A broken person can always be healed. You just need to find the person who will love you wholly and truthfully.
When I finally returned to my body everything was in darkness. I could hear the world around me. I could feel every gust of air that hit me. I could feel when someone touched me. Even when it was just the barest touch. But I could not see or move.
There was something very uncomfortable in my throat. It felt like having a fist rammed down my throat. I could not touch it though. My arms were not working and it frustrated me. I thought by pulling it out that I would go back to sleep. Or maybe even die.
Every sensation, every emotion, I felt. But there was nothing I could do about them. I tried to move. I wanted to move, but couldn't. My body was asleep, but I was awake. And it did very little to encourage me to wake up.
What's the point. I only casue hurt and pain. Even my own mother couldn't love me. So how could anyone else.
After a long time fighting against everything. I relented. Realizing, I calmed my inner head and decided to listen. Trying to figure out what was going on and where I was. It took a while. My head not giving up, but eventually I got there.
A steady beep echoed through the room. The sound more annoying than frightening. It was there, a constant non stop sound. Listening to the rhythm of the sound, I decided it was some sort of monitor. Some time later it became clear that it was a heart monitor.
My heartbeat was very weak. I could heart the monitor beeping. But it was not as strong was it should have been. I may not have been a doctor. But I knew how to spot a barely beating hear. And the fact it was probably broken did not help.
My heartbeat is weak as weak as I am. So I must have died at one point. My heart rate would not be this slow if I had not died, even just for a few minutes. It could be just be my imagination. But, something is definitely wrong.
The casual sound of doors being opened and closed was another sound that I could recognize. Some doors creaked and sounded old. When one door was opened another was closed. It all went around in my head.
As I lay there something inside me seemed to die. It wasn't something that had been alive and well before. But it had given up the struggle. Everything felt surreal. Every sound had me more certain that I was alive. But it did not stop me wondering why.
Do they know everything? It feels like there are people in the room. I can smell Noah. The same scent I have noticed every time I am near him. But why would he be here? No one should be here. I should be left to rot and die.
I slipped into an unconscious state. I guess I slept. But everything was so confusing I am not sure exactly what happened. I heard voices as I slept. I dreamed about a happy life. And then I had a nightmare. All in the one sleep.
"Jesse, baby. Are you in there? If you are, please come back to me. I need you." Noah's voice whispered into my ear. It no longer sounded like him though. It sounded broken, afraid but also very familiar.
It was the first time I knew someone was with me. I was happy, sad and afraid at the same time. His voice gave me comfort. But it also hurt to know he must have found out the truth. I was restless after that. Every time I tried to move or talk I failed. Nothing was working. My life was just lingering and I knew it.
"Please angel. Wake up. I know you love me, I have seen it every time you look at me. So I need you to wake up for me. I need you to know how much I love you" he said. I could hear his muffled sobs before he spoke again.
"Everyone thinks I should give up. Well not my parents, but that's because they love you too. Not as much as I do of course. No one loves anyone like I love you. But they think I should leave. I haven't once you know..." Again he stopped to cry for a while. It was in those moments I wanted to comfort him. But I couldn't.
"You have been in this coma for two months. They have been the longest two months of my life. They have been the loneliest two months of my life. I know our love has kept you alive. Not the machines or the tubes. It's been our love. But now I need it to be you alone Jess. You have to be the one who fights. Please Jesse. Fight for us. I will be here when you wake up. And when you do we can start our lives together. Everything I said at the lake is what I want. But I can't have that unless you wake up baby."
"I am begging you. I know it's been hard on you. You have suffered more than anyone should have, and I get that. But if you do not live I have no one. But I understand." He stopped and sobbed for a few seconds.
"If you have to leave me. If your body wont allow you to fight any more. Or if you're too tired to fight. Then I forgive you for leaving me and I understand. But one day, I will be buried beside you. It will not be too long after. You want to know the reason? It's because I will never, and I mean NEVER, love anybody else but you."
I knew I wanted to cry when the room fell silent again. I wanted to shut everything out. I was broken. I was alone. Even when I felt Noah's soft lips on my cheek. As he brushed a kiss on my cheek and allowed his lips to linger. It was a kiss I had always known he could give. One just as sweet and loving as he was.
He's here and he is kissing me. But does he know? I can not see how he could know and still be here. But how could it not have gotten out? Why is everything so fucking hard? If I was better, if I was worth him I would will myself to wake up. But it would not be fair on him to wake up. He needs someone to love him. Not just someone who loves him. But someone who is whole.
Some time later, I am not sure how long. But the heart monitor's steady rhythm changed. It got louder. Not faster, but louder. My heart beat was an incredible sound. It had sounded weak before. Almost like it had broken. But now it sounded as if it was healing. I heard a chair being scraped across the floor and breath caressed my cheek.
"You see. You can still fight. Your heart is getting strong and stronger. That right there just proved it. Your heart belongs to me, it always has. And now it's getting better. It may be a new one. But this one will be stronger than your last one. You have to believe in us Jesse. I miss you so much. I've cried every day you've been in here. I don't think I cried this much when my uncle died. Do you remember? You held me while I cried over him." He took a breath.
"No one has touched me since you slipped into the coma. I have not allowed anyone to touch me. And I wont. Not until I can be back in your arms. Your beautful strong arms. I love you angel." He cried.
"That's the one thing I want you to remember. I love you more than life itself. And that if you decide to come back to me. I promise that no one will ever hurt you again. And I mean no one. I will always protect you."
A knock on the door interrupted Noah's speech. Footsteps approached the bed and someone leaned forward and kissed my forehead. And then another pair of lips kissed the top of my head. Neither lingered the way Noah's had though.
"How is he doing?" asked Grace, her sweet voice giving me more comfort. But again worried me at the same time.
Noah coughed and I heard a lid pop, before he answered a few seconds later. "His heart is fighting. I know he's coming back to me. He has to. I am never going to live without him. And I feel fine. So I know deep down. No matter how long it takes. He's going to come back to me."
"He's coming back to me." He said in a small voice.
I'm sorry Noah. I don't think I can come back.
"He'll come back to us son. We're his family now. You, your mom and me. He's part of the family now. Well he always was. But now it's more official." Luke said with a fierce determination. The words shocked me.
"Yeah, he'll come back to us." Noah whispered. "I love you." He coo's to me and kisses my cheek gently.
Before I could hear any more of their conversation. The Sandman came and brought me away again. The dreams happier and safer than before. I was with Noah in them. We were happy and together. Our lake was sprawled out in front of us. And we were making mad and passionate love all into the night.
"Where is his mom now?"
A voice woke me up again. A female voice. One that I did not recognise straight away. I could hear the sound of people gasping in the room. It was hard to figure out the rest while my eyes were closed. Nothing was easy while my eyes were closed.
"She's not his mom. She's a monster. An evil witch who does not deserve Jesse. She never has and never will. She should rot in hell for what she has done to him. For what she let those perverts do to him." Noah spoke to whoever asked the question. His voice was harsh and when he spoke again I could hear the anger in his voice.
"Alexis, I don't know where she is. The police have her. That's all I know. Ask my parents if you want to know more. I'm more worried about Nathan than Andrea at the moment. He's the one who has gone on the run. What he did was horrible. And I hope he never comes back. I'll hurt him again if he does. And I am even more worried about the love of my life who is in a coma at the moment."
You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. The tension coming from Noah was palpable. He squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek again. And again, his soft lips lingered on my skin. His face was wet. He must have cried.
Lexi whispered in a soft voice. "Sorry Noah. I know how much you love Jesse. But I care about him too. We got close the day of the parents night. He's a great guy, and I know you don't want to hear this. But he's not your property."
Why did she have to say that to him? He never treated me like his property. He's too kind, too loving for that. He's just what I need. I needed him. He was only being the loving person he is. I should not have had all that. But she made it sound so dirty.
A chair crashed to the floor. I heard a loud bang. It sounded like a fist colliding with a wall and there was another level of tension in the room.
"Fuck you Alexis. You didn't give a damn about him until two months ago. Now you're acting like you guys are bff's or something. Well fuck you. I'm the one who has been around since he was four years old. Not just a day of talking to him." Noah shouted at her. He sounded more wound up than I had ever heard him.
Please don't get upset Noah. No one get's how much we love each other. You have always owned me. It was just you deserved so much better than me. You always have. I will never be good enough to be with you.
"You're only getting mad because you know it's the truth. Jesse is not your property. That's what Andrea saw him as and now you see him the same way." Alexis said in a calm but cold voice. It shocked me to hear her say that.
A few tense moment passed and I heard the door open again. Alex's voice sounded confused and scared. It must have been something he could see because the next thing I remember was hearing a broken sob escape Noah's throat and he flung himself beside me on the bed.
He sobbed so hard my heart broke again. He was whispering, "I'm so sorry," and "I love you." I could feel his hot tears falling on my face and neck. His arms were rapped around my waist. He was clinging to me like a life saver.
"I never wanted to treat you badly. If I did I am so sorry. I really need you to wake up for me. I need to see your beautiful blue eyes again. I want to get lost in them again. I need to be able to talk to you again."
I love you Noah. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't come back to you.
I wanted to help him. I wanted to be the one that saved him. I wanted to take him in my arms and kiss him and make him feel better. I wanted to feel his lips on mine again. I wanted to make love with him like we did in my dreams.
Can't or wont?
"Jesus Noah, I'm sure she didn't mean what she said. Just calm down. The poor kid wouln't want you to cry." Alex said. I could hear Grace and Luke in the room again and Alexis sounded like she was talking to them. I was trying to concentrate on Noah though.
Noah spoke again through a broken sob. "I would never do what she did. I would never hurt him like she did. The men may have been the ones who physically raped him. But she raped him emotionally. She's a sick woman. And I would never do that to him. NEVER! I love him. I love him."
Lexi approached him again. "I'm sorry Noah. I didn't want to hurt you. I was mad and upset. I never meant to compare you to his mother."
"I know. Im sorry I shouted at you. I just... I. I can't live without him. I've not been able to live without him since the day we met. I have never gone this long without hearing his beautiful voice or seeing his beautiful eyes." He rambled on.
He's hurting so much. All because he wants me back. And he knows everything. He doesn't find me dirty or sick. He still loves me. He still loves me.
Some time passed and the voices were still in the room. Everyone was trying to calm Noah down. He was still sobbing hysterically. Grace was trying to sooth him. But he was inconsolable for a long time.
"Come on sweetheart. Jesse wouldn't want to see you so upset. You have to calm down. Please calm down. Things will get better. You just have to have faith. That boy loves you. I have always known he loves you. Now you have to love him enough to stay strong for him." She told him in a calming voice.
"Don't touch me mom. No one can touch me until Jesse can. He's the only one who can touch me now." He said through an even bigger sob.
Don't push everyone away. You need them, love.
"Be strong for him. Just like you have been all along. It's because of you he survived as long as he did. But he's not out of the woods yet. He still needs us. And he will be upset when he wakes up. But if we give up on him, he'll give up on himself."
Grace was doing her best, but Noah was still sobbing. After some more time passed he lay his head on my stomach and clutches it like a child clutches a teddy bear. His warm breath blowing across my neck.
Time dragged on. Minutes turned into hours and hours turned into days. Every day I could hear people talking around me. At night when it was just Noah, I would feel his lips on my skin. His voice next to my ear. He was with me every second of the day. Sometimes he would sing to me, his voice was not the nicest, but I loved hearing him sing to me.
"I can see your heart is stronger this morning. The doctors think you'll come back to me soon. And I will be right here waiting for you. Forever and Always Jesse. Remember that when you wake up." He cooed into my ear.
"You're my beautiful angel Jesse. And I know you think I saved your life. But the truth is you saved my life. My problems will never be as big as yours. But deep down I know that without you I would not be the person I am today."
"I should have told you how much I loved and needed you earlier. That will always be one of my biggest regrets. We never had enough time. I should have told you years ago. Maybe nothing would have happened, but you would have known how much I truly love and need you. I would fight God and the devil himself for you." He said weakly.
He leaned back and I heard the door creek open. I recognized Luke's footsteps. I was becoming a natural at knowing someone from hearing how they moved around. He pulled a chair beside my bed and sat down beside Noah.
"The doctor said Jesse is reacting more now. He's going to wake up. It's just a matter of when. But you were right son. He's coming back to us. Your mom will be here in a minute. She just had to go have a little cry." Luke spoke to Noah carefully but happily.
Noah breathed out a sigh of relief. Grace walked in a few minutes later. She sounded like she had been crying, but she also sounded happy. She placed a small kiss on my forehead before sitting down beside Luke.
"When Jesse is released from the hospital he will be coming home with us. The courts have given us custody of Jesse. I suppose you could say we are his foster parents now. I still can't believe none of his family wanted him though." She said, sadly.
Noah spoke next, he sounded very somber about it. "They don't know what an amazing person they are missing out on. They might be just like Andrea. So he's better off without them. He'll never go back to that life. Because he's our family now."
"They can never have him back. They were stupid enough to pass up the wonderful opportunity to get to know him. Now they have ruined it. Maybe for his sake it's for the best. It's definitely the best thing for us." He said again. Sounding even more determined than before.
"Yes he is. And he will always be a part of our family. We just have to convince him of that. But he will know it soon enough. He wont be able to get rid of us that easily." Luke said. "Do you hear that Jesse? You will not be able to get rid of us. No matter how hard you try we will be there for you. You are just as much our son as Noah. And we love you and want you to come back to us."
Grace was quiet for a few moments. And when she spoke I could feel the tears welling up in the back of my eyes. "I love you Jesse. You are so special to us. My son loves you and I could not bare to lose both of you. So please do this for us and wake up."
"Come on angel. It's time you wake up for your family. Wake up and spend the rest of your life with me. My plans for us have not changed. So come back and live our life together. I love you, I need you." Noah whispered. "I'm begging you. Please come back to me. You have no idea how much I really need you."
.They know everything and they want me. They want me to become a part of their family. Noah still loves me. Noah still wants me. Noah is still here. And they know everything. I have to do it for them. I need to wake up for them. I need to fight.
Time stalled. I could feel my eyes flicker open. I could feel the awkwardness growing in my throat. My senses were coming back. Everything felt stronger. The voices grew quiet and I took a deep breath. Or tried to anyway.
I need to do this. I need to be with them again. Even if it is just for a little while longer. I need to be with the people I love. The boy I love.
Finally, after some time. I willed my eyes to open. Once they were, they met those beautiful chocolate-brown eyes. And I finally felt ready to live. After all those years of being broken. I was finally healed. Love healed me and in those very moments I finally felt whole again. Because I was home.