Remington POV
The boxes were lighter than I remembered.
It makes sense. The last time I moved any of these, I was sixteen.
Reese had only been gone for a few weeks when Dad decided to sell the house and move. Mom left and it was only a couple days later.
We were in auto pilot at the time, just barely surviving.
I remember shoving books from childhood like my old Goosebumps mysteries and comic books in one box. Another held trophies, ribbons, and awards both Reese and I had won at school and Little League.
There were dozens, piled high and covered in dust and cobwebs. I tucked the flashlight next to my neck and tilted my head to it was held between my ear and shoulder.
"Reese..." my voice breathed while wiping dust off another Rubbermaid container with his name marked in black Sharpie. I shut my eyes and exhaled but a cloud of dust puffed around my head space, causing me to cough and sputter.
"You okay up there, Remington??!" Kenny shouted from the office below.
I laughed through my distress and finally answered, "Yeah, just breathed a ton of dust!"
"Don't do that, idiot!" Dad hollered.
I chuckled and shook my head, turning back to the task at hand.
Dad's attic was never used. I remember him these boxes getting shoved away when he moved here but was not exactly positive about what he kept besides a few that held my old belongings.
All I knew was what he told me. "If you grab the boxes, you and Benji can go through them and decide what to do with everything."
Kenny was at the house to help Dad and offered to give me a hand so I didn't have to wait for Jesse. He suggested sliding any boxes to the entry opening so he could lift and carry them down the ladder. This would prevent me from doing any lifting but at least I could still help.
The goal was to empty this entire crawl space. Dad wanted everything out so we could start going through everything with Benji between today and tomorrow when he was visiting.
It took over two hours to retrieve seven large Rubbermaid totes and dozens of boxes from the crawl space attic above Dad's office, knocking dirt and debris down into the room while I was in the process of bringing things down. I expected most would contain photographs and random heirlooms or books that Dad stored away but curiosity was making me excited for Alice and Benji's arrival a bit later in the day.
"Thank you for all your help, boys..." Dad's eyes roamed all the boxes with amazement, "I forgot how much was tucked away up there!"
I chuckled, wiping cobwebs from my face with a towel, "Let me take a shower a minute and then I'll get the room cleaned up so all the dirt and cobwebs are gone. We can start digging a bit later when Lissy and Benji arrive, right?"
"That sounds perfect, Remi." Dad let out a yawn, "I think I need to get some rest, though."
Kenny smiled and moved behind his chair, "Let me help you get cleaned up and then get you in bed with a snack. It's time for meds anyway so you can get a nap in before they arrive for your cookout and sleepover with Benji."
I patted Kenny on the shoulder while they left the room and took a long drink of water, staring at the boxes.
Curiosity got the better of me and I opened one of the totes labeled with Reese's name and had to stifle laughter at the sight.
Baseball cards.
Flashes of memories came pouring back into my mind.
Reese and I would collect them and kept each in special plastic holders so they stayed in mint condition. Dad always said some would be worth a lot of money one day. I rifled around a moment, sharp corners of those holders a familiar feeling on my skin while I saw names and stats for players I remember discussing with my brother in the hours we spent laying on the grass after swimming. We would have long talks about the ideal fantasy baseball team during our long evening family bonfires under the stars.
Reese was younger but smarter. He knew his stats and held his own each time we debated lineups and batting styles.
I felt the familiar creeping pain of grief clouding my breath and shut the box, letting out a long breath which only served to blow more dust in the room.
Come on, Remington. Shower first.
My mind was on auto pilot while I scrubbed the cobwebs from my hair and beard, itching at spider bites on my legs and wincing when I moved too fast and pulled my ribs. The hot water eased the pain in my back and shoulders but I still took one of my pain pills after changing into clean shorts and an old baseball tee shirt.
"What time should they be on the way here?" I startled at the sound of Kenny's voice when I came into the kitchen, gasping and clutching my chest.
He laughed at my reaction, "I'm sorry, bro!"
"No, you're fine! Just in my head now. It's about noon so they'll be here in a couple hours. She said early afternoon since they both had therapy then were going to do some baking for tonight." I explained, making my way to the fridge and rifling around for a good lunch idea. "I'm hungry and assuming you are also. Sandwiches okay?"
"Of course! Thanks!" Kenny joined me as I started grabbing cold cuts and condiments, finding a tomato and other veggies we could add along with some good sandwich bread.
We were quiet while we worked, putting together sandwiches and piling on all the fixings. I offered to cook up some bacon but he told me that wasn't needed.
I grabbed a bag of ruffled potato chips along with ranch dip and got settled at the table, massive sandwich and drink in front of me plus a bag of baby carrots so I could pretend I was being kind of healthy.
"Carrots?" Kenny laughed.
I chuckled, "It's more so I feel like I'm being healthy. One carrot for every few potato chips."
He laughed harder at my explanation, throwing his head back and patting his leg, "I am going to have to use that with Leah! She's always trying to get me to eat healthier but that would actually work on me!" Kenny grabbed a baby carrot and dunked it in the dip, "I'll even start off with a carrot, just to prove I'm serious!"
I shook my head at his antics, "I guess I'm learning balance from Lissy!"
We continued joking around, talking about basic get to know you questions like his upbringing and which baseball teams he liked best. It was casual and helped my anxiety go down just knowing this was a safe space where I didn't have to think about my dad dying.
Where I didn't have to dwell on the sadness constantly.
I needed those moments.
My phone buzzed while I was shoving another few chips in my mouth, distracting my attention from Kenny a moment. I noticed it was a photo from Alice and grinned, swiping to check.
ALICE: Remi, Peach is being so precious today!! She loves her little stuffed pig doll that Daisy bought her at the pet store!
Attached was a photo of Peach curled up on Benji's bed with his white comforter, pig toy between her paws. I audibly sighed and said, "Awwww." before turning my phone to show Kenny.
His eyes lit up, grin shining on his tan face as he wiped his mouth a moment before responding. "She just loves you guys. We knew the minute she walked into the yard that day that she was at her forever home."
I texted Lissy back a moment letting her know how much we loved the photo. Our messages were minimal today mostly because of how busy we both needed to be.
She had her hands full with her own therapy session as well as Benji's, not to mention having Daisy around and baking for our meal tonight.
We agreed last night that it would be good to have a bit more space on some days just to add more balance to our relationship. Everything is getting so intense which is good, but also terrifying.
Now is such a bad time.
I need to focus on my Dad.
I also need to make sure I get to know Benji and allow my Dad the chance to see both his sons together, bonding just like he would have always wanted.
I need to make every day count but also show her that we can do this as a team. She's everything to Benji and already such a big part of my life.
Lissy is my kaleidoscope, shattered pieces reflecting light and grace and authenticity.
"You okay, Remington?" Kenny's voice stopped my mental train and I blinked, refocusing on his face.
I paused a moment, unsure how much to share, but decided that I could trust Kenny and confide in him like I would any other friend I had known for far longer. "I just wish things were different. It's ... it's hard to be falling in love while my dad is dying. Such a mix of emotions that leave me feeling weightless one moment then sadder than I've ever been the next."
His eyes widened at my honesty, posture now straighter as he leaned forward on his elbows, clasping his hands in front of him. "Do you feel guilty for falling in love with Alice now?"
"No. Absolutely not. I could never feel guilty for something so pure."
"Good. That's the right answer."
I smiled at his quick response before he continued, "Remi, keep in mind that while this is a major conflict in your mind, Greg is also watching you fall in love. He sees it. I know he does because he's mentioned it to me. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult it is for you to navigate these emotions, but think about the weight this lifts from his heart that he gets to watch you meet your person."
My jaw dropped at Kenny's statement. "I never even considered..."
"He even said earlier today, "I sure hope Alice enjoys seeing Remington when he was little in all the photos I had stored in the attic. I know he loved seeing so many pictures of her as a child so I can't wait to hear her coo and squeal over the photos of him in those days." Remington, I kind of feel like watching you two is good for him. He needs this, in a way. I don't say that so you feel pressure at all, but just remember that even when you two are having your moments together he does not hold it against you. He loves that you had a little date time going to the store yesterday. The times you guys spend together bring him so much joy.... And I've gotta be honest, he needs that now."
His words hung between us while I sat frozen.
My phone vibrated again with another message from Alice, this time another phone. I swiped it opened and saw a picture of a cake that was fresh from the oven alongside a bowl of icing.
ALICE: Pumpkin spice cake with cinnamon cream cheese icing, all homemade. Gonna fridge the icing for awhile and wait for the cake to cool but the house smells amazing! Is there anything else we can bring along?
I grinned and showed the photo to Kenny who did the same. "That looks amazing," he responded, "And I have to wonder if it's one of Clara's recipes. I have to wonder how many of her recipes your dad knows and may have tried before. Alice could be trying to find ways as well to serve Greg as his life ends..."
My head tilted at the thought while I considered that theory.
Could she be secretly doing her best to find ways to bring more of Clara into his life?
Is that her goal?
"I never even considered that... but it sounds like her. I know she's organized and Type A but she also likes control so maybe it's her way of trying to grab onto something she can control in the middle of so much chaos." I remarked, fiddling with my water glass as I spoke.
Kenny smiled, "Seeing how hard she has worked to keep Benji happy all these years, stands to reason she'd do the same for you and Greg."
His words stuck with me while I cleaned the kitchen and then tidied the office, wiping down boxes and reorganizing everything while Kenny moved things so the Rubbermaid totes were all in the office and the remaining boxes were moved to the living room. Our goal was to go through everything but we were short on space so this was the best way to go. Benji would be sleeping on a blowup mattress in the office tonight anyway so I had to make space and vacuum.
I realized we worked well together. Kenny was quiet but made smart aleck comments like Benji and would banter easily. We joked around with each other and got the house in order while Dad napped before I started prepping for dinner. The steaks needed to sit in the fridge uncovered with salt and pepper to so their flavor would be even better after they were grilled.
"Hey, want to stick around for dinner? Feel free to run home and get Leah then bring your dogs, too." I asked Kenny, washing my hands after putting the steaks on the top shelf of the fridge. "We have tons of food and would love to have you guys. It's a last minute thing like they always are with us."
He smiled, shaking his head, "Thanks, man, but we have a new foster dog showing up tonight so we will be getting him or her settled in." He looked longingly at the fridge, "But I would not mind some leftovers tomorrow when I'm here, though, that's for sure."
I laughed, "We can do steak salads tomorrow for lunch and I have a feeling Lissy would be happy to leave some cake for you also. There will be extra, especially with all the sides she's bringing. She is making Clara's pasta salad again and mentioned trying to figure out a good potato something as well. Daisy said baked potatoes would even work so they may just bring basic toppings for that."
Kenny laughed, shaking his head at my explanation while he approached and clapping me on the shoulder. "Remington, do not let her go. Seriously. This woman is amazing and you need to keep her."
"I know. We just need to keep things from boiling over too soon," I said, eyes wide and teeth clenched in a cringe expression.
He grinned, "I understand, but you're doing that. From what I can tell you're limiting time together and keeping yourselves in check. That's the best you can do."
"Good point. And I'll try to remember what you said, too. Make sure Dad sees more, even..." My eyes flicked to Kenny with a smirk, "Wonder what he'd do if I just went for it and did a full on dip with Liss, just kissing her like my life depended on it."
Kenny's laughter boomed through the kitchen, "I dare you to try! He would probably start cheering but I have a feeling you'd make Daisy and Benji blush!"
I heard the front door open and turned as Peach raced into the house, sniffing around the place and nudging one of the box lids off. Her tail was whipping about, smacking into chairs and tables as she tried to figure out her new surroundings. Kenny and I laughed and approached while Daisy and Alice came toward the kitchen with arms full of platters and trays.
"Hey! Sorry I didn't call but figured you said to come by whenever so, here we are!" Lissy's voice was light and my heart raced at the sound.
She was wearing a pink ruffled romper with lacy sleeves and had her wavy hair down for once. Our eyes met and she grinned, "You good?"
"I think so. You?"
She blinked and I saw a question in her expression before Lissy leaned in to reply, "It's been a long day but I'm glad we're here."
Benji used his crutches to make his way inside and dropped a plastic bag on the counter, "Hey, where should I put my stuff?"
His voice was quiet and when I looked at his face I saw something I didn't usually find in Benji.
Hesitation.
I smiled, making sure my tone was reassuring, "Let's just dump your shit in my room, Bro. I'll grab it for you." My arms extended to take his crutches and backpack as I continued, "Do you need meds or anything? If you guys want a drink or whatever feel free. We won't eat dinner until the normal six o'clock or so time but we can get out appetizer type stuff if you want."
The light flashed in his expression and now the look changed.
Relief.
"Yeah, I think I need to take pain meds. I didn't want to but my leg is killing me." Benji grimaced and plopped on one of the kitchen chairs, raising his voice so I could hear him while I grabbed a bottle of Dr. Pepper and bag of Doritos. "Can I have my backpack again?"
I dropped it on the table and ruffled his hair playfully as Lissy came back inside with more food. Daisy took a seat next to Benji and smiled warmly at me, "How are you, Remington? Looks like you were busy in the crawl space today. Were there tons of spider?"
"I have a few spider bites and it was really nasty. Made a huge mess and had to scrub to get all the cobwebs and dust out of my hair afterward." I answered with a laugh, leaning back against the counter. "I'm good but tired. Definitely glad we can just make a good meal and relax now. It will be fun to go through all this."
"What's in all the boxes?" Benji peeked around curiously after swallowing his pain meds, handing the bottle to Liss who closed it and put it back in his bag. She began eating Doritos along with him, as well, but then went to the kitchen and grabbed bottles of Dr. Pepper for the rest of us so we could all sit and relax while chatting.
Kenny returned after disappearing to check on Dad but his face was drawn and looked concerned. He washed his hands in the kitchen a minute before approaching the group.
"Kenny?" My voice was shaky as a reaction to his expression.
He considered his words a moment before responding, "His blood pressure keeps dropping. I'll take a blood sample from his port before I leave to get that run at the hospital."
We thanked him for all his help and after a few moments getting his gear packed up and petting Peach Kenny left for the day, blood samples tucked away in a travel cooler he kept on hand.
Benji looked at Alice, confusion in his furrowed brow and pursed lips now that we had a bit more privacy. "Lissy? What does that mean? The blood pressure thing Kenny said?"
She held his eye contact and let out a shaky breath, "Benji, keep in mind that Kenny is a Hospice nurse. Hospice is for end of life care."
His expression changed to sadness, eyes now brimming with tears. I swore I heard him whisper, "It's not fair," before he sniffed and kept his head down.
Lissy looked at Daisy a moment and smiled, "Will get Peach taken out and latched onto the lead in the back yard, Daisy? There is tons of room out there and we got one that reached like twenty feet so she won't be in danger of running out of space. If you can make sure the area looks safe for her without any dangerous sticks or rocks or anything also that would be amazing."
Daisy smiled, clearly aware of what Lissy was trying to do. She stood, grabbing a napkin to wipe her hands before taking the leash for Peach and leading her outside. Benji stayed seated but looked at Lissy, "I can't, Lissy... I just can't."
"I know." She held eye contact while struggling to keep herself calm, shoulders shaking with her unsteady breath. "But we have to." Lissy's eyes turned to me, "We need to stick together and work as a team. One day at a time. We can figure this out and try our best to support each other. That's literally all we can do."
I felt cold tears splash on my hands without realizing I was even crying. I reached forward as Lissy offered one of her hands, "I promise I'm here and I do need you two. I .. I have no one. My Dad was all I had left in the world. Now... Benji, now I have you."
For the first time since he came into the house he truly met my eyes, gasping at my words. "I never even thought about that! Remington!"
My emotions took over and I felt myself become even more overwhelmed. Lissy's hand clasped mine even tighter while I choked out the words, "Please know that I need you, too, so all of us are going to struggle through this."
In one smooth motion Benji's arms were around my neck, the camouflage cast crushed against my shoulder while he shoved the entire chair back with the force of his hug.
I reciprocated, wrapping my arms around him tightly and whispering, "I promise I'm here. Thank you for being there, too."
He started to cry, tears pouring as his body curled up like a small child. I turned with wide eyes to Lissy whose own face was twisted in grief at the sight.
Kaleidoscope.
All those broken pieces are sharp and come from trauma.
So many chances for refraction and light to shine, but light also causes shadows.
After a moment Benji seemed to calm down but I cleared my throat, "Want to go lay down while the pain meds kick in, buddy?"
He nodded, standing and letting out a sigh. I gave him a gentle side hug, "One day at a time, Ben. Just one at at time. Tonight we are gonna grill some steaks then dig into 7 Rubbermaid totes full of baseball cards."
I heard a gasp and saw his eyes light up, redness still showing with tears as his mood shifted, "No way. Really?"
"Reese and I both collected them and saved every single one in plastic cases," we started walking toward my bedroom so he could lay down for a bit as I spoke, "Which means you get to help me take a look after dinner. You game?"
"Hell yeah!" Benji exclaimed, a yawn coming out by the time we stopped at my door, "And thanks for this. A nap sounds good, and the pain pill is kicking in."
I felt a hand on my back and knew it must be Lissy who had followed us while we walked. "I'll make sure you're up when we are getting dinner ready, Beep."
"Thanks, Lissy. And thanks again, Remi. I'm... . I'm glad you're not alone now."
"So am I, Ben. So am I."