The thing that screws me up the most is the picture I've had in my head for the last few months. I would be married now. I would be in Australia. Will and I would be figuring out our future and making it happen. I would be starting a family in a year and a half. Have a kid and buy a bigger house somewhere with a spoacious backyard that Daisy could run around in.
It wasn't supposed to go like this. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.
Thinking about it kills me. It breaks my heart. Why didn't he tell me? Why did he let me stay trapped in that relationship? It makes me angry. And sad. I can't seem to settle on one emotion. They keep changing too quickly. It goes from anger to sadness to confusion and the change in my moods is confusing too.
I know I should probably do something dumb. I need to get this out of my system. But right now, I sit in an airport, somewhere in Oregon unsure of what my next move should be.
How do I move on from this? How do I get past these next two weeks? I hadn't planned this. In mind mind, I was without a doubt marrying Will. Now.....now what? How do you move on from an almost marriage?
I sit on a chair in the airport, my knees tucked up to my chest. I bury by face in my knees, like a little hiding space for me. I need to get on another plane soon. I'm not staying in Oregon. There's nothing to distract me here. And I need to get back to Harvard. But I don't want Will to find me. I can't go back to Poppy. Or Marybel, or Rhea. Not even Mrs. Regan could scare Will off now.
So where will I go?
I sit in the chair, my thoughts weighed down by unsurety.
No where to go.
I have no where to go.
I could go to Iris' but she'll want to talk about it. And Will and Thomas are/were friends, I don't know where they stand anymore. But Will could show up.
No where to go.
I lift my head up, resting my chin on my knee. I try beyond all trying to think of something I can do. I mustn't be found. I should change my name. I could stay at a hotel. And I'll have to quit my job at the library.
This sucks.
No where to go.
Suddenly my cell phone rings. I look at the caller ID.
Percy.
I sigh, reluctantly answering it, but I don't say hello when I answer the line.
I hear people in the back ground, talking quietly. I catch phrases here and there.
"-haven't talked to her for hours."
"-hasn't answered any of my texts."
"-think she's okay?"
After a few seconds, Percy says, sounding curious and worried.
"Hello? Sid?"
I still don't talk. I just take small even breaths.
There's someone in the background - it sounds like Dylan.
"Did you get her?"
I hear Percy, "I think so. She's not talking though."
I continue to stay quiet.
Percy continues to listen, "I can hear you breathing, Sidney. I know you're there.....I wish you'd talk to me."
Silence, even in the background. Everyone is trying to listen.
Percy continues, "We're all back at Mom and Dads house. Except for Thomas. He's with Will, trying to talk to him, calm him down. We're worried about you. I get that you don't want to talk to anyone. Will was a jerk. He really was. A huge jerk. But.....I mean, he told us everything. And as much as I really hate the guy right now, I can sort of see where he's coming from. And I really don't want to Sidney. Really. I want to loathe him for all entirnity, but he's human too. I respect him for loving you. I don't respect him for not being a man and telling you everything. And maybe you should cut him a little slack. Even though I hate him. The guys is devestated. Anyway, none of us really know what to do. Dylan and Ki don't want to have to choose sides. Thomas really doesn't want to, seeing as we're all related and stuff. I don't think any of us want to choose a side, but if we have to Sidney, if you don't want us to talk to him or see him anymore, we won't. I'll choose your side, Sidney. I'll always choose your side. Even Dylan is mad enough right now that he'd probably pick your side too. He doesn't like that Will didn't tell him. Anyway, we'll do what you want just.....when you feel like talking, tell us what to do. And, um, check in with us soon, let us know where you are. We tried driving around the city and we couldn't find you or your car, so.....yeah. I'm sorry about all this, Sidney."
He quiet for another minute and in that time, I work up the courage to say, "Don't pick a side."
He listens for a second. I can practically see his worried expression. The blankness on his features. "Okay." He responds, "I love you, Sid."
I don't answer this time. I just hang up. I stare at my phone for a while. The blank screen. I wish my mind was as balnk as the screen on my phone. I close my eyes slowly.
"Sidney?"
I look up and find a familiar head of blonde hair and blue eyes.
Zeke.
He looks at me confused. He holds a suitcase behind him. He tilts his head, studying me. I see distrust in his eyes, but also concern. He takes a step toward me, but still stands about two yards away.
Zeke furrows his eyebrows, "I heard you were getting married? I thought it was yesterday?"
I avoid eye contact, looking at the ground, "I thought so too."
He stares at me, suspiciously. After a minute, he steps toward me and sits next to me, "What happened?"
I still don't look at him, I just stare at the ground, "I.....I left him."
He thinks silently, until he mutters, "Oh."
I nod. Then I look at him, "What are you doing here in Oregon? We're no where near Harvard."
He looks at me amused, "Well, believe it or not, i'm visiting family. My life doesn't just consist of Harvard, you know? My family is from here."
I mumble, "Didn't know you were from Oregon."
"I am." He stares at me in silence for a minute as I go back to staring at the floor. He looks at me, "You are not well."
I sigh, "I know."
He stands, "Come with me."
"Where are you going?" I ask, looking up.
He just waves me along, walking. I watch him walk for a minute, debating what I should do. Should I trust Zeke? After what I did to him? And he did to me?
I stand up and walk after him. He walks up to a counter and I follow right behind him. He hands the lady his ticket, "Do you have any open seats on this plane?"
The woman smiles, "I'm not sure, let me check." The woman looks on her computer, searching.
I look over at Zeke and ask quietly, "What are you doing?"
"Shhhhh." He mutters, waving me off.
The woman looks back up, "Yes, we do. In the back of the plane. C12, would you like it?"
"Yes, please." Zeke says, handing her a card.
"What are you doing?" I ask again.
He looks at me, "You need a place to stay. I have one. Granted, I live with three other guys, but you may still stay. They won't care. And you have to get back to Harvard in three weeks anyway. It'll be impossible to find a place in three weeks. Sure, you could stay in Oregon and come back later but you don't need to travel alone. There are creepers out there. Therefore, I am taking you with me and you will stay with me and my friends until you have figured out what you're going to do."
"Zeke-" I start.
"Shhhhh." He hushes me, holding a hand up.
The woman prints off a ticket and hands it to him , "Here you are sir. Have a nice flight."
He nods, "Thank you."
He starts walking off.
I follow him quickly, "Are you not mad at me?"
He looks at me, "No. I was mad at you. But I realized what I duche I was. I was being immature. I literally had my senses knocked into me. I wanted to apologize and try to make up for it. But then I heard you were getting married. And, well, I figured I'd lost any chance. And now.....well, I figured this was a good opportunity to do so."
I stare at him and he walks toward inspection. We wait in line and I look at the ground, "Thank you."
He glances at me, "Don't mention it, Shark."
: : : : :
The plane ride together was extremely quiet. He sat five rows ahead of me reading a book while I had my head phones plugged in the entire time. Hours went by, so did miles.
I managed to cry only twice during the entire plane ride. Everything still overwhelmed me and I just wanted the pain to stop for a little while. I wanted to stop the hurt I was feeling.
The car ride to his place was quiet too. All he really told me, was that it was okay to be afraid of his roommates- Leon, Narcisuss, and Shawn. He told me that if I wanted, he could tell them I was ill, so they'd leave me alone. But honestly, I just need to meet people who have nothing in relation to Will so I can get my mind off him.
We finally arrive, pulling up to a small blue, house with a wrap around porch. It's one story, with a couple bushes in the flower bed and two other cars in the driveway.
I start to get out of the car, but Zeke stops me, "Let me get it for you."
"I can-" I start to say, but Zeke shuts me down.
"You've dealt with enough. Might as well let someone else deal with the little things like doors."
So I sit still in my seat and let him open my door for me. I get out and he grabs his luggage. We walk up to the front door and I hear the TV, muffled by the door. As we step into a small hall, I hear the sound of gun shots, which I assume are electronic.
Zeke calls, "Guys, I'm home! I brought a surprise....."
"FREAKING BEAT LEVEL FOURTY!" I hear a male call.
"FREAKING HATE YOU!" Zeke calls back.
There's a chuckle and another voice calls, "Is the surprise porn? Have you gotten into that life, Zeke?"
"Better than porn." Zeke grins.
Another voice calls, "We got pizza!"
"Sweet." Zeke mutters, leaving his bag by the front door and walking to the end of the hall.
"What could possibly be better than porn!?"
"Time travel." I hear someone.
"Oh, yeah. Let me take back freshman year of high school, please. That hair cut did not suit me."
We step into a living room area. A bar separates the living room from the kitchen. Two boys stand in the kitchen, with their backs to us. Both have dark hair, although one's hair has been buzzed and the others hair hangs in his face. A boy with curly brown hair and tan sits on the couch playing video games.
"To beat fourty you just had to kill-" He glances over and looks surprised. I'm shocked by how incredibly blue his eyes are and his lips are full. He stares at me open mouthed and looking somewhat horrified before he says loudly, "It's a girl."
Both boys into the kitchen turn around, craning their necks to look at me. The boy with shaggy hair is pale and has deep green eyes and high cheek bones. The other boy is muscular, to the point where he doesn't take steriods, but he obviously has an addiction with working out. He peers at me with dark eyes and high cheekbones.
The boy with green eyes grins, "Dibs! She's hot!"
Zeke rolls his eyes, "Narcisuss, stop flirting."
Narcisuss steps into the room, the muscular boy following closely behind.
"Flirting and being honest aren't that different sometimes." He says, holding his hand out for me to shake. "Narcisuss Falcon, pleased to meet you."
I offer an awkward smile and shake his hand, "Sidney Shark."
The three boys share a look with wide eyes.
Narcisuss looks back at me cautiously, "Sidney Shark as in Percy Sharks brother? And also, the one Zeke punched in the face?"
I make a face, somewhere between smirking, pursing my lips and cringing, "Yeah, that's the one."
Narcisuss raises his eyebrows, "First of all - love your brothers work. Second, are you sure-"
"-We, uh.....came to terms." Zeke says quickly.
The muscular guy steps forward, "Zeke, um.....maybe we should talk.....in the kitchen."
They seem to have a conversation with their eyes. Curly hair, Narcisuss and I stand by awkwardly, watching them. Finally Zeke glances at me, "Be right back."
Muscle man and Zeke walk into the kitchen and start talking in low voices. Nercisuss and curly hair share a look and then look back at me. Curly hair steps forward with a slight smile, his eyes flashing over to the kitchen doorway, "I'm Shawn Owl."
I smile, "Hey."
Shawn studies me, "Zeke has told us all about you."
Narcisuss rolls his eyes, sighing, "It was incredibly annoying. But we now understand."
I furrow my eyebrows, awkwardly, "That's.....um, nice."
"Same major? Right?" Shawn asks, trying to make conversation and shut Narcisuss up.
"Yeah." I nod, "That's how me met."
For some reason, the words "how we met" give me a flashback to the time when Will and I met. The way he stared intesnsly at me with his thoughtful blue eyes. The adorable way he raised his eyebrows - something I'd grown to love. It brings back the good memories. The good memories hurt worse than the bad ones. I just want to be with him again. But I can't if I had no self-respect, I would.
Tears fill my eyes. Needless to say, Narcisuss and Shawn notice and they look uneasy. I bite my lip and look at the floor to avoid awkwardness.
Zeke and muscles walk back in.
Muscles walks up to me and nods, "I'm Leon. Laural. Leon Laural. Nice to meet you. Zeke is, um, fond of you."
I yawn, feeling sleepy, "Thanks."
Zeke looks a little uncomfortable, "You hungry?"
I shake my head, "I'm okay."
Zeke nods, "Here, you can stay I my room. I'll show you where it is."
Author:
Eh heh heh heh heh heh :-)
Don't lie - you live me.
First of all, for you JOTT people, remember in the epiloge chapter, how I said "they all had their stuggles to fight for their marriages" or whatever. Something along those lines.
Well, I am fulfilling my promise of struggles.
And also, no spoilers for the people who haven't read it. :-)
So anyway, yes, I just thought I'd let you know, there is a REASON I will not be going into detail on anyone's weddings. I enjoy bringing untold misery to mankind. It's a favorite hobby of mine.
So, Ttyl.
-MK