Note: Just... trigger warnings ahead. Sorry, in advance.
It was only a matter of mere minutes that, unbeknownst to our heroes, unwittingly repaved the path which their future strode upon. Upon which the galaxy's existence altered.
In those few minutes, three decisions were made: two by Ahsoka Tano and a single, last one by Anakin Skywalker.
After she had closed the comm channel with Anakin, Ahsoka closed her eyes for just one moment. A moment long enough for her to force oxygen into her lungs and out her nose – a moment to recenter on a single action.
Focus on the flow – on the connectedness of life. The air which you fill your lungs with weaving into the calming release. How that release is vital for the life around you – the trees towering above you and grass beneath you. Let your breath ground you, younglings.
It was a lesson she would remain forever indebted to.
Ahsoka diverted out of the traffic lane heading toward the Temple, durasteel grip curled around the thrusters.
That was decision number one.
The platform she landed on was devoid of sentient life beyond a couple of unaccompanied speeders and beings plodding along the main walkway, though they paid no mind to the relatively inconspicuous patrol gunship.
Though her stomach was engaged in an outright rebellion, she forced her face relax, only displaying a portion of her internal chaos. However, Ahsoka's movements, she could feel, were still much too jerky – stilted as they were by her brutally pounding heart.
Rapidly drowned out in the buzz of the air-vehicles soaring above, her armored boots thumped ominously, ringing in her ears as she made her way around toward the ramp.
Every movement she made, every sound she that nipped at her montrals hit her with an intensity which she was only accustomed to on the field of battle.
Fingers tapping out the code, Ahsoka treaded warily up to the hull, calling out her Captain's name though she already knew what she would be greeted with.
Silence which only the unconscious could accomplish.
Artificial light bathed the two men before her, shadows drawn long across their slack forms. Rex slumped against the durasteel door of the ship's storage space, pistol strewn discarded at his side.
Fives was still dead to the world on the hovercot, which allowed her to easily inject a standard issue detoxer into his bloodstream. Ahsoka wasn't sure if he had been drugged, but there had been something abnormal about his reactions: the twitchiness, the abrupt rage. Either way, it didn't hurt to try.
Their fate entirely in her hands.
It was with that thought in mind that she found the strength to begin deliberately closing off her bond with Anakin, weaving thread after thread over the particularly vulnerable points, each like a drop of water to the freshly planted seed of self-disgust in her chest.
Both Master and Padawan had done this before when their emotions grew too strong, too intense – though Anakin's method was closer to slamming up a wall of beskar, often times leaving his student almost light-headed from the hasty retreat.
He wouldn't question it.
He wouldn't suspect it was because she was lying to him.
Her eyes stilled on Fives and she sighed. Ahsoka would do what was needed to be done, same as her Master.
Steeling herself once more, Ahsoka opened the frequency she had just closed minutes ago and began to play the part she had set for herself. For Fives' sake.
That was decision number two.
"Anakin! Anakin, come in!" she cried, allowing the self-loathing to course hot and heavy through her. Sure, she was guilty, just not for the reason Anakin would assume if he felt any of her emotions.
He immediately responded, panicked at her tone. "I'm here, Ahsoka. What's wrong?"
Force, she was going to vomit after this.
"Master, Fives is – he's dead. Rex is stunned and Fives, he –" That time she really did bring a hand up to cover her mouth, muffling a very sincere gag.
"What do you mean he's dead? Snips, you just said he was in custody – that he was stunned," he demanded, anguished confusion seeping into her very pores, his panic-shock-grief slamming against her like a physical blow to the gut.
Anakin will break if he finds out I'm lying before I can prove my suspicions. Two times is too much. Kriff, the first time was too much.
"He was! But I checked on Rex like I told you I would, and he didn't answer. I got nervous because that isn't like him and I landed the ship to make sure everything was okay. But it's not. It's not fine at all. Fives is gone."
Static rang hollow in her montrals, his silence a visceral ache within her very soul.
"Are you sure, Ahsoka?" he pressed, a dead, defeated quality to his question that nearly consumed her whole.
Anakin, I am so, so sorry.
"Yes, Master," she choked out.
His hushed agony was an abyss she barely managed to avoid falling into, stretching out for what felt like an eternity.
"What should I do, Anakin?"
Ahsoka just wanted this to be over, but she couldn't rush it.
Paitence.
"I guess," he paused, seemingly at a loss. "I guess just bring him back to the Temple. The Council will decide from there."
She hesitated, despising herself for having to manipulate the situation - having to manipulate his pain.
"Anakin, can I," she swallowed. "Bring him back to the Resolute?" Ahsoka didn't wait for him but hurried to explain.
All this goes down the drain if he doesn't agree. It will all be for nothing.
"It's just that the men they... they deserve to say good-bye. Even after everything that's happened the boys – Torrent will want to pay their respects. I'll have him cremated onboard." Ahsoka held her breath, blood pounding so fiercely she was sure he would be able to hear her, even over the comm.
There was a delay to his response, and she could feel him contemplating her request, so she didn't speak, willing her mouth to stay closed through the forcible lock she created with her teeth. A fang bit anxiously into the delicate flesh and she drew blood but was too distracted to notice until it escaped passed her lips to tinge the cavern of her mouth.
"Ahsoka..." he trailed off, rejection evident.
No!
"Please, Anakin. Fives was our friend. He deserves more than to be dissected like some science experiment gone wrong. He is not just some slab of flesh."
Ahsoka knew this was a decision for the Council. She knew there would be hell to pay.
And, she resolved, when the time came, she was prepared to pay it in full.
Just as long as Fives was given the chance to prove his findings. Ahsoka knew her faith was not misplaced.
Anakin's angry, tortured huff filtered through to reach her montrals, but she didn't give in to her fraying patience. Ahsoka could feel the conflict within him.
"Fine," he sighed. "Just... be quick about it. The Guard is still on the lookout and I can only ignore the Council for so long."
"Thank you," she breathed as the frequency was cut, a disorienting combination of soaring relief and deadening guilt raging within.
That was decision number three.
________________________________________________________________________________
Her comm lit up just as she had lifted off with transmission from familiar subspace frequency.
Fulcrum.
Finally.
"Commander Tano here," she said, eyes staying focused on the path before her.
"Ah – Commander, I've heard you've recently been quite the busy Tog," a deep, lilted voice greeted.
Ahsoka rolled her eyes but couldn't subdue the amused twitch of her lips. "Hello Gerrera."
He wasted no time in pleasantries. Patience had never been a quality she could claim he possessed, and, in this situation, she was greatly appreciative of that brusqueness.
"Our dear senator told me you're in need of some – how should I word this? Less than scrupulous assistance?"
His arrogant flippancy, however, had always rubbed her the wrong way and she could see that that particular attitude had yet to change. Then again, Anakin often didn't know when to restrain himself either.
"That's right," Ahsoka agreed, an edge to her voice which she hoped he would pick up on.
A bark of laughter erupted from the man and that time her annoyance was sincere, especially after he teased, "Weren't you just cleared of treasonous charges, Commander?"
Ahsoka ground her teeth, fingers unconsciously tightening around the controls. "I see that that news has already reached Onderon then. Yes, I was cleared, but I'm a bit too short on time to go through the highlight reel with you."
With a noise that could have only be him clucking his tongue at her, he said, "Of course, my apologies. Some other time, perhaps?"
Ahsoka didn't deign to answer him.
"Right then. I'm sending the coordinates to you now. I won't ask for details, but is there any description I can have for my pilots, so they know who to expect?"
Teeth tugging the already battered skin of her worried lip, Ahsoka weighed the risks. Was she comfortable divulging this specific piece of information?
No, but it would likely prevent a panicked moment of misunderstanding. Ahsoka nodded her head, if only to herself, acquiescing to his request.
Decisive but cautious, she tasted her words before she allowed them their freedom. "Their passenger will be an armored clone. I'll make sure he greets your people with the code word sa'daar."
"Now why am I not surprised you're the type of Jedi to aid clone deserters?" he jabbed, smirk audible over the feed.
Jerking over into a new lane a tad harsher than necessary, Ahsoka ground out, "Not a Jedi, Gerrera." She did not, however, correct his assumption about Fives being a clone deserter. That was a safe cover for him.
Well – safer.
"Sure thing, Commander," he placated.
Had they the luxury of time, Ahsoka would have made more of an effort to drive the point home – and eradicate that patronizing tone – but she released it instead, ready to wrap up their meeting.
"Oh – and Tano?"
I don't exactly have the time to sit and chat, Saw.
"Yes?" Ahsoka did her best to keep the bite out of her voice but wasn't too confident in her success.
"This frequency – the Fulcrum frequency. Onderon operations have decided to abandon it. Now, I was planning on keeping it just in case something changed and the Seppies came back or something, but I'm getting the feeling you might have more of a use for it than I would." He paused. "If you want it, I can also transmit the codes to you before I erase it from the system on my side."
Ahsoka couldn't believe it. Sure, she was more than capable of encrypting the frequency she had established between the paired handheld holoprojectors that Fives and she would be using, but this would save her at least a week of work.
The woman almost felt bad for the impatience she felt moments ago.
"I could definitely use it, yeah," Ahsoka said, beyond thankful that she could finally catch a break.
He snorted, incredulous. "For my own sake, I don't think I even want to know what you're up to."
Ahsoka lips curled in a half smile though the rising, anxious pressure in her chest threatened to overwhelm once more. Time was slipping through her hands like the grains of Tatooine sand and she still had one last task she needed to complete before arriving in the hangar. "No, probably not. As much as I appreciate your help, I need to go."
"Alright. I've transmitted the codes for Fulcrum, so you should be good to go. And if you're ever in Onderon space again, make sure to drop by."
Ahsoka shook her head fondly. "See you 'round, Gerrera. Thanks for your help."
"Not a problem, Commander. Gerrera out."
The line cut, silence filling the cockpit, a rewarding lull as another part of her rather hasty plan came into place.
She sighed.
No rest for the wicked, I guess.
Setting the gunship on autopilot to the GAR shipyards, Ahsoka pulled Fives' holoprojector out of her utility belt and balanced it on her thigh.
She only had one shot at this, the Resolute drawing closer with every second that passed.
Her next set of falsehoods drawing closer.
Not the time.
Ahsoka took a breath, doing what she could to clear her mind before tapping the play button to begin.
"Hey Fives. I only have a few minutes, so I'll make this quick. I've arranged passage for you to Bogden – it's in the Inner Rim, but that's not your real destination. Your cover story is that of a clone deserter. If they ask you any questions, stick with that. Your holodisc and projector are what we'll be using to communicate. The coordinates for after Bogden are on the holodisc. The people there will protect and accept you. Settle down and get used to it because I don't know how long it'll take me. Do not, under any circumstance, leave the planet. One of your pouches will hold a handful of credits." Ahsoka smiled apologetically. "I didn't have much on hand – sorry – so you'll likely have to smuggle yourself off Bogden. Maybe buy something to hide your face? Definitely make sure your tattoo is covered, though," she paused, brows drawing in. "I shouldn't have to say this, but the warriors who will... greet you at the final coordinates – do not flirt with them. Not if you value your tongue, anyways. Give them the second pouch, the one that will hold my Akul headdress. Tell them I sent you. Tell them you're my sa'daar. Ask to speak with Meht."
Though the Force gently – reassuringly caressed her psyche, Ahsoka felt a new volley of anguish assault her with brutal relentlessness and she dug her nails into the side of her thigh, trying, hopelessly to fight back.
"I'm trusting you, Fives. I didn't watch over Tup like I promised, and I am sorry, but I need proof of what you're saying. I need a full report of everything that happened from the moment Rex and I left you on Kamino. Everything. From there, I'll do some digging. Just – be careful, Fives."
Reluctant to acknowledge the next leg of her journey and all the web of lies it entailed, the Togruta dipped her head, solemn before she concluded.
"Ret'urcye mhi, vod."
________________________________________________________________________________
The clone at the checkpoint waved her by with ease, but Ahsoka was filled with a paranoia which she knew to be irrational. What if this was all a trick? What if there was already a squad of the Guard down there waiting to take her in?
Again.
But no, she told herself, there was no way they could know. She couldn't allow herself those obtrusive distractions.
The boys are going to lose it. Maybe they won't let me see it, but I'll feel it. Oh, I'll feel it...
Needles prickled, burning the back of her eyes with tears she could not shed. Tears she would not shed for Ahsoka knew the trust she was betraying.
Once they figured out what was going on – and they would – and Fives could come out of hiding, sure, they might understand. They might forgive Ahsoka, but she wasn't sure she would be capable of forgiving herself.
But the Commander's loyalty would always lay with the clones, even if it laid waste to her.
Ahsoka claimed a landing pad as far away from the hustle and bustle of the main hangar as she could.
They're going to grieve over the corpse of a living man. A living brother.
There are so few of those now days.
The woman closed her eyes, pained, halting in her march of rebellion long enough to reach out to the Force, frantic and forlorn as she clawed, grasping in a greedy display of distress for some sort of strength. Any bandage to sop up the blood where her heart had been rent from the hollow cavity of her chest.
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find.
The Force coiled within her, heeding her call, settling low like a smoldering fire, embers just warm enough to give light. It cocooned her in a firm but gentle embrace, like that of a mother, empowering and life-giving.
Just a little longer, dear Sister, it seemed to whisper.
Ahsoka opened her eyes.
"Just a little longer," she muttered, exiting the pilot's seat and unsealing the ramp to the hull, knowing no one could easily see inside given the angle. She just needed a couple minutes anyways.
Rex was still out of it, but Ahsoka could tell Fives was awake, his breathing almost too perfect.
"Fives," Ahsoka whispered, kneeling to open the medical storage drawer beneath the hovercot. "I have to stun you one more time, but we're almost done. We're getting you out of here. Promise."
He didn't acknowledge her, but Ahsoka wasn't expecting him too and she pulled out the body bag and a couple stims from the med kit before looking over her shoulder. Then, for the second time that evening, the young woman took up one of Rex's DCs, pointed it at her friend and stunned him.
What little tension was in his conscious form left the moment the blue rays collided with his form.
Lowering herself back down, Ahsoka jabbed Rex through the blacksuit, quickly pulling back as he jerked awake. Fluttering black lashes hid his amber eyes, allowing her to avoid his gaze quite easily.
Wherever you lead, Ahsoka, I've got your back.
"Wake up, Rex. We're here."
A small groan emanated from his raspy throat and he raised a hand to his helmeted head.
"You know, I never did enjoy being stunned."
Ahsoka didn't stop her snort as she stood up to begin shoving Fives into the HRP, his foot catching on the lip of the bag.
"So... what's the official story?" he asked, and she could feel his eyes hovering on her as he removed his helmet, pulling himself up.
Monotonous, Ahsoka went through the 'story' with as much enthusiasm as a medical droid. "Fives caught you off guard. You believed he was fully stunned but apparently, I didn't hit him dead on, so he wasn't out for the full time. He grabbed one of your blasters, stunned you, then..."
Her shoulders set, tense, hands crinkling the rubber-like weave in her grasp.
"Then he turned it on himself. Anakin has given us permission to cremate his body aboard the Resolute so the men can pay their respects."
His deafening silence told her more than enough.
Just a little longer.
"I'm sorry this was the only plan I could think of, Rex," Ahsoka offered quietly, focus returning to figuring out how to slide the material under his shebs without having to bodily flip him over.
"No," he said, stepping to her side. "No, you don't need to apologize. I don't know what I was expecting. If Fives is being framed, you're right. No one will believe him. This is the safest plan there is."
Ahsoka huffed bitterly. "Yeah, well, that doesn't make it okay."
Rex's hand stilled. "No... I guess not."
She knew his mind was located in memories from months ago, when Obi-Wan had 'died,' leaving in his wake a wasteland of emotional ruin, not just in the upper scions of the galaxy, but in the heart of the GAR itself.
Cody had been a wreck, his glory snuffed out.
And they were in the process of pulling the same stunt.
But then the rustle of the body bag finally jarring itself loose from the edge of skidplate brought him back and Rex took over for the last half of his brother's body, leaving the zipper down just far enough to maintain air circulation.
"Should I gather the boys here? Or in the crematorium?"
Ahsoka spit her in hands, rubbing her fingers in it before coating the edges of the first Akul tooth.
"In the crematorium. The less, the better."
It was pretty quick work, removing the full headdress from her montrals. There was a chemical in Togruta saliva that interacted with the Akul bone paste used to secure it, acting as a solvent.
"Yes, sir." Turning around, Rex faced her, eyebrows scrunched in confusion as he watched her. "What are you doing?"
"Fives will need my headdress," Ahsoka answered, fighting her embarrassment as she spit in her hand again.
His brow arched and Rex crossed his arms. "Where is he going?"
She stopped and looked up at him, fingers still working on the other the last two main teeth. "Well, his first stop is Bogden, but that's not where he'll be staying. After that, I – " she hesitated. "I don't think it would be wise to tell where he's going after Bodgen."
Ahsoka winced at the hurt that flashed across his face. "Why not?" he asked.
"Rex, the less people who know, the better, and neither of us are particularly talented liars. I can shield my thoughts against other Force users, but you, if we get caught, you can't. It's not because I don't trust you. That's the last thing on my mind. It's a matter of precaution and reality."
His jaw tightened in defeat, eyes flicking down from hers to stare at the floor.
Ahsoka hated his hurt-frustration-understanding but stood by her cold, calculated logic.
Dropping the teeth into one of pouches she'd later give to Fives, Ahsoka laid a hand on his pauldron, yearning to see his eyes, to not just feel, but see that he understood her reasoning.
"Rex..." Ahsoka tried, but the words just wouldn't flow. Her apologies, her selfish need for his reassurance just this once, her own willingness to comfort him.
It was only when she took a step closer, wrapping her arms around his midriff and pushing her trust-love-loyalty at him through the Force that his golden-brown orbs finally surged to meet her blue.
Ahsoka made sure to stem the other type of love, the dangerous type of love from her outpouring.
His breath hitched for a moment and she was afraid maybe she had read him wrong, but then a gloved hand reached around to assuage her of those fears. Rex's vambrace curled around her waist, pulling her tight, his other hand quick to draw her head to the warm, exposed flesh of his neck, lightly resting on her back lek.
"I know, Ahsoka. It's okay."
Ahsoka knew Fives was depending on them and that this moment was drawing on time they didn't have, but she didn't want to move. Didn't want to feel anything but his grounding fingers on her lek or his stubble between her montrals. She could feel his vague but poignant warmth and almost contentedness pulse from him.
Fortunately – or, perhaps, unfortunately, that decision was made for them, boots giving them only a sliver of warning before an apprehensive voice called out, "Captain? Commander?"
It wasn't enough time for them to pull away, however, and the meticulous, lightening bolt shaved head jolted back in shock at the sight that greeted him.
"Oh – er – sorry, I can – "
But then Kix's eyes expanded to what would have been hilariously large proportions the moment his gaze was drawn to the occupied body bag.
"What the kriff is that?" he demanded, emotions ricocheting from flustered embarrassment to grim disbelief faster than a blaster bolt.
Rex and Ahsoka had pulled away from one another, but too preoccupied to feel self-conscious at having been caught.
(Not that they had been doing anything uncouth, but it was the principle of the action – the affection.)
She felt her Captain turn to her, deferential to her explanation. A strategic decision, Ahsoka knew. Brothers could almost immediately tell when one of their own was lying, with very few exceptions.
Ahsoka steeled herself, hardened and reformed her being like she was beskar, compelling herself to meet Kix's wild, dark eyes.
"I'm sorry, Kix. We met him at the coordinates and apprehended him, but – "
She swallowed, his agony becoming too much for her to witness and she dropped her eyes to the floor.
I'm the cause of this.
"'But' what, Commander?" the medic challenged, grounding out his words with a harshness to him she had never seen before.
"I didn't stun him straight on and he woke up too early. He – he surprised Rex in the hull, grabbing one of his blasters and stunned him."
I can feel his grief. It's like the downpours of Kaminoan rain.
"And then?" Kix growled.
Ahsoka detected the slight stiffening of Rex behind her, about to reprimand the man for his incensed tone, but she brushed the top of her hand against his arm, silently telling him to drop it.
"He shot himself, Kix," she admitted softly, bringing her gaze back up to his, taking in and memorizing the full body slump of his shoulders, the way the light left his eyes, and the fire that had possessed him died just as abruptly as it arrived.
Ahsoka wrote his reaction on the stone of her heart, letting it roll over her as a tank would.
"I'm so sorry, Kix," she whispered.
For more reasons than you know.
"But... but that's not right?" he mumbled, lines of his forehead creased. "Fives wouldn't – he wasn't – "
Rex shifted around her to rest a hand on his brother's shoulder, but Ahsoka could tell this moment was consuming him in ways that the war had never touched before.
"I'm sorry, Kix. That's what happened."
Just a little longer.
"Kix," Ahsoka said gently. "Anakin has given us permission to burn his body aboard the Resolute. Would you be up to grabbing a few of the boys and meeting us in the crematorium?"
He was spiraling right before their eyes, and she hoped that giving him a task would center him.
"Yeah," he muttered. "I can do that, Commander."
I don't deserve that title from you.
But Ahsoka just smiled tenderly at him, knowing she'd never let him see how his words ripped into her, shrapnel piercing its way to her heart.
"Thank you."
Fives wasn't his batchmate, but they had grown close after Echo's death, the three of them – Kix, Jesse, and Fives, though the ARC was the oldest.
The clone stumbled away down the ramp without another word, looking as if a cornerstone of his existence had been shorn from him and now, he was tumbling over.
"Shavit," Rex swore, eyes following the man as he staggered away.
Ahsoka closed her eyes and breathed in.
Just a little longer, dear Sister.