Harry could feel his head splitting in two the moment he started regaining consciousness. He let out a small groan, immediately turning over and burying his face into the pillows underneath his head. He took in a long, deep, breat-
Wait.
He inhaled again, the sweet aroma of a certain blue eyed omega filling his nostrils.
He didn't dare open his eyes, his headache only growing as he thought this through. This could either mean that his mind was playing tricks on him, or he was smelling the omega's pillow.
It was the second one, and he figured that out the moment he cracked his eyes open. Even through the splitting headache, he managed to lift his head up and glance around the room, noticing it was Louis's.
"Fuck," he groaned out, shutting his eyes again and burying his face back into the pillow. How the fuck did he end up here?
He didn't try and think about the answer to that question, not wanting to hurt his head any more than it already was. He must have gotten pretty damn hammered last night if he was this hung over and managed to wind up back in Louis’s bedroom.
He laid there for a few more minutes, feeling lucky that no one had entered the room. He didn't know if he was ready to handle Louis sober. Sure, drunk was one thing, one thing that he didn't remember a single thing about, but now it was different. Being sober meant facing his reality, and he wasn't ready for that.
He let out a breath and opened his eyes, sitting up in the bed. Glancing to the side of the bed he could have smiled once he saw the aspirin and water on the bedside table, but he did the opposite. He frowned, knowing that Louis had probably left that for him.
Why was Louis still caring for him?
He wasn't going to deny it though, because this headache was ripping through him like a chainsaw, the sunlight from the open curtains not helping at all. He was quick to take the pills, swallowing them with some water before setting the glass back down on the table.
Even the soft clink that the glass made against the wood made his head ache more. He groaned and turned away, shaking his head slightly with his eyes closed as if that would shake away the pain.
He opened his eyes hesitantly after another few seconds blinking to adjust to the light as he looked around the room. He could feel his heart ache at the familiar surroundings.
He remembered this room so perfectly. Everything about it. Right down to the old shirt that Louis had stopped wearing before they had even gotten together, but it was still in the same spot on the floor because he refused to pick it up.
"It's been there for so long Haz. What's the point in picking it up now? It's part of the decor at this point. A memory. It will stay there until I move out of this place."
And like he had said it was still there.
His eyes scanned over the rest of the room quickly and stopped at the clock on the other side of the room.
And holy shit how the hell did he sleep until noon?
He didn't remember what time he crashed last night, but he blacked out at like ten o'clock or something. And there was no way much could have happened after that if he ended up here.
And even if he did turn in late. He couldn't remember the last time he slept past seven AM even if he crashed at six thirty.
"Shit," he sighed as he collapsed back into the bed and cushion of blankets below him. When he glanced to the side he noticed the way the sheets and covers were ruffled on the other side of the bed as well, including an indent in the pillow.
Someone else had slept in the bed with him.
And it all made sense after that. Well at least some of it. Of course he'd be able to actually get some sleep if Louis was next to him.
But he also knew that this opened a whole knew can of worms. And he didn't want to face that yet.
Unfortunately, luck really didn't seem to be on his side, (honestly, when had it been in the last two months?) He only got a few minutes of silence to try and catch up with his thoughts and the situation at hand until he heard the door knob twisting.
Harry closed his eyes and held this breath. He wasn't ready to see Louis again. He didn't count last night because he couldn't remember. This was real though. He was sober now.
The door creaked open and Harry let out a breath, thankful he wasn't actually facing the door. He let his eyes open, keeping them trained on the wall.
"You're up," he heard a soft voice say.
His heart would have melted in his chest if it wasn't for the constant ache he was feeling. Louis was standing a mere three yards away from him, and he was actually talking to Harry after everything that had happened. Harry could feel his emotions getting the better of him, but he wasn't going to let those get in the way.
"Yeah," he said slowly after a minute. He winced when the soft volume of his voice went straight to his headache.
Louis noticed. "I can give you some more aspirin if you want," Louis suggested, voice hesitant. Harry knew that Louis had to feel just as awkward as he did at that very moment.
Harry let out a small cough, suppressing a wince. "No, no," Harry muttered after a second. "I'm okay."
Louis nodded, just wanting Harry to look at him. After last night and everything that Harry had said, he was just so lost. Even after Harry had passed out Louis had ended up spending a few hours just lying awake, thoughts running through his mind like wildfire. Of course he had managed to slip asleep being in the alpha's arms, but his thoughts never left him alone.
"Well um," Louis started awkwardly, rubbing his arm and staring at the floor. "I attempted to cook some food. Figured you wouldn't want a hangover on an empty stomach."
Harry let out a sigh, closing his eyes. Why was Louis being so nice to him? Couldn't he just hate Harry and kick him out and make this whole thing easier?
"I probably shouldn't overstay my visit," Harry said after a moment, sitting up. He finally turned around to look at Louis, and he couldn't help but gasp when green finally met blue. They hadn't met in two months, and fuck, Harry couldn't breathe.
It took him a minute to recompose himself, having to avert his gaze to anything except for Louis's face. "I-uh... figured I've been here long enough."
Louis rocked back onto his heels as he watched Harry slowly stand and walk from the side of the bed around to the other side where his pants had been discarded the night before. The omega didn't know what to do or say. He knew he shouldn't have questioned it. Should have just let Harry put his pants on and leave. They weren't dating anymore. They had separate lives to get back to.
But when did Louis ever do what he should?
"Haz, no wait, I-" Louis started stepping forward.
"No, don't-" Harry immediately intervened, holding on of his hand up as an indication for Louis to stop talking and bringing the other one up to massage his temple. His head hurt so badly. He let out a breath and dropped both arms back to his sides, shoulders slumping. "Don't call me Haz, please," he pleaded. "It took me long enough to get used to not hearing you calling me that every day the first time. I can't do it again."
Louis's frown deepened.
"Maybe we should talk, H," the omega said after a minute or so of silence. In that time Harry had wiggled his pants on so they now hung low on his hips. He was doing the zipper when Louis spoke, causing his hand to stutter in its movements.
The alpha swallowed thickly.
"There's nothing to talk about," he choked out. "I don't remember what happened last night, but it shouldn't have. I shouldn't have come here. I know I probably embarrassed the shit out of myself. That's for sure."
Louis winced. "You were fine," he mumbled. It was only half a lie. Sure if Harry knew some of the stuff he said he'd throw himself off a cliff. But Louis understood.
"I'm sure that's a lie," Harry muttered.
"You were hurting. It's okay," the omega said softly.
Harry tensed at the words, jaw set and fists clenching. He couldn't do this. He didn't want Louis to see him weak anymore. Not like he was sure to have last night. He had to at least try to pretend he was doing okay. Because Louis had moved on. Louis was fine.
And even if he wasn't, he needed to seem it.
But at the same time, he was just so tired of acting.
"Yeah, well of course I was fucking hurting," he snapped. "Haven't stopped hurting. The ache in my chest just keeps getting bigger every fucking day and I don-" he cut himself off mid-sentence, realizing he was saying too much. He turned his back to the omega. "It doesn't give me an excuse to come here like a miserable, drunken, moron," he muttered, tone harsh, but he was more mad with himself than Louis.
Louis was once again quiet as he tried to let Harry's words sink in before he spoke again.
"I'm sorry, Harry. I never meant to hurt you."
And Harry just couldn't take it anymore.
"You never meant to hurt me..." he repeated under his breath in an angry rush. "You never meant to- then why the fuck did you leave me?!" he suddenly yelled, losing his composure. Louis flinched. Harry continued. "How could you expect to just turn up out of the blue and break up with me and think that it wouldn't absolutely kill me inside?! I know that I probably said a lot of stupid and absolutely ridiculous shit last night, but I can almost guarantee that every last bit of it was true! I gave you all of me when I admitted to loving you because you were my everything, Louis, and you just turned around one day, when everything was going so perfectly, and said that you didn't love me and-" he finally cut himself off, knowing that he had said enough. He already made a fool of himself in front of everybody in the town over the past few months. Why not add Louis to the list now?
Either way, he said his piece. He didn't need to continue this rant.
Letting out a long sigh he looked up at the ceiling and took a few deep breaths and blinked rapidly to contain tears and calm himself down. His head only hurt ten times more now.
"I'm sorry. It wasn't my place to come here last night and it wasn't my place to say that. You didn't need to hear it," he said slowly, lowering his head. "I've definitely been here too long. I'll show myself out. Sorry again."
"Harry," Louis started, going to take a step closer to the alpha. "Don't-"
"Please,” Harry insisted, and Louis could have winced at how much raw emotion he heard. "Just... don't make this harder than it has to be."
Louis bit his lip. He knew this was now or never. He had gotten his one shot to get Harry back, and if he didn't take it now, he would lose it forever. He really couldn't deal with losing the alpha again, even if it was his fault both times. He wasn't going to let Harry slip under his fingers after he had just poured his heart out to Louis right then and also the night before. He just couldn't let that all disappear.
"Harry wait," Louis said, reaching out and grabbing Harry's wrist as he began leaving the room.
Harry's breath hitched in his throat, immediately feeling the spark that ran through his hand and up his arm at the sudden contact. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
It took a moment before he tried shaking it off. "Let go of me," he muttered.
"Harry listen to me-"
"Let go," Harry said again, much more firmly. The ache in his chest was growing the more he felt this spark, and he was going to break if this went on any longer.
"No Haz-"
"I said let go of me!" Harry shouted, alpha voice loud and clear.
Louis let out a small gasp of pain and immediately let go, hands going to cover his ears.
Harry just stared at the door, back facing Louis. His breaths were deep and staggered, causing his shoulders to move up and down dramatically as he tried to calm himself down.
"H-Harry," Louis croaked, willing away the tears in his eyes from the use of Harry's voice. He knew Harry was angry, fuck he was so hurt and he wasn't going to let Harry letting his feelings get the best of him to make him back down. He was getting his alpha back. "P-Please just hear m-me out, yeah?"
It was silent for a second, neither of them being able to bring themselves to move or say anything. Harry wanted to stay. Desperately. He didn't want to walk away from Louis because all he had been craving these past weeks was to see him again. But now that he was here, he was afraid to hear what he would say because he thought that all it was going to be was the explanation of why. Why he stopped loving Harry, why he didn't want to be with him anymore, why Harry wasn't good enough.
Why Louis would never be his again.
And he couldn't hear that.
For the longest time, that was all he wanted. He thought that if he had an explanation as to why Louis left him, he’d be at peace. It’d be easier to cope with than just not knowing. But now that he was faced with it, he didn’t want to know. He didn’t need to hear it. It would just hurt him more.
"I-I'm sorry," Harry stuttered, voice weak. "I didn't mean to use my voice... t-that was wrong of me. I'm sorry." Louis didn't respond. Harry took another breath and finally turned to face him. He was done hiding behind his crumbling walls. This was Louis. He didn't have to hide himself from Louis.
"But I can’t handle hearing you tell me why you left. I don't need answers. I don't want them because it's only going hurt me more and remind me that you're not coming back to me and I can't fucking deal with that," the alpha admitted, voice quiet and just filled with pain.
Louis was quick to shake his head and step forward, reaching out Harry. The younger lad stepped away, still fearful of the affect the omega's touch would have on him.
"N-No, Haz that's not it. I'm not gonna just say that. At least not yet," Louis rushed.
"Then what?" Harry asked desperately. "What is there left to talk about?"
Louis struggled to find his words. Struggled to find a way to tell the man before him that he still loved him with all of his heart. That he never wanted to end things, never wanted to leave him. That he had never felt lonelier than he had these past two months without him. That he too was going through a living hell all because he got scared and fucked up. And now he just wanted to fix all of that.
He finally settled on three words. "I miss you," he breathed. Harry didn't react immediately, just watched him carefully.
Harry could tell Louis wanted to say more, but he wasn't going to at that moment. He let the three words slowly process through his mind, and his head suddenly hurt worse.
"You... you miss me?" Harry said, voice so soft Louis almost didn't catch it.
Louis gulped, nodding his head. "I do," he replied, voice just as soft.
Harry just stared back at Louis, feeling like he was going to drown. Louis missed him? He missed him... did that mean he still loved him?
No. No, that's not what it means. Harry was just jumping to conclusions. But why would Louis miss him? Louis left him. Not the other way around. Louis couldn't miss Harry because he was the one who wanted to leave it all in the first place. He said he didn't love him anymore, and that it was all a lie. Was he lying here too?
Harry let out a small wince, the thinking making his head pound. He shut his eyes for a moment to recompose himself before opening them once again.
"But... you left me," Harry croaked, pointing out the obvious.
Louis sighed, putting his hands behind his back and locking them together. He squeezed them tightly, willing his mind and mouth to connect so the right words came out.
"I... I know," Louis sighed, unclasping his hands and bringing them up, running them roughly over his face. "I-I did, but fuck, I didn't think it would hurt this much."
Harry just stared back at Louis, and the omega could see the confusion clear as day in Harry's eyes. He also saw the small bit of hope shining through, and he knew if he didn't spit this out sooner then Harry would be crushed even worse.
"I-um... fuck. Harry-… Haz, I fucked us up. I honestly screwed us both over that day. I didn't want to hurt you. I honestly didn't but I just... I couldn't think of a better option than ending us."
And Harry really just wanted to scream right now.
"I-I don't... I don't get it Lou. You say you fucked up and you miss me, and yet that was the best option to you? I just-... none of this makes sense and it's hurting my fucking head," Harry growled, smacking himself on the temple out of frustration.
"Well don't do that!" Louis immediately scolded. "That isn't going to help your headache, you moron."
"I know I'm a moron," Harry snapped. "I know, I know, I know," he repeated hitting himself in the head a few more times. He was breaking at the seams and he knew it. He was confused and everything just ached and he didn't know what to do with himself anymore. And whenever he felt like this, so frustrated, he just had the need to hit something, usually whatever he was mad at.
And he was mad at himself. Had been for so long now.
"Harry, stop!" Louis said reaching out and grabbing the alpha's wrist, pulling his hand away from his head. "What is the point of that? You're hurting yourself."
"Everything already fucking hurts!" Harry bit back. "And I can't stop it! And you're confusing me and I don't..."
He wanted to scream.
Tears of frustration were welling in his eyes as he struggled to figure out what to do with himself.
Louis couldn't watch this anymore. He threw himself at the taller man and immediately wrapped his arms around him, pressing himself into his chest. The hug caught Harry off guard, but he didn't push Louis away like Louis feared he would. He just moved his arms slowly down to place his hands on the omega's waist, giving in. Louis frowned at the sound of the fast pace of Harry's heart and heavy breathing. He hugged him impossibly tighter, trying to soothe him.
"I'm sorry Haz. So, so, sorry. Relax love, please?" Louis spoke softly.
Harry just shook his head a bit to himself before lowering his head into the crook of Louis's neck, inhaling the omega's scent and feeling the ache in his chest be soothed yet get worse at the same time.
"Just..." Harry finally spoke, voice breathy and ragged. "How... how was that the best option? W-What did I do wrong Lou? How did I drive you away? I'll fix it. I promise that I will. Just give me a chance. Because I can't handle this anymore. I can't, and I'm sorry I'm weak, but I-I need you."
And everything that the two had been trying to bury and build walls around in their minds had been left out in the open now. They both gave in. Because they knew that they needed each other. They were too weak without one another by their side, and it was time they accepted that.
"Nothing, H," Louis breathed, running his hand in small circles along Harry's back. "You didn't do anything wrong."
Harry let out a small whimper, clutching onto the omega tighter.
"B-But then why did you leave me?" he croaked out.
"It's... fuck. It's a lot to take in H," Louis sighed, not wanting to upset Harry anymore. "I'm not going to hurt you more right now, okay? Just breathe... please just relax and breathe."
"B-But, why?" Harry whimpered, pressing himself impossibly closer to the omega. He kept his face buried in Louis's neck, and he refused to look up. He knew the moment he looked Louis in the eyes he would crack and the tears would fall. "Why can't you tell me?"
"I can," Louis sighed, rubbing up and down Harry's back gently. "Just not now."
"Why not?" Harry questioned again.
"Just take my word on this one, yeah?" Louis insisted, pulling back from Harry a bit. “It will only upset you more.”
The alpha let out a long whine, wanting to cling onto the omega. But Louis still wasn't his again, so he wasn't going to hold on and upset Louis more.
Louis didn't fully pull away though, just enough so he could look Harry in the eyes. He moved his hands up so now they were wrapped around Harry's neck, keeping the two in a close distance from one another.
"I just need you to calm down," Louis repeated again, knowing that Harry was still worked up.
Harry's bottom lip wobbled as he stared at the omega, drowning in the ocean blue eyes. Everywhere just hurt and Louis wasn't telling him anything except to relax and the last thing he would do was relax when Louis was this close to him and not all his.
The alpha sniffled, looking up at the ceiling to try and will away the tears in his eyes. "I'm okay," he breathed out heavily after a second.
Louis frowned, letting go of around Harry's neck. His thumb swept underneath Harry's eyes, catching the tears before they spilled out.
"You're not," Louis stated, searching Harry's eyes. "And I'm the one who made you not okay."
"I'll be fine," Harry said. If Louis wanted him to relax, then he would. He'd put the walls back up and tell himself that it'll get better and try to force himself to be okay again for Louis's sake.
"Harry," Louis sighed, leaning his head against the alpha's chest again. Harry closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling and warmth. "You don't have to pretend around me. I want you to genuinely relax. Don't just fake it."
Harry sighed, lowering his head so his nose was resting in the omega's hair.
"I can't," he admitted.
"Why not?" Louis asked softly.
"Because I still don't know what's happening. I don't know why you left or where we stand. All I know is that you're not mine and that still hurts, and seeing you now when I'm like this hurts, and I don't even know what doesn't hurt anymore," Harry explained in one long ramble.
Louis sighed, staying still to just let Harry hold onto him and nuzzle his nose in his hair a bit before pulling away.
"Does your head still hurt?" he asked.
Harry eyed him carefully before nodding.
"Lie back down then, love," Louis said nodding towards the bed.
"N-No, Lou, I'm fine, I-" Harry went to argue.
"Don't argue, H. Just lie down. You still look like you're about to collapse and if you're confused and your head hurts then it's best you lie down," Louis commanded.
Harry was still weary though. He had the irrational fear that he would lie down and Louis would leave the room and just not come back. It was stupid to think seeing as this was Louis's bedroom, but he didn't want rest. He got plenty (for him recently) of sleep the night before and he knows he said he didn't want answers before, but now that Louis told him he missed him and still cared, an explanation would be great.
He didn't want to lie down and wait for that.
"I-I-" Harry tried to argue again, but Louis cut him off.
"I'm not going anywhere if you're afraid of that," Louis said softly. "I'll come sit with you if you want."
"Will you explain?" Harry asked slowly. "Please?"
Louis sighed and nodded, pulling himself away from the alpha a bit.
"Just, you can't freak out on me," Louis stated firmly, leading Harry back over to the bed. "You have to wait until the very end to say anything, and you can't freak out."
Harry felt his heart beating rapidly in his chest, his breaths becoming uneven. Everything hurt, and the way Louis started this out was only scaring him even more.
"You're scaring me a bit," Harry admitted.
"Just stay calm, okay?" Louis insisted, waiting for Harry to sit down on the bed before climbing onto the bed next to him.
Louis was hesitant, but he slowly reached out for Harry's hand, giving it a small nudge as if asking permission to hold it. Harry didn't hesitate before intertwining his fingers with Louis's, his heart melting at the sparks that went through his arm and to his whole body.
Louis took a deep breath, eyes immediately darting to his lap. It was now or never.
"Th-That day," Louis started, eyes now glued to his and Harry's hands. He started playing with the alpha's fingers, trying to keep himself calm and focused as he told everything. "I was going to come to yours. Going to spend the night at yours and just be with you, like always. It was going to be normal." His voice was soft as he continued speaking, feeling Harry's green eyes burning into his skin.
"After I got there, I was about to walk into the building in when I felt a hand on my shoulder-" he felt Harry's hand tense a bit. "-so I stopped, thinking it was you. Turned out it was Jack."
Harry froze, hand immediately tightening on Louis's. "What? You were with Jack? Are-Are you okay? Or-"
"Let me finish, H," Louis said, voice wavering a bit. He had to get it all out or else he never would. "H-He pulled me aside, saying if I didn't listen to him he would hurt me. So I followed him to the side of the building and-and... he threatened me. He s-said if I didn't leave you h-he would kill us b-both. Harry-I... I didn't know what to do. I panicked. I didn't w-want you hurt and h-he had his goons there and I just freaked. I didn't think of a b-better option th-than leaving you because I wasn't strong enough to fight them off like you. I-I had to listen or else w-we would both b-be dead and fuck, I shouldn't have listened. I-It killed me saying what I said to you, but I-I didn't have a better choice."
Harry's head was spinning. Louis had been threatened into breaking up with him? Was that really what happened?
"H-he threatened you?" Harry finally managed to choke out. Louis nodded his head quickly, unsure of what else to do.
"I don't know why. It was so random, but he had been a threat before and then all of a sudden he just showed up. And he told me to go with him and I said no. That I would run up to your flat and tell you that I'd seen him and call the police. And I don't know, I guess he was scared of you because the second I mentioned getting you he got all rough and angry and said I had no choice. That he'd hurt me if I didn't talk to him. So I did," Louis was rushing out, trying to retell the story in more detail. He winced at the memories.
Harry was silent. Mind still spinning.
"And the next thing I know he was saying that I had to leave you. It was such a strange request... I didn't know what to make of it. I tried telling him to shove it, but he like pressed me against the wall and got all in my face and his back up, or whoever the other big guys that were with him were, were suddenly right there too. And he was like spitting these horrible threats in my face, telling me that he'd kill you in front of me if I didn't end things between us and then he'd kill me because I'd have no one to protect me."
Harry had gone rigid at Louis's words. He was now picturing Jack pressing Louis to the wall and snarling in his face. He could almost see Louis's terrified blue eyes and the tears that must have welled in them. It reminded him too much of the day that they first ran into Jack that led to Harry getting slashed with a damn knife. He'd take the knife again if it meant getting Louis back and fucking killing Jack for this.
Harry still didn't know what to say, so he remained silent, allowing Louis to continue.
"And I started crying because I'm weak and just picturing all of the things he was saying he'd do to you was absolutely killing me and that just gave him more of an advantage over me. He was taunting me and making fun of me and when I finally was able to speak again, I asked why it was so important to him that we broke up. Why he wanted to ruin our lives and make us miserable. Why we couldn't be happy. And he just laughed at me and said that you lost your right to be happy the minute you got involved with him. That you owed him too much and I was just getting in the way of you repaying him. And I was to either remove myself from the situation by choice, or he'd do it himself."
The amount of things Louis explained in that one moment was too much. Harry's head was swirling as he tried to make sense of it all. He believed Louis. Didn't think he'd make it up. It made sense. Jack had warned Harry the day before Louis broke up with him that he was done messing around. He was going to get Harry to repay him no matter what. And then he was there right after to pester him again. And Harry had given in because with Louis gone he had no one to be good for. He lost his will to be his own person. And Jack knew that.
He knew Harry would be putty in his hands the second Louis left.
And Harry hated himself for not seeing it sooner.
"How did I not see this?" Harry muttered lowly to himself.
Louis just stared at the alpha, watching as Harry processed everything he had just been told.
"I didn’t expect you to catch on Harry," Louis stated after a second, watching as Harry's face went emotionless. "I mean I secretly hoped you never believed a word of what I said-"
"I believed every word of what you said," Harry growled lowly, getting more angry at Jack and himself than Louis; how could he be mad at Louis for this? "If I had only realized... fuck."
Louis watched as Harry internally broke more, and he had little to no idea how to help him. Nothing he could say would make Harry relax. He knew this.
Harry ran his hands over his face roughly, breaths now ragged.
"Haz, no," Louis said softly, grabbing Harry's hands and holding them in his. "You need to stay calm-"
"But he threatened you," Harry yelled, eyes wild. "Threatened you and made us break up and he hurt you and I just fell into his damn trap-"
Harry was cut off when he felt a pair of soft lips meeting his own.
Harry froze, the familiar feeling of Louis's lips on his paralyzing him.
It was something he never thought he'd feel again.
He was feeling it right now though, and he was going to take advantage of it. He brought his hand up to cup the omega's face as he began to move his lips in sync with Louis's.
My God, had he missed this.
"It's okay, H," Louis whispered when he pulled away. "Don't beat yourself up over this. Please don't blame yourself. This wasn't something you could control. It was my mistake."
Harry shook his head, eyes closed as he leaned his forehead against Louis's.
"You did it to protect yourself. I can't blame you for that," Harry hummed.
"No," Louis breathed, pecking Harry's lips quickly after he spoke the word. He couldn't help himself. He had gone much too long without this alpha's lips. "I didn't do it to protect myself. I don't give a shit what Jack does to me. I did it to protect you."
"I can protect myself," Harry said firmly. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do in order to 'protect' me. I'm fine."
"Haz if he hurt you and I could have prevented it, I wouldn't have forgiven myself," Louis muttered.
"I can defend myself though. You wonder why Jack seemed afraid of me that day. It's because he is. He knows I know how to fight and he knows that I don't have boundaries when it comes to protecting you. I'd be okay against him. It's you I'm worried about," Harry explained.
"Yeah well he was threatening the both of us. So what would it have done? I can't expect you to protect the two of us at once. And as much as I hate to admit it, I'm no help. I can't fight," Louis sighed. "I thought ending things was the only way to prevent that all."
"I could have protected you," Harry said, gently cupping Louis's cheek. "Instead I did the opposite."
"You always protect me," Louis said, looking up into the alpha's eyes. "And I did the only thing I thought I could do to protect us. Obviously it didn't help either of us-" Harry gave a small snort at that. "-but I'm not letting you go again. Next time I'll just run."
"Next time I'll be with you," Harry said firmly. "I can guarantee you that."
"And I'm okay with that," Louis said softly, small smile lighting up his face.
Fuck, Harry missed that smile too much.
It was silent for another moment, Harry's eyes now cast downwards as he bit his lip.
Louis noticed the alpha's distress. "What's wrong?"
Harry just gave a small head shake, looking up at the ceiling for a second before returning his gaze to the ground.
"It's stupid," he muttered, chuckling to himself.
Louis frowned. "None of this conversation, or anything you say for that matter, is stupid. You can tell me."
Harry's eyes slowly peeked up, green meeting blue.
"Can... can I kiss you again?"
Louis just snorted out a laugh, letting his forehead fall against Harry's chest as he laughed.
Harry frowned, fearing that Louis was laughing at him for even thinking such a thing.
"Of course, Haz," Louis chuckled after a second, causing Harry's eyes to widen a bit. "Do you even have to ask?"
Harry felt his cheeks flushing a bit; his emotions were a downright mess. "Well, I-"
"You never have to ask," Louis said, finishing whatever Harry was going to say. Harry just smiled and leaned down a bit, capturing Louis's lips with his own.
And yeah, Harry had his boy back.
Harry wrapped his arms around Louis's waist and drew the omega in close to him, nibbling at his lower lip. He felt Louis giggle against his mouth fisting his hands into Harry's shirt. The alpha held him tightly, as if he loosened his grip even in the slightest, Louis would fade away.
"I love you," Harry panted when they broke away. "God, I love you so much. I fucking need you, Lou. Be my boyfriend again please. Please.”
Louis chuckled and kissed Harry again quickly. "Like I said before. You don't even have to ask."
Harry smiled victoriously. He never thought he'd escape the pain that had been sitting like a large lump in his chest the past few months. He didn't think he'd ever get to hold Louis like this again.
But he got him back.
"We should call Zayn," Louis mumbled after a few minutes of them just lying there wrapped up in each other. "Let him know where you are."
"Uhh, yeah. About that…" Harry mumbled. Everything from yesterday was a bit of a blur, but he remembered clearly Zayn telling him to fuck off. "I don't think he cares."
"You said that last night. I still don't believe you," Louis said. "Call him."
"No Lou, I'm serious. He probably hates me right now. He has been dealing with my sorry ass for the past two months, and he's done with me," Harry explained, not all that proud of it, but stating the truth.
"What did you do?" Louis asked slowly, not sure if he wanted to know.
Harry sighed. He wasn't going to lie to Louis. He would tell him how much of a bad turn he had taken over the past few months. Even if he didn't want to.
"A better question is what I didn't do," Harry muttered to himself. "I've just... I've been drinking too much, not working like I should, staying out all night to help Jack and shi-"
"Help Jack?!" Louis gasped. "Harry, I know Jack wanted you to repay him, but you didn't just go right back to him did you? You didn't become a fucking gang member?"
Harry looked down. Louis was upset with him.
"I-I..." he didn't know what to say.
"You joined the gang again?" Louis asked, voice sounding angry.
Harry bit his lip, his eyes now glued on the ground. He just got Louis back. He couldn't have him mad at him, and he sure as hell couldn't feel like he was losing Louis again.
"Please," Harry begged before he said anything else. "Don't leave me again because of it."
Louis's face softened at the broken tone that came out of Harry's mouth, but that didn't stop him from continuing. "You went back to the gang, H. You joined the gang of the person who broke us up-"
"I know," Harry growled, angry more at himself than the omega's words. "I know, okay? I-I didn't know and just... fuck, Lou. I was so down and low and it was like twenty minutes after you left that day and just... I had nothing to be good for anymore. You were the reason I got all of the bad out of my life. You were the reason, and with you gone... there was nothing stopping me."
"You could have stayed good for yourself," Louis said softly.
"I don't matter," Harry said with a head shake. "With you gone, I was nothing."
Louis frowned, stepping closer and grabbing Harry's hand, lacing their fingers together. "You are something."
Harry just shook his head, letting his forehead lean against Louis's. "Just... I love you, Lou. I'll leave the gang behind again and forget about Jack, but please don't let that be the reason you leave me again."
"I'm not leaving you again," Louis assured, causing Harry to let out a small breath in relief. "Just... is there anything else I should now about that you've done the past two months?"
Harry sighed, letting his eyes flutter shut as he kept his forehead pressed against Louis's.
"A lot of drinking like I said," Harry breathed out, not reopening his eyes. "Everything I said is really it," he said, taking another pause before realizing something else. He took in a small breath. "And I-uh... started smoking again. A lot.”
Louis scrunched his nose, Harry opening his eyes to be able to catch the omega's look of disgust. He frowned, still afraid that he would drive him away.
"I kinda of figured that," Louis finally admitted. "You smell like smoke and I tasted cigarettes when I kissed you."
"It's not bothering you is it? I know you have an allergy or something to the smoke," Harry asked immediately worrying that his relapse would affect his boy's health.
"It's not even much of an allergy," Louis shrugged slowly. "And it's not that bad. I mean other than the fact that I don't love the smell on you, it's fine. Don't worry."
"I'm sorry," Harry apologized immediately.
"You don't need to apologize," Louis said with a little nervous laugh. "At least not to me. It's you who you’re poisoning by smoking those cancer sticks."
"I told you. I don't matter," Harry said firmly, wanting the older lad to know that he only cared about Louis’s well-being here.
"You do," Louis insisted, frowning.
Harry sighed and leaned his head back down again so his head was resting on Louis's shoulder. "I'll quit again. I'm sorry."
"I'm not going to make you quit, H. I may not like it, but it's still your choice," Louis shrugged.
"We went over this in the beginning. It makes you sick if I'm around you. And you don't want me to do it. I won't do it," Harry said.
"You obviously started again for a reason," Louis sighed. "Won't it be harder to stop the second time?"
"I'll be fine. It's better than making you uncomfortable. I only started again because I thought I lost you and it was just... it seemed like a good stress reliever. It was stupid of me."
Louis sighed and remained silent, knowing that it was probably best if he dropped the topic.
It was quiet for a few minutes, the two just staying wrapped up in one another until Harry broke the silence.
"Did you eat yet? Let me make you breakfast, love. I owe you a thank you for not kicking me out on sight last night."
"I already made us some breakfast," Louis said softly, keeping his face pressed up against the alpha's chest. He faintly smiled feeling his heartbeat.
"Then let's eat that."
"I'd rather not," Louis chuckled, pulling back a bit and looking Harry in the eyes. "You know my cooking. It probably isn't eatable anyway."
"We'll we can always try it," Harry said, small, fond smile making his way onto his face.
"But what if we die from eating one bite?"
"Then at least we die together," Harry shrugged. The small statement made Louis's heart melt inside of his chest, and he knew he never wanted to leave Harry again.
"Sounds like a plan," Louis hummed, leaning up and placing a peck on the alpha's lips before slowly intertwining their fingers together. "But if it sucks, can you cook?"
"I offered already, didn't I?" Harry smiled, giving Louis's hand a gentle squeeze.
Louis just smiled, keeping his hand laced with Harry's before leading them out of the room. They weren't even out of the room for ten seconds before they heard a low growl behind them.
"I fucking knew it," Liam growled lowly. "You took him back."
Louis rolled his eyes, but frowned as he felt Harry's hand tighten around his. "Because I love him."
"But that wasn't the first time he broke your heart. He'll do it again, and I'll have to keep picking up the pieces every damn time."
Harry stayed silent, but his eyebrows shot together in confusion. Harry broke his heart?
Louis just let out a long, aggravated breath, eyes narrowed on Liam. "Will you please just fuck off? If you are just going to spit insults at me I'm really not in the mood."
"Well I'm not in the mood to go through this again. I'm beyond done with this prick of an alpha. I want him out of my flat. Honestly, Lou, enough is enough," Liam spat. He was so tired of going in circles here. Every time Harry gained his trust, he turned around and stabbed Louis in the back and Liam wasn't watching that happen again.
The beta stepped forward, ready to grab Harry by the arm and drag him out. Harry's eyes widened and he immediately dodged the older man's out stretched hand, pulling Louis into him by the waist, afraid to have the omega taken from him.
"Woah, woah, okay wait," Harry rushed out quickly. "Before you throw me out of here and make me lose my fucking shit, can you tell me what the fuck I did?" Harry asked.
Louis bit his lip and tried to interject. "Haz leave it. He's just-"
"Are you fucking serious?!" Liam growled, cutting the omega off. "You know what you did, Styles. You broke his fucking heart and now just because you wanted your booty call you come crawling back playing innocent!"
Harry growled loudly, rage igniting in his eyes. "He is not my fucking booty call!" he said voice rough and dangerous sounding. "What are you even on about?! He broke my heart!"
Liam scoffed and rolled his eyes.
"Oh bullshit!” Liam yelled. "You broke up with him because you got tired of the same old shit an-"
"You think that I dumped him?!" Harry gasped, reeling back in confusion.
"Well yeah!" Liam said as Louis turned and pressed himself into Harry's chest, trying to hide. "That would explain why he's been a fucking mess the past two months."
Harry was appalled, turning to look at the omega in his arms. Louis tried again to hide from Harry's questioning look, not wanting to have to explain himself.
"Lou," Harry mumbled slowly. "You told Liam that I broke up with you?"
Louis nodded ever so slowly, still not pulling his face out of the alpha's chest to look him in the eye.
"What the fuck is happening?" Liam growled, still pissed and very confused.
Harry felt the thoughts swirling around his mind. Louis told Liam that Harry ended things? How could he do that?
He felt the anger swelling up inside of him, along with the confusion and hurt. He would never leave Louis, and the fact that Louis said that he was the one to fuck it up again, really hurt.
The alpha just let out a small growl, wanting to be mad at Louis, but he just couldn't be. He just got him back, and he wasn't letting go of him any time soon.
Confused and conflicted, he buried his face into Louis's neck, letting out a small whine, not knowing what else to do with himself.
"What the fuck is going on?" Liam growled again, confused. "Didn't he break up with you, Lou?"
Louis just sighed, feeling Harry's ragged breathing on his neck. He knew Harry was trying to calm himself down, and he knew he had to explain himself.
"No," he said slowly. It was quiet as Harry began to pull his head out of Louis's neck in order to look at the beta. His eyes were softer now, but there was still a small fire underneath the layer of hurt he had in them. "I... I broke up with him," Louis continued
Liam's eyes grew, staring at Louis like he had five heads. "Excuse me?"
Louis just whined a little, turning back to bury his face into Harry's chest.
"No, Lou," Liam hissed, now angry at the fact that Louis lied to him. "He didn’t break up with you?"
"No, okay!" Louis said, cracking. He pulled away from Harry and stepped closer towards Liam, ignoring the whine that escaped Harry's lips the moment they lost contact from one another. "I broke up with him, okay? I told you that it was him so you didn't freaking interrogate me on why I broke it off or so you didn't fucking congratulate me because you can't stand him!"
"I wouldn't have congratulated you, Lou. I just would have been really fucking confused. You were a wreck when you came home that day, haven't really gotten better since either. It makes no fucking sense to think that you left him," Liam explained his reasoning. He was really lost.
Harry hated talking about this. Louis was his again and he wanted to focus on that now, not the past couple of months of hell.
"I didn't want to end things. That's why I've been so torn up," Louis stated.
"Then why did you?" Liam asked. "And why did you lie? You could have talked to me."
"I didn't want to talk to anyone!" Louis yelled back, surprising the beta. "I didn't want to relive my stupid decision. I didn't want to think about it. And I still don't want to talk about. So please leave us alone and let us enjoy the fact that we're together again, okay?"
Liam eyed the angry omega carefully, unsure of what to make of this. Eventually he gave in. Both Louis and Harry were still very emotionally unstable, and he wasn't getting involved.
But he knew he owed Harry an apology.
Turning to the alpha, he spoke.
"I'll leave you both alone now, then. Just… I'm sorry for acting the way I did, Harry. I was misled, but I can see that you've been hurting and it was wrong of me to say those things," the beta apologized.
Harry barely responded, eyes still locked on the ground. But he had enough decency to nod as a thank you to the apology.
Liam sighed before walking off, mind still spinning on what had actually happened back in April.
It was quiet when just Harry and Louis were left standing there. Louis looked at his boyfriend, unsure of what to do or say. Finally, he tried to speak.
"Haz, I-"
"The whole time,” the alpha cut him off, “you were telling everyone that I left you?" he asked in disbelief. It ached to think that Louis had been playing victim this whole time when Harry was the one that was drowning.
"H, you know why I did it. I was hurting too. And I couldn't bring myself to explain anything."
"But you lied," Harry deadpanned, green eyes meeting Louis's. The omega let out a small gasp at how much emotion was shining through those green orbs. "And you made yourself look innocent-"
"I know I'm not innocent," Louis interjected, not wanting to hear more about how he screwed up. "I know. I just-… I got hurt too, H. Breaking us up hurt me too and I couldn't bear to tell anyone the truth."
Harry just frowned, eyes staying locked with the omega's.
"Who else did you tell that too?"
Louis bit his lip, eyes darting the ground.
"Lou-"
"Niall," Louis started, keeping his eyes on the floor. "And... and Dani. Jesy asked too-"
"So everyone?" Harry growled out, emotions getting the better of him. He couldn't help himself. Louis broke up with him, then told everyone else that Harry was the one to blame so they all hated him. It hurt.
"No-"
"Sure sounds like everyone," Harry hissed, running his hands over his face. "Fuck, Lou."
"I didn't have a choice," Louis fought back, going and gently grabbing Harry's hand. "If I would have told the truth I would have had to of told about the Jack encounter, or lied about it and said and bullshit excuse like how I told you I didn't love you anymore-"
"But you do," Harry was quick to cut in, an ache settling in his chest hearing the words escape Louis's mouth. "You love me and I love you. Right? You love me?"
Louis frowned at the desperate tone in Harry's voice. "Haz-"
"Please," Harry begged. He hated sounding so weak, but he could feel the ache coming back and he couldn’t have that again. "You-You still love me, right?"
Louis let out a long sigh after a few seconds, reaching out one of his hands to cup Harry's cheek. The alpha immediately leaned into the touch, but Louis could feel how tense he was as he awaited Louis's answer.
"Of course I do, H. That's why we're in this situation in the first place. I love you too much and I'm not good at coping with that amount of love. I was trying to protect you and it just… hurt. Everything hurt. I’m sorry I lied." Louis spoke softly.
A lot of people would have called bullshit on Louis’s words. Going off about how too stupidly cheesy and ridiculous some of them sounded. But honesty shone in Louis's blue eyes. And Harry believed him.
"Tell them the truth," Harry said after a second. "Don't wait for them to see me and try to kill me. Make sure they know that I didn't do that to you. That I would never do that to you."
"Yeah, Haz," Louis assured immediately. "I will."
Harry nodded slowly before leaning down and catching his lips on Louis's. They kissed slowly, trying to push all the complications they had yet to resolve to the back of their minds.
"So," Louis hummed when they broke apart. "Food?"
I'VE RETURNED FROM WAR!!!
Not really. I just haven't updated in a while and I know a lot of you guys were going crazy. I'm sosososo sorry it took so long. I've been insanely busy and stressed and there's still a lot of stuff going on. But I've put off updating long enough. You all deserved this. Thank you to everyone for being patient, and to the few who messaged me supportive things.
In other news, I hope this calmed everyone's mind. I'm sorry for all of the angst and drama the past few chapters. Everything is getting better now so we're good :)
I don't want to ramble on too much. Just really want to get this posted.
Dedicated to @Juuuliaaa for her sweet response to my message. Thank you for your understanding. xx
Song on the side is The One by Theory of a Deadman because it's an amazing and sweet song and it applies to any Larry situation if you aske me :)
No gif or pic on the side because my head hurts and I don't want to hunt one down :(
Thanks again for haning in there, everyone. I love you all xx
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PERSON OF THE DAY: NICOLE FOR BEING AN AMAZING CO-AUTHOR AND ALWAYS PUTTING UP WITH MY SHIT. Thanks for being you, Boo. Couldn't do this without you. xx