"Are you guys excited!"
My attention flickered from my uneaten food to an enthusiastic Lance who was practically jumping with joy in front of the cafeteria table.
"About what?" Talia said in confusion, her eyes drifting briefly away from West's sketchbook.
A gasp fell from Lance's mouth, a hand held to his chest as if he was about to have a heart attack.
He looked around the table hoping one of us would know what he was talking about, but disappointment filled his eyes when he noticed that all of us were clueless except Malia.
"Babe, please tell me you know what I'm talking about," Lance said with hope-filled eyes as he sat next to Malia, his head dropping onto her shoulder.
"He's excited about the senior class trip that's taking place next week. Remember?" Malia explained as we were all awed in understanding.
This year the senior class trip is taking place over the last week of April and it's to New York.
"You're amazing babe, I swear you're the only one who listens to me. I've been talking about it all week." Lance said before planting a kiss on Malia's cheek lovingly.
Malia smiled sweetly before going back to her book of the week, Transcendent Kingdom.
"I can't wait to be in New York and explore all the artwork there it will be great inspiration for my finals portfolio," Talia said happily as West nodded in agreement.
Soon they began to discuss the exciting places they would like to go to in New York and how much fun it would be.
I listened in on the conversation, making no effort to contribute.
"You okay?" Myles gently whispered from beside me.
"I'm fine," I replied quickly as he rose an eyebrow at me.
"You're not fine. You haven't eaten anything and that's shocking considering your love for food," He said before gesturing to my tray full of food.
"I'm just not that hungry," I mumbled in response before going back to picking at my food.
"That's bull and we both know it." He said releasing a scoff.
"You've been distant all week, I know something's wrong." Myles continued to press for information.
Despite his gentle tone, I felt myself growing irritated.
"I'm fine, okay. Just drop it." I whispered harshly sending a glare his way.
I didn't miss the flash of hurt that flickered through Myles's eyes at my words but it quickly went away, his face now blank.
"Fine." He said deciding against pushing for further answers.
I silently cursed myself a sense of guilt washing over me, though I made no effort to apologize.
Myles wasn't wrong though I have been distant lately, more specifically towards him.
Always coming up with excuses not to hang out or trying to dodge him during class. For the last week, I haven't even ridden with him catching rides with Talia to avoid the inner conflict I was having.
The night after the Golden Gloves finals I felt a harsh reality hit me like a bulldozer.
Myles will be training with one of the best boxing coaches in the world and I couldn't be anymore happier for him, he deserves this and I'm glad to see him living out his dreams.
But, then it came to my knowledge that with graduation less than two months away, and the senior trip being another looming reminder that our high school careers are about to end and that Myles will be here and I'll be across the country.
These past four months have been incredible with Myles in my life again but now I'm scared that the larger distance between us will only separate us once again.
And with my more than friendly feelings growing for him more and more each day, I can't help the dread that fills my stomach at the thought of losing him again.
I've been avoiding Myles, knowing that if I'm around him I'll end up spilling out these concerns, he's always been able to read me like an open book.
I didn't want to talk about it, considering he's just got an amazing opportunity and I don't want my fears to cause any conflicts between us, but I know at some point the conservation must be had.
I knew my selfishness was hurting Myles but I just couldn't bear to have this conversation now or ever, as a matter of fact, afraid of what might be a result of it.
Ring
As soon as I heard the bell I dashed out of my seat, making sure to throw my food away on my way out.
The rest of the day went by gruesomely slow, my leg bouncing with anticipation to be freed from my classes.
Once the final bell rang, I didn't even bother to stop by my locker, immediately zooming out the front doors to Talia's car, where I'd wait for her.
"You know you have to talk to him right," Talia said on the drive home breaking the silence that's loomed over us.
Malia's head perked up from her book her eyes drifting over to me, the both of them awaiting my answer.
"I know," Was all I said before I continued to gaze out the window.
Once my house came to view, I mumble a quick thanks and goodbye to Malia and Talia before getting out of the car.
I spotted both my parent's cars in the driveway, not the least bit surprised that my father was here considering the fact he's been coming by every day.
I didn't even bother to enter through the front door, seeking solitude I made my way to the back gate.
I maneuvered my way through the overgrown bushes of my backyard until I stumbled upon the giant oak try that hosted my home away from home.
Dropping my backpack at the foot of the tree, I climbed up the steps.
Once I was in, I sprawled my body out on the floor.
What felt like hours but was just five minutes I laid there on my back with my eyes closed.
Thinking of everything and nothing at the same time.
My silence was soon interrupted by the sound of feet making their way up.
"I wanna be left alone, mom," I said my eyes still shut.
The creak of the floorboard causing my eyes to shoot open, the feeling of annoyance bubbling within me.
As I lifted myself up and turned around I was shocked to find Myles before me.
"I wanna be left alone," I said once again after I recovered from my shock.
Myles shrugged off my words as he maneuvered around me to take a seat on the couch.
I watched as he patted a seat beside him urging me to sit down.
For the first time today my gaze caught his, and what I found made me reluctantly take a seat on the far end of the couch, wanting to put as much distance between us as I can.
He released a sound of agitation but made no comment about my choice of seating.
I looked forward avoiding his gaze that was blaring holes into the side of my head.
"Did I do something wrong?" Myles asked the pained expression he wore that I caught from my peripheral vision causing my heart to break.
"You did nothing wrong," I said gently still avoiding his gaze.
"Then why have you been avoiding me?" He asked.
"Can we not talk about this?" I replied making him scoff.
"No, we are going to talk about this. If I didn't do anything wrong then why are you avoiding me. Ever since the match you've been acting distant. Did something happen that I don't know about?" He said pressing for more information.
"No, nothing happened," I said with a shake of my head.
He fell silent at my words, I thought he was going to drop the topic but I was soon mistaken.
I felt him move down the couch until he was sitting directly beside me, his knees brushing against mine.
Softly he titled my head to face him, his hands gently cupping my face.
I couldn't help but lean into his soothing touch, his eyes a whirlwind of emotions.
I felt my eyes begin to water and I internally cursed myself for it.
"What's wrong?" He whispered gently.
"Talk to me Jess," He coaxed further as he gently caressed my cheek.
"I'm scared," I finally admitted knowing whether I like it or not this conversation needed to happen.
As soon as the words fell from my mouth I abruptly stood up from the couch, a part of me wishing to return to his warmth again but I didn't.
My right foot stepped forward to create some distance, but I felt a tug on my hand held me back.
"About what?" Myles questioned my hand still in his as he went to stand in front of me, blocking any chance of escape.
Looking down I avoided his gaze trying to find the right words to say.
Trying to figure out how to explain how I'm feeling without screwing everything up.
"I'm scared of losing you Myles," I let out gently.
I went to take a step back only to bump into the couch.
At my words, Myles's gaze soften.
"You don't have to worry about losing me Jess, you'll never lose me," He said his grip on my hand tightening in reassurance.
"I promise,"
As those words fell past his lips I couldn't help but let out a humorless laugh.
"You promise?" I reiterated with a scoff.
"The last time you said that we didn't speak for years. Don't make promises you can't keep Myles." I spoke my tone sharp.
Myles's dropped my hand instantly as if they burned him, taking a step back.
"What is your problem?" He spat out clearly fed up with my hot and cold behavior.
"You know what's my problem Myles, that you're so oblivious to the truth," I said my voice beginning to rise.
"What the hell are you talking about?" He replied harshly.
"Can't you see? In just a few months,"
"This," I said motioning between the both of us.
"Is going to be a thing of the past once more. You're going to be here and I'm gonna be all the way across the country," I explained.
"Is that what's this is about?" Myles said running a hand through his hair in frustration.
"What's the big deal? Yeah, we'll be a couple of miles apart, but we'll still be able to talk and call one another every day," He retorted.
"A couple of miles away, try more like a thousand, Myles! We lived in the same state yet we lost all communication with each other, how can we be sure, how can I be sure that this time will be any different!" I yelled out no longer able to keep my emotions in check.
"We're not those same kids we were before, we both made mistakes and we've grown from them. We may not have been able to make it work then but we can make it work now. You think you're the only one scared Jesse, I'm scared too! But, I'm willing to do anything to make sure I don't lose you again. But, it seems like you're just about ready to give up! He yelled back.
"What's that suppose to mean," I said my eyes narrowing into slits.
"Exactly what I said. I mean for the past week you've been avoiding me choosing to push me away instead of address the issue at hand. If you didn't know before Jesse you can't run away from your problems and expect them to solve themselves." He stated coldly his glare harsh.
"You did the same thing three years ago and you're doing it now, how can I be sure you won't just decide to stop talking to me again when things get tough in the future." He retorted.
"I'm not the one who stopped calling!" I screamed.
"I was the only one who called! You never called! You could've called me! Why did it have to me! It's always me! It seems like I'm the only one fighting for this to work and I'm tired of it!" He screamed back.
His words washing over me like a bucket of cold water.
"Don't you dare try to say I didn't try! I've been by your side, always! Not once did I turn my back on you, even when you showed up here after three years of not speaking. to me" I bit out my finger pushing into his chest angrily.
"You left! Not me!" I screeched out pushing him back.
"So, how about you do what you do best. Leave!" I yelled out with one final push.
Harsh angry breaths filled the room as we glared at each other with hurt but were too blinded by our rage to back down.
"Fine."
And with that Myles stormed out of the treehouse.
For a moment I stood in my spot in shock before the events that occurred came over me.
Despite the finality in my words, I didn't think he would leave.
My knees buckled beneath me as a sob rocked through my body.
I crumpled up into a ball on the floor, my knees pulled tightly to my chest, tears falling down my eyes rapidly.
He left.
He left me.
That thought alone caused me to cry even harder.
My worst fear has come to pass.
I lost Myles.
Again