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The only thing
she could possibly feel
is the regret
of listening to her own heart;
mind clouded with suspicion;
head filled of overbearing thoughts.
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Wheein feels her eyes struggling to open, an unfamiliar aroma filled the atmosphere around her that made her nose crinkle with curiosity. Her eyelids still felt heavy so she lets them remain closed, body aching yet somewhat relaxed against the comfort of some soft sheets that definitely wasn't hers. As her nose gets familiar with the smell around her𑁋the seemingly antiseptic smell and fresh fragrance of soap𑁋she stops in place when she hears a pair of voices: a woman and a man.
"Is she your daughter?"
"Ah, no, just a close family friend. I'm just here to bring her home." Wheein immediately recognises the voice of the woman; it was Hyoyeon, and hearing her voice makes Wheein relax.
"And her name is... Jung Wheein, is that correct?" A pause. "Do you happen to have a way of contacting her parents?"
There was an exceptionally long pause after that question, and it makes Wheein feel queasy inside. She still had her eyes closed, pretending to be asleep, all while rightfully knowing exactly where she was upon hearing the beeping of some monitors not that far away from her. It was quite easy to put the puzzle pieces together𑁋all from the terrible incident at her home that happened just a few hours back.
Wheein found her grandmother passed out on the floor of the bedroom, glass shards spread everywhere, and it was as if time had caught up too her way faster than it should. Everything happened way too quickly𑁋from Wheein's brief breakdown of panic, then to calling Hyoyeon and hearing the familiar sirens echo throughout the night. The sounds were all too close to her heart, like all of her memories of her mother were racing back to her at that exact moment she saw her grandmother on the floor. It overwhelmed her own heart to the point where she thought it stopped.
"No, I do not," she hears Hyoyeon say in an emotionless yet slightly hesitant tone, along with a hint of irritation. "and neither does she. Just consider me her legal guardian. The name's Kim Hyoyeon."
"But, ma'am, it says you aren't𑁋"
"I don't care what the damn thing says," Hyoyeon states angrily, before releasing a tired sigh. "Just... it's late right now, and we're all exhausted. I think it would be better to discuss things with her when she's... in a better state. Would you prefer for that?"
Wheein still didn't know what was happening, and she had the strong urge to open her eyes just to see. But she couldn't bring herself to, since once she catches a glance of the room she was in, she wasn't sure if she would be able to handle it. Her eyes painfully felt dry and her body felt as if all her energy has been drained, despite waking up from however long her nap was.
"Have a good night then, Miss Kim." the man says, and after a short exchange of awkward goodbyes, Wheein hears some loud footsteps walking away, before hearing a door shut to the utmost quiet it can possibly get.
Wheein hears another sigh from Hyoyeon, indicating that the woman was probably incredibly stressed. The girl peeks a slight eye open forwards, seeing that Hyoyeon was gathering some belongings in her purse, and for what felt like the first time, Wheein was able to catch a glance of the hospital room she was laying in for a moment. The lighting was kept dim, with a singular lamp keeping the room alive. The walls had were painted a calm beige, with the sounds of the running machines and what seemed to be the steady breathing of her grandmother right next to her. It makes her breathe a silent sigh of relief upon hearing that.
A clock hung on the wall above; it seemed to be around four in the morning...
...and she realises that school starts in just a few hours.
A low groan leaves her mouth, and Wheein forgot for a moment that Hyoyeon was also in the room as well.
"Wheein? Did I wake you?" she hears Hyoyeon ask.
Now, Wheein was able to fully open her tired eyes. She watches as Hyoyeon places herself at the edge of the unoccupied hospital bed she was laying in.
Hyoyeon gives a comforting smile in her direction. "Hey, you. You knocked out cold once we got to the hospital," The smile ever so slowly fades off her face. "Are you okay?"
Wheein struggles a bit to sit up in the bed, trying to avoid herself from looking right next to her. She shifts her position by placing her knees to her chest and wrapping an arm around her legs, leaning her forehead against the top of her knees. Giving a shake of her head to Hyoyeon's question, she feels her eyes becoming heavy of heat once again.
She stays silent, and the silence answers Hyoyeon's question. The woman just sighs, scooting closer and gathering the girl into her arms. Wheein leans her head against Hyoyeon's chest, faint sniffles leaving her as the tears trail down her face. The tears were stained with the accumulation of all these memories coming back to her, but it felt like crying wasn't enough.
"You know, if you're too tired to go to school, that's okay with me," Hyoyeon says in a low voice. "I can try to schedule for some time off to take care of you, because I don't want you to be home alone."
At this point, Wheein felt as if it didn't matter for her to continue showing up to school. And as much as she always overthought about her future, it all came crumbling down the moment she saw her grandmother on the floor. There wasn't anything spectacular that she was looking forward to in the future; she probably wouldn't have that much of a future, to be honest.
But... what about Hyejin?
It was if Hyoyeon read her mind, "And don't forget that Hyejin is here for you too, okay? I know that she's a very caring girl, and I know that she cares about you a lot more than you think. I know how much effort she's willing to put just to be by your side. Because I can't always be there, and I worry about you a lot. I don't want you to push everyone away just like what had happened before. I don't want you to see you isolate yourself again, okay?"
Wheein's mind fills with Hyejin after listening to Hyoyeon's words, and her unsteady breathing eases. How is Hyejin going to react to her like this? Wheein felt afraid𑁋overthinking that she felt like a complete burden to those around her, especially to Hyejin. This... relationship she had with the girl, and everything that happened while she was discovering she had feelings for her made her feel suspicious. It made her question reality itself.
How did the universe play into fate of Hyejin stumbling into her world? How is it possible for her to feel this much comfort, this much trust, this much happiness into one person? How did it all start just from Wheein drawing that tiny change of detail𑁋of adding Hyejin𑁋to her sketch of the cherry blossom tree?
And yet she was afraid of Hyejin looking at her differently than now. However every time Hyejin would be close to her, those kinds of thoughts would be pushed away, since all Wheein can think about was how much she truly liked about the girl: her beauty that no one else sees, her words of advice, the way she would just be so gentle with Wheein, the way she seems to cherish the silence as much as Wheein did, and more.
But now these anxious thoughts were taking up her head, and it mentally hurt.
Wheein releases herself from Hyoyeon, wiping away the tears that stung her eyes.
Hyoyeon reaches over to squeeze Wheein's hand reassuringly, "No matter what happens, let's stay strong together, okay?"
Wheein takes in a deep breath, staring into the woman's soothing gaze in her direction. She releases a long exhale.
It'll be hard, she thinks. but I'll try.
"I'll take you home," Hyoyeon states, yet she notices Wheein slowly turn her head to face in the direction of the bed where her grandmother was laying in. The woman sees something catch in the girl's throat from the sight before saying, "It's okay, honey, you can go up to her if you want."
Wheein swallows thickly, before finding her feet to slowly be reaching the floor of the hospital room. Her legs felt weak, almost like jelly, as she begins to approach her grandmother's bedside. She felt her heart sink from seeing the amount of machines attached to her body as she tries to hold in her urge to cry once again.
She reaches over on the bed, cupping the rough skin of her grandmother's hand into hers to lean down to place a small kiss to the old woman's knuckle.
"Goodnight, halmeoni, I-I love you so much," Wheein mutters, voice breaking and trembling while caressing her grandmother's hand softly. She steps a bit closer, leaning in even more just so she can be able to whisper in her ears, "Keep fighting, okay? B-But just remember that... if it gets too hard, don't be afraid to... let go, it's okay."
It's okay, halmeoni, Wheein says in her head. It's okay to let go when the time comes. You made it to the end, and I'm proud of you.
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"Where do you think you're going?"
A voice stops Hyejin from stepping past the front door, fist tightening around the strap of her backpack from the unwelcomed presence. She slowly turns around, meeting eyes with her mother who seemed to have awaken just a couple of moments ago.
"To school, where else would I be going?" Hyejin spits out coldly, just wanting to shut the door so she wouldn't be able to talk to her mother.
Her mother steps a few awkward steps closer, looking visibly disturbed by something. Hyejin continues to keep a close eye on the woman, trying to distinguish through her unfamiliar facial expressions. There was something off about her, but what does she want from her?
"How's... how's school going for you?" her mother asks lowly.
Hyejin seems taken aback by the question for a moment as she hears her mother's nervousness in front of her. She had the answer in her mouth, but she felt incredibly overwhelmed by this seemingly new persona her mother was masked in. She had never seen her mother to be nervous in any way around her; it felt completely strange to Hyejin.
"Why do you care?" Hyejin counters dryly, taking a moment to look at her mother with observant eyes. "Just so you can look for fault in my actions? Apparently you and appa already made a decision, so it seems."
"Ahn Hyejin𑁋"
"We just moved here, and now we have to move again?" Hyejin continues, feeling the anger cloud her words. But she suppresses herself once she sees the solemn expression on her mother's face, and it gives her a rare stinging feeling of regret towards her own mother. "Look, I don't want to argue right now, I'm tired of arguing with you. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to know anything else. It's early in the morning, and I'm going to be late for school."
She can see the hidden frustration in her mother's face. "Fine, but you better return here right after school."
Hyejin just sighs, quietly murmuring, "Whatever."
Her mother's facial expression then falters, turning into scolding face, "Learn some respect to your own mother, will you?"
Hyejin just scoffs before stepping a few steps past the front door and into the morning air. She looks back towards her mother with a glare.
"Then learn to respect your own daughter too." she says without hesitation, before shutting the door behind.
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Hyejin finds herself slumping in the seat of her class, feeling the heavy discouragement placed upon her shoulders as her mind only continues to race with the fact that there's a possibility she's moving again. This time, out of the fucking country.
She thought about it after her father left. As much as she despised her experience of constantly moving schools, she hated the fact that she would be leaving her home, and it was quite ironic to think that she wasn't the reason for moving this time. And even if it's just for a year, it would feel completely different getting used to being in another place.
So, at this point, she made up her mind that she didn't want to leave. She didn't want to leave her home, and she especially didn't want to leave Wheein. For once, after long being convinced that she was just as heartless as her mother ought her to be, she found herself learning how to care for someone for the first time, how to love, and she wanted for it to stay that way... for as long as possible. She wanted to remain by Wheein's side for as long as possible.
But how does she tell her parents that? Hyejin felt as if her parents barely knew her, and that she barely knew them. There was a considerable distance between her and her parents; she just can't seem to talk to them, and even if she does, it'd just irritate her. It shouldn't be that way𑁋she shouldn't have that kind of relationship with her own parents. And as much as it hurt her from trying to conceal herself away from them, she thought that it was also possible she was hurting them in the process.
God, she felt so selfish.
The sound of the bell manages to snap her out of her mind. She looks around the classroom to see every single one of her classmates were all occupied in conversation with each other. And as she looks at the seat next to her, all she can do is just wonder once again.
Wheein still wasn't at school.
A low sigh escapes Hyejin's lips, one of her hands aimlessly trailing towards the empty desk next to her. Her nail grazes against the wood as she unknowingly yet naturally traces the shape of a flower upon its surface. There was a certain pull to her heart that made it silently ache, and she could only hope that she would be able to express her care for Wheein. She was just so scared of hurting the vulnerable girl more than she already is.
And there she sat, company filled with silence despite the noise circling around her. Hyejin felt as if she was in a different world, chest tightening to an uncomfortable level. She grits her teeth together, trying to ignore this sort of empty feeling she had inside of her.
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Hyejin trails down the empty hallway in the direction to Hyoyeon's classroom. She drags her feet lazily down the white, shiny tile floors of the school, shoes squeaking against the surface from time to time that make her cringe as the sounds travels down the seemingly endless hallway. She held her head low and eyes directed to the ground as if ridden with all kinds of guilt, like she had committed a vile act of crime that came back to haunt her. She wasn't sure why she felt this much guilt inside of her all of a sudden; it just seemed to happen ever since her parents came back from Japan.
As she arrives in front of Hyoyeon's classroom, she stands on her toes slightly to peer through the window of the classroom to make sure that the woman was there. And her eyes light up with hope for a moment to see that she was in there, yet looked completely in a rush. She could see Hyoyeon gathering her belongings up in her purse, knocking some papers down in the process.
Hyejin just frowns, encasing the doorknob in her hand and opening the door. Hyoyeon didn't seem to notice her presence just yet, but it makes Hyejin wonder why the woman was in such a rush.
"Hyoyeon-ssi?" the girl calls out loudly enough to get Hyoyeon's attention.
Hyoyeon glances up her direction for a moment, and Hyejin, for a moment, was able to see the stress in the woman's face. Hyejin feels the concern rise inside of her as she steps closer to the desk, but keeping some sort of a distance without feeling like she was invading.
"Are you okay? You seem to be in quite a rush," Hyejin asks worryingly, keeping her voice to a minimum. "Sorry if I was disrupting𑁋"
"It's okay, Hyejin," Hyoyeon responds with a calm tone, which eases Hyejin's worries just a tiny bit. "You're not intruding. It's just that..." She places a hand to her forehead and lets out an exhausted sigh, with the other hand to her hip.
Hyejin tries to decipher through her overwhelmed expression, "It's just that...?"
Hyoyeon returns Hyejin's gaze, and Hyejin could easily tell that the woman was hesitating to say something. Yet she could only think about the only possible reason as to why she seemed to be stressed.
"Is Wheein okay?" Hyejin asks softly, the mention of Wheein's name falling from her tongue made her bite her lip out of nervousness.
Hyoyeon remains still for a moment, before just shaking her head while reaching behind to gather a jacket into her arms. She crosses her arms together, and gives the most reassuring look she can possibly give.
"Her grandmother... we had to take her to the hospital during the middle of the night," Hyoyeon explains. "Wheein was too tired to come to school. She's been at the hospital all day because she doesn't want her grandmother to be alone," She then gives a long gaze in Hyejin's direction. "and she's scared."
"God, I can't imagine what she's feeling like," Hyejin says, trying her best to keep her frustration inside of her. She looks down towards the ground once again. "Do you... do you know what hospital they're at?"
"The only hospital in the area. It's close to here, no need to worry," Hyoyeon pulls at her phone to check the time, before glancing back up. "Do you want to come with me? Pay a visit? The company would be nice for her, especially if it's from you."
Hyejin could only think about her parents, specifically her mother, getting pissed at the fact that she won't return home right after school. She can already imagine the kind of argument that would occur, but she brushes it away and puts it to the back of her thoughts. But at this point, even if her parents haven't spent their first day back from Japan, she didn't care. She felt riled up of her self-control, and her own home didn't feel like a home anymore. There wasn't any point, according to what her internal monologues were saying to her.
Every single time she sat in her own home made her tense up, even if she was alone. It made her feel like someone was constantly watching her from all angles, judging her, looking at her past and seeing the regrettable mistakes she has done. Hyejin has already come to a conclusion that she won't fully be able to put her past behaviour behind; she can feel it all coming back to her... slowly.
"Sure, I can come with you." Hyejin accepts with a relieved smile.
Hyoyeon's face brightens, "Okay, great. Let's go."
Hyejin waits a couple of moments for Hyoyeon to gather her things, before following behind. She didn't know what to expect when she sees Wheein, and though only admitting to herself, she was quite scared as well.
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hyoyeon's such a mother in this story lol i love it (: