BAU groupchat + Reader

By agenthotchisadilf

1.2M 33.1K 74.2K

how I think the BAU team would text eachother except you're also on the team dealing with their antics Some s... More

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10.1K 285 536
By agenthotchisadilf

[Group named changed to "baddies of the bau"]

Emily: Why'd you word it like that?😭

Derek: fr why tf🤔🥶🥶🧐 sus

Y/n: So formal why

Emily: ^ fr 🙄💅

Hotch: You guys ask me to change it back, I do, and I get criticism?? Menaces.

Reid: I liked the older group name, when it was just "BAU".

Y/n: Honey.. no one cares I'm so sorry 😞

Emily: NOT YOU BAGGING ON YOUR BOYFRIEND LMAO 💀💀 DAMN Y/N IS RIGHT THOUGH, NOT EVEN HOTCH LIKED THAT NAME HE ONLY DID IT SO STRAUSS WOULD BE QUIET PLZ

Derek: Pretty boy taking Ls lately 😆 🤣 😂 😹 👨🏾‍🍼

Rossi: I like this one, I think its funny

JJ: ^ its different but the same i agree with Mr pasta

Derek: Real one Rossi over here okurrrr I see you ole ancient one 💯💯💯

Hotch: ..thats funny I'm so sorry 💀

Rossi: I will simply act as if that was a compliment

Emily: David Rossi😭😭 don't take Sir Baldies bullshit dude

Y/n: SIR BALDIE 😭💀 EMILY OMG TOO FUNNY IM GONNA CRY

Derek: This is bullying I'm sure of it 🧍🏾‍♂️ wtf😨😨😨🤼🏾🤼🏾🤼🏾🤼🏾

JJ: 💀 good

Garcia: Chocolate thunder 🥵💋💋

Emily: Garcia plz😭

Rossi: I made some morning popcorn i spilt liquid butter but its okay if you kiddos enjoy the popcorn thats all that matters

Y/n: ^ literally, platoniclly love you papa pasta omg 🥳🥳🥳

Hotch: Dave, I forgive you for being straight.

Derek: ^ IM SCREAMING😱😱😱😎🥸

Emily: Not you and the random ass emojis again Derek plz ur not 12 wtf bighead 😭😭

Derek: LET ME LIVE????😡🤌🏾

Y/n: who gave Spencer another jar of nutella?

Reid: :)

Y/n: Baby you can't eat 5 jars a day im concerned

Hotch: Reid holy shit, 5???

Emily: Mans is trying to get early type 2 huh 💀 r.i.p

Reid: It's good :(

Hotch: Yes and you're allowed to have it but please eat in moderation oh my lord

Derek: I wasn't aware sorry he asked me to go out and get it.. Spencer man, you need a therapist and not only for your trauma 🤔🤔🤔

Reid: Nutella fills hole in heart 👾👍

Emily: FOUL😭😭

Y/n: oh my god spence😨 to therapy we go!

Hotch: You all need long term therapist's

Rossi: So do you, Aaron

Hotch: ... I got work to do, goodbye!

Derek: WE GET AVOIDING OUR TRAUMA FROM DADDY HOTCH 😱🥸

Y/n: why

Derek: MAMA ROSSI AND DADDY HOTCH I AM NOT SEXUALIZING HIM THIS TIME

Y/n: oh yeah SORRY its hard to tell totally MY bad 😐

Derek: No worries 👍 👌 😉

Y/n: Emily slap his jellybean head for me stg

Emily: omg anything for you ofc bestie💓

Hotch: Hey don't do th.. nevermind

Derek: OW WHAT THE FUCK 🤨😢☠

Rossi: Looked like it hurt

JJ: IM SORRY THAT WAS SO FUNNY BUT WIFEY DONT HIT PEOPLE WEVE TALKED ABOUT THIS HUN 😔

Emily: damn😴 deprushesian so sad 😞

Y/n: please i can't 💀

Rossi: who put glitter in pens again, derek?

Derek: tf I didn't do it again?? 🙄💅🏾 tf🥶🥶

Emily: BEFORE I EVEN GET BLAMED IT WASNT ME EITHER YOUVE BEEN DECENT SO I STAYED AWAY FROM BULLYING YOU 👹👹💋

Rossi: Y/n please tell me it wasn't you you're supposed to be the good one next to Reid

Y/n: Haven't been in your office in 2 days wasn't me 😵 damn r.i.p ur pens tho frfe🖋🚫

Garcia: Is it from when he did it last time??

JJ: That was like months ago tho ? I'm invested who did this

Emily: Was it you..?🤩🥰😍😋

JJ: No I don't do pranks bc I don't want them done to me tbh but I would if I didn't care ngl

Y/n: 💀

Reid: Hm.

Rossi: I'm not upset its just disappointing I just finally stopped finding glitter everywhere:(

Emily: Damn now I feel bad and it wasn't even me who tf hurt mama rossi👊🏻👊🏻 we fist fighting i just KNOW it was Derek im sorry he's lying frfr😐

Derek: IT WASNT ME I SWEAR I OWN UP TO SHIT I DO MISS. PRENTISS MMM HMMM👀🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾 FOUL ASS IT PROLLY WAS YOU

Emily: FUCK OFF I ALREADY DENIED IT

Y/n: Yo hotch is awfully quiet yall noticing this? 🤨🤔 wonder why..

Hotch: I'm not being quiet

Emily: HOLY FUCKING SHIT NO WAY OPEN YOUR BLINDS RN THATS WHY YOU HAD THEM CLOSED YOURE FUCJING LAUGHING YOUR ASS OFF IN THERE ARENT YOU 

Garcia: omg no way.. bossman???

Derek: THATS FUNNY AS FUCK WE TOTALLY CORRUPTED HIM 😂😂😂

Emily: IM SORRY ROSSI IF IT WAS ANYONE ELSE I WOULDVE THROWN HANDS BUT THATS JUST GOLD

Rossi: am I the only adult here now what the fuck

Hotch: Listen I did that because you're straight and I disliked that, however I've come to terms with it now so no worries it won't happen again

Emily: Yo idk if default hotch or this hotch is scarier..? We broke this man😭 hes out here targeting heteros now 💀💀

Derek: THATS SO FUNNY I AM SORRY BUT NOT REALLY 😋😭😭

Y/n: THATS GOLD, ITALIAN STALLION I AM SORRY BUT ITS FUNNY 🥳💅

JJ: Italians aren't real tbh sorry

Emily: HUH??😭

Derek: #Italyisanillusion

Rossi: I am offended?

JJ: #TheresnoproofItalyisreal

Rossi: Yes???

Y/n: Prove it

Rossi: how

Derek: exactly you can't bc Italy is fake JUST like Wyoming

Hotch: Guys what..? Did someone out tequila in the coffee again I swear to God

Reid: Oh is that why I feel funny?

Garcia: Oh no :0















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