She took a deep breath before walking into the bar, spotting Derek stood by the bar talking with Mark. They appeared to be having a slightly heated discussion, but she couldn't decipher the subject of their conversation. She approached the bar and their conversation came to a halt as they noticed her. She didn't miss Derek's eyes surveying her body. She gave them a quick, nervous, smile in greeting before ordering her first tequila shot of the night.
Mark spoke up first, "Grey, you clean up well. Why so dressed up to drink on your own?"
She shrugged before downing the tequila shot and turned to them, trying to ignore Derek's presence, really, "I thought I was meeting someone here," her eyes caught Derek's gaze as she spoke, "Apparently, New York is a good place to meet people. And it's nice to dress up sometimes."
As the bartender served her a second shot, a group of girls entered the bar, one of them being that bloody Kepner girl again. She rolled her eyes at their sight, but realising where they were headed, her breath caught in her chest. They approached the area of bar Derek and Mark occupied, and she moved further down the bar, away from them. A moment later, Mark moved to sit close beside her, a grin on his face.
"Don't even try it, Mark," she smirked softly at him, wiping any evidence of betrayal off her face. Even if he weren't Derek's best friend, she wouldn't get involved with him, anyway, she knew how he was with women.
She eyed Kepner all over Derek, it was slightly embarrassing, but she struggled to look away. So, when Derek moved his arms around April's waist, pulling her close into a short kiss, she didn't miss it. And the knife of disappointment stabbed right through her chest. He obviously didn't mean that whole speech he'd given her before. She was stupid to believe it for even a second. Mark's hand touched her shoulder and he spoke in a softer tone, "Don't give up on him, Mer."
She narrowed her eyes at him, "I don't know what you're talking about, Mark."
He simply sighed and pulled her into a short hug, and as her chin rested on his shoulder a moment, she caught Derek's gaze, an unfamiliar rage in them. She pulled back from Mark's embrace, a playful expression on her face, "If you keep monopolising my time, how am I supposed to find someone to move on with?"
Mark laughed, attracting the attention of some of the girls who had entered the bar with Kepner, clearly curious to see who Mark was speaking with, but none within earshot of their actual conversation. "Mer, seriously. If you weren't staring at him so much, I'd actually try and believe you."
She scowled and downed another shot of tequila before stepping way from the bar, "I shouldn't have come to New York."
She turned around and retreated into the dimly lit beer garden to the back of the bar, needing the fresh air and escape from what she was witnessing inside the bar between Derek and April. She couldn't shake the look in his eyes that she'd seen. Was it jealousy? He had no right to be jealous. Why would he be?
She stood outside the bar. Why did she put the dress on? Well, yes it looked good, and she had to admit her ass looked great - but she was cold. None of her coats looked right with the dress is she had forgone wearing one and was now regretting it. She needed more tequila. Tequila would warm her up.
As she turned to head back inside, Derek appeared in the doorway and her breath caught. She bit her lip as she avoided his gaze, but he simply moved closer to her. For a moment, she started to lean towards him, before collecting herself again.
His eyes locked on her as he stepped outside, having followed her there. He couldn't help himself; he couldn't stop himself. He moved closer and he didn't miss the way they gravitated towards each other for a moment before she moved to step back.
"Derek, what are you - "
She was cut off as he grabbed her arm and moved with her into a darkened corner. His hands held her waist and brought her against him as he crashed his lips down against hers with a fierce need to be closer. He felt her freeze for what must have been a millisecond before she responded, and he was a little surprised that she had almost immediately returned his kiss, her fingers weaving through his hair. The hair only she could touch. His fingertips slipped under the skirt of her dress, against the smooth skin of her thigh. "I can't stop thinking about you," he heard himself groaning against her lips before he even processed what he was saying, and he didn't even care that he was admitting it to her. He needed her to know. Their lips parted slightly but still moved against one another, and the touch of her soft wet tongue teasing against him was enough to send him over the edge, if he wasn't there already. He gently pushed her back against the brick wall behind her, pressing into her, his arousal pushing against her core.
She gasped softly against his lips as he pressed into her, and she could feel her intimate muscles twitch with arousal, the heat pooling in her core. Her hips pressed back against his slightly in response to his slight presses against her as their tongues danced with one another. Her fingers gripped in his hair a little tighter and for a second her mind wondered whether or not he let April grip his hair. At the thought of her name, she was ready to pull her lips back from him, but when she did he took that as her simply needed to catch her breath - she was breathing rather heavily - and his lips simply matched on to her neck, lower and lower until he reached her clavicle. By the time his teeth grazed her skin there, she had lost her previous train of thought, remembering the feeling of his tongue against her most sensitive area and she moaned out softly.
As he continued to cover her neck with kisses and small nips of her skin, his fingers crept further up her thigh, under the skirt of her dress with light, but deliberate, touches, almost making her completely lose herself in him. If it weren't for the sudden sound of car alarm in the street shocking her back to reality.
She couldn't do this. He was all over her, and he belonged to someone else, and she couldn't do this. She couldn't let him do this to himself. With all the willpower she had left, she pressed her hands against his chest and pushed him away from her. Her breathing was heavy as she stayed where she was against the wall, watching as Derek appeared to recollect his emotions, also breathing heavy. He looked to her, hurt apparent in his face, but she had to look past it. She had to keep her resolve. She couldn't break, one wrong move and she probably would just let him have his way with her. It wasn't like she didn't need it, like she didn't want it to happen. But she had no right to him. She would not follow in her mother's footsteps this way.
"You can't do this. We can't do this, Derek. You know it as well as I do. You're with her. Whatever we had between us in the past? It was gone as soon as you decided to be with her. I will not actively ruin someone else's life like this, even if she's the most irritating person I've ever met in my entire life who would do so much better as someone's personal assistant than a surgeon, I'm surprised she's still even in the programme..." as she recognised her own rambling, she caught herself, "Anyway, at the end of the day, it will just cause pain."
"Meredith," he breathed out her name and she clenched her fists, biting her lower lip slightly as she tried to stop the feelings bubbling up inside her. "I... I need you, Meredith."
She shook her head and held a hand out in front of her to stop him getting closer to her as she spoke, "You should have thought about that before. I waited; you know. I actually waited until I might see you again," she scoffed a little now at the thought, "Clearly, all those things you said weren't true, and I'm the idiot for believing you." When Derek had no response to her words, seeming frozen to the spot she continued, "I'm going back to Seattle tomorrow, and I don't plan on coming back here anytime soon. I'm glad things are going well for you."
She noticed the slight shakiness in her breath as she walked back into the bar, heading straight for a shit of tequila to calm the slight shake in her hands. She downed it as soon it reached her and followed the process with a second.
Her gaze caught Mark's furrowed brow as he watched her, clearly having seen Derek follow her outside. She gave a subtle shake of her head and followed the shift in his gaze. To Derek.
She watched as he spoke a few words to April, and she could just feel the stabbing pain through her chest again as she watched them together. His arm was around her and they spoke with one another, April giggling at his words as he gave her that smile. The smile she thought was reserved for just her. She inhaled sharply as she tried to ignore her own mind speaking to her.
He had taken her back to his hotel room, neither able to stop touching the other, whether attacking each other with kisses in the elevator ride up, or keeping their hands linked between them. As Derek unlocked the door to his hotel room, Meredith's lips pressed against his neck in soft kisses, causing him to fumble with the lock on the door as she distracted him. Once he finally got the door open, he lifted her at the waist, causing her to squeal slightly as he carried her through into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
He lay her on the bed and hovered over her with a wicked grin on his face and she giggled softly, looking up at him as her fingers worked to unbutton his shirt. He moved to press his lips against her neck, his movements a little rougher as he pressed down against her, feeling her warmth against him.
Her mind flashed back to her memories of their short-lived time in Hawaii. It had felt too good to be true, to perfect. She'd shied away from it, ignored all her feelings. And now they chose to all come rushing back to her, feeling them at full force. Her stomach twisted with nausea, but she couldn't pull herself to look away from them.
She continued to watch as April giggled, clearly drunk off only a few cocktails, falling against him as he held her up. He took his jacket off and rested it around April's shoulders before leading her out of the bar, not once glancing over in Meredith's direction, if he even realised, she was stood there watching the whole interaction.
The stabbing pain in her chest only intensified, and she paid her tab to the bartender. She waited a moment longer to ensure she wouldn't run into the loving couple outside before leaving the bar herself, not bothering to say goodbye to Mark. She grabbed the nearest cab and jumped in, directing the driver to her mother's brownstone. She pulled her phone out, checking through flights back to Seattle for the second time that day and found one leaving in three hours.
She didn't even realise she'd started crying until the tears fell on her phone as she responded to a text from Cristina, letting her know she was flying back tomorrow. She wiped at her cheeks. She was leaving, and she wasn't coming back to New York until she was over him. Even if that meant never coming back.
'Cause in my head, in my head, in my head, in my head,
I'm yours, and I should know better but I,
Can't forget, won't forget how it was before,
Oh it felt forever, baby.