A/N: I'm gonna try something.
Every time there's a fictional song in a chapter, I'm gonna look for a song that has a similar vibe and I'm gonna try to use some less popular songs too. I'll link some above, and at some point, I'll put them in a Spotify playlist too ;)
I'll put the songs on the bottom!
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
Commoners
•••
ᴏᴀᴋʟᴇʏ ᴄᴀʀɪʟʟᴏ
Nolan had fallen asleep, and I was sitting here against his headboard, next to him, trying to do the same, but my brain just wouldn't allow me.
First, my head started filling up with song lyrics. Then I started making melodies. Then I thought about what coming out would be like. Then I thought about whether or not I should continue making that album for the label. And then it was the song I was supposed to write for Nolan's movie, which deadline had probably already passed. Then my brain started making up ways to tell the world we were together. Then I started replaying memories with old friends.
The cycle kept repeating itself. Again and again, and it wouldn't stop. Faster and faster, and it wouldn't stop. At one point I was afraid my brain had found light levels of speed, to the point where what felt like ten minutes for me, would be ten years in real life, like the theory of relativity.
Maybe I wasn't too far off, because five minutes later, the light hit Nolan's face through a gap in the curtains. He stirred around, and his hand found my arm. His eyes fluttered open, revealing the pale green color I'd grown to love.
"'Morning," he said, a slight rasp in his voice from just waking up. "Did you manage to get some rest?"
"Yeah," I answered, not completely lying since I did feel somewhat rested. I just hadn't been able to fall asleep.
"Feeling better now?"
I did feel better, so I nodded. Maybe it wasn't all bad. Feeling fine was a good thing. "What are we doing today?" I asked, moving closer to him slightly. He put his hand on top of mine as he laid his head down on my lap, looking up at me with drowsy eyes.
"I don't know," he said. "Do you have anything to do?"
"Thinking about that album," I said. I ran a hand through his hair. It was soft and it somehow made me feel more grounded. Like it brought me back to earth.
"Maybe I should meet up with Gen. She can help me with choosing and pitching and stuff. And I'll need you too, so you'll come with me."
"Okay," he said, smiling.
"What are you smiling about?"
"Nothing," he said, his smile getting broader as he closed his eyes.
"Nolan!" I whined. I didn't like being left out.
"You've become dependent on me," he said, opening his eyes again.
"I want to punch you so badly right now," I said with a sigh, but I couldn't help but smile too. His happiness was infectious.
"With your lips?" he asked as he finally decided to sit up.
I rolled my eyes and kissed his cheek, right before getting up from the bed.
Later that morning, after a shower and some breakfast, I called Gen, asking if she had time.
"Look, I'm sorry for not calling you earlier but I need help, Gen."
"You can't just do that, Oakley! I'm still your bigger sister!"
"We're not related!"
"I know, crazy right? Either way, please tell me how you're doing first, and then we can talk. You had me all worried and shit."
"We can talk if you let me come over today. It's work-related. Please just help me?"
"Today?" she asked. "What time?"
"I don't care. I just need your help."
"Fine. Where are you? I'll pick you up. I'm on my way home right now."
"I'm at Nolan's place. It's fine though. We'll just take his car."
"How cute that you basically can't live without him."
I wanted to argue but that would imply that I could live without him, which was far from the truth, so I just rolled my eyes, knowing she can't see me.
"We'll be there in half an hour, okay?"
"Perfect."
•••
"If it isn't my favorite couple," she said with her arms wide open.
"I get it. We're cute," I said, letting myself in as I pulled Nolan with me.
"Nolan, how are you doing?" she asked.
"Oh, I'm good," he mumbled, looking anywhere but at her. She looked at me, raising an eyebrow. Did she only now notice his anxiety? Or has it been getting more noticeable in general? Did this mean it was getting worse?
"Awesome. So, Oakley, I feel like you have some kind of plan," Gen said, crossing her arms as she already started making her way to her studio.
Her studio had everything a studio needs, with the most prestigious of equipment. I tried creating one in my basement too, but I found myself spending too much time alone in there, stressing myself out with trying to make music. I rarely used it now. Mine was basically a huge waste of money.
"I have too many ideas and I don't know where to start," I said. "But my main issue is making something the label would want me to release."
"You signed with them again?" she asked, sounding rather disappointed as she turned around and sat on her hot pink couch.
"It was my mom's advice. It was either this or losing my rights to anything I've done the past two years."
"Okay. Just stick to the plan this time. I don't want them to screw you over again."
"Got it," I said with a nod. "Will you help me now?"
"Yes. What will Nolan be doing?"
"Sit here and be pretty," I said, pulling him by his arm. He looked at me with a frown. "I'm kidding. I need your opinion too. You know? Commoners have to like my music too."
"Commoner?" he asked, a smile playing on his lips. "I think I'm worth a little more than that."
"You haven't earned a title yet," I said, mimicking his expression.
He narrowed his eyes. "What do I do to earn one?"
"I'll think about it," I said, leaning in to kiss him. The tips of our noses barely touched when Gen decided she wanted to ruin the moment.
"How adorable, but if you need to make out that badly, find a bedroom, or a bathroom, or a closet for all I care," she said with a sweet smile. I rolled my eyes and kissed his cheek.
"Can I borrow a guitar?" I asked her, and she grabbed an acoustic for me. "So basically I came up with this thing," I said, making sure the instrument was in tune before playing what I'd had in my head on the guitar, occasionally looking for what chord was actually playing in my brain. Then I started over, this time playing the same thing exactly the way I had imagined it.
"That's beautiful," Gen said. I looked at Nolan.
"What did you think?"
"It's nice," he said with a nod.
"Just nice? That's not good enough," I said, trying something else. "How about this?"
I tried something else. Something a little less regular, and then looked back up at him to see his reaction.
"I don't know, Oakley. It's pretty. I genuinely have no idea what's good or not."
"Well, I can tell when your cookies are just good or otherworldly. You should be able to tell."
"What's your favorite kind of music, Nolan?" Gen asked him.
"I don't know," he shrugged, looking at the floor.
"Okay, so I'm gonna literally play every single genre and you'll tell me what you like the best. Just tell me when to skip to the next one." I grabbed my phone, scrolling through all my music.
"How long will this take?"
"I don't know. An hour tops."
"An hou-"
I connected my phone to the speakers and started playing the first song on my playlist.
This was a classic. Dolly by The Crafters as a classic rock number. I skipped straight to the chorus. Gen immediately started singing along, and I joined in.
"Yes or no?" I asked halfway through the second chorus.
"It's fine," he said. I skipped to the next number that wasn't classic rock.
Bad Fridays by Danton Morris. More of a pop culture classic.
"Better? Worse?" I asked.
"Don't know!"
"Nolan, look. I love you. I really do. But there's no way you're actually this apathetic towards my second favorite thing in the world!"
"Well- I-"
"Your bickering is adorable. It really is. But this is not useful, Oakley. He'll figure out what he likes eventually."
"But I want to make something he likes and I can't do that if he doesn't know what he likes."
"Just do something you like," Nolan said.
"Fuck, I can't. I can't, Nolan. They won't let me."
"They don't even want you anymore. Why are they making it so difficult?"
It was because they did want me. But they wanted me this specific way.
"It's fine. I can't write for you, I can't write about you, but I can still write to you. The album can be like a giant love letter to you. And the label will love it. They'd kill to have me write more love songs." I turned around to look at my best friend. "Gen, they'd love that, right?"
"They will if you pitch it right."
I can pitch it! They'll love it.
"Okay, but you need to help me!"
"I will, but I'm gonna help you record something first. I liked these," she said, grabbing one of my notebooks and opening it on a page. "But on a different note..." she started, but she didn't finish.
"What?"
"You're feeling alright, I'm guessing?"
"I mean, yeah. Why?"
"I need a favor and I don't want you to do it if you're feeling all... you know? Depressed and all."
"Uhm, okay. Do I need to be scared?"
"So someone asked me for someone who would like to sing this duet they wrote, but they don't have many connections yet, so they sent me this demo and I kind of think her voice will sound good with yours."
"So?"
"So I need you to record with her. Just a demo to see if it works. If not, I'll see if I can find someone else."
"Why would I not want to do it?" I asked her, my suspicion growing.
"Because it may or may not be Hanna," she said with an awkward smile. I groaned.
"Why do you want me to?"
"I genuinely think your voices will blend really well together. And she's totally over you." She looked over at Nolan. "Don't worry about it," she said with an overly polite smile.
"Nolan, please tell her it's a bad idea."
"I have no idea what's going on," he admitted.
"She wants me to duet with my overly clingy ex-girlfriend who never takes no for an answer."
"Look, I promise you she's different now. I hated her, remember? But we met up at this party and it's like something in her just clicked, and now she's like... ten times as mature! And listen to this," she said, grabbing her phone and scrolling through a bunch of files. She clicked one, and my ex-girlfriend's voice comes through the speakers.
"Since when does she even sing?"
"Maybe you should give her a chance, Oakley," Nolan said.
I groaned.
"One chance," I said. "That's all she gets."
•••
I ended up recording that demo for Hanna's song that day. It had been a while since then, and I was still waiting for a message from her. Nolan and I decided I'd stay at his place for a while. Maybe we'd switch it around. Either way, I wanted to be by his side for as much as I could be.
"Oakley, Oakley stop."
I pulled away, and his cheeks were all flushed and he just stared at me with those lightning green eyes.
"What's wrong?" I asked, kissing him on the lips right after. And again. And again. "I love you," I said with a smile. God, I loved him.
"I love you too, but this is too risky," he said quietly.
Maybe he was right. Kissing him every three seconds at my dad's restaurant was a little risky because we were technically in public, but pictures weren't allowed in here and we sat shielded from the other tables either way.
"Then I wanna go home," I said, kissing him again. He relaxed against my lips momentarily before he -way too soon- pulled away.
"You need to eat, Oa-" the rest of my name got stuck in his throat as I kissed him once again.
"I wanna go home," I whined, grabbing his hands which were resting on his lap, and looked him in the eyes.
"Jesus, Dimple. You can kiss me in an hour from now too."
"I wanna go home," I repeated again.
"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, his voice exasperated, almost whiney. I also didn't like how he was knitting his eyebrows together.
I didn't know the answer to this question, but I did know that I wanted to kiss him. So I did it again.
"Oakley-" he tried saying, but his voice got muffled in the process.
"Oakley," he said, pushing me away slightly. I kept kissing his lips.
I let my lips travel their way down. His lips, his jaw, his neck. I loved him.
"I'm serious, Dimple. What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said, smiling as I pushed a strand of hair out of his face. "I just love doing that."
"Are you sure everything's okay? You're acting differently. Like, different different." He looked so concerned. I was alright.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"Well, maybe. A little. Don't worry about it, though. It's just... there's boundaries, Oakley. If someone walked by, it could've been an issue."
The more I started thinking about it, the less I cared. I kind of wanted people to know about us. I wanted to hold his hand as we walked the street and go on dates to museums and restaurants and just kiss him whenever I felt like it. I wanted to prove that he was mine, and I was his.
"When will you be okay with it?" I asked, playing with his fingers.
"I don't know. I just don't want to be that one gay actor. I don't know how many roles I need to take before that won't be an issue anymore. I just need to prove that I'm more than just a child actor."
I wanted time to go by faster.
"How can we make that go faster?" I asked.
"I don't think we can." He looked down at our hands.
"I hate this."
"Me too. But it won't be forever. I promise."
"It's not fair."
"I know."
Moments later, my dad came by and gave us the food we ordered.
"Dad, I told you you don't have to come by my table every time I come to eat here."
"I just want to make sure you're okay. You left in the middle of the night the other day and your car is still at home."
"I was too tired to drive so I called an Uber. I'm fine."
"Okay. Good to hear." He looked at Nolan. "He didn't bother you?" he asked him. I groaned and put my head on the table.
"Uhm, no, Mr. Carrillo."
"Okay, good to hear. Oakley, don't put your head on the table. We don't want hair in your food."
"You take food way too seriously."
"You don't take it seriously enough," both my boyfriend and my dad said at the same time. This was freaky. They hadn't been spending much time together at all. Am I just basically dating a better version of my dad?
"See? He gets it," my dad said, smiling at Nolan. Oh no, he was starting to like my boyfriend more than he liked me.
My dad walked away and I punched Nolan in the arm.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"For basically sharing a brain with my dad. This is horrible. I can already see the future. We live together and I come home from a long long world tour, and my dad's car is in the driveway. So I get home and there you are, in the kitchen, cooking together or whatever, and forcing it down my throat because you're afraid I've starved myself for the six months I was away."
"I've noticed you're a terrible storyteller." He smiled and started taking a bite of the sandwich he ordered.
"Shut up." I did the same and stared out in front of me.
When we were both finished, I told him to stay as I went to the kitchen to talk to my dad.
"Dad." He turned around, and so did this woman, Anette, who'd worked here for as long as I could remember. She did her routine of putting my hair in a net and shaking her head in disappointment before I was allowed to enter. I smiled at her and thanked her.
"Dad, can I talk to you?"
"To me?"
"Unless you're secretly not my dad, yes. You, Dad."
"Okay. What's wrong?"
"How do I keep this a secret?" I asked him, my voice hushed so not everyone would just hear me spill my issues. "I feel like combusting!"
"Spill what out?" my dad asked. I stared at him, hoping he'd get it eventually, because the people in this kitchen were not to be trusted. I'd found out the hard way. "Ooh," he said eventually. "Didn't you have someone for that? A publicist or something?"
So was I supposed to talk to Mason? I was definitely not doing that. I was just waiting his contract out at this point.
"I'm not doing that," I said.
"Nolan? Your therapist? Can't they help you?"
"They could if Nolan wasn't..." so anxious about it. But eavesdroppers were nearby. "Nolan already knows these things, Dad. To him, it's nothing new, but I've never had to keep something this big a secret before."
"Then tell him it's difficult for you."
"I'm also kind of really scared."
"Why? He's you b-"
"My best friend," I interrupted him, making sure I wouldn't get in trouble over all this.
"Right," he said. "You should be able to tell your best friend anything."
My dad and my mom had been happily together for quite some time, so he must've been right.
"Maybe you're right. I love you, Dad," I said, hugging him. He tapped my back awkwardly.
"Okay, okay. That's enough, Mijo."
"I'll see you tonight," I said, before walking off, Back to the table where Nolan was still seated. He looked up from his phone and smiled when he saw me. I didn't realize what was happening before his flash went off.
"What are you? A paparazzo?"
"What are you? Your dad's kitchen assistant?"
I still had the stupid hair net on my head.
"I fucking hate you," I said, pulling it off. "Let's go. I'm bored and wanna do something fun."
"Something like?"
"I don't know."
"You always say you wanna do something, but you never know what. How about we decide on what we'll do first?"
"I am bored, Nolan. I don't wanna sit here and think. I just wanna... do. Like, you know those musicals? I feel like bursting out in a dancing number on top of the table like a big flashmob or something. All rainbows and sunshine and smiles and-"
"Sounds like a pride parade."
"That would be perfect! But it's only May."
"You're right. So we're gonna have to come up with something else."
"Your woods clearing thing. Maybe we could set up a movie and watch it there." I could find a projector. We'd need a really long extension cord. And a projection screen of course.
"A movie? Like, on my laptop?"
"Not exactly. Give me an hour and I'll set everything up."
"An hour for you to find my laptop and pick out a movie?"
"No," I grabbed his arm and pulled him up from his seat. "I'll drive you home, and I'll set everything up. Just stay in your room."
"So I went from Prince Charming to Rapunzel?"
"Exactly. Just stay in your room and relax," I said as we were both seated in his car.
==============
(The real songs are in bold italics)
Dolly - The Crafters | Hang on to Yourself - Palaye Royale
Bad Fridays - Danton Morris | LA DON'T LOOK GOOD ON U - ASTN
==============
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I'm kinda back! (Yaay!) horrible grades, but I can redo my worst one.
Question of the update: what's your biggest talent?
I'm mainly better than average in a lot of things, but not good enough for it to be considered special :(
Don't forget to vote if you haven't, and have a nice day ✨