From his blanket cocoon, Robin could hear insistent knocks on the door. He knew who it was, and he knew she wouldn't go away. Des' persistence was one of her best qualities, even if it was annoying at times.
His friend called on him from outside. "I know you're in there, Robin. Let me in."
With a groan, he rose from the bed, the warm blanket still swaddling him.
"I'm sick..." Robin mumbled, peeking out the slit of the door.
It was true, or at least it had been. After arriving home from the cataclysmic event on the football field--which seemed so distant now--he'd spent most of the night throwing up and now, two days later, Robin still felt under the weather. It appeared his body just couldn't handle the recent upheavals in his life. Although his condition was probably compounded by the fact that he'd sustained himself on crackers and cereal--which were all he had in his cupboards--for two days since he feared leaving the safety of his room. The outside world seemed impossibly scary and threatening.
He'd even texted and canceled the tutoring session with Tyler since he was convinced the other boy wanted nothing to do with him anyway. Whatever connection had existed between them, Robin had destroyed when he backed away. He couldn't bear looking into those green eyes, with their sweet promises of freedom, with the knowledge that it was over. No more awkward flirty encounters. No more accidental touches. No more soft marshmallow kisses.
Hiding forever seemed like a more appealing option.
"I know you're sick, Robin, you texted me about it." Des looked like the perkiest cheerleader, dressed in green running shorts and stripey knee socks and with her hair in pigtails. "And I'm here to take care of you."
Without asking, Des pushed past Robin and invited herself into his room. In her arms was a pot from which a delicious smell emanated.
While he sat down on the bed again, pulling the blanket over his head to shield himself, Des slammed pots and pans in the kitchenette. Soon she placed a bowl of piping hot soup in his hands and a bottle of ginger ale on his bedside table. "There," Des said. "Eat. It's tofu noodle soup. My own recipe."
Des was a good cook, probably on account of having proudly declared herself a vegetarian in junior high as a statement for animal rights. Learning to cook nutritious plant-based meals had become a necessity for her since the rest of her family hadn't made the same dietary choice.
Robin obliged her command, both because he was really hungry and because he could never say no to Des. The salty broth, creamy tofu, and slippery noodles brought life back into his limbs while the sugar and tang of the ginger ale lit a flicker of hope in his mind.
"I was worried for you," Des said and flicked her hand through Robin's unwashed and greasy hair. "I thought maybe you were sick again, like when you were a kid."
Robin shook his head while swallowing a mouthful of soup. "I wasn't sick back then," he mumbled.
"What do you mean?" Des asked with a puzzled expression.
"It was all my mom," Robin explained in a matter-of-fact tone. After having gone over the events of his childhood in his head about a million times while wallowing under his blanket, he was by now accustomed to the horrifying reality of it all. "She made me sick. She gave me pills. She wanted to control me. I guess she still does."
He slurped up the broth from the bottom of the bowl and handed it to Des so she could refill it. The shock on his friend's face was apparent but she still made sure to tend to Robin's needs and got up to get him more soup.
"What do you mean?" Des handed Robin another bowl of soup and sat down on the bed again. "What is Liza trying to do?"
"She says she won't pay my tuition," Robin explained. "If I'm not... who she wants me to be. She'll take me out of school and I'll be stuck in that house, with no one around. Not even you."
Salty tears dripped into the just-as-salty broth. The thought of being forced back to that house again was terrifying. It would be even worse now, after Robin had gotten a sweet taste of freedom, than before, when he only knew the bitter taste of captivity. At least when he was a child, he always had Des around to confide in. But now he would be all alone in a prison made of broken dreams and unfulfilled wishes.
"You mean if you don't want to study accounting and take over your father's company?" Des asked.
Robin shook his head, although he didn't particularly want to do either of those things either, he was willing to make that sacrifice for a life in freedom. If only he could stay in school, he was willing to study any subject required of him. Even Interpretative Dance, although it was unlikely that he would have much talent in the field.
"No, there's something else... Something I can't tell her."
"Do you want to tell me?" Des asked, patting Robin's leg with her hand in a soothing manner. "You know you can tell me anything."
Robin took a deep breath. It was time. Time to tell someone. Someone who would understand.
"I-I," he stuttered, his eyes focused on a piece of floating tofu. "I'm... I'm gay." He peered over at his friend as the revelatory word sneaked out between his lips.
The word was so small, yet so huge. Just saying it seemed to take a boulder of worry off his shoulders. The word didn't glitter and ache like his emotions, but it did convey an identity that started to feel like his own. One day, he could maybe own that word.
A nod and a smile met his gaze. Then arms wrapped around him in a warm embrace. "So you're... fine with that?" Robin asked, wanting to make sure this revelation didn't change anything between them.
Des leaned back slightly and reached her hand out to tousle Robin's hair. "Of course I am, dummy," she said. "I'm just glad you finally told me."
Robin looked at her, confused. "Finally?" he asked.
"Well, I noticed the way you used to ogle Tristan back in high school. You weren't exactly discreet, Robin."
He looked up at her with a cautious smile. "I guess I wasn't," he mumbled.
"You know..." Des started and tapped her fingers on the back of Robin's hand. "Tyler asked for you in school, both today and yesterday."
Just hearing the name made brought back memories of the other night. Memories of soft marshmallow kisses. Robin's blood pumped fast and his pulse raced. It felt like he'd eaten about a dozen donuts. Which of course reminded him of Tyler even more.
Des smiled upon seeing his reaction. "You like him, right?" she asked. "I mean, you can barely take your eyes off him in class."
Robin nodded with emphasis. "I like him. I like him so damn much. I can't even describe how I feel around him." In his mind, he relived that night on the soccer field again. The events didn't seem possible to capture with words. It had been pure magic. "We kissed."
Des burst into a big smile upon the revelation. She looked like an excited anime character. "You kissed?!" she squeed and shook Robin's shoulder.
A smile graced Robin's lips when he thought of the kiss. So soft, so deep, so free. His smile washed away as he thought of what had happened after the kiss. "We did kiss. But I messed everything up afterward." He buried his face in his hands. "I panicked and backed away. I must have hurt Tyler. He probably hates me now."
"I don't think Tyler hates you. He sounded worried about you when I talked to him. You should call him. Tell him what happened. I think he'll understand."
Robin wanted to call Tyler. He wanted to hear Tyler's nonchalant voice more than anything. But he was also terrified to do so. What if Tyler didn't pick up? What if he was angry at Robin? Or even worse, what if he didn't care at all?
The mere thought of making that phone call made Robin's breathing turn heavy and his hands shake.
An embrace from caring arms made him calm down. Des held him, rocked him, and kissed his cheek. "Call Tyler," she whispered. "Before it's too late."
The threat of Tyler fading away from him made Robin act. He couldn't let that happen. Not without a fight.
Just as he was about to get up and find his phone, a square object was put in his hand. Des had already found it for him. "Do you want me to leave?" she asked. "So you can talk to him alone."
Robin shook his head. Having someone beside him, holding his hand, seemed necessary to gather the courage to press those buttons.
Unlock. Phone Book. Scroll. Tyler Caster.
One deep breath. Then Robin pressed the call button.
One tone. Two tones. Three tones.
Tyler must have seen who was calling and decided not to answer. Of course, he didn't want to talk to Robin after what had happened.
Then came a rattle, followed by a voice.
"Hi, Robby."
Robby. Ty always called him Robby. Ty still called him Robby. The greeting almost brought Robin to tears. A squeeze of his hand from the cheerleader next to him refocused him.
"Ty," he started, lost for words.
"Are you... feeling better?" Tyler asked. "Des said you were sick."
"I'm better," Robin replied, fighting to make his voice carry. "I-I wanted to tell you... that I'm sorry, about what happened I mean."
"It was my fault." There was a coldness in Tyler's voice that Robin didn't recognize. "I misinterpreted."
The words made Robin's insides twist painfully. He'd made Tyler feel bad about what happened. He'd made Tyler think the kiss didn't mean anything to him. When in actuality, it was the most meaningful thing that had ever happened to Robin.
"You didn't," Robin said with emphasis. "You didn't misinterpret anything, Ty. I... panicked." His voice trembled as he kept talking, struggling to get the words out. "After everything with my mom. It just became too much. I should have explained it to you. I should have stayed. I messed everything up. I'm sorry."
The words were followed by silence. All Robin could hear was breathing from the other side. Des flicking his hair was all that kept Robin breathing as well.
"You didn't mess anything up, Robby." Tyler finally said, the usual warmth now present in his voice again. "Everyone panics sometimes. I certainly have before." A sigh and breath before he continued. "But I'm still... here. I'm still your... friend. Or whatever. I mean."
The stuttering nervousness in Tyler's voice made Robin feel a bit more at ease. And so did Des smiling at him, as she could tell the call was going in the right direction. "Ask him out," she whispered excitedly.
Robin pushed Des away so Tyler wouldn't hear her. Suddenly he wished he'd told his friend to leave the room.
"Do you want to come here tomorrow?" Robin blurted out, perhaps inspired by Des' words. "After school, I mean. We could just hang out, perhaps. Like a..." he paused to hyperventilate, "like a date. Watch a movie and eat snacks.
It shouldn't be possible to hear someone smile. But yet a smile was definitely audible from the other end of the phone. "I like... movies and snacks," Tyler replied. "And dates... I mean, I'd love a date with you, Robby."
Robin wondered if Tyler could hear his smile as well because inside of him trumpets blared and firecrackers went off in celebration.
By the time Robin said "See you tomorrow" and hung up the phone, every sign of sickness was washed away. He felt more energetic than ever before, like an entire bakery's worth of sugar was rushing through his veins.
The next moment, he was assaulted with excited hugs. "I told you it would be fine, Robin!" Des shrieked. "And now you have a date!"
He did. Robin had a date. A date with a boy. A date with the most wonderful boy in the world. A date with Tyler Caster.