Song listed at the top: Nothing Without you by The Weeknd (To be put on after the divider)
"Melrose Avenue please." He speaks while keeping eye contact with me.
It feels familiar having him look at me like that. Like he always did. Yet I can't make out what is even happening because here he is sitting right in front of me after disappearing for two weeks, clearly fulfilling my wish.
A freshly pressed navy-blue suit with a white undershirt and just as dark blue tie. His hair neatly slicked back as if he is going somewhere important because he always just used to rush a hand quickly in his hair to tame it.
"Elvira." He nods at me but it seems restrained like he wanted to say something more or more like wanted to call me something else. He quickly turns around before going on his phone while I stare at him in silence.
"Zane." I utter once more in a whisper, dazed. It's like my mind and heart are working separately because although I didn't want to look like I missed him, I did.
He looks up again, the soft twinkle appearing this time in his eyes. The same one he always had, and still does.
"Are you going to want to split the price of the taxi now?" He asks scoffing, giving me a weird look and that is when I get why he said that.
I said that to him the first time we met. In a taxi. Just like today.
Before I can even stop myself or think properly, I smile. And I don't even regret it. Just having Zane here makes me feel giddy all over again. I don't have it in me to hold grudges against people and I never do, I forgive too easily so the fact that I even love him, still do, means that forgiving Zane came like a breeze.
I just want him to realise he can't do that again. He needs to make me trust him again.
"Yes. You seem like you would need it actually." I retort back with the same smile still on my face.
He closes his eyes before chuckling and shaking his head.
"Do you even know who I am?" He repeats his words, looking at me with a tilt of his head and a very clear taunting smirk present. But I put a thinking face.
"Yes. I remember now. You were my taxi driver few months ago," his face falls as he narrows his eyes at me as if the idea alone is absurd.
"Taxi driver?" He repeats slowly, I nod.
It's the same bickering, like we never took that break from each other for two weeks. Like he didn't break my trust and I didn't give my heart to him. Before being my lover, before being someone I deeply cared about. It doesn't feel different.
"Yes-"
I am pulled closer to him by a firm grip on my wrist. His face just few inches away from mine as I fail to think about why I should push him away. But I still let him to see what he would say.
"Was I?" His voice drops low, meaning only for my ears. My chest heaves, finding it difficult to even look right at him because my gaze keeps switching between his rosy lips to his honey eyes that have flickers of sage green in them.
Memories of our night together come rushing back, and each time where we were this close, but then I realise it's what he wants me to think about. If I say yes then he would think I let him off.
"No." I snatch my wrist out of his hold before backing away and looking out the window. All humour gone.
But he doesn't argue with me knowing well I like a little chase. We keep glancing at each other the whole ride but look away.
Am I wrong for this?
We soon arrive and just as I get out the car to walk towards my building, he calls out my name.
"Tomorrow. Seven pm, in front of your apartment building." I frown, about to ask him but he turns and leaves leaving me confused.
And that left me thinking about it the whole day. I can't believe he just told me like that and didn't even ask me but then again, who knows if I would have agreed.
"What should I do?" I ask Hazel who is at my apartment today. She is eating strawberries next to me on the couch as we both discuss whether I should go or not.
"I think you should go. But! You should try to see if he is here or not first." I turn to her confused.
"How will I do that? You can barely see anything clearly from how high up this penthouse is." I roll my eyes, feeling her stare on the side of my face makes me turn to her.
"You go downstairs and look through the glass doors of the complex," she tells me in a tone basically screams you are dumb for not thinking this.
"If he is here then you might as well see but don't give into anything okay? If he isn't then me and you can leave together somewhere." I frantically nod because it's a good idea. No mistakes found.
"I-then you are come with me." I quickly say but she shrugs.
"Sure." I narrow my eyes because she is being too careless for someone who always makes out the worst in every situation.
"So, should I get ready, or no?"
"Elvira, do you have a brain?!" I blink at her outburst. She has stopped eating strawberries and is facing me.
"Uhh..." I trail off not knowing what to say to that.
"Yes?" she glares at me for answering which makes me suppress a smile.
"It was rhetorical but yes. Go wear something nice but it will get cold so wear something warm," I nod before getting off the sofa and walking upstairs. Clearly it didn't take a lot of convincing for me.
"Wait for me!"
***
I am ready but nervous. My stomach is twisting in knots and I feel so weirdly nauseous.
Hazel chose my outfit. White straight wide trousers with a white light jumper that is simple except its sleeves puff out before pinching at the wrist. Maroon coloured heels with a matching bag and gold jewellery to glam it up. My purple hair is in a simple ponytail with two strands out front that are slightly curled at the ends, and makeup isn't even that bold. Except for the bold maroon lipstick.
"Even if it is a date, I will tell him it isn't for me. This is happening too fast," worriedly, I turn to Hazel as she stands there examining my outfit.
"You don't think I am overdoing it right? Like, Zane is obviously going to work for it but if I drag it out, will it seem like I won't ever forgive him or am losing interest in him?" She blinks at me.
"Hazel, answer me. What do I say to him if he is there? What will I say when he says it's something to win me over? I want him to earn my trust, not give me things and take me out to places," I flop down on my bed and drop my head in my hands.
I don't know what to do and I am so confused.
Everything I think to say to him, I overthink it and then end up with trashing that idea. I don't want this to go wrong.
I feel her hand on my shoulder as the bend sinks where she sits.
"Just go. Go and see what it is, see what he has to say and then decide. If you think it isn't enough, then let him know. Tell him. Communicate because without it nothing will be solved. Trust me on that. It will just be going back and forth. And no, I don't think you are doing too much. It's what you are doing to see if he is worth the second chance."
I turn to her, my heart slowing down gradually at her words. Smiling softly, she giggles when she sees something on my face.
"Look at you looking nervous like you are going on your first date." She leans forward to pinch my cheeks but I lean back with my brows raised. When she isn't able to do so, she huffs giving up.
I pull her in a hug, thankful for her advice because my brain is so fogged up that I don't know even know what is right or wrong.
"I'll go now. Wish me luck." I take a deep breath in and then out.
Heading down to the ground floor seems to be taking so long. Each step closer feels heavier, my thoughts are telling me to just turn around and hide with an ice cream tub in my hand but I have to face this. Zane is here and now it's time to mend things again, it's time to see how much he is willing for me after shattering my trust.
My mind is telling me to hold on. But my heart already made its decision. It forgives him, it knows that he is good, he wanted what was best for me. It may have not been in the best way, but it was for me.
Even though he didn't tell me it was true, and the many hints he gave me, he weakened that part of me where I trusted him. And if there is no trust, there is nothing you could do, no amount of love could fix that.
I won't be hard on him. I'm not that kind of person who will go to such extents just for the person she loves to feel bad and guilty for what they did to her.
As soon as the elevator doors open, I hold my breath, walking towards the glass doors of the building and I see nothing but the fading sunset in the sky. The blues and pinks and reds mixing into a tie dye design.
A cool afternoon in the autumn weather. You can see the trees slowly starting to lose their colours, the wind getting slightly cooler, the smell of wet grounds and crunches of leaves under your feet.
When I take the last step out, I don't have to search to look for him.
That would be because he is standing right in front of me. Literally.
Dark blue, slightly distressed jeans with a white t-shirt. Pairing with white trainers and a simple black north face puffer jacket. There isn't much to it, it looks simple really but this is Zane we are talking about.
Those simple jeans have his legs looking big and long, the white t-shirt bulging out his muscles. The jacket that is open out front showing his toned abs that the t-shirt is hugging to. There is his signature jewellery on too, his watch. Today it's a white one with black detailing.
My eyes drag to his face. They widen slightly when I see nothing on his face just like he always is, his cheeks have turned slightly rosy from the cold and I just want to reach out to pinch them and kiss them but I hold myself back. His eyes ever so shiny but the leafy green more visible mixing in with the gold colour. Always such a beautiful combination.
His eyes look like a sunset in autumn itself.
His stubble looks clean and neat, hair yet again neatly done but I think he messed it up seeing how one or two strands fall on his forehead.
"Hey," he says, slightly breathless like he ran here or something.
"Hi," I tuck the strand behind my ear that is annoying me and I watch his eyes follow that movement.
He extends his hand out for me to take but I wait for a second, hesitating and he notices which is why he takes a step forward before taking it himself. Tightening his hold, he gives me a reassuring expression.
"This is the part where you trust me." He mutters making my heart race.
I nod at him with a smile, he finally relaxes and we walk over to his car.
I laugh quietly when I realise it's the car that he had with him in Paris and I made fun of him because he told me the price of it.
"McLaren 720. A two hundred-thousand-dollar car, right?" I tease him, he chuckles too, the vibrations hitting deep in my body.
"Yes. Let me open this," letting my hand go, he moves forward to open the door for me but I almost reached out to him to keep hold of his hand.
I am yearning for him so much and restraining myself is becoming hard already.
I mutter a thank you before sitting inside and wait for him to come around too. As soon as he shuts the door, the smell inside the car turns intoxicatingly strong. It smells of Zane. Fresh strong cologne. Musky.
"Where are we going?" I ask not able to contain myself.
He turns his head to glance at me, his gaze flickering over my face before he faces forward again.
"You look beautiful. I don't even think that word does you justice, Elvira." I blush. I truly blush, a deep red.
My hands start to fiddle with my bag strap because of how nervous I suddenly got. The tension is irresistible, and Zane looking at me so heatedly makes it even harder.
"Thank you. You look..." I let my words fall off so I can take this chance to look at him over once more.
His side profile is killing me. His strong and sharp jaw itching for my hands to touch, his soft skin and the rough stubble a combination that I know have my fingers grabbing the bag harder to keep my hands to myself.
"Handsome." I finish with my eyes on his face. A smile blossoms on his face, it lights up knowing his efforts didn't go to waste.
"I am impressed, don't worry." I joke making him laugh a deep throaty laugh.
"Only the best for the woman I am trying to win over." He winks at me making my belly turn into a bundle of nerves.
"Well, I am not that easily impressed so you need to step it up mister." I retort back, that breaks the ice because for the rest of the ride, the tension is still there but it dissolved into warmth.
We keep talking about random things, then I tell him more about myself, more about how I was doing with my injuries and looking at how he kept asking, I told him in every detail until he was satisfied. It twisted the knot in my stomach even more when he kept asking, his worried face left me in awe.
This man cares so much, it makes me tear up but I didn't. Thankfully.
We soon came to a stop in front of a tall building. I recognise it as a rooftop restaurant. But when we enter and we walk away towards a hallway where the elevators are, I frown.
"Where-"
"Not to the restaurant." He cuts me off.
"Well, obviously," I roll my eyes just as the elevator doors close.
I look forward and catch Zane's eyes in the doors, something rises in the atmosphere and rises to tenfold. My breathing picks up when he shuffles closer to me still keeping eye contact. As soon as he is close enough for us to touch, close enough for his masculine cologne to reach my nose, my eyes snap to him, I turn to look at him and see him staring down at me.
With burning eyes and a dark look that has that knot twisted more and more each second.
"Violet," he mutters. For the first time in so long he said my nickname.
His eyes are searching mine and the space in the elevator feels suffocating, soft desperate pants are coming out of my mouth, my eyes become droopy as desire in me rises to touch Zane, to kiss him. He leans down, his eyes still holding mine and his hands rest on my hips. The place burning with an intense fire, like fire itself imprinted itself there.
"Zane," I whisper softly, he leans even more closer. His lips just a mere breath away from mine.
And just we are about to fuel the fire, just as we are about to touch, the elevator dings.
I snap back into reality, stepping back I look away from Zane before quickly walking out on the rooftop.
I breathe properly in the open space, trying to blink back what almost happened in there.
"Zane, what is this..." I trail, shocked as I fail to form words properly to even finish my sentence off.
"For you. Come with me?" He stands just next to it with a promising smile. His hand stretched out for me, standing right next to the black helicopter. He looks like he could have the world bowing at his feet if he wanted to, despite the smile, he has this aura of what could be mistaken with a villain in your story.
His dark eyes, the dark features on his face, his strong, tall build. He is man with power zapping at his fingertips.
And within that second, every single thought about him breaking my trust leaves my mind.
I want to leave the doubts when I enter through that door. I just want to enjoy it with Zane.
"Yes. Yes, I'll come with you," I whisper still astonished as I takes steps closer and take hold of his outstretched hand.
Take me with you Zane. Take me anywhere and I will go.
Using his hand as a support, I take the two steps up before sitting in while Zane goes around to sit with me. I notice someone is already inside. The captain.
"Hi," I greet the man, he looks over his shoulder at me and nods while handing Zane two headphones.
"Flight 341, Toronto, Canada to New York,"
"Ready to depart." The pilot speaks as Zane and I put our seatbelts on.
I feel giddy all over because we are in a helicopter, and apparently, going to New York.
"Zane," I look over at him, still surprised. He keeps leaving me speechless.
He takes hold of one of my hands and laces his fingers through mine just as the helicopter starts and the wind around us picks up. The sound gets louder but not before I hear what Zane says to me.
"It's so you make better memories with your fascination with city lights. I want your memories to be with me." I swear a tear could have fallen out of my eye.
I bite my lip to stop crying but Zane leans over and brushes it away. He doesn't lean back instantly, his warm eyes looking directly into mine like imprinting themselves into my mind.
"Let me make this right." I nod, unable to utter any word.
And for the rest of the ride, I couldn't keep my smile off my face. I kept looking at him, kept catching him looking at me. With the same expression he had on the whole night, looking like a man on a mission as he holds me close in the seat.
My hand doesn't leave once from his grasp.
And when the wind was wrapping me in its hold, the feeling of being so free, escaped from everything as I watch the lights beneath me be so bright just like how I feel. A broken masterpiece because each person living within these small lights have their own story, they all have their own struggles and it tells me how I can't hold onto something that was out of both of our hands.
Everyone has problems, our way of solving them is what sets us apart.
Zane chose a way that he thought was right but didn't realise the consequences.
And I, almost gave up because I couldn't handle it anymore. I almost let Veroncia get her way because I couldn't figure anything out, but when I did, it was too late.
We both did something wrong. We both didn't know.
We both were in the wrong at some point.
For the next two hours, my mind ran with thoughts about everything.
And it also told me, Zane is and always will be my forever.
I look over at him one last time and see him looking at me right back.
"Thank you." A single word that I utter only when I know it is the most needed.
It is a heavy word right now because it holds the fact that I am thanking him for helping me out of this hole, for telling me not to wait for something, for telling me not to hold onto something bad and to move on.
For telling me to enjoy my present more than dwelling on my past because I might miss out on the many opportunities that have presented for me to redeem my mind.
My mistakes, his mistakes, played a big part in all this.
I never knew that Zane would be part of me.
We soon land on a tall glass building, oddly similar to his own office building but then I realise it could be his.
I step down from the helicopter and stand next to Zane as he wishes the captain off. When he is done, he silently leads me to the elevator where we stand in there and wait for the thirty-story high building elevator to go down.
I want to tell Zane so much yet I can't even piece together what to tell him. I want to say about how much this all meant, but I can't seem to just... say it.
"Where are we going now?" I ask instead. He chuckles, before taking his phone out and looking at something.
"We are-"
"I have something to tell you. If it's a dinner, cancel it. I'll take you somewhere if you don't-" He stops me by turning me around to face him. Concerned face with worry etched in each part of him.
"Are you okay? Did that make you nauseous? Do you-" I place a hand on his cheek and his sentence falls dead.
"No. I have a confession. One that cannot be delayed or it will be too late," I am taking Hazel's advice.
I should tell him that I love him when I have the perfect opportunity at hand. But I will also need to clarify that it's just trust and that giving me time away from him left me to clear my mind and made me think.
That he can earn my trust by being close to me too. I can't just keep on torturing him and me just because trust isn't there when there is something so much stronger holding us together and fate keeps bringing us together. I said trust is important but now looking back, what is stopping me?
I am practically having to force myself to keep our distance just so he could prove himself.
He can be just next to me and do that.
I want him too much to keep doing this.
"We can go to one of my apartments here?" He suggests and I nod. He gives a nod of his own before straightening back up.
I now have to just wait. Wait till we get inside that apartment and I just blurt it out to him. Or should I ease into it?
Argh! I don't know.
I am freaking out on the inside and I don't even know what to do. Why am I so nervous when at the fair, I told him so easily about my feelings for him? Maybe it's because it is much bigger than telling Zane about how much I like him.
As soon as we take a seat in his car waiting at the bottom of the building, I pull out my phone and text Hazel.
'I am out with Zane and I am about to tell him I love him. But I don't know how.'
Her reply is instant.
'What?! How? So fast?'
I bite my lip with my fingers hoovering above the keypad.
'Yes. I'll tell you later but help me out!'
'Ease into it. He will be confused on why until now you weren't keen on letting him close to you and now suddenly want to tell him you love him.'
And with that message read, we arrive.
My heart is thumping painfully hard and I have to take deep breaths to calm myself down.
What if... something happens after?
Will I let it go far?
I shake my head; I will think about it when we get to that.
I didn't pay mind because we are literally in front of his apartment door already. He didn't even speak or say anything. Why isn't he asking me why I did this?
I look over at him to see him neutral, not bothered while I am here having an internal battle.
The door clicks open and my heart rate shoots through the sky.
Shit! I didn't think this through!
"Do you want something to drink?" I shake my head but then realise that his back is towards me because he is taking his jacket off. His back muscles make a clear appearance through the white t-shirt.
I swallow hard.
"Zane." My voice somewhat quivers. He turns around as I am holding my breath.
"Are you sure you are okay?" I nod yet again. His heated gaze travels down my length before they are back on me.
God, I am so dumb. Just do it! It's too weird for me to wait it out.
"I- Zane, I wanted to say that- ugh," with a defeated sigh, I close my eyes and looking to the side.
I hear his soft footsteps get closer. And then I feel his heat.
"What is it?" His deep voice makes me take in a shaky breath.
Slowly turning to him again, I open my eyes and find him so close I almost step back. His whole face has a dark shadow, clear desire looming over his face.
"I don't want this." His face instantly falls making me internally face palm.
"No! I meant, I know how you broke my trust and I asked for space. You respectfully gave it to me too, and I told you I don't hold a grudge, I only asked you to get my trust back. But I don't want to be like this. Every time I look at you, think of you, I realise I can't touch you. I put a distance between us but it's killing me. I can't do it like this. I can't even make my mind up," I laugh humourlessly.
"I don't even know what I want. You know what? Forget I said that." I turn around but in an instant he has me backed up against a nearby wall. My purse drops to the floor.
"I know what you want. You want me. But you also want me to earn your trust back, just not from far. Not away from you." Right on the spot. I nod releasing a sigh of relief.
"But do you not see me struggling? I had to avoid you at all costs just so I don't walk over to you and fucking hold your throat in my hands," he does, he wraps his big heavy hand around my neck making my eyes widen slightly at the carnal look in his eyes.
"And watch as you slide your trousers off, take your shirt off," with his other hand, he slowly undoes the fabric belt I had on, loosening the trousers. My eyes drop low to where his veiny hands work at slowly hooking his finger at the waistband.
And pulling them low. I swallow yet again. This time, with my own lust flowing through my body.
They drop to my ankles. My trousers are off and left is the lacy high waisted underwear I am wearing. I watch as Zane's eyes flicker down before a throaty strangled groan leaves his lips and his eyes flutter close for a second.
They snap open to me. The honey colour now gone, replaced with a dark chocolate colour.
"You did this on purpose didn't you?" He asks, his voice now husky deep making tingles erupt on my spine.
"And the shirt," his hand leaves my throat and in one movement, my jumper is off and I am now left in my velvet red heels, red lace underwear and bra whose fabric is so thin you could see my nipples through.
Thanks for this Hazel.
Before I know it, Zane is so close to me that we are basically breathing in each other's breaths. His cold minty breath fanning my face.
"And let me fuck you so you would understand it was for you. And show you just how sorry I am. Do you want me to show Elvira?" He asks, clearly slowly losing battle with himself.
There has never been a better time.
I never said yes so fast.
"Yes. Show me, and maybe I might even erase the last line of boundaries. Show me Zane. Show me in every, single, way."
Yes there was a helicopter scene and no, I didn't want to copy Fifty Shades Of Grey scene, I just loved the idea and you can see how it links to Elvira herself.
You can see if you pay attention, I connect quite a lot of dots in my chapters. And the helicopter scene was one of them.
This chapter is long. But I hope you saw how confused Elvira herself was in this situation. That her reasoning behind this was something she thought she knew but soon realised how she cannot do it.
It's something I wanted to show. Not just her getting straight to the point and in the click of a finger realising that she is wrong or isn't doing this right.
Don't forget to VOTEE!
I released the first teaser to my new upcoming book on IG. Check it out (@_alwaah_ )