"I don't know how to feel..."
Eiji could not help but to look away at the sight of both his friend's closeness. Although, it wasn't uncommon for the two to display affection may it be platonic or not, there was an ache in his chest that he have been ignoring continuously. Pushing those thoughts of insecurity at the back of his head and burying his emotion deep in the pits of his stomach just so his heart could take a break.
"Anyways, I wish you guys well." He flashed his usual kind smile, raising his mug as if he were offering a toast for the two of you. Eiji still wanted to be a good friend. He really did cheered for the two of you...but Eiji hates the growing distance between all three of you. He often questioned himself, racking his brain for anything that can help the group move towards their goal.
Ash was exceptional in all fields, he has his own tact that no one can possibly par to. You on the other hand, you aren't the best in physical fights and your physique isn't better than Eiji, but your immense knowledge in the field of medicine is immaculate.
Now that the two of you are together, the more Eiji feels like he's being left behind. He just hopes and prays that he can still catch up, afraid of the loneliness that had him in a tight grasp, leaving nothing but an empty feeling that pools deep in his guts.
—--—
Being in a relationship with Ash, changes between the two of you were expected of course. Not only does your heart flips from the giddy feeling caused by him, the amount of headaches you had increased in a daily basis as you learned how truly annoying it is to be with Ash Lynx. In simpler terms, the two of you are both a pain in each other's asses.
"Ouch!" Your man-child whined, again, as you dabbed a cotton on his wounds. "You're being overly dramatic. I didn't even put any antiseptic yet." You almost hissed at him, purely fed up at his childish antics. With the same annoying expression, he argued back, "I don't know about you, but I have a delicate body. It really hurts if you do it all sloppy like that."
Your patience was long gone as soon as the word sloppy reached your ear. He had the nerve to hit your pride as someone who have been exceptional in this line of work.
A devilish grin formed on your lips as you soaked the cotton in alcohol. "Well, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of your 'delicateness'. Allow me to make you feel better your highness~"
Ash's groans and cries were heard throughout the room as you tied and rolled his wounds bandages as tights as you can, making him more uncomfortable that he already is with the burning sensation lingering on his skin. Eiji, who was in the same room, winced at your aggressiveness.
"You should've hurt your mouth instead." He teased more, literally adding an insult to his injury.
You cleanse your palms with alcohol, satisfied at the lynx's current hostility. Ash rolled his eyes, bringing the newspaper up to his view just so he can stop seeing the smug look on your face.
"Damned brat." He muttered quietly.
"What was that, babe?"
"I said, fuck you." You chuckled, grabbing all the medical supplies and placing them in your kit.
Before heading out to prepare sandwiches with Eiji, you turned to him and bent down to whisper in his ears,
"Hmm, maybe later."
You then winked, leaving him flustered as you enjoy the sight of his bewildered face with a small tint of red on his cheeks.
As the door closed, Ash was left alone and the tabs in his head opened. With a sigh, he let himself lay down the bed, closing his eyes just so he can hear his own thoughts clearer. His mind that used to be focused on surviving was now filled with you, surviving with you. It has definitely been a long time since Ash had a serious relationship, considering how the last one ended up, Ash worries of your well-being since you are now definitely a target being both his strength and weakness.
Often times, he did thought about rejecting you back then or sending you away so no one could ever reach you but that would include him as well. He was contradicting his morals, wanting to lock you up just so you can't ever leave him but also wanting you to push you away, away from him as he is very aware that being with his raises several death flags.
There's also this sense of inferiority that he can't help but feel as he thinks you deserve better than someone unstable as him.
Ash is afraid of loving and being loved by you.
The door opened with a slam, making him sit up abruptly. There, the two of you stood with a sheepish grin, and suddenly, all his thoughts turned off. Your mouth opened to say something but Ash couldn't really hear it but you gestured towards the tray with a burnt toast and it clicked in his head that you were apologizing.
You placed the toast in his mouth, giving him a taste but no reaction was given. He stayed still, with the bread hanging off his mouth.
"Ash, are you okay?" You sat in front of him, tucking his blonde locks behind his ears as it was getting in the way of his sight. The ringing in his ear deafened at the sound of your voice. He leaned his head against the palm of your hand, before turning against it to place a small peck as his hand covered yours.
God please, just let me have this one.
With the comfort of your touch, Ash began to doze off as his eyes shut open. You quickly guided him back to his bed, as gentle as you possibly can to avoid any form of discomfort.
You then placed the bread he took a bite off on your tray as you turned to Eiji standing at the doorway.
"I think he's broken."
"Shit."
—--—
You turned to your side with a sigh, you have been trying to fall asleep for quite some time, tossing and turning ever so often as you sought out that comfortable position that can lull you to sleep in an instant. With Eiji's light snoring and Ash's patterned breaths in the background, you clicked your tongue and sat up. Reaching out for your new phone, thanks to Ash and his men, you groaned both at the sudden brightness emitted by the screen and at the time.
It was 2:00 AM.
As you massaged your temples, relieving yourself off from the headache caused by sleep deprivation, your gaze fell towards the man beside you. Your fingers ghosted over his sprawled hair, you often wondered how different it would look if he cut his hair a b it shorter. You smiled, Ash has never looked this peaceful. With the current situation though, he carries such a huge burden, its almost impossible not to stay as calm and orderly as he is. Letting his guard down can lead to many possibilities that's not in favor for them in any way.
You, too, have your fair share of uncertainties and worries, that's why you're wide awake right now as your mind just can't shut off and let you sleep. As much as how safe you think you are being in Ash's turf, you could never be safe enough. And it's worse when Ash is drawing a line with not just you but with Eiji too with what's really happening or going to happen right now.
It's as if, Ash is keeping you away from everything, he doesn't even let you go out without permission or atleast having Val. And no, it's not because you can't handle yourself, Ash instructed that Eiji and you should lay low for a while. He said it was better if no one knew you were still alive.
Although, it was nice being able to just live out your days with Eiji, you knew it wouldn't take long for you to get back into action and no one can stop you.
Especially when you have received an email from your...sister.
You expected way worse upon reading the email that was oddly suspicious as there were no threats or any kind of stunt. It was straight to the point.
"Meet me at this location, 10 AM. 2 days from now."
The pinned location was a mall not too far but not to close to the bunker. You doubt they'll be reckless within the public's eye, but you still planned to go with Val tagging along.
Ash and Eiji doesn't know about this, and they would never know unless deemed necessary. Especially when Shorter's blood is on her hands, with everything on Ash's plate, you decided to leave him out of this first.
After-all, you're not just a normal girl.
No normal girl could deflect a bullet shot on the chest.
You're no damsel in distress, even Ash can admit that you're a danger dressed in sheep's clothing.
—--—
Ash woke up, cold sweat covering his whole body as he turned to the side, frantic, seeing Eiji and an empty spot on his bed. Upon seeing light on the other side of the door however, he felt relieved. He can hear you cursed along with the rattle of plates and utensils. He figured you were in the kitchen and not in the hands of his enemies just as how his dreams played out.
Ash splashed himself with some cold water, letting it sit on his face, as he forced himself to calm down. Upon raising his head, your standing figure reflected on the mirror.
No words were needed to explain what's happening, you took his hand, linking yours with his as you pulled him to sit on the edge of the bed were Eiji was waiting with the lamp already open.
Eiji sat on the floor as you sat beside Ash, drawing circles on his callous hand. You waited for him to speak up and when he did, your heart dropped at his words.
"I was eight when I first killed a man." You tightened your grip, "I was raped. I was terrified." Ash stared at you with so much pain in his eyes, his whole body was shaking as his tears kept streaming down his face. He opened his other palm, staring at it in horror, "I killed Shorter."
He turned towards you as the tears you tried to keep in also streaked your face, Ash instinctively raised his hands to wipe them but stopped before he touched your face, as if he suddenly realized something.
"I don't know how much blood is on my hand.."
You clicked you tongue and gently pulled him closer to you, patting the back of his head as you let him cry on your chest. Eiji moved to the other side and wrapped an arm around him.
"Ash...it's okay. You're okay. Everything will be okay and even if its not, you don't have to worry. You won't lose me or Eiji." You cupped his face, you stared straight to his eyes. Smiling, you placed your forehead against his, "I will stand by your side, whether you like it or not, until the day I die."
You pulled slightly away to give him a peck on the temple of his head.
"You're not a monster Ash. You're that incredible charming and annoying brat whose afraid of pumpkins that Eiji and I put up with everyday."
You lightly squeezed his cheeks, showing him that cheeky smile of yours that almost made him laugh especially with that trail of dried snot on your nose which you have wiped earlier.
Eiji placed his hands on Ash' shoulder, "We'll stay by you Ash. That is, if you don't mind."
Ash sat there stunned, no one had ever gave him this level of comfort before. It was heartwarming, he had never felt...this loved. This kind of physical affection can't be compared to anything, it was so pure. Sure, it can't really solve any of his conflict but to him, it was enough.
He felt that he wasn't alone in this damned world and that was enough.
As he relaxed his visibly tensed shoulders, he wiped his tears, laughing softly he teased, "Does that mean I have to keep eating those nasty sandwiches?"
You chuckled and nodded in response. "Of course! You can't expect me to eat Eiji's tofu sandwiches by myself!"
"I think he's referring to your sandwiches instead of mine (y/n). Like seriously, you don't put anything else except for meat! I'm glad you're a doctor and not a nutritionist." You rolled your eyes at Eiji's remark.
"Can you blame me though? I've been eating those soggy noodles and instant coffee my whole life. It's my first time to try quality meat." Ash saw how your face brightened at the thought of food.
"Stop your drooling little dog." He said, tapping your forehead in the process. You yelped, surprised by the sudden contact as your focus turned to him. "Are you trying to put a hole on my head or wh-OOF!"
Ash stopped you mid-sentence, placing his weight over you as he slumped his body over your lap. In a soft whisper, you heard him ask for water. You turned to Eiji who gave you a nod before heading to the kitchen to get the both of you some water.
Ash laid still on your lap, he was trembling slightly. You combed through his hair and pat his back. He turned to the side, looking up at you, eyes a bit teary.
His hand went up to your face, trailing over your features before resting it on the side of your face.
It took a good minute before he broke the silence. With a small voice that sounded so desperate in your ears, he pleaded with his eyes. "Don't die. Ever. Or at least before me."
You bit your lips, unable to come up with a response. There was no way you can make sure that you can grant his wish, you don't know when death is coming all you know it's alway by the door, waiting for the perfect time to knock.
You turned your head towards his palm, placing a kiss as you nodded.
"Ok. I promise."
Even if both of you knew it was a lie, it was still reassuring. All Ash wants is to stay by your side and it doesn't have to be forever.
Just a little longer, just a little longer. He thought as he laid back on the bed, with your warmth helping him go back to sleep.
As Eiji stood outside the door, he can't help but smile seeing the two of you sleeping soundly with arms wrapped around each other. Eiji placed the water on the table as he slowly walked to turn off the lamp.
He yawned, waking you up in which he apologized for. You shake your head, it's okay, you whispered before scooting over and patting the other side of the bed. As you laid back down, snuggling closer, Eiji gave your head a soft tussle before climbing in and joining the cuddle with Ash in between.
—--—
HELLO ITS BEEN SOOOOI LONG. Lolol, I know I'm sorry I just officially graduated last July and was enjoying my summer vacation before I enter college. Hello yes, I am now an Engineering Student (yay nay). And honestly, it took me long to update because I somehow hated my writing style for a while and had to read so I can know how to improve.
Anyways, we got Eiji feeling conflicted with your relationship dun dunn dunnn. Honestly thankyou guys for waiting, it won't be long before this book ends honestly and your comments makes me so happy I want to cry.
You guys are nice! T-T Pls have a cookie u deserve it!
🍪🍪🍪🍪
Always remember that you should give yourself a rest sometimes! Life is not a race sooo go at it at your own phase.
STAY SAFE FRIENDSSS