BAU groupchat + Reader

By agenthotchisadilf

1.2M 33.3K 74.4K

how I think the BAU team would text eachother except you're also on the team dealing with their antics Some s... More

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19

17.2K 490 1.1K
By agenthotchisadilf

                 BAU baddies

Y/n: who tf hurt JJ

Emily: EXCUSE ME

Derek: 😱😱😱⁉️⁉️

Hotch: Pardon me? What happened?

Emily: ^^^^^^^

Y/n: She was texting someone and then she got all teary eyed and like left somewhere idk :( JJ r u ok?

Derek: emily get the scissors its GO time

Emily: ✂️✂️✂️✂️aggressive not sexual

Derek: AYO??🤨🤨

Rossi: Why did JJ just get into her car and leave??

Rossi: oh nvm I should start reading messgaes ahead

Garcia: D:

Derek: bet it was Wills bitchass🤬🤬🤬

JJ: it was ^ :/

Emily: okay all seriousness, what happened???

JJ: the divorce is final but he's trying to get full custody of henry and michael. he said that bc of how I work the kids need someone more stable

Hotch: This is the most difficult part, you're a good mother he won't be able to take them off you without proving that you're a bad mom, which you aren't. Don't worry too much. I'm sorry you're going through this as well. We all are here for you.

Derek: I don't know what to say how do I be serious ?

JJ: thank you Hotch:(

Emily: so can we tell them now..?

Derek: 🤨⁉️tell us WHAT

Garcia: off topic but I may or may not have hacked into Wills stuff and may or may not have frozen his emails sent to his lawyer lol

Hotch: Garcia that's illegal.

Hotch: On another note thank you for doing society a favor.

Y/n: ^^

JJ: I mean it's finalized so I guess we could tell them :)

Reid: Are you guys dating?

Emily: AYE HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT⁉️⁉️⁉️

Reid: I saw you guys kissing outside the bathrooms.

Derek: 😭😭 PRETTY BOY PLEASE

Y/n: Congrats guys!

Garcia: OH MY GOSHES YES CONGRATS THATS SO CUTE OMG OMG !!!

Derek: 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍👩‍👦‍👦 them asf rn🤩🤩

Hotch: I really hate to be that guy but, relationships with coworkers is agaisnt protocol.

Emily: hotch stfu PLZ

Hotch: no.

JJ: What about when Rossi and Strauss were banging????🤨

Derek: EW PLEASE 😨😨😨

Rossi: everyone I love dies

Reid: Hey me too!

Hotch: ..

Hotch: Fine I won't say anything but you guys should keep it under the rug while at work. It should not effect how you work here or out on the field.

Emily: MLM WLW SOLIDARITY AT ITS FINEST FOLKS THANKS HOTCHY POO🎉🎉🎉

Derek: Why is Rossi so depressed lol⁉️⁉️

Rossi: you guys bully me and I'm alone

Hotch: dave please seek a therapist I am begging you

Y/n: yeah David PLZ seek help we r worried af

Rossi: local therapists near me

Rossi: therapists near me

Derek: PLEASE HE CANNOT BE SERIOUS RIGHT NOW😭😭😭

Emily: this is sad lol anyways...

Rossi: why is Google giving me a number to the suicide hotline??

Hotch: Are you searching things that would make google be worried?

Derek: how to tie a noose counts as a worrying search btw David🥶🥶

Emily: DEREK OUT OF POCKET💀💀

Rossi: I AM NOT SUICIDAL ALL I SEARCHED WAS FOR THERAPIST AND GOOGLE THINKS I WANT TO DIE

Hotch: .. that is not funny..

Emily: CLOSE YOUR BLINDS DINGBAT WE CAN SEE YOU LAUGHING LMAOOO😭😭

JJ: rossi pm me I'll give you my therapists info hes really good.

Rossi: thank you

Emily: damn awk moment when ur girlfriend kills the mood 😬

JJ: die

Emily: I did already, remember when you all carried my coffin and buried me and then you met me in Paris JJ? 😍😍

Reid: Trauma

Emily: PLZ

Rossi: How to make your friends not hate you

Rossi: how make friends like you

Derek: Mans is making me feel bad:// ngl🥱

Rossi: hm

Y/n: tf is that supposed to mean "hm" are we being guilt tripped or not 🤨🤨

Hotch: dave we dont hate you at all  you're just very annoying sometimes! ☺

Emily: 💀💀 hotch the emoji plz.

Derek: BOSSMAN=BUILT DIFF🤬🤬🤬🕺🏾🕺🏾🥶

Reid: Guys what should I wear to my date tonight? I'm nervous.

Emily: OMG YOURE GOING ON A DATE?? 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻

Derek: AYO GO GET 'EM LOVERBOY OO YUH

Garcia: wear something that makes you confident bub

Y/n: YES ^^ VERY IMPORTANT

Reid: Okay! 👾

Hotch: have fun Reid

Rossi: ^

Rossi: If i make a ton of pasta and bring in good wine will I not be bullied anymore??

Emily: we'll think about it

Derek: FOOD? OKAY HM YEAH ILL STOP TBH 🕺🏾🕺🏾

Hotch: Yes we will.

Hotch: maybe

Emily: 💀💀

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