Remington POV
Peach was napping on Alice's lap by the time the movie began. Their breathing seemed to sync and I had a hard time not just staring as Lissy had a peaceful look on her face, newly adopted dog resting like she had always been part of their lives. Benji nudge me and smiled, looking on as well, before whispering, "I'm glad Peach is happy here."
So was I.
It was no surprise that this mixed breed dog that was new to us made her home in this castle. There was so much love and hope in these walls. I could feel the kaleidoscope that Lissy brought out in others. She was fighting so hard to make a home out of this rental house but it was working. The effort was paying off for the rest of us but I could see its impact in the dark circles under her eyes and how painful even basic movements were.
She was barely holding herself together.
Alice needed a break.
It was more of a concern than I could express so I tried to pull Doc aside and ask what to do. She just told me to keep a close eye and trust Liss to know her body, but that's not enough. This woman has always pushed herself too hard for Benji's sake and will do the same for me. The sacrifice is appreciated but I don't want to see her lose that bright shine just because she is so busy working to make life better for us.
Seeing her try to walk away earlier shook me more than I ever expected. Something broke inside me at the thought that she would just leave me without a word, just like my mom did.
Of course she wouldn't.
Lissy would never abandon me.
I know that logically, but my heart shattered at the idea that she would put space between us when I needed her close.
There is a push and pull between our emotions that we are both trying to manage.
Of course this would cause a struggle.
We are both adults that are used to running our lives a certain way. She has always handled things with Benji and now has my voice to impact her choices. I'm a lone wolf that has never even considered what it would be like to have a family.
I need to be patient with myself but also with her.
Before long I was also relaxing against the couch cushions, Peach's body now resting against my leg as she sighed and shifted. Lissy did the same, moving to her side so her cheek now rested against the couch cushion in her sleep.
"Is she okay?" Benji's voice behind me was quiet but full of concern.
I stared at her face, lips softly parted and cheeks rosy from the warmth Peach was radiating.
Will she be okay? Really? Will any of us be okay after this is over?
My eyes went to my dad as he napped in his wheelchair and Benji cleared his throat, "Remi... is Liss going to be okay?"
The urgency was clear in his voice and snapped me from my thoughts. I turned to look at him fully and let out a long breath to buy myself a moment to think. "I hope so. She's exhausted and just needs to give her body a break."
He shook his head, grabbing the remote to pause the movie a moment. "I want a sandwich."
Daisy turned her head sharply at his words and watched him hobble into the kitchen. "That's not good..." she softly muttered.
"What?" I asked, trying to keep my voice down.
"He's worried and eating because he's anxious."
Her words washed over me and my stomach growled as if on cue. Daisy laughed, "Wow, you two really are related, aren't you?"
I shrugged and stood, walking toward the kitchen while I spoke, "Guess this is one way to bond, eh?"
The kitchen counter already had a spread of lunch meat and cheese laid out as Benji created what appeared to be an Italian sub on one of our leftover brioche rolls. He grabbed a knife from the silverware drawer for the mayo then slid the jar toward me, "You're making one also, right?"
I nodded, grabbing a plate then starting to layer mortadella and ham with provolone cheese. Benji passed the spicy mustard and put away the ingredients as we finished preparing our food, cleaning as we went just like Lissy always demonstrated. He hummed a moment while staring in the fridge, grabbing a huge jar of whole dill pickles and setting it on the counter. I reached forward and twisted the top, the lid opening with a satisfying pop so he could reach in with tongs and grab one for himself before placing one on my plate also.
Not a word was spoken.
Tension radiated off his body and in every move he made. The muscles in his arms were tense, making movements more difficult. I noticed Benji's jaw tighten while he gritted his teeth, even while simply getting a bottle of Gatorade from the fridge.
"Benj..." I started, but his icy glare stopped my words.
"Save it, dude."
I looked down, trying to regroup and find another way to get through to him but Benji continued. "I'm not interested in any of your bullshit about how you're not going anywhere and it'll be okay. It's not okay. So what do we do now?"
My mind was racing as I thought but I stopped myself and stared straight into his eyes, standing tall as I took a deep breath to focus.
Now is the time to take charge of this family the way I will need to when Dad passes away.
My voice was low and steady as I spoke, showing my conviction and determination. "Benji, you are going to go back in there and keep watching the movie so you can give your leg a break. We'll play with Peach later and this next week I'll bring Dad by every single day unless you guys want to bring the puppy to our house sometime as well. We are going to take this one day at a time so we can find out footing. I don't know what will happen, but what I do know is that Alice needs us to stick together. Can you be on my team here and help me build this family from the ground up?"
He studied me a moment, his dark eyes looking for any sign of deception. I must have passed since Benji let out a long breath, "Okay. I can do that. I can be your hero support and keep trying to work together." He paused, brow furrowed, before finishing with a fist bump, "Thanks, bro."
His boot clanked as he made his way back to the living room while I took a moment to run to the bathroom. Alice gave me free reign to use her room if needed so I shut the door behind me, staring at this room full of her things. It was fascinating to see everything Lissy around me. The shirt she was wearing at the pond this morning was crumpled in the hamper, her laptop was on top of the barely made bed, plus boxes lining the walls that still needed to be unpacked.
They have not even been here two weeks.
I peeked around at photos she had hanging on the wall a moment, studying her face at her college graduation only a month or so ago as Benji proudly stood at her side.
She is so young and yet has been through so much.
My head filled with "What If's" that I could no longer stop.
What if we met in Atlanta? I could have prevented the three of us from ever dealing with the train crash that is causing so much pain in our bodies.
We could have discovered Benji was my half brother so much sooner.
What if Dad knew years ago? If he had done a DNA test of some sort the results she previously had done would have matched in their database and we could have be there to support them sooner.
Would that have made a difference in Dad's health?
Or would it have just given him more time with the son he only 24 hours ago learned was really his flesh and blood.
My mind was filled with more and more thoughts that began to suffocate me, pressing in like a crashing wave when I was caught in a rip tide. I made my way to the bathroom and surveyed my surroundings. A bra was hanging on the shower rod which made me grin but I did my business and washed my face in her sink, poking around her lotions and creams our of curiosity more than anything else.
It all felt so natural. This space was Alice's sanctuary of sorts. Of course it's just a bathroom but it's where she's alone and a place she retreats to have space and think. I was comfortable being anywhere she was. This felt normal, even though every circumstance that brought and kept us together was anything but textbook.
Alice and I may be destined for one another, but fate has a funny way of bringing people together.
Daisy was getting more fruit when I came back through the kitchen for my sandwich. I reached into the fridge for a drink while she held the door open and studied the contents.
"Looking for something, Dais?"
She hummed, "I don't know. Maybe?"
"There's leftover hummus and then all the veggies still from yesterday, or you could do chips and salsa," I suggested, pointing to a container of homemade salsa next to another of guacamole Liss was eager to finish. "Lissy mentioned doing burrito bowls for dinner but this is just an appetizer anyway."
Daisy grinned and pulled out the salsa, brightly answering, "Thanks, Remi! Appetizer it is!"
Everything is so easy with Daisy... I wish it was that way for Benji, too...
I watched as she made her way back to the chair she was sharing with her mom, diving into the snacks while Doc shot me a bright smile.
She makes it seem so easy. Why can't anything be easy for us, too?
Resentment started to fill me when I considered just how difficult everything really was for us now.
Reese is gone. He can never come back.
Dad will soon be gone. He will never come back.
Benji lost Clara and his other Dad, also forever parted in such a tragic way with the car accident he survived.
Alice... she's lost the most.
Her birth mom, back when she was a toddler.
Her Daddy, the man she loved more than life itself.
Clara, the woman who seemed to guide her path in so many ways.
Now Lissy is losing Benji in many ways... all thanks to his relationship to me.
I stood in the kitchen and felt my blood boil at the realization that no matter what happens next, this will always be a struggle. We will always have to fight to get anywhere. Alice will always be the girl who had to raise her baby brother at 16, struggling to find her path. I will always be the boy who lost his brother at about the same age.
It's not fair.
My hands flexed with the extra tension and I felt my teeth clench, the energy radiating in my muscles. I let out a long breath and saw Peach approach, coming toward me with her tail wagging and an almost curious look on her face. She sat in front of the sliding door but looked toward me as I stood in the kitchen, a silent indicator she needed out.
"I'm gonna take Peach out." I said, "Go ahead and keep the movie going!" I kept my words quick and grabbed a Gatorade and my sandwich before heading outside with her, not allowing anyone the chance to respond.
I don't want to talk.
I just need to think.
Of course life isn't fair but I guess I always assumed that if you're a good person and do the right thing, everything will be okay.
The older I get, the more I realize that is not the case.
Peach raced out the sliding glass door into the yard to fetch her frisbee while I sat at the patio table, shielded from the heat of the summer sun by the overhead umbrella. She ran up the deck to drop the frisbee at my feet, excited tail wagging so fast it was a blur.
My hands rubbed her neck and back before I grabbed the toy and tossed it, Peach leaping off the deck to chase her frisbee across the yard. The movement was so easy for her. Clearly Kenny and Leah kept her active so I realized she may be a great companion for my runs when I can finally get back into exercising properly.
I miss running. I used to run almost every day as a way to channel my anxiety. Being unable to exercise thanks to my injuries was tougher than I expected.
I heard the door slide and turned as Peach came back with the frisbee, approaching Alice while she stretched after shutting the door behind herself. She slipped off the oversized worn hoodie and dropped it onto one of the patio chairs, rolling her shoulders with her face toward the sun as she let out a long sigh.
"Wow, that was a good nap."
All I could do was laugh.
Lissy yet again found a way to break through my defenses without even trying.
She reached down and took the frisbee, petting Peach a moment before throwing it for her to chase. Alice joined me at the table, flipping a chair around so we could sit side by side with her in the sun. "I want to work on my tan," she said lightly with a yawn, stretching her back as she sat down.
Peach came back with the frisbee and dropped it on Lissy's foot, causing her to chuckle before she sat up and shielded her eyes a moment before tossing it again. Alice looked at me and smiled, "So, wanna talk or just be quiet together?"
I didn't expect to have an option.
She leaned forward, resting on her elbows and shifting in the chair with a grimace on her face.
"You okay?" I asked, but she shook her head and shrugged.
"Not sure. My back is so tense and I cramped up on the couch. It'll be fine, but we need to be really careful this week." Lissy looked in my eyes and for the first time since the train I saw fear in her eyes.
Maybe it's a good thing that she realizes how serious her injuries really are. Being careful will not hurt any of us, especially since Peach needs to get into a new routine with her new home and new owners.
The dog returned again with the frisbee, dropping it for me this time. I gave it a throw and replied quietly, "I wish it was different."
"So do I, Remi. So do I."
Her voice shook and I felt my heart break at the sound.
She is always so strong, but knows she can let down her guard with me.
"You deserve better than the life I can offer you, Liss..." my voice trailed as I spoke but her hand reached and took mine, lacing our fingers together tightly.
Lissy shook her head, face again toward the sun with her eyes shut, "I don't feel like we need to talk about that, Remi," her head tilted toward me as she squinted, "What does deserve even mean?"
Peach returned again and I threw the frisbee, this time going a bit too high and veering into the tree in the yard. Lissy burst into laughter as the dog began jumping toward the branches while trying to retrieve her toy. I gingerly stood and jogged toward her, grabbing the frisbee and throwing it a different direction for another try.
"Take the mulligan, Remi!" Lissy hollered from the deck, still giggling as I stood in the middle of the lawn.
I turned and stared, soaking in her presence.
The dark blue romper she was wearing complimented her skin tone perfectly, her dark waves piled on top of her head with curls falling in wisps around her neck and temples. Alice was someone who didn't think much about her appearance. She was so focused on keeping Benji alive that everything else was an afterthought.
And she was beautiful.
That kaleidoscope that I knew was inside her was showing now. All the depth and layers she could be was clear when she was just herself, natural and unabashedly able to be free.
Liss stood and clapped for Peach as she returned with the frisbee, throwing it so close to my head that I heard the "Whizzzzz" ring in my ears.
"Damn, Liss!"
She laughed while shrugging into herself, "Sorry! I didn't mean to get so close!"
I shook my head at her sheepish posture while I walked back to the deck, taking my seat and grabbing my drink.
Liss peered over at the table and her eyes widened, "Oohhh, a sandwich?" She looked into the house and stood, "I'll be right back..."
I laughed and watched her walk into the house, Peach trying to follow. I called for the dog and she came to me, bringing the frisbee so I could throw it once more. We continued playing for a few minutes until Lissy returned with Peach's full water bowl which she placed in the shade along with a bowl that I assumed had some food or a treat inside.
"Peachy?" she called, "Want a drink?"
The dog bounded toward her new mama with tail wagging, eagerly lapping up the fresh water and digging into her food. Alice ducked back into the house another moment then returned quickly with a plate that held a sandwich of her own plus a fresh glass of sweet tea. She sat at a different chair, this time shaded by the umbrella over the patio table, and sat curled with her legs tucked under her before digging in.
Words were never needed between us, especially at times like this.
Lissy just existed and allowed herself to be. I never felt like I had to put on a show or entertain her. She just relaxed into whatever situation she was in, as much as possible.
No pretense. No games.
"What did you make?" I looked toward her plate, trying to decipher what type of sandwich she had.
"Sandwich." Her voice was muffled as she ate but I saw mischief in her eyes as she trolled me.
I rolled my eyes, "What kind?"
Lissy smirked with her mouth full and chewed, finally answering after she swallowed, "Just ham and swiss. Nothing fancy."
Peach circled underneath the table and laid down at our feet, letting out a long sigh and smacking her lips. We smiled and peeked at her a moment, paws criss crossed under her head as she relaxed in the shade.
"Do you think it's too warm out here for her?" Alice's voice had a hint of worry in her tone so I met her eyes and tried to reassure her.
"Of course," I smiled, "We're both barefoot and can tell the surface of the deck is cool to the touch. She just got a nice long drink and wants to be close to us. I think Peach is just fine."
Her face relaxed and the tension in her shoulders eased at my words. Liss picked up her sandwich and took another bite, looking out toward the yard. Her eyes caught something in the distance and I followed her gaze, noticing a kite flying overhead. She smiled, pointing it out, "I haven't flown a kite in ages."
"Did you do that with Benji a lot?"
"Yeah, we would once in awhile. It wasn't a regular thing but I know we did a few times since I have photos..." Lissy's voice trailed and she pulled out her phone from her pocket, swiping to find evidence. After a moment she slid the device toward me and showed a picture of a young Benji holding the string of a blue kite as it flew overhead.
I recognized the location and gasped, "Piedmont Park!"
"Of course!" Lissy grinned, "We went to the Kite Flying festival a few times as well but it was always so busy and hectic that Daddy and Clara hesitated to take us. Daddy hated the big crowds. It was more fun to keep our distance and enjoy from afar."
She stared at her phone for a long moment, seemingly lost in a memory. I gave her the time and just continued eating, allowing space for any joy or pain that could come next.
Her voice was quiet when she spoke but had a wistful lilt, almost like she was telling a story to a child. Lissy pointed to the photo, "I remember this day... I was taken out of school for the day to go to the yearly kite festival. Benji was about four so I was like twelve, I think? Anyway, Daddy picked me up at lunch and said I had a doctor appointment. Instead... we went there." Lissy met my eyes and smiled softly, "We ate all the junky fair food, just cotton candy and hot dogs and lemonade. Daddy bought each of us a kite and we flew them awhile but mostly just watched everything else going on. We stayed until nightfall and Benji fell asleep in Daddy's arms. Clara let me wear her sweater and had to hold me up as we walked to the car since I was so tired, but it was just.... Remington, it was basically the perfect day."
I listened intently and had to blink back tears. The way she spoke about her family made me long to go back to those blissful days where things were easy and simple.
Where Reese and I could laugh and eat s'mores as our Mom sang us lullabies.
The days of summer picnics and long swims at the pond.
"Remi?"
"Hmm?" I answered, snapping out of my daydream.
Lissy smiled at me, tilting her head as I blinked and tried to refocus. "Maybe... maybe we can make things different."
"Huh?"
She laughed at my reaction which made me laugh in spite of myself. "I just mean maybe we can make our future more like that day at the Kite Festival. More like those summer picnics you told me about." Lissy paused, letting out a sigh, "I guess maybe I just want to try and fix this so our future isn't as sad as the past was."
I sat up straighter at her words when I realized what she meant. "Do you really think we will be able to somehow fix everything that's broken?"
Lissy shrugged, "I have no idea, but we have to try... don't we?"
Her words stuck with me as we finished eating, even as we went back inside to cool off and give Peach a break from the sun.
Our lives feel like a scattered mess at this point. It's like a vase that was shattered and needs to be pieced together. I don't know if we have everything necessary to be whole again. I'm not sure we ever will. Then again, even if we don't, it's still worth the effort of trying to make the best of the situation we're in.
After our talk outside I felt like something changed, though. Lissy had a spark in her that was now propelling her forward. I sensed that she wanted to try harder to create something new. Maybe this will work and we really can fix all that's been shattered.
We need to be patient and take this a step at a time, but maybe seeing that kite was the beginning of a fresh start. A reminder of how life was and could be again.
Maybe that's the best we can do.
Just keep trying.
And when we fail, try again.