Sev stayed a panther for three days which worried Gavin and Amanda quite a bit. If it worried Remus he kept it to himself, calmly reassuring the children that Sev would return to human form when he felt ready.
It was the fourth night after his rescue, a clear night, with the waning moon shining on the restless sea. Remus had fed the children bread pudding for supper, with generous helpings of Aunt Spider's beach plum compote which stood in rows in the cellar in neatly labeled jars. Then he'd read to them in bed, the fire crackling in the small fireplace in the room Pepper and Spider had designated for a nursery. The panther lay stretched beside Remus, purring loudly, his head a heavy weight in his lap, while Amanda and Gavin took turns scratching his stomach. Remus had found a whole series of Pippi Longstocking books on a shelf in the parlour and he and the children had been devouring them hungrily. They found the simple tales of childhood adventure were a soothing tonic after all the terror and fear they had experienced.
He tucked the children in and left the panther dozing by the fire, then went to take a long hot bath. He was actually starting to relax. He missed Sev, the man, but life with Shadow, the panther was remarkably peaceful. Gavin and Amanda were content. Aunt Pepper and Aunt Spider seemed genuinely happy to have them here, and did everything they could to make them feel welcome and at home. He spent the days with the panther and the children, helping the old ladies in the goatshed and the garden, taking long walks on the beach and the brambly stony hills that comprised the little island. The spring days were soft and warm, and he felt safe on this island, out in the middle of the sea. Voldemort and his Death Eaters and the war felt very far away.
Remus looked down at his huge belly, which rose like a large pink bubble out of the bathwater. The skin was stretched tight as a drum across his abdomen, and lately there didn't seem to be enough room in his body for his lungs. Not to mention his bladder. His nipples were dark and pointed, each one surrounded by a new layer of fatty tissue. Remus thought they looked ridiculous on his angular, hairy chest. He sighed. He had chosen this. He wanted this baby, but he was sick to death of being pregnant.
When the water cooled he hauled himself out of the tub reluctantly, toweled off, and put on a flowery dressing gown he had borrowed from Aunt Spider. He headed down the hall and entered his darkened bedroom.
A driftwood fire purred gently in the fireplace, otherwise the room was unlit. The moon rode high in the spring sky casting the room in silvery light. The panther lay in the middle of the bed, a circle of black velvet. He raised his head and gave Remus a look of pure animal hunger.
"Really?" said Remus gesturing to himself. "I'm the size of a small whale."
He walked over to the window, and let the flowered dressing gown fall to the ground. The light from outside shone on his full belly, round as the moon itself.
Silent as black silk, the panther slithered off the bed and padded over to Remus. He made a soft sound in his throat, not quite a purr, not quite a question. It made Remus' breath catch, the hairs stand up on the back of his neck.
"If you want to have sex," Remus said, "you'll have to turn into a human. I don't mind a little kink, but I draw the line at bestiality."
But the panther was rubbing himself sensually, against Remus' thighs, against his his tight protuberant belly, against his cock, which grew hard at the touch of the soft silky fur. The panther rubbed his body against Remus, his whole side rippling like one long sinewy muscle, Then his tongue was darting out, licking in all the soft sensitive places that a panther tongue had no business being, and finally, lapping at his cock. It was a soft, velvety tongue, not raspy as he would have expected and it knew what it was about.
At last Remus pulled himself away with a gasp. He knelt and took the panther's head in both hands and looked him in the eye. "Come back to me," he whispered. "Sev, please, I want you. Not a panther. You."
The panther licked his hand and looked at him quizzically.
"I know animagi can't have sex," Remus said. "or else Sirius would have sired half the dogs in England."
The panther made that sound again at the back of his throat.
"I miss you," said Remus. "I want you back. And.....oh!" And then he couldn't speak any more because Sev was standing before him. His hands were no longer touching soft fur but warm skin, the arms that encircled him were sinewy and human and Sev's deep eyes were boring into his, drinking him in as if he could never get enough.
And then, even though there was so much to say, they found they didn't need words at all. They breathed each other in. An animal musk still clung to Sev. His mouth was so warm and so soft, his cheek, with a week's worth of beard was rough against Remus' face, his hands were stroking, exploring, feeling every inch of skin he could, and Remus was touching him back, reclaiming him with his lips, his tongue, his hands. Their skin glowed silver in the moonlight and every whisper of breath felt good.
"I missed you," Remus breathed at last into Sev's warm, warm neck.
"I can't believe I made it back to you," Sev said. He kissed down Remus' neck to his chest.
"Lupin," he said in amazement. "You're growing tits!" He took a nipple in his mouth, experimentally.
"Oh, ow!" Remus exhaled sharply.
"Not good?" asked Sev nuzzling into his chest, his erection hard and hungry against Remus' thigh.
"It hurts," panted Remus.
"Good hurts or bad hurts?" Sev demanded.
"Just...they're really sensitive. Go gentle."
Sev breathed on the small pillowy breasts, then took a finger and stroked the dark hairs around the erect nipples, not touching them, but circling them slowly.
"Oh," Remus moaned.
"Better?"
Remus breathed in sharply, arching his back toward Sev. "Mmm hm."
Sev moved his finger whisper gentle, and lightly stroked the firm pink nipples, first one, then the other.
"Fuuuck!" Remus breathed.
Sev probed one of his nipples experimentally with his tongue. "I wonder if you're going to be able to breastfeed."
Remus' breath was all short and gaspy and he didn't answer.
"It's supposed to be good for the baby," said Sev as he nuzzled and licked.
"Oooohhh," moaned Remus softly.
"One of the most rewarding experiences a mother and child can have," Sev quoted. "It's in those pamphlets from the ministry."
Remus grabbed him by the hair and hauled his head back. "You read those things?"
"Every word," said Sev. "I wanted to know what we're in for."
"Hey Sev, I want to show you something."
"What?"
"Don't freak out."
"Why would I freak out?"
"I'm a little freaked out myself."
Remus took Sev's hand and placed it low, between his legs, behind his balls. There, in the taint, Sev felt the normally solid tissues give way beneath his probing fingers, to a soft, opening.
"Lupin," he breathed. "You've grown a cunt!"
"I know."
"It's a pussy. How.....?"
"It just...opened up. I think it's those herbs I've been taking. From the centaurs."
"For the birth."
"Yeah."
Sev probed experimentally. He cautiously inserted a finger into the moist place between Remus' legs.
"Can I fuck you here?" he breathed.
"I think so," said Remus. "Isn't that what straight people do?"
Sev smiled at him "Yeah," he said. "I believe it is."
"All my orifices are yours, love," said Remus. "Take your pick."
"I guess I don't have to worry about getting you pregnant."
"No, that part's been managed already."
Sev led him over to the bed. "Lay back," he said throatily.
"Like this?"
"Yeah."
"Don't crush the baby."
"I'll be careful."
Remus looked beautiful, his eyes half closed, his round belly thrust sensually up and out. Sev kneed up and pushed his cock against that new warm wet place between Remus' legs, then pushed in. Remus sighed and pushed against him and he felt the walls of that strange vagina contract and grip him gently. He pushed again. He thrust about for a while, trying to find the right angle. He opened his eyes and looked at Remus, who was lying there with his eyes closed, face tight with concentration. It was hard to tell if he was enjoying this or not. Sev put his hand on Remus' cock which was, admittedly, hard, and standing straight up in front of him. Remus took in a long shuddering breath and then opened his eyes.
"Sev?"
"What is it?"
"I think I prefer it.....you know.....the usual way."
Sev shook his head and smiled down at him. "Okay," he said. He pulled out and grabbed a pillow and shoved it under Remus' hips, then pushed into his arse and felt the familiar tightness around him.
"Yes," Remus whispered. "That......there.....that's....it.....I need.....that....." Sev was finding his angle and his rhythm and Remus was moaning and gasping under him, every thrust deepening their pleasure and it wasn't long before they were coming together, breathless and sobbing, in each other's arms.
They lay there for a long time in the moonlight, entangled, not wanting to let each other go, slowly coming back to themselves.
"I was so afraid," Sev whispered to Remus at last.
"I know."
"It was.....so cold. So dark. I missed you so much."
"I missed you too."
"But you know......" Sev said thoughtfully, "I'm not afraid anymore."
"Good."
"I mean I'm still afraid. Of course I'm afraid. I'd be a fool not to be. There's plenty to be afraid of. I'm afraid for you, for me, Gav and Amanda, the baby. We've still got to get you through this birth. I'm right terrified of that. But those are - normal fears- you know? The biggest fear - that I'll be found out - that the Dark Lord will realize I've been working against him all these years - well that's gone isn't it? The worst has already happened and somehow - I've survived."
"You're incredible, you know. Most people wouldn't have made it through that."
"The Kabbalistic magic got me through. It gave me strength, somehow, to resist. That and being a panther."
"You're an incredible wizard."
"You got me out."
"It was Draco really. He was right heroic about the whole thing."
"Good boy. I knew he had it in him."
"You should be proud."
"I am."
Sev laid a cheek on Remus' belly and felt a small ghostlike movement within.
"I'm free, Remus," Sev said. "I'm really free." And he kissed his belly.
********
After a few minutes, Remus stirred and moaned and started to get up.
"Where are you going?" Sev murmured, grabbing onto him. "Stay."
"Just have to piss," said Remus. "Again." He got up and groaned and put a hand to the small of his back. From where Sev lay looking at him his belly looked huge. His penis and balls dangled below.
"You really are a sight you know."
"Ta, ever so," said Remus, casting about in the moonlight for something to put on. "Where'd that dressing gown get to. Ah-hah!" He found it and put it on and left the room.
When he returned Sev watched him lazily from the bed.
"You're starting to waddle," he commented.
But Remus was standing with his hand on his belly, an odd look of concentration on his face, his nostrils flared, and did not respond.
"What's the matter?" asked Severus sharply, suddenly concerned."Is he kicking?"
"No," breathed Remus, looking frightened. "It's......tight."
"Let me see," said Sev, getting out of bed quickly to put his hand on the bump. It was tight, like a hard ball. No tiny hand or foot was poking through now.
"Isn't that normal?" asked Remus anxiously, "At this stage? Braxton something whosits?"
"I think so," said Severus slowly.
"I brought those pamphlets from the ministry."
"Where are they?"
"In the satchel over there in the corner."
"Accio Pamphlets," said Sev and the pamphlets came flying into his hand. Impatiently he flicked on the bedside lamp. He sat down on the side of the bed, naked, and thumbed through anxiously, looking for the needed information. Remus sighed and got into bed beside him, his belly relaxing once more. He put his head in Sev's lap.
"Calcium helps," Sev announced, reading. "You need milk, Lupin. Fuck! Why didn't I buy some calcium tablets when I was in Tesco's last?"
"There's loads of goats milk," said Remus. "And bean's have calcium. Aren't there some herbs that are rich in calcium?"
"Comfrey," said Severus automatically. "Lobelia, Rue. We can look tomorrow. Or I can. You're supposed to stay off your feet it says. And drink a lot of water."
"All right," said Remus.
"I wish we had some calcium tablets. Why in Merlin's name are we on a blasted island? I can't apparate anywhere." The thought that Remus might go into labor prematurely filled him with true terror.
"I'm fine now, Sev," said Remus. "See?" He grabbed Sev's hand and laid it on his belly which was soft once again.
"He's not moving."
"Sleeping," Remus sighed. "Hold me?"
"You're having a glass of milk first."
"Okay."
"Hand me that dressing gown."
Remus took off the flowered dressing gown and handed it to Sev who put it on. He went downstairs and returned with a large glass of goat's milk. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Remus drank it. He handed the empty glass back to Sev and made a face.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't really like milk."
"Oh. Sorry."
"You look hot in that dressing gown though."
"Really?"
"Yeah," and Remus. "Really." And he pulled Sev in and kissed him.
"I've no clothes, Lupin."
"We'll figure something out.The important thing is that you're away from That Bastard. What happened to your wand?"
"He has it."
"I wonder if Pepper and Spider have a spare. You're going to need a wand."
"What happened to the others - Draco and Harry and the rest?"
"Our motley band of teens?"
"Yeah."
"Draco and Dudley went back up north - apparently they're being really effective at keeping track of the movement from the inside, and Tonks and Kingsley needed them back. Harry, Ron and Hermione are staying on at Shell Cottage. They're up to something, but they wouldn't tell me what it is."
"Little bastards," said Sev. "Why ever not?"
"I don't know. I guess they're still operating under the Dumbledore told us not to tell anyone clause."
"But that's stupid," said Sev. "We already know everything."
"I couldn't get anything out of them. And they refused to come back here with me."
Sev shook his head. He pulled off the flowery dressing gown and got naked into bed with Remus who snuggled into his arms, yawning.
"You need a shave," Remus murmured as Sev bent to kiss him and he felt the scrabble of a weeks' worth of beard against his cheek.
"Mmm, and a haircut," said Sev .
"I don't know," said Remus, pulling at a dark strand thoughtfully. "I kind of like it long."
"You do?"
"Yeah."
"I was trying to look more gay," said Sev.
"Just look like you," said Remus sleepily. "And I'll like it."
*********
Sev woke the next morning with the birds and lay there for a long time, listening to their riotous twittering outside the window. Remus' breath was soft and even beside him. At last he roused himself and went down to the kitchen.
Every room in that house had a view of the sea. The sun was just up, spreading its golden light low over the water, turning the clouds pink. Sev stood at the kitchen window for a long time, staring at the waves, watching the sun climb into the sky. The whole world was filled with light. Sev looked and looked, as if all that light could somehow counteract all the darkness he had been through.
At last Aunt Pepper bustled in, wearing a fuzzy purple dressing gown, her hair in a kerchief.
"Sevvy!" she said, smiling at him happily. "You're you again."
"Yes," he said.
"Coffee? Or tea?
Sev shrugged and spread his hands. "Whatever's easy," he said. His voice felt gruff, unused.
"I prefer coffee first thing in the morning," she declared.
"Can I help?" he offered.
"Sit," she commanded. "You'll just get in my way." She busied herself with cups and water and a large old fashioned percolator, which was soon bubbling on the stove, releasing a heavenly aroma.
"All right then Sevvy?" she asked as she brought him a cup.
Coffee. Sunlight on water. Aunt Pepper's kitchen. Remus and the baby, Gavin and Amanda, all sleeping safely upstairs.
"It's good to be alive," he responded.
"It is indeed," she agreed. "I like your new man."
Sev felt himself coloring, the heat rising to his cheeks.
"He's kind," she said. "And obviously intelligent. And good with children."
"Yes," Sev replied. And then added, so low he wasn't sure she heard him, "And good with me."
She smiled at him. "It's nice to see you happy, Sevvy," she said. "You deserve it."
Sev drank his coffee.
"You could use a haircut, though."
"I'm thinking of growing it long again," he responded.
********
Sev brought Remus a cup of coffee in bed. Remus stirred and smiled and took it gratefully, and Sev lay down beside him, in a warm patch of spring sun that was falling across the bed. They listened to the birds who had not stopped their riotous celebration of the spring day. It sounded like a party outside their window.
"I think Draco and Dudley are seeing each other," said Remus thoughtfully, stroking Sev's hair.
"What?"
Remus just looked at him and nodded.
"Dudley? Petunia's son? The Muggle boy?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"How can you tell?"
"Just a feeling. They seem pretty happy together though."
Sev shook his head. "The world is a beautiful and mysterious place," declared. He put his hand on Remus belly and felt a kick, and then another.
"He's looking for you," said Remus, yawning.
So Sev moved his head until it was resting against Remus' belly, his ear against the watery world where the baby floated and stretched and kicked and found himself saying things that he never, ever had imagined he could say, how he loved him and could hardly wait to see him, that soon he would hold him in his arms, and that he and Remus would always, always keep him safe, and that he had a special song he would sing just for him.
"Do you really know a song?" asked Remus, his fingers moving lazily through Sev's hair.
"I'm improvising, Lupin," said Sev. "I've no idea. What do you sing to babies?"
"I know a song," said Remus quietly. "My dad used to sing it to me."
"Best sing it now then," said Sev. "Then he'll know it after he's born and it will comfort him."
"All right," said Remus, and he sang, the old Welsh lullaby his father had sung to him, when he had been a boy. His husky voice filled the room, and when he was done, Sev felt as if a spell of peace and safety had been cast.
There was a shy knock on the door.
"Come in," Remus called, and Gav and Amanda were in the room.
"Mr. Sev," they cried with delight, and they ran over to him. Their arms went around his neck. He felt their thin shoulders as his arms went around them. He smelled their clean childish smell and his eyes were hot with sudden tears.