"...In our wedding vows, I promised to love you until the last day of my life. So, before I go, know that..." -Speaking was almost impossible, but before everything turned to total darkness, it reunited all the strength left to tell her the most important- "I love you Andrea Herrera."
Soon, everything went dark.
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Andy remembered Robert. He remembered everything, but she didn't have a chance to tell him that.
There was a huge commotion around her, then she knew it was the police team preparing to enter. Andy didn't know how long she stood stunned in front of that building, she only came back to herself when several stretchers came out of the building. Maya, Travis, Vic, Jack and finally Robert. None of them awake. The thought that haunted his mind was that she had sent them all to their deaths.
She couldn't keep up with them, as terrible as the situation was, she still needed to put out the fire. Warren accompanied them to the emergency room. Once the police had taken the terrorist away and everyone had gone home, it was just her and Miller to check it out so there wouldn't be any more fires. When they finished, they went straight to the hospital.
"Come on, Captain?" -It was time to see the damage.
"Let's go..." -they entered the truck and headed to the hospital.
Along the way, as Andy looked out the window and watched the trees, his thoughts were focused on him…on Robert. He thought about how happy they were together, how much he supported her, and how much they lost together during this recovery process. The words Robert had said to her were breaking them. He couldn't leave so soon. The idea of someday having to accept that he will no longer see the person he wants by his side made a tear run down his face. She didn't know how to express that deep feeling of sadness, she just felt an excessive pain in her chest, with the lack of hope that was slowly reaching her. All she wanted was him there, transmitting all his love through a simple hug.
"We're here. Ready?" -ready wasn't the right word, but she needed to be.
"Yes let's go." -As soon as they entered, Andy went running to find out about them.
"Hello Herrera. I heard what happened. Your team is fine, but they'll need to stay overnight to make sure they can come home."
"Fine. And Robert?" -Andy was able to capture the immediate change in Meredith's expression.
"Let's go to the plant room. I think we can talk better there." -she didn't want to talk to Andy in front of the others and when that happens, it's not good news- "So Andy, the news isn't good. His condition is very delicate. He's in surgery but it's high risk surgery . The bullet hit his heart and during this period when we are trying to save him, he had two cardiac arrests." -each word said by Dr. Grey, Andy felt his body weakening- "I'm afraid if he has another one, we won't be able to bring him back. You need to prepare for anything. I'm sorry."
The words uttered by Meredith, triggered in Andy the highest level of sadness. She didn't know how to handle it or how to explain it. It was a feeling she had never felt before- "You need to save him. Please." Her voice was shaky and broken.
"We are doing everything and we will do what is necessary."
"Thanks." -Dr. Grey nodded, leaving the room, while Andy remained there in her place, unmoving.
Crying... was the only thing she could do. It was a loud, melancholy, pained cry...
Thoughts like, What if I lose the man I love? What if he can't survive? What if he's gone and I haven't said I love him? The truth was, her heart broke into a thousand pieces when she thought about the time they'd wasted and that she might not have a chance to make it back. It was too much for her at that moment.
She went back to the waiting room. Ben who was there with them, immediately seeing her friend's upset, went to talk to her- "Andy, are you alright?" -no response- "You need to calm down. Sit down."
She was pacing. When her thoughts were running full steam, she felt that keeping in constant motion would help her relax. But she wasn't helping— "I'll just calm down when I know my husband is okay." -she spoke louder than she wished to have spoken.
"Your husband? Is there anything I don't know?"
Andy still hadn't told him he remembered. I finally remembered- "Yes... I remembered as soon as he walked into the building. I shouldn't have let him in there. Look what happened. Half my team is in the hospital and my husband may not leave that room alive alive. surgery." - She could feel the anxiety attack coming. She didn't want to go through this right now. She felt her heart beating too fast and her breathing ragged. She needed to get out of there- "I have to breathe..."-she said and went outside the hospital. She sat on a bench, she tried to breathe normally and not think about what was going on. It was practically an hour in this state, until she managed to keep control of her breathing and go back inside the hospital.
"Any news?" she asked Dean.
"Not yet." -Dean examined her and could see that a huge feeling of guilt haunted her- "It wasn't your fault, Andy..."
"We both know that's not true..."
--
Two...three...Five hours had passed and Andy still hadn't heard from Robert. Every second that passed, her anxiety increased more. Pruitt was there with her daughter trying to keep her less nervous, since calm was impossible. By now he knew she had managed to regain her memories of recent times.
These were failed attempts, but he was doing his best to keep Andy under control- "Andy, look at me." -he said wiping her tears, but more tears trickled down her eyes and she was unable to stop herself from sobbing- "He's Robert. I know Dr. Grey said his chances are low but he's strong. He's not. will want to get rid of you anytime soon."
“Dad, I remembered him, Dad. I remember marrying the most amazing man in the world, who was with me every moment. Now he's between life and death. I should have tried harder. ways to keep him away but I couldn't. I couldn't tell him I loved him too and now I may never say it again." Her body shook with each sob released. Her eyes, now swollen from crying. She really wasn't able to control it.
"You will tell him that one day." Pruitt replied, taking her in her arms for a warm hug.
--
Five and a half hours later, Dr. Grey came to talk to her- "So Andy. We finished the surgery and there were some complications as I've already reported but we managed to get all the material out of the bullet." -perhaps a relief- "but his condition is still considered critical. His situation remains very delicate. We need to be extra careful. Anything that happens could be fatal." -and again, all relief was gone from his body- "he's in his room and we don't know when he'll wake up, we can only wait. He's in the ICU and can only have a 30-minute visit. If you want to see him, you can go."
Dr. Grey informed all the risks and left. Andy immediately walked towards Robert's room. Getting there, seeing him lying in that bed, on the verge of death, with all the wires connected to him, tubes breathing in his favor... it was just horrible. She walked towards the bed and took his hand. It was cold. His lips were purple. Totally lifeless. The only noise in the room was the deafening sound of the heart monitors.
"I should have insisted more...should have sent you home or something. I should have tried anything and you wouldn't be in this hospital bed counting on luck to stay alive. Everything bad has happened since I became captain, it was my fault. I told you myself, it's all the fault of whoever's at the wheel. I need you to wake up so I can say I love you Robert. I need you to wake up for me, so please don't Leave me here..." -she was already with her face completely wet. A few minutes later a nurse came and said visiting hours were over and she needed to leave. Andy didn't even realize that so much time had passed, kissed Robert on the forehead and reluctantly left the room. Returning to the waiting room, he sat in the same chair as before.
"You need to go home and get some rest, Andrea. You're not going to be helping anyone if you keep sitting here draining what energy you have left." -Andy was fully aware that her father was right, only until she knew that Robert was out of danger, she would not leave.
"I'll leave when I have to. Until then, please don't keep saying these things, I'm not leaving."
"You need to take a shower, eat something, get some sleep..."
"I'm not hungry, I don't need a shower and I don't think I'm able to close my eyes in hopes of having some peace when I'm not at peace."
"Whatever you want dear. I'll stay here with you..."-she spoke holding her daughter's hand. This was the first time he had seen her so destroyed and he hoped it would be the last.
"I think you were right after all...I was not the best option for captain. Perhaps I should resign."
"The reasons I didn't want you in this position at this TIME had nothing to do with your competence, Andrea. You've always been my only and surest choice, only you can't handle some things when you're sad and no, you won't resign. That's your job, your season. You'll go all the way, you'll take care of your team, and you'll be the best that place has ever had. Nothing that's happened since is your fault!"
"Thanks, papi..." -looking into his eyes, she gave a weak smile. It was the first since everything happened. She was really grateful that her father was there with her giving her all the support she needed.
She spent the entire night there, in that hospital, looking forward to the next day. That day she might or might not bring good news. Every time she heard someone walking through the corridors, she woke up scared, so she couldn't even rest, as always, the least noise possible woke her up. When she realized it was already morning and a doctor she didn't know the name, and honestly didn't care, she came to bring information that the team was already free to go home, but she didn't show any kind of reaction. She just couldn't feel anything but sad, wanting to be with a specific person right now but not being able to, so she didn't know if it was a good time to talk to one of them and decided to find somewhere away from the hospital's exit door. , so they could go home without having to deal with their bad mood and further embarrassment.
Pruitt had gone home to take a shower, so Andy went into the cafeteria, sat in one of the chairs, and pulled out his cell phone. There was a message from the fire department and the mayor. She expected to receive something like that. She didn't open any of them and by now everyone knew she was in the hospital and that she had more important things to worry about right now.
She was so distracted in her thoughts that she didn't even notice when someone sat down in the chair across from her, pushing a cup of coffee at her.
"I think you need this more than I do." -it was Dr. Grey. She always showed up at the right time.
"Thank you, Meredith. I didn't sleep very well..." -Andy was being sincere in saying that. Generally, she showed as little vulnerability as possible, but she felt comfortable in Grey's presence.
"We only sleep well when we sleep in our own bed"
"I guess I won't sleep well for a while then. Do you have any news on Robert?" she said, arching her eyebrows hoping to at least hear that he had some small improvement. Andy couldn't get the worst thoughts out of her head, so she needed a verbal affirmation that everything would be okay.
"Unfortunately he's still the same, but he spent the night very well. That's a good sign."
"Right... We should celebrate the small victories too..." -It was something.
"Exactly. He's a strong man, it's going to be all right, Andy..."
"I really hope..."
The two of them sat there on the bench without another word. It was a comfortable silence. Andy didn't want to talk, just having the company of someone she felt good about was enough, so Meredith stayed there with her.
"Do you think you can ignore my messages, Herrera?" -an unfriendly voice caught her attention. She couldn't believe the head of the fire department had gone to the hospital.
"I wasn't ignoring anything sir. I spent the night at the hospital, haven't had time to check my emails yet."
"Do you think this position is some kind of joke? Do you think I'm going to let you embarrass my corporation?" -he was completely beside himself. Andy has been dealing with so many things that he hasn't been able to resolve this- "That's exactly why we don't hire women for positions of power, you don't know how to do the job right. Since you took this job, everything that could go wrong, gave. Your career is on the line." -anyone around could hear the great show he was doing.
Since Andy was unable to defend herself, Meredith intervened in her defense- "In case you haven't noticed, this is a hospital. Don't yell in here, I think you better get out of here. NOW!" - given the order, he withdrew.
"Thank you, Dr. Grey. I couldn't answer. Maybe he was right, he should never have put me in this situation." -as he spoke, he kept his eyes fixed on the ground.
"Don't think like that, Herrera. If I were to think like you, I would never be in the position I am in today. They are always underestimating our ability. Even if we do everything right, or even better, it will never be enough and they will always find a reason to complain." -once again Dr. Gray was right, but nothing took away Andy's mind that it was still her fault- "They bother because they know we're capable of doing a better job than theirs."
--
As the days went by, Andy became more and more worried about Robert. He hadn't gotten any better and even the doctors were getting less and less hopeful.
His life became a routine. He went to the station every day, even if his thoughts weren't there, at least his body needed to be. Whenever there was space outside the station, she was at the hospital. The hospital became her home, under the circumstances. Fifteen days have passed since then. It was a quiet day at the station, she was focused on paperwork for a few cases they had received and had accumulated, so she needed to finish filling out. Her cell phone started ringing. Looking at the screen, she saw it was Dr. Grey. Immediately tension and fear gripped her. The tears were already forming. She was always expecting the worst. She was reluctant to answer, not wanting to hear the obvious news Meredith would break. After a while trying to process what was to come, her cell phone rang again. This time she needed to answer, even if she didn't want to.
"Hello, Dr. Grey."
"Andy, I need you to come to the hospital."
"Yes, I'm on my way."
She wants to speak to me personally that my husband has died. That didn't come out of her head. She felt her world spin. This couldn't be happening. Sobbing involuntarily loudly that she's probably lost the man she really loves. She couldn't live with the fact that it was her fault he was gone for good and she didn't even say she loves him.
She drew strength from where there was none and went there. She hated that place so much… she was so scared of what Dr. Grey had to tell her, only her anxiety was so so much that she couldn't wait another second after she arrived at the hospital. Meredith was already waiting at reception. Was that a good sign or a bad sign?
"You can say, Dr. Grey..."
"Are you okay Andy?" -She didn't really know how to answer that question.
"As soon as you tell me what happened, I'll stay." -Or not.
"I think we'd better talk somewhere else."
"No, you can tell me here. What's going on?"
"Trust me, I'd better tell you somewhere else." -Without further protest, Andy walked with her to the elevator. Maybe Dr. Grey wanted a more private place so she could get used to the idea. They stopped in front of a room, which completely confused Andy- "I think I'll give you a minute to absorb the news."
"What news?"
"Better go in first."
Andy couldn't take the mystery any longer. Whatever was going on she would know now. Taking a deep breath to control her emotions, she opened the door to that room and nothing in the world would prepare her to deal with all the emotions that hit her when she opened the door and saw what was behind her, before her eyes.
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