Happiness has stopped lasting longer.
The rain covers all the chances of any family member getting the scent of the rich blood of dead bear hanging on my shoulder.
My first hunt.
I feel nervous. I feel greedy to see their faces.
None of them were seeing it coming. I made sure to give them no sign of my instincts progress from last two weeks and decided to surprise them.
The greenery around us turns bright at being washed by the rain. The sound of drops falling on to the grass makes me realise that rain has always accompanied me whenever Moon Goddess gifts me something.
It is evening but I hear no noise of preparations for the dinner. No clanking of utensils, no scoldings of the Aunts, no little pups running around.
Little Reveka loves rain. Why isn't she out?
My foot slides in a pool of mud and I stable myself smoothly. I blink and look around the street when I reach the stoned path.
From Father to Uncle Radu's house, I hear no sound. They are all gone.
Didn't they hear my growls of victory? Wasn't I loud enough to bring them pride? Is there something happening at the lake? Or worse, at the colony of foreign wolves?
From behind the wall of cattles' chamber, in front of Uncle Radu's house-Victor walks out of the narrow street to stand in the middle and look at me.
His blue colored clothes are drenched. He reads the question in my eyes. "Your Uncles..." He gulps.
We had wrestled a week ago. The way he gazes at Tara these days, fills me with slight anger. Deep inside, I wish for her mate to be someone from this territory only. Even if it is him, I will be relieved. He is an obedient Lycan, sometimes behaves cocky like Anton, but with less talking.
Yet my heart won't let him go ahead with his little advances until he shifts and finally finds his mate.
If I let him, it will soften Tara's heart for him. I couldn't let that happen without knowing her fate.
"Your Uncles went. . ."
My heart starts falling off a cliff. I had warned father about not giving them any kind of tasks. He listened. King listened. They might not like Lucine for scaring us like that. But they all believed in her words as much as I did. Especially, when I kept convincing them.
"What?" I growled.
Virion walks forward to reach me. He gestures for me to pass him the dead bear. "You must run to the West."
I close my eyes. My fists tighten in deep anguish. My heart lands on the ground hard and bleeds from the force.
"It was the lightning, Karam. They were cutting wood from the forests. It passed through one tree and their hearts stopped. . ."
My mouth stays open as I look at him in disbelief. I don't think I have heard about such kind of death of a Lycan before.
The Uncles were young. Too young to leave their families so abruptly.
"Where was my father?" I whispered in shock.
Virion takes the body from me and adjusts on his shoulders with a grunt, blinks his wet eyes from the rain. "He was returning early to come and meet you."
Nudging his head towards the dead animal, he shakes his head. "He might be wanting to witness your first hunting. But then the males around the woods made noise and we got to know. . ."
I do not wait to hear more and run faster on the muddy way to the West.
I thought, I would see my family smile for me tonight.
I was not ready to hear the cries of sorrow again.
What of Salome? Anton? Oskar? How would I console my brothers?
Seeing grief in people's eyes have become a usual.
You seem cruel, Moon Goddess.
You have been cruel.
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I turned on my back and looked up at the lace canopy in the darkness.
The memories had been crushing my heart slowly.
It was too much to take. Still I couldn't stop replaying them in my mind.
In those five seconds of being bitten by an angry beast like him, his whole life had flashed in my mind like a rocket.
It was hard to sleep.
Because in this silent night, I could only hear his young, helpless and confused inner voice.
The more I tried to distract myself, the more I was drowning in these unforgettable moments of his life.
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I have almost given up, this dark night.
I don't want to. Because I know, she's there. No matter how hopeless it looks by observing Oskar's face from last year's ceremony night and Anton's lack of interest to tonight.
For me, every round around the border was one step ahead in the journey of reaching my mate.
Mother says, "The more you look for her, the more she comes closer."
Miggy didn't even get the chance to look for him. He went the farthest before she could grow curious enough to look for him.
We have completed patrolling around the border touching the pack of Mystics and the Eastern wolves. It is Rucussa that we are crossing now and both the brothers seem unfazed by the beauty of forests here.
"The distance is too much," says Anton, with a sigh. "Now I know, why Victor's mother has lost her mind."
"Nysa's pack is even further ahead of Rucussa," Oskar tells him.
Anton smirks. "And thus, she is the craziest one."
I punch him on the arm. "She is savage, blood warmer than yours. Her pack holds snow for more than six months." I tell him.
"It is upon us to melt icy hearts."
Oskar's words make me look ahead in hope.
We keep walking. We keep sniffing.
The scents are of insects and animals from the forest. Few foreign scents linger in my nostrils. But none of them excites my heart.
"But isn't it Rucussans who hate us the most?" Anton stops and stretches his arms. With a branch that he had picked on the way, he scratches his back from over the shirt. He yawns.
They should if we believe the history, I tell my heart. I cannot say it out loud.
I can't take the risk of upsetting Severa. Especially, when I have been visiting the eight towers once in a month since Miggy left us. I have been looking for answers. But Severa gives no signs.
I cannot just sit and devote my days and nights to worship her to make her talk to me, when my family needs me to do the chores and more.
She is my ancestor. She will understand and answer one day. My sisters and her have shared the same sorrow. She will have to. Because the border is killing the pack.
"No one can hate his or her mate." Oskar looks around with a keen gaze.
Anton seems lost in his thoughts. "I don't think, I will be able to handle the rebellion. I will end up hurting her," he whispers with a blank face. "It shouldn't be so hard to understand that we are as helpless as they are. That we don't choose the foreigners for us, Moon Goddess does. If my mate is someone who doesn't want me, then I will make sure to show her that I also am not dying for her love."
I want to believe that he doesn't mean it. But his heart didn't skip a beat. As if his father's death has made him sick of all the sorrows and rules. The innocence is all gone from his demeanor.
"It does not always have to be rebellion. What if she turns out to be sweet and innocent one?" Oskar tries to calm his stone feelings down. "The mystic women are always quiet and mysterious. Less feisty. More welcoming."
Anton clicks his tongue. "Quiet and mysterious. They creep me out. They hide the visions that they are able to see. They never put their hearts bare to their mate. I see the gap between our old Luna and Alpha. I'd rather have someone blunt and loyal."
The Aunts don't like my mother too. It is not a surprise to hear such words from him.
I keep my fist clenched to break his jaw if he says one more word against my mother. But then I tell myself the circumstances.
He is in grief. He cried on my shoulder the night his father died. The same night in another world, could have been full of us celebrating my first hunt.
I forgive him. I stay quiet.
Whatever amount of excitement I always have to catch the scent of my mate, fades at seeing Anton kicking a stone and huffing. He walks away from the border, lowering his face, inside the forest, declaring that he wasn't continuing anymore.
Oskar looks around and lets out a frustrated groan. "Anton!"
I follow him slowly.
"Why are you already assuming worse of someone whom you haven't even met?" Oskar scolds him. "We all thought, Natasha was bad. But look at her, she doesn't ever complain the bitterness between us and her family. She has maintained a balance."
In honesty, she has chosen a side. Her mate. She doesn't visit her family as often as Amelia or the Aunts do. I see the helplessness on her face. More than my father, the uncles created the gap with colonies. Father didn't even care anymore because they wouldn't give up. But Uncle Radu never lose the chance to look down upon them.
Both the Aunts followed their steps and practice the same. King and Salome don't care. But Robin is just like them.
I am sure, Natasha feels as upset as Nysa does. Except she knows that she can atleast see them whenever possible if she tries. But Nysa will never be able to.
"I am sleepy," Anton flares his nostrils and shrugs his shoulder. "You are getting older, brother. You look for yours! I am not patrolling the whole border again and again, day and night to look for someone who looks down on my pack. I hate that Moon Goddess. I hate how she has made things for us. She is hiding tonight. Can she look me in the eyes and explain how two warrior Lycans died with just by lightning?"
"Enough!" Oskar says through gritted teeth. "It is not only you who has lost his father. We all suffer grief together. Moon Goddess does everything in our favour."
Anton mocks him with a chuckle. "In our favor? She is killing our pack slowly."
Oskar growls lowly.
I glance back at the Southern Land. The patrollers could hear the growls if these two get loud. That even near the border.
"Enough. This round is over here." I say while grabbing Oskar's wrist. "We leave, brother."
Anton doesn't stand up from the rock he is sitting on, right away.
"We had to continue till the West end," Oskar grits through teeth and groans angrily.
I understand his pain. The longing I had seen in Miggy's eyes, appears in his when he glances at me.
"I will not come here again in group." He tells me. "If he doesn't want to find her, we will leave him at the home."
I nod at him. "That's what we will do."
Oskar grunts suddenly as Anton jumps on his back and laughs. "So eager to corner me, brother."
I blink in relief as Oskar grabs his legs and gives him the ride. He still seems upset but let Anton be himself.
"She has already made you wait for an year. You should stop working so hard for her. We must all be calm like Robin. He found her in the first round. Even when Nysa isn't from the packs touching the border," Anton keeps demotivating us like this for fun. "Now, she can kill for him."
He says it like a joke. What he doesn't know that his words hold weight and make way in our hearts.
For a moment, I feel as if he is right. What if I just stop looking for her and wait for the surprising moment.
But then I remember the kind of deadly surprise Miggy suffered at the Western side, and shivers run down my spine.
I shake my head. "No, we can take breaks. But not looking for them? I am not afraid to do some hard work for my mate. My mother will be disappointed if I listen to you. My mate won't be pleased. And I, deep in my heart, feel strong urges to find her. I enjoy the search. I love the chase. Moreover, Lucine. . ."
I stop because both the cousins are deep inside, terrified of the words spoken by my sister. Her one prediction came true.
"Say it." Oskar tells calmly.
I keep walking along them, opposite of the border, towards home which is very far at the moment.
"She said that I will find her when the love will find me."
Oskar raises his eyebrows. As if he is considering to meet Lucine and find a hint for himself too. Anton huffs.
"We have love and love around us inside the border," he mocks. "Good luck, brother."
My heart twitches.
Silence follows.
Only the sound of our steps crunching leaves and twigs, and insects can be heard in the dark forest.
And all of a sudden, the fresh scent reaches my nostrils.
My heart stops as I focus. The scent is feminine like that of a freshly bloomed flower accompanied by. . . Petroleum?
My eyebrows narrow and I stop on my tracks.
My heartbeats restarts with a pace I have never experienced before. I lose breaths and gasp.
Turning around, my vision narrows down the dense forest, to two torches in the dark on the vast ground.
The roar is not of a werewolf. It is unfamiliar.
Before I could even realise, I am running, more like flying in thirst for more of that soothing scent, the brothers call out loud for me.
"Karam!"
But all I feel is the sparks tingling my skin. I jump and jump in joy.
I grab on to the branches, push away the conjusted leaves falling on each other and run faster than I ever did.
The hot gust of wind burns my face harshly. But I only felt it when Oskar manages to make me fall by jumping on me from the side to stop me.
My knees strike against the ground. My cheeks rests against the mud for a blink and I raise myself eagerly.
Oskar and Anton use their strength together against me to not let me cross the border.
I almost felt like going for it. I desperately want to.
But what is mine, will come to me.
"What in the world just happened to you!" Anton says in shock.
Oskar knows while I stare far at the white-colored torches retreating. The scent gets rich before fading slowly. I sniff more and more, and almost die because of the tingles all inside my heart.
I chuckle in joy as the brothers keep holding me. Because I am breathing harshly in surprise and shock.
They are scared to leave me. They think, I will cross the border. I might even do it.
Her rich flowery scent is alluring to awaken every bit of my existence.
I feel gifted. I feel empowered. I feel the hope.
"She exists," I whisper softly, through the erratic breaths taken by my confused self. "She exists."
Oskar removes his hold and Anton follows slowly. Both are alert and I chuckle.
I roll on the muddy ground, crunching leaves and the warm burning gust of wind doesn't feel as dangerous as the scent of my mate is.
I almost lost my sanity. I lost my breaths.
How am I going to wait for three months?
How?
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I was baffled.
The calculation was scaring me somehow.
He had shifted few months ago, the Uncles had died too. He was seventeen.
I was eight.
I, for sure, knew that I had never visited Southern Pack before. I never left the city. It was always Mom coming to visit me, not the vice-versa.
How come he smelled my scent?
Twisting and turning, I ended up sitting on the bed slowly, minding my neck. Jolts of pain would twitch some nerves whenever I moved.
Hugging the pillow to my chest, raising my knees, I looked around the room in emptiness and slight confusion.
He might have just smelled my scent lingering around Mom. The petroleum and two torches definitely sounded like a vehicle. So, maybe, it was just Mom returning from the city on my eighth birthday.
The same day when Gran was sick of seeing Gilbert's face. She threw him out and he was equally relieved from pretending to be a father to me.
It was the last birthday with Gilbert.
My heart curled a little inside, remembering the last meet with him. He didn't say Good bye. He didn't give a hug. He just left. It was so committing of him to keep his boundaries even at the times when he knew that I'd be seeing him for the last time.
A tear slid down my cheeks and I sniffled softly.
I felt bad for what happened to Karam's mother and Nysa. But in no way I wanted to end up like them and other brides.
Could I even have this thought after literally being marked by a Lycan?
Pressing my mouth against the pillow, I let out a heartfelt sob.
Amelia blamed the cause of heat on me only. Why couldn't I just control my feelings?
Pete prepared everything to get me out and failed. Because I couldn't keep my heart in check.
Why did it have to be this way? Why did it have to be me?
On top of it, he waited all these years to give me days like these. After seeing his mother and Sister-in-laws, he still married me and made me suffer everything that they did too.
What was the use of all those early observations and realisations when he had to be cruel to me at last?
Or maybe, he was right.
He was not cruel.
Moon Goddess was.
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