Right?"
"Right!" Her determined tone and nod made me chuckle, especially since it was such a beautiful example of her kaleidoscope tendencies. The biggest lesson I've learned since meeting Alice and Benji is to take a breath and remember this is a marathon- not a sprint.
Rebecca seemed to study Lissy a moment, a soft smile on her face, before asking, "How do you do it? Especially with a teenager to raise on your own?"
Somehow Liss knew what she meant and just answered, "You breathe in and out each day, then do the next right thing. You listen to counsel and try your best." Her eyes met mine for a long moment and I saw a smile before she continued, "And you find people who will be in your corner, keeping you accountable while also encouraging you to continue growing."
"How are you so strong? I've barely known you an hour and I can just feel the strength already." Taylor seemed to marvel at Lissy as she spoke, shaking his head in amazement.
I chuckled, "You should see her pitch, man. She doesn't only have amazing character. This woman has an arm, too."
His eyes lit up and Lissy burst into laughter as Daisy and Benji approached with Peach close behind. Trent perked up at the sight of her and Taylor set him down to pet the dog while continuing our conversation. "No way. You can pitch?!"
"I mean, how else was I supposed to learn how to improve? Of course she can pitch." Benji replied with a laugh, stepping beside his sister and nudging her with his elbow, "Lissy is also amazing at being Goalie. She can kick and play the field pretty well but Goalie is where she soars."
Lissy blushed and tucked her head into my chest, her natural desire to stay humble taking over. I chuckled, a hand moving to the back of her neck where even the gentle contact of my skin on hers lit me on fire.
"Well, when I do some training with Benji you'll have to come along. Maybe you can help me coach or something if you want, Alice." Taylor offered right before letting out a big yawn.
That set off a chain reaction which caused all of us to yawn, especially Trent who was Peach's new best friend. We said our goodbyes and made sure Alice got their contact info for future get togethers before making our way inside where we found my Dad napping in his easy chair while Doc worked on her laptop at the table.
"Hey! Sorry I didn't rejoin you all out there!"
"You're fine, Doc. We were just visiting a bit." Lissy yawned again as she answered and laughed, "Wow, I guess I need to head out also so Peach and I can get settled. Clearly she is obsessed with Trent so I'll text Rebecca tomorrow about getting together but tonight? I get the house to myself tonight!" She waggled her eyebrows at me and smirked, making Daisy laugh and Benji shake his head with a slow lowering of his eyes and hand on the bridge of his nose.
He loved being mock embarrassed by his sister. I always got the feeling she loved it, too. The way they trolled one another was heart warming.
I felt my ribs ache and winced, leaning against the back of one of our dining room chairs while Benji took a seat next to where I was catching my breath. Daisy sat across from him and made a head gesture, jerking her nose toward the sky. He smirked and nodded, reaching into his cargo shorts pocket and grabbing his Nintendo Switch. I looked at Doc and we laughed together at their non verbal communication before she went back to her work.
"Remi, can you show me the baseball cards room before I head out?" Lissy asked, her voice causing me to look up and realize her eyes seemed concerned.
Shit.
She can tell I'm in pain. I do the same with her so that makes sense.
I nodded, standing slowly while Daisy and Benji started a round of Mario Kart and she almost immediately made him spin out with a banana.
"Damnit, Daisy, we just... shit!" Benji moved his arms frantically along with his Switch while playing and laughed, shaking his head at her instant attack.
Daisy cackled like a maniac, tongue sticking out between her teeth as she concentrated and taunted, "Princess Daisy has this one in the bag!"
Lissy was already laughing, her body shaking next to mine, while Doc cracked up and shut her laptop to lean over and watch Daisy play. "Ooh, watch out for Donkey Kong! He has a red shell!"
"Thanks, Mama!" Daisy replied sweetly while Doc moved closer to focus attention on her daughter.
I've noticed she does that often. Work keeps her completely occupied so often but Doc always knows how to completely shut that aside to give her full attention to Daisy.
We stayed to watch the end of the first match where Daisy easily won. She stood and quietly cheered, air pumping her fist and continuing to cheer as Benji passed the finish line in 4th place. Our celebration woke up Dad but he shook his head and snored a moment before settling back and resting once again.
Benji let out a sigh, smile on his face even as annoyance was clear in his expression. "Your reflexes are just so fast."
"You are at such a disadvantage with that cast, Ben," Daisy reassured, leaning over the table toward him, "When that thing is off and your hand is back to normal, we'll be on equal footing."
I turned to Lissy to gauge her reaction and saw her make eye contact with Daisy, a sweet exchange of gratitude for how the girl handled this delicate situation. She is right, the cast and broken arm absolutely make a different in video game performance. Hearing her acknowledge this gently made something inside me melt for Benji.
He cleared his throat and took a drink of water, letting out a sigh. "Alright, Princess Daisy. Ready for Luigi to give it another try?" She let out a laugh, crinkling her nose and nodding while they began another round as Doc watched then waved us off so we could speak as Lissy had requested.
It wasn't until he said Luigi that it hit me why he chose that character. The younger brother. The connection we have, all the symbolism... I felt myself gasp which caused Lissy to tighten her hand on my arm. "You okay?" she asked, a wrinkle between her browns and tension in her face.
I looked down into her cool green eyes, smiling slowly, "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. Really good. Let's go check the cards out a second. It's already past nine."
"Oh, shit. I need to head out soon," Lissy sighed. We made our way back to the office where all the baseball cards still sat waiting to be rediscovered in their various totes.
"Damn," she breathed, her hand running along the tops of the first container then tracing Reese's name written in Sharpie in Mom's handwritting. "How are you feeling?"
Seeing her recognize my brothers name made my heart ache, causing my shoulders to hunch and breath to escape with a whoosh. "Shaky. It's hard to dig back into something that Reese and I were obsessed with, but I know Benji will be a big fan as well so maybe this will be cathartic. I don't... I guess I don't want to feel like I'm replacing Reese but just giving myself permission to allow Benji to be a new addition."
Lissy was quiet, nodding her head at my words and catching my eye every few moments while she took in the room. The Rubbermaid tote loudly popped when she opened the first tub, setting the lid on the ground leaned against Dad's desk. Her eyes widened at the mass of plastic contained cards, each just freely in the bin without any rhyme or reason. No stacks or containers, but thankfully the card holders did their job and everything is intact.
"I know there is at least one of these that has shoe boxes with just cards in it, no cases," I sighed, recalling the work Reese and I put into this project and how it was cut short. We did his cards first because I insisted. I started to recall the rainy days spent sliding cards into holders while we watched the original Star Wars trilogy or "Field of Dreams," our Mom chiding us for the mess but always bringing more snacks and helping as much as she could.
She rifled through the bin and instantly extracted a card with a gasp, eyes wide and smile bright when Lissy finally looked at me. "I know this Greg Maddux card is worth nothing but he's Benji's favorite Braves pitcher ever."
"That's not a surprise," I smiled, taking the card from her while she moved on to another box across the room that had my name on top. "Benji has impeccable taste."
Lissy waggled her eyebrows, "So, what shall we find in here, Remington?"
"Your guess is as good as mine!" I opened my arms, palms to the sky as I chuckled and watched as she opened the next container, smiling when she pulled out a shoebox.
"Guess I found one of the unpreserved stashes already."
The emotions were starting to fill my throat but I could tell Lissy was not aware of why only part of the cards were so carefully preserved.
My breath caught as she gasped and pulled out a note that was stuck to an unused box of plastic card holders. I rushed forward and snatched the paper from her hand, shaking when I read the words that were written down in Reese's handwriting.
"Do Nike box first since those are Remi's favorite players."
The air left Dad's office and I felt my knees collapse while I fell back against the desk with a thump.
Lissy looked in my hands and read the slip of paper then gasped, instantly frozen with her hands covering her mouth.
Time just stopped for us while we stared at this scrap of paper.
I felt Lissy's hands circle both my wrists. Her breath shakily exhaled. "Please just try to breathe with me, Remi... please..."
The words took hold of something inside me and my brain remembered how to function, restarting as I choked out a sob. Lissy instantly moved closer, stepping between my legs and gently cupping my face.
"I've got you. I promise that, Remington." Her voice quaked and as my tear filled eyes blinked I noticed her blink rapidly while continuing, "Please remember, you are not alone. You have us."
"Are you okay?"
I gasped and turned, noticing Daisy and Benji in the doorway with looks of concern on their faces.
My mind was blank and I had no idea how to process what was happening.
Lissy moved her hands from my face and took the note, looking at it once more and then looking to the doorway. I could tell what she was debating but felt her tremble before shakily replying, "Come here, guys."
Benji and Daisy approached us and Liss held out the note so they could see. Even though I was struggling to process what we found, I was so thankful she took the lead. "We found this in one of the baseball card boxes."
Daisy read the note out loud, the word "favorite" causing her to pause before breaking into sobs. Benji froze just like I did, jaw slack and knees seeming to give out. Liss grabbed his arm and steered Benji so he was seated next to me on the desk before wrapping Daisy into a tight hug, gently stroking her hair to comfort her.
Shock is apparently the first emotion felt by a Lowe when something like this happens.
Liss has mentioned that Daisy seems in tune with others emotions so it makes sense she would be overwhelmed by the note and all it would make us feel. Her heart breaks when she sees how hard this is for us, especially knowing that Dad is dying so we are already in the middle of losing someone.
Grief does not get easier, you just get stronger.
You never forget that person. I will never forget Reese, and I never want to.
Seeing a reminder that you never knew existed...
I wasn't ready for this, though.
"Okay, guys," Lissy stepped back from Daisy but kept an arm around her before facing Benji and me again, her voice shaking and tears streaming down her face, "We can't let Greg see us like this and we can't let him see that."
I gasped, grabbing the note and tucking it into my pocket before rubbing Benji's back now that she had broken the spell we were under. He looked at me, wiping his eyes, and gave a small smile of thanks.
"Remi..." Daisy began but then burst into tears again, burying her head into Lissy's shoulder. I saw the way Alice's eyes widened and she seemed unsure how to react except just by comforting and reassuring as much as we could. Just being present and available was all we could do while wading through this tough moment. Another moment passed and Daisy tried again, this time squeaking out the words, "Remi, He loved you so much."
The way she said this simple phrase broke something inside me and I felt a sob escape. Benji began comforting me now while Daisy and Liss approached as well, the four of us embracing as Liss whispered reassurances.
Moments passed and I found my breathing more regulated as I heard whispers to smell the dust from the attic. It registered that Lissy was trying to use grounding techniques so she could get us in tune with all our senses and get all four of us regulated and back in a more normal heart rate and breathing rhythm. Daisy sniffled but must have inhaled dust and shook her head quickly, looking up then sneezing loudly. We laughed and Liss stepped back to allow everyone some space, grabbing a box of tissues that she offered the poor girl.
"Of course, you come back here and are so sweet to want to comfort these guys... and this is the thanks you get!" Lissy giggled as Daisy wiped her nose and laughed.
Benji and I took tissues as well, wiping our eyes and blowing noses before we noticed Doc in the doorway.
Her eyes were full of compassion for us when she came closer, wrapping her daughter into a hug before I reached into my pocket and handed her the note from Reese.
Doc gasped at what she read, understanding the significance and impact this had on us instantly. Her eyes moved to Benji as he began to flip through the open Rubbermaid tote of baseball cards.
"This is a lot, guys, but I'm glad you have each other." Doc Eddie breathed, reaching to lay a hand on Lissy's arm.
"Greg Maddux!" Benji shouted, holding up the card with a tear streaked face and bright smile. "I love him!"
I chuckled and moved closer, feeling Lissy's small hand slide into mine while answering, "He is pretty damn good. So, what I was thinking was that you could have ownership of all the cards that belonged to Reese."
"What?!" His blue eyes were wide as saucers, jaw slack as Benji dropped the stack of cards he was holding at my statement.
"Yeah. I mean, there are a ton to sort through, so it's a big job, but I figured it only made sense for you to get the ones Reese had. It's gonna take us awhile to do this job, but I'm game to dig in if you are."
Lissy's hand gripped mine even more tightly while my throat closed, voice breaking as I spoke. Daisy and Doc joined us and we spent a few minutes digging through the box, finding a number of other cards with names they recognized including a Marcus Giles card that Benji instantly handed to Lissy.
"Sis!"
She blinked and stared, dropping my hand to hug the card closer before smiling at Benji, "Of course he had Daddy's favorite player and your favorite Second Baseman as one of the cards at the top of this box."
Daddy's favorite.
Fuck.
I've been so caught up in my own grief that I never even considered how much Baseball meant to Benji. How that connected him to his Dad... Lissy's birth Dad... the man they lost tragically. Now to think about how it also deeply touches her makes my heart ache.
I felt horrible and began to apologize but felt a tug on my arm and looked down, green eyes staring up at me. "Would it... is it... May I have this one?" Lissy's eyes were wide and I saw a glimmer of hope in her gaze.
My heart pounded at her reaction.
She's not triggered or upset.
She sees this as a blessing.
"I mean, the box belonged to Reese and now it belongs to Benji..." I began, smirking at Liss while pulling her closer and leaning in. "You may need to allow him to choose our lunch spot after physical therapy tomorrow as payment for this treasure."
Benji's eyes lit up and a slow, menacing smile spread across his face. "I like the way you think, Bro." His eyes moved to Daisy as she watched, the look on his face changing into something softer. "Daisy, what sounds good for lunch tomorrow?"
"Huh?" She asked, furrowing her brow and freezing her review of baseball cards she had no clue how to interpret.
We laughed but Benji asked again, "What do you want for lunch tomorrow? Lissy will pick Remington and me up for therapy but then we were gonna grab food so what do you want?"
Daisy looked between us and grinned slowly, then looked at her mom. "What time do you get a break tomorrow?"
"Actually, since I worked so late today I am going to take a half day tomorrow." Doc looked me in the eye a moment with a smile before holding Lissy's gaze, "I was thinking I would just stick around my office until you all were done and then relax a bit. Daisy has had such a wonderful time with you all so I'd love to do the same. Then after lunch with you all my daughter and I are going to have some time together." Doc looked at Daisy now and they shared a warm hug, the news of this clearly a big deal to the girl.
The pair said their goodbyes and Daisy promised she'd pick the perfect lunch idea for us the following day. It didn't take long to make a plan for the following day, agreeing to meet at the hospital and allow Doc to just swing by their house to pick up Daisy before lunch since they lived in the Downtown area anyway.
Lissy yawned as we saw them out the door, stretching her arms above her head before the three of us noticed Peach asleep on the couch.
Benji broke into quiet laughter in an attempt to keep from waking my Dad, "So, I guess it's okay for her to be on the furniture?" He sat next to the puppy and scratched her stomach while she woke but licked his hand with tail flying around, relishing the attention.
"Yeah, she is more than welcome everywhere here," I chuckled, moving closer to my Dad and waking him gently.
His eyes fluttered open, "Hmm? Remi? Hi..." He had a rough day physically but seemed more clear when I looked closer, reflexes sharper while taking in his surroundings.
"Hey, Dad. Doc and Daisy just left and Lissy was about to head out. Just figured you'd want to say good night." I smiled softly and he sat up straighter, shaking his head and looking to both Liss and Benji.
"Well, I'm sorry I took a nap but I think I can stay awake a bit now to help you boys go through those baseball cards." He shakily reached for the glass of water next to him so I took the lead and helped, grabbing the glass and raising it to his lips. Dad smiled and sipped slowly, humming as I pulled the glass back. "Thank you, Remi." His eyes moved to Liss and Benji as they sat next to Peach on the couch. Dad grinned, "She just loves everyone, doesn't she?"
"Sure seems like it. Trent is her new favorite person," Lissy reported with a warm smile which made Dad chuckle.
Benji smiled, "How do you feel now?"
"I think I got my second wind, Benji. Ready to dig in? We can grab some drinks and snacks first, too." Dad answered with a lightness in his tone that made Benji's posture relax.
I felt it in my own body as well.
Something about how he was speaking just made both of us relax.
Lissy stood with a sigh, "Okay, get your puppy cuddles in while I pack up my gear, guys. I need to head home to get some sleep." She walked to the kitchen and I overhead some shuffling as she began backup up containers and leftovers. Peach was flipped onto her back with legs splayed so I helped Dad stand and walk to the couch, sitting next to her as she moved to nuzzle his neck before covering his face with licks.
I laughed and left Benji and Dad with Peach so I could check on Alice. She was kneeling in the kitchen to retrieve a tupperware container which I watched her fill with a couple pieces of the delicious pumpkin spice cake with cinnamon cream cheese icing she made for us.
Her eyes met mine and she offered a sheepish grin. "So, is it okay if I just take this tupperware home? I can leave most of the cake here for you guys and figured I'd just take a couple pieces home for now. That way Kenny can have some tomorrow, too."
My mind was blown that her instinct was to just take a small amount for herself and leave the rest for us, but then I realized this is just the way Lissy works. It's in her nature to be this giving, especially since she knows how much Dad loved this dessert.
I grinned and nodded, "I would love that, Liss. Thank you." My tone was sincere, deeper as I showed her gratitude. She smiled and kept working but slid the entire wrapped pan of cake into the fridge as well, letting me know it's better for the icing that way. Before long she had two bags of gear packed up and was ready to leave.
Benji stood, face quickly shifting from relaxed as he played with Peach to uneasy when he realized what was happening. "Do you really have to leave already?" he asked, voice quivering in a way I had never heard before.
Lissy laughed as he approached, cupping his cheek gently, "Beep, I love you but it's almost ten and I'm going to unload everything then probably just go to bed." She yawned twice as she spoke which made us chuckle, proving just how tired she was, though I knew Benji would struggle to be without his sister for the night.
"What time is the earliest appointment tomorrow?" I asked, checking the calendar app in my phone while Benji got Peach on her leash.
"You guys are at ten and mine is about ten thirty but my appointment is shorter so we should all be done around the same time," Lissy smiled, letting out a sigh. "I will be here by about 9:30 in the morning, okay? If you need me earlier or want to come to our house for breakfast then just shoot a text and of course that would be perfect. Deal?"
Benji's eyes shifted between us with uneasiness but I threw my arm over his shoulder and gave him a noogie, rubbing my fist on the top of his head playfully while he protested and screeched. Lissy and Dad laughed. Peach yipped, jumping to lick Benji's face as I teased him.
I backed away after a couple moments and gave him some space, sliding my arm around Lissy's back to connect with her a moment as well before she left.
"Walk me out?" she whispered, standing on her tiptoes to reach my ear.
I love when she does that.
"Of course. Let me grab your bags."
Benji looked into his sisters eyes a long moment before they embraced, hugging tightly while Lissy whispered, "Love you, Beep. Text or call, okay? I won't take meds tonight so I'll come get you if you need me, I promise."
She gave Dad a hug and let him know the cake was waiting for us before grabbing the leash while I took her bags.
Lissy was parked in the driveway and Peach jumped into the back seat as soon as the door was opened. She popped the trunk with her key fob so I left her bags there and shut the door gently then joined her by the dog, giving some end of the night scratches to Princess Peach before they left.
"Benji has only ever done sleepovers with his best friend Jason. Jason lived two doors down, so he would just walk home if he had any issues." Her eyes met mine in the moonlight and I felt the tension in her words coupled with how strained Lissy's expression appeared.
I wiped my hands off on the back of my shorts a minute after petting Peach and shut the car door to make sure she was safely inside. "Lissy, I promise I'll do everything I can to make sure he's okay." My breath caught when I thought of the next sentence but I kept speaking anyway, pushing through the emotion. "I have a feeling after... I mean.. When... when my Dad passes... I may need to crash at your place a bit. So I appreciate you trusting me and allowing me this chance to spend time with them together like this."
Her eyes blinked back tears as she wrapped me into a tight hug, burrowing her face into my chest while I regulated my breathing and kissed the top of her head.
We are both well aware of the reality I need to face, but saying it out loud makes things feel so much more real.
Lissy pulled away and looked up, sniffling as she shook her head, "I just wish we had a break from all this."
"We will someday," I reassured, more for myself than her.
She grinned, "Promise me something?"
"Anything."
Her eyes flicked to my lips then back to meet my own before she replied, "When I buy my house, you'll build me a porch swing? I know we didn't really have time to talk about it tonight because so much happened but... I have a feeling that's something you may really enjoy."
I grinned, hands moving to cup her face before I leaned down to kiss her softly. She returned my affection and leaned into me, nails scratching at my stubble and the nape of my neck.
We parted after only a moment, the late night and all knowing Benji was waiting on my mind. "Lissy, I had almost forgotten we even discussed woodworking, but I will go mention it to Dad and Benji now when we get our snacks together. Maybe I'll even order us a pizza. Dad hasn't been able to do any carving or use his shed in years so I'll make it a point to just go in there soon and take a look at where things stand."
I looked to the house and noticed them spying on us before they saw we caught them and ducked away. We could hear Benji's laughter from the driveway which made Lissy giggle. "I will see you tomorrow. Thanks, Remi."
Peach watched me through the rear window as they drove away and I waved, Lissy reaching out the window to wave at me as well at the stop sign just a few doors down. Standing in the cool night air gave me a moment to reflect and all I could think of was how grateful I was to have someone like her in my life to remind me of the good parts that are still going to be here when Dad leaves this world.
There is never an If when death is concerned. All of us will die. It's just part of life.
Knowing how sick he is and just how bad things are means I need to savor each moment. Every experience. Every chance I get. I've spent years being selfish in Atlanta while he suffered here alone. The guilt has been eating me alive but I need to step back from those feelings and just embrace the moments I now have in front of me.
I can keep a piece of of my Dad with me after he's gone.
Lissy will help me figure out how.