Everyone was now finishing dinner. Everyone was pretty silent, even tho some of us were trying to keep a conversation here and there. Rick kept glaring at me, and I saw Lori looking at Shane every two minutes. Something was up with her, that I could tell. She didn't pay much mind to Shane after we left the camp back in Atlanta, so what was up with her again?
'' Does anybody know how to play the guitar? Dale found a cool one. Somebody's got to know how to play '' Glenn approached the table with a guitar in his hands.
'' Otis did '' Patricia reminded us, my blood ran cold at that and my stomach dropped.
'' Yes, and he was very good at it too ''
After dinner, I went to my tent and I immediately fell asleep. Although I kept tossing and turning, sleep didn't come easy these days, but since that night happened that every time I closed my eyes I saw him. I felt the weight of the gun in my hand and how his body fell to the ground, and I ran to the truck without a second thought of helping the man. Lucky for me at least, no one bothered me in the morning, I tried to get some sleep even when the sun raised, but as the tent heated up with the summer sun of Georgia, I had no option but to get out and start my day. Fresh clothes on my body and face washed, I walked to the little place there was breakfast and some other chores the ladies were doing. I noticed Lori and Carl sitting at the table, the little boy was already up and walking around, I decided to go there and talk to him.
'' Morning '' I greeted the mother and the child, who when he noticed my presence, didn't waste a second in embracing me. I chuckled, patting his back carefully.
'' Morning Ashley '' Loria greeted me.
'' Morning Ash '' Carl replied.
'' How we're feeling? '' I sat on the far corner as Carl went back to his place.
'' I'm alright, it still hurts a bit tho ''
'' Yeah, I bet. But take it easy okay? We need you strong '' He smiled at me. '' Everything good around here? '' I asked Lori who, this time was looking at me with a weird look on her face.
'' Everything's okay, there's some coffee on that table over there if you want, help yourself '' She said, averting her eyes again to her son.
'' Thank you '' I got up and walked to the coffee pot and grabbed a mug, pouring some coffee inside and taking a sip. I missed the smell of fresh coffee. I walked around for a while to see if I could help in something, trying to see if I could spot Shane anywhere.
I saw him from a distance, close to the well and his eyes immediately fell upon me, his face showing me a smile and calling me over. I tried to suppress a smile on my own face as I approached the tall man.
'' Morning '' I said, as he let the gardening tools fall to the ground.
'' Morning beautiful '' He snatched my hand and pulled me close to him.
'' Shane '' I whisper yelled, as I was still apprehensive of people seeing me with him this close. I wasn't very comfortable showing PDA.
'' Shhh,'' He pulled me carefully to the back of the house where no one could see us, before grabbing my face and kissing me slowly. I had to bite my lip to suppress a moan escaping my mouth. '' Hmm, how did you sleep? '' He pulled away from my lips and looked close up to me.
'' Could have been better '' I shrugged '' But I have coffee, it's all good ''
'' Hmm, the coffee you say '' He started to kiss my neck, I pushed him away, laughing as he kept to try and grab my body.
'' Hm humm '' I sipped once again on the coffee '' What's the plan for today? ''
'' What do you have in mind? '' He asked me, adjusting his shirt that was missing a few buttons.
'' A few things '' I shielded my eyes from the sun, as I smirked at the man '' Did Rick said anything else? ''
He scoffed.
'' Besides fooling himself and trying to fool us? ''
'' We need to give him a break, you know him better than anyone else. I think he will come around, once he sees there's no point in looking for a child that he thinks it's still alive ''
'' It's dangerous, I mean, what if we went there yesterday and that place was overrun, what then? We're putting our lives in danger for someone who is gone ''
'' I understand that Shane, but we also need to understand his point of view too. He almost lost Carl, he does want Carol to lose Sophia ''
'' Yeah, he didn't lose Carl but I could have lost you ''
'' C'mon now, let's not go back to that topic '' I caressed his arm, as we walked once again to the place he was in when I arrived. '' I'm going to see if there's anything I can do okay? ''
'' Okay, don't do any hard work .''
'' I wont '' I walked back to the group , and went to wash the mug in my hand .
'' Ashley , Shane , come here please '' I heard Rick calling me and Shane from the cars that were parked a few feet away from where we were standing now . Drying my hands on my pants, I walked up to him. Hershel , Jimmy and every other man besides Daryl we're around the cars, and even Andrea and Maggie . I tapped Crystal's shoulder as I approached them.
'' The creek flows south, past that farmhouse Daryl found. Maybe Sophia dropped the doll there, the current brought it downstream '' He showed us the map .
'' So what, you think she took this road here and then she went north? '' Shane asked, beside me.
'' Yeah. What's up that way? ''
'' A housing development. It went in maybe 10 years ago '' Jimmy answered after Rick asked him.
'' Take a run-up there after gun practice. I'll hold down the fort here but take backup. After what went down with Daryl,I don't want anyone going out alone. We stay in pairs ''
'' Ashley ? '' Shane turned towards me.
'' Seem's good '' I said, hiding a smile .
Everyone then dispersed, me Shane, and Rick stood by the car still.
'' See how they do on the range . '' Shane nodded and grabbed the binoculars from Glenn that was bringing the guns from the RV.
'' We'd like to join you for gun training today '' Beth , Maggie's younger sister approached us with Patricia beside her .
'' Hershel's been very clear. I can't involve any of you in what we do without his okay '' Rick answered.
'' He doesn't like it, but he consented '' She answered , after yesterday's incident with Jimmy and Daryl , Hershel was more apprehensive on letting us walk around and bringing his family into the mix .
'' Otis was the only one who knew guns. Now that he's gone, we gotta learn to protect ourselves. Her father saw the sense in that '' I turned pale at Patricia mentioning Otis .
'' No offense, but I'll ask Hershel myself '' Rick answered and left us with the two females of the Greene family. I advertised my eyes somewhere else , I think Shane saw my discomfort because he quickly put his hand on my shoulder and we walked away from the car and back to where we use to have our meals .
I sat down, as Shane went to talk with Carl . I saw Carl looking at the ground, shy, and Shane looking around. I decided to see what was happening.
'' Hey guys, can I help with something? '' I looked at Carl who seemed to be ashamed of something, only then I noticed the gun in Shane's hand.
'' I want to learn how to shoot, and I asked Shane if he could teach me '' His blue eyes kept looking at the ground. I looked at Shane who was waiting for me to say something to the twelve-year-old boy.
'' We need to ask your parents ''
'' I know , they listen to you and Shane, if I ask they're going to get mad at me '' Carl explains to me what was bothering me .
'' Well , we're going to a field right now so that people can learn how to shoot , how about we ask your parents ? '' I nod towards Rick and Lori that were approaching each other. Shane took the initiative and started to walk towards them. '' C'mon little man ''
I called Carl with me as we walked towards his parents .
'' He wants to learn how to shoot. He asked me to teach him. Now It's none of my business, but I'm happy to do it. It's your call ''
'' I'm not comfortable with it. Oh, don't make me out to be the unreasonable one here. Rick?''
'' I know. I have my concerns too, but—''
'' There's no but. He was just shot. He's just back on his feet and he wants a gun? ''
'' Better than him being afraid of 'em. There are guns in camp for a reason. He should learn to handle them safely ''
'' I don't want my kid walking around with a gun ''
'' But how can you defend that? You can't let him go around without protection ''
'' He is as safe as he'll ever be right now. Look, everything you're saying makes perfect sense. It feels wrong. I mean I didn't feel good about him following you three into the woods. And I wish I'd said something. I should've gone with my gut ''
'' He's growing up, thank god. We've got to start treating him more like an adult ''
'' Then he needs to act like one. He's not mature enough to handle a gun ''
'' I'm not gonna play with it, mom. It's not a toy. I'm sorry I disappointed you, but I want to look for Sophia and I want to defend our camp. I can't do that without a gun ''
'' Shane's the best instructor I know. I've seen him teach kids younger than Carl ''
'' You will take this seriously and you will behave responsibly. And if I hear from anyone in this camp that you're not living up to our expectations—''
'' Now if you're gonna do this, you listen to Shane and Ashley ''
'' I promise I will '' Carl nodded. enthusiastically. I patted his shoulder and I got back to the seat I was previously in .
After having something in my stomach and some pills for the pain , everyone assembled in cars , me and Shane we're in the front seat of my Jeep , with my mom and Crystal in the back as two other cars followed us . Jimmy was with us today to learn how to handle a gun.
'' We're going to another neighborhood after practice, you want to join us? '' I ask my mom and my best friend.
'' If you don't mind , I want to go back to the farm '' Crystal answers , I could see from the front rearview mirror her face , that told me she wanted to see Daryl . My mom although, wanted nothing to do with guns so she declined right after.
'' You should be resting , those ribs wont fix themselves by the night , you're going away too often . You only got out of bed yesterday and you're already out there . ''
'' Mom, I'm careful. Really. ''
'' I'm getting tired of worrying about you everytime you go out there ''
'' I know , but im okay ''
'' Once they told me what you did Ashley , I wanted to slap you for being so careless . A town full of those things...''
'' I did to help save Carl mom , even if it was someone else I would still do it ''
'' Don't I know that ''
We finally got onto the field we're gonna practice today . Me and Shane and T-Dog , got around to get some targets so we all could practice , after that , Shane was in charge of handling the guns . Even going as far and handling my own , the same gun that had killed Otis . My hands trembled as I held onto it, we were all positioned, I lifted the gun but I couldn't fire the gun. I stood there for five minutes, trying to do it. But I couldn't, so I stepped away and watched one by one fire the gun in their hands, everytime I heard the trigger and the bullet, my body trembled. I tried to distract myself from the noise , but I couldn't . I stepped as far away as I could , until everyone got into their cars to go back to the farm. My mom and Crystal went with Carol and T-Dog as Shane shoved the guns into a bag. I approached him and discarded myself of the gun .
'' You keep it, we're still going to be away from the farm ''
'' I have my knife , I don't really need it ''
He turned to look at me , his eyebrow raised .
'' What's going on ? I noticed you didn't even empty your magazine, didn't even shot once today ''
'' I just '' I shrugged, I didn't have a good answer. I didn't know what to tell him without telling him I had killed a man.
'' You can tell me , you know that? '' I nodded . '' Good, then let's go, I wanna see you fire that precious gun of yours ''
'' Shane , I really don't want to do it '' My heartbeat started to increase , as he kept walking towards the bottles we had brought as targets.
'' I don't give a shit Ash like you said. We need to watch our fronts , we need to watch our backs . Im not going to lose you, so now, you take that gun off safety and you shoot these targers '' He walked up to me, and stood behind me . I lifted the gun once again , but my hands started to shake .
'' Shane I cant '' I could feel tears starting to brim .
'' What happened ? '' He turned me around and I dropped the gun.
Silence engulfed both of us .
'' I killed him Shane '' I wishper, in hopes that he would ear me .
'' Who ? ''
'' Otis '' I took a deep breath, as tears fell down my face '' I killed Otis that night ''
'' Shhh shh '' He embraced me tightly, as I soaked his shirt with my tears .